Stephen King, Please Stop Writing

I’ve put my trust in your name (due to admittedly very good past results) a couple times, and ended up with a couple really sh1tty books.

So, that was that…besides, you’re obsolete.

“Cane’s work scares me.”
“What’s to be scared about? It’s not like it’s “real” or anything.”
“Well, it’s not real from your point of view, and right now reality shares your point of view. What scares me about Cane’s work is what would happen if reality shared his point of view.”
“Whoa whoa whoa, we’re not talking about reality here, we’re talking about fiction, it’s different.”
“A reality is just what we tell each other it is: sane and insane could easily switch places if the insane were to become the majority…you would find yourself locked in a padded cell wondering what happened to the world.”
“Well it wouldn’t happen to me.”
“It would if you realized everything you ever knew was gone…it’d be pretty lonely being the last one left.” – ITMOM

FAIR USE: CRITICISM – Part three in the “Apocalypse Trilogy”, starting with ‘The Thing’, continuing horribly with ‘Prince Of (Flatulence)’, and then, thank God’s Green Flat Earth for ‘In The Mouth Of Madness’.

Deep Puppy Thoughts (Part 229)

Don’t play it down, play it up. Better to be too careful.

I really don’t give a fck about watching Florida, New York, and Seabiscuit trying to win.

Put everything of little or no importance on hold…keeping the necessary of course, but nothing beyond that.

Put all available resources into the problem, solve the problem (however long it takes, will be LESS than how long it would take NOW), and then slowly ease back into pre-pandemic policies. Make the necessary adjustments/repairs.

“Never Give In” (or something very similar): Worked great in WWII, worked great in ‘Galaxy Quest’, and so on.

If you can’t do anything to help (and that’s not a failing at all, given circumstances) then at least remain Neutral.

It’s kind of disgusting to have to say, but unless you’re starving please don’t go around stealing others’ food.

Don’t go around doing petty sh1t under the cover of “social distancing” or (as I JOKINGLY put it a WHILE ago) to take advantage of the chaos, the fear, all the other emotions and circumstances that abound, in order to steal a pack of Twinkies. Show a little basic fcken morality.

FAIR USE: CRITICISM – Good scene from a pretty poor movie. I used to like it, but oh well, at least it was quote-worthy.

Superior Re-View, Aged To Perfection

FAIR USE: CRITICISM – Brilliant how Kubrick can make one slightly-off, portentously creepy piano keystroke (not here) have the same scare value as one of the least-recommended elevators (here). Brilliant how I can come up with a blend of sources and make an incredibly minor influenced work.

I think I genuinely don’t know sometimes now, when my posts/comments are clever or just dumb and difficult to comprehend.

But, all right…I’ll give you some blood.

Incidental Puppy Call Letters

A as in Almost human, but I’ll never be the same…
B as in Beware of Puppy
C as in Cookbook
D as in Dogs Playing Blackjack
E as in Eyebrow tears
F as in Fobody’s Nault
G as in Grue
H as in Human beans
I as in I would have liked to have smelled Montana…
J as in Weigh Station: Lightweight
K as in Knocking blocks off
L as in Lark’s vomit
M as in MUCH better than ‘Cats’
N as in Not kneeing you in the groin is a constant struggle
O as in A vicious cycle
P as in Plenty of lip-and-tongue action
Q as in Slightly malformed O
R as in Rejected
S as in Spiny Norman
T as in Tower Of Iron Will
U as in F
V as in Vulcans never bluff
W as in Wake Up And Smile
X as in X=Con
Y as in Your words have no meaning here
Z as in These are getting harder and harder to do

Let’s Get These Out Of The Way, They’re Nearly Done

ECT, ECT, ECT…
Final prep: Cool breeze for your veins
And the softly-spoken words that send you gently away from what’s to come.

“It’s in those eyes of yours, though” (‘Seven’)
It’s the look in their eyes, Oh God so rare, looking down in bed, meeting their gaze, and seeing wonder, fascination…God I miss that.

LLC

‘Snuff 2: The Resurrection’

“Someone on staff will get you your well deserved virus…”

“Yeah, I know, we have no feelings…no compassion…no empathy for our client’s suffering. Can I say something? What does that have to do with anything? In fact, the lawyer who shares his client’s pain – in my opinion – does his client such a grave disservice, he should have his license to practice law taken away. It clouds his judgement. And that’s as beneficial to his client as a doctor that recoils at the sight of blood.”

A library (an often majestic, beautiful structure with aspects of timelessness) is now, in this grand age, simply a very, very large backup drive. So since we don’t even need those books anymore (everything’s online, right?) would it really be THAT outrageous to suggest that book burnings are better than books sitting on their shelves, because hey, at least on fire they provide a little heat for homeless people.

Supersonic: A creeping riff falling off a cliff. Poor thing.

Unofficial Puppy Call Letters

A as in A Maid On A Night Out Winding A Grandfather’s Clock With Her Left Hand
B as in Bloody gobs
C as in Clever people, like me, who talk loudly in restaurants
D as in Don’t get cocky, kid.
E as in E. Henry…
F as in Floodlights
G as in God’s Green Flat Earth
H as in How long is it?
I as in I can’t take it anymore!
J as in Jersey Cream Psychiatry
K as in Kumbhakarna bunks with Cthulu
L as in L O S T
M as in Mummy alligator
N as in Kicking and screaming
O as in One-Time Fixation
P as in Puppy Haters Association
Q as in Curly
R as in Riding dead people
S as in Smut picture racket
T as in Thripshaw
U as in Uncaring worm
V as in Verse/Chorus/Verse/Chorus/Solo/Verse/Chorus/Solo/Bad Solo
W as in Watch out for snakes
X as in Two Muscular Guys Touching Fingers
Y as in Y.E.T.A.N.O.T.H.E.R. Pratt
Z as in Zoomies

Official Puppy Call Letters

A as in Anacanapuna…
B as in Bouncy-bouncy!
C as in Cheese knife
D as in Dogs Playing Poker
E as in Ewe
F as in You
G as in Big fence in Chicago
H as in Haikiba!
I as in SEE
J as in Ugly late night talk show host
K as in Kwah Kee Ser Pee Nee Ku
L as in Lives of quiet desperation
M as in Mooooooo…
N as in None of your Goddamn business
O as in Ommmmmmm…
P as in Plucking
Q as in Queen of France
R as in Roads Scholar
S as in Suddenly. Pineapples.
T as in Raymond Luxury Yacht
U as in Ugly late night talk show host
V as in Vat
W as in Wainscoting
X as in I hate thinking up words for X
Y as in You’re an a$$hole
Z as in Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia

Is this what my inspiration has come to? Oh well.

A JOKE???

(scene) – 1-on-1 interview.

“Right before this interview, I used the guest bathroom and threw up repeatedly in the sink. I wasn’t sick, I just knew I’d be spending 5-10 minutes around you and wanted to get it out of the way.”

I know about recency bias, Mr. Hunter.

When did it become a major accomplishment that someone can dunk the ball?
I mean, am I missing something? Or is it just totally absurd?
Any guy from any pickup game in the world can dunk it
It’s worth 2 points. Just the same as a layup or a floater.
It looks POWERFUL, but it’s not.
The best rebounders aren’t the best jumpers, necessarily.
Fcken sad if you ask me.
“What can your client do?”
“Well, he can dunk it and block it.”
“Ummm…and?
“That’s it. Oh, he can grab rebounds when they bounce luckily into his hands.”

Lady Fingers

If any professional sports M.B.N. says any of the following: “treasure chest”, “momentum”, “fate”, “destiny”, “drop mic”, “PERIOD”, “end of discussion”, “guarantee(d)”, know-and-still-used random sh1t logical fallacies, using-because-I-learned-it-yesterday-and-want-to-show-off logical fallacies or anything like them, or if I’m just in a bad mood, I will tear one of your arms off and beat you to death with it.

Nom nom…Hey, Pine, over here. Plenty of good meat. Look at that arm.

“Come to think of it, I feel a bit peckish myself.”

“I don’t think I’ll ever get callous to murder. Now where’s the stiff?”

Ruff!