Unofficial Puppy Call Letters

A as in A Maid On A Night Out Winding A Grandfather’s Clock With Her Left Hand
B as in Bloody gobs
C as in Clever people, like me, who talk loudly in restaurants
D as in Don’t get cocky, kid.
E as in E. Henry…
F as in Floodlights
G as in God’s Green Flat Earth
H as in How long is it?
I as in I can’t take it anymore!
J as in Jersey Cream Psychiatry
K as in Kumbhakarna bunks with Cthulu
L as in L O S T
M as in Mummy alligator
N as in Kicking and screaming
O as in One-Time Fixation
P as in Puppy Haters Association
Q as in Curly
R as in Riding dead people
S as in Smut picture racket
T as in Thripshaw
U as in Uncaring worm
V as in Verse/Chorus/Verse/Chorus/Solo/Verse/Chorus/Solo/Bad Solo
W as in Watch out for snakes
X as in Two Muscular Guys Touching Fingers
Y as in Y.E.T.A.N.O.T.H.E.R. Pratt
Z as in Zoomies

Official Puppy Call Letters

A as in Anacanapuna…
B as in Bouncy-bouncy!
C as in Cheese knife
D as in Dogs Playing Poker
E as in Ewe
F as in You
G as in Big fence in Chicago
H as in Haikiba!
I as in SEE
J as in Ugly late night talk show host
K as in Kwah Kee Ser Pee Nee Ku
L as in Lives of quiet desperation
M as in Mooooooo…
N as in None of your Goddamn business
O as in Ommmmmmm…
P as in Plucking
Q as in Queen of France
R as in Roads Scholar
S as in Suddenly. Pineapples.
T as in Raymond Luxury Yacht
U as in Ugly late night talk show host
V as in Vat
W as in Wainscoting
X as in I hate thinking up words for X
Y as in You’re an a$$hole
Z as in Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia

Is this what my inspiration has come to? Oh well.

A JOKE???

(scene) – 1-on-1 interview.

“Right before this interview, I used the guest bathroom and threw up repeatedly in the sink. I wasn’t sick, I just knew I’d be spending 5-10 minutes around you and wanted to get it out of the way.”

I know about recency bias, Mr. Hunter.

When did it become a major accomplishment that someone can dunk the ball?
I mean, am I missing something? Or is it just totally absurd?
Any guy from any pickup game in the world can dunk it
It’s worth 2 points. Just the same as a layup or a floater.
It looks POWERFUL, but it’s not.
The best rebounders aren’t the best jumpers, necessarily.
Fcken sad if you ask me.
“What can your client do?”
“Well, he can dunk it and block it.”
“Ummm…and?
“That’s it. Oh, he can grab rebounds when they bounce luckily into his hands.”

Lady Fingers

If any professional sports M.B.N. says any of the following: “treasure chest”, “momentum”, “fate”, “destiny”, “drop mic”, “PERIOD”, “end of discussion”, “guarantee(d)”, know-and-still-used random sh1t logical fallacies, using-because-I-learned-it-yesterday-and-want-to-show-off logical fallacies or anything like them, or if I’m just in a bad mood, I will tear one of your arms off and beat you to death with it.

Nom nom…Hey, Pine, over here. Plenty of good meat. Look at that arm.

“Come to think of it, I feel a bit peckish myself.”

“I don’t think I’ll ever get callous to murder. Now where’s the stiff?”

Ruff!