ParaNorman (2012)

Animated feature about a kid that can communicate with the dead/mostly-dead.

Kinda cute, but not creepy enough for zombie fans.  And nothing you (probably) haven’t seen/heard before.

I get the message (tolerance/acceptance) but I don’t think this is the animated movie to have your kids see if you’re doing it for the message.  It’s just too mediocre, beyond being creepy.

Recommended only to those that absolutely must see everything animated AND zombie.  And that’s a pretty odd combination, so very few.

Inspirational Quote: “There’s nothing wrong with being scared, Norman.  As long as you don’t let it change who you are.”

Grade: D+

The Dead Zone (1983)

Any Christopher Walken movie, at least in retrospect post-“cowbell”, is inherently somewhat funny to me.  Why?  Christopher Walken.

But that’s not the only interest here.  It IS somewhat sad, convincingly dark and weird, and fairly intriguing and (at times) thrilling.  Also slightly cheezy and dated in parts, but definitely much more good than bad.

Walken is actually quite good, Martin Sheen is great as insane-senator guy, and Herbert Lom is very good as Walken’s doctor/friend/advisor.

Inspirational Quote: “What would you do?”

Grade: B

Tremors (1990)

Q: So, Puppy…how would you best describe the scene unfolding around a slice of Bacon and other (less interesting) actors if you had to rip MST3K and could be slightly off fictionally and geographically speaking?

A: Smothered in ‘Dune’-worms, TEXAS STYLE!

Q: And, similarly, regarding the level of cheeze that is this “horror” film’s only possible attraction?

A: Big, Bold, and Brassy!

Inspirational Quote: “Hey…check this out!  I found the a$$ end!”

Grade: C-

You Can’t Keep A Good City Down

The Bruins’ fans recital of the National Anthem was admittedly very stirring.  (Not Satire)

However, I still have to say that nothing will ever top this version for sheer power and majesty:
*SATIRE…SATIRE…SATIRE*

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hyCc1DzRAgQ

10/16/16: FAIR USE: CRITICISM – I would watch more baseball if an equivalent performance was performed before every game. (housekeeping)

My First Comedy Routine – By Puppy

So I was in the shower, and I came up with an AUTHENTIC (that is to say, NOT original, but truly felt) (2) little comedy bit, with myself (vaguely 3).  Obviously I shower alone.  Yeah, with nobody else (1).  Sad Puppy 🙁

Anyway…so I thought of this little bit (non-naughty 3) about how, if I was a comedian, which I’m not since I…ok, here’s where it starts to get complicated.  Now, I thought to myself, after I thought of the following routine: “No way…you could never do that, you’d crack up too much, and you’d be too nervous.”  But then I thought: “Well, while *I* like this little bit I just made up, it’s not that funny, probably, to the average person that isn’t me.”  So that eliminated one problem.  However, the anxiety problem remains.  So, here it is, presented for you, I’m quite excited about it…a rough draft…my first comedy sketch.

*Setting: Open Mic Night, somewhere…everyone gets 5 minutes.  I go in the middle somewhere, so the audience is either/both worked up by good stuff or bored to death by sh1t.  So, up I walk…*

“Hello.  My name is Aaron, but you can call me Puppy.  I’ll be your next performer for the evening.  (See, this is good if it’s a mixed night)

“I’d like to start off by saying a quick, funny little joke that will endear you, or some of you at least, to me…and the rest will gradually be won over by resultant peer pressure and because I’m so funny.  Then, I’d like to do…oh wait, fcked up (4)…I’d like to SAY how much I love being here, and how wonderful and amazing an audience you are, ummm, to further suck up, and make you all feel good about yourselves, because that’s why you came here.  Any masochists, leave now.  OH!  Thank you.  That’s not the joke.  Here’s the joke…”

“So, you know…the other day (BRILLIANT! 4) I was thinking…what a shame it is, that noone on board the ‘Titanic’ (italics) was skilled at (definition of an “icebreaker”), otherwise that entire tragedy might have been avoided.”

“Thank you.”

“Now, as I said, I thought it might be nice, in the sense of me doing well and you feeling good about yourselves, however briefly…if I said what a wonderful/great/amazing/etc audience you are, especially tonight, so on…but I just realized (5): You’re not.  In fact, I hate each and every person in this audience.  Every single one.  And when I say I hate you, I don’t mean in a generic because-you’re-not-laughing sort of way, or even ANY generic lumping sense of any group or groups of people…I mean that I hate each and every one of you, individually, on a completely justified basis depending on the person.  Each and every one of you is a completely disgusting, filthy, shameless abhorrent perverted piece of human garbage and the sight of you makes me want to vomit (adapted 3).  Every one.  Except you, sir/madam (4).  I like you very much.  But everyone else, sir/madam, I hate.  What is your name, sir/madam? *Pause*  Thank you, (insert name here) (4).  You, as I said, I like.  You’re great, and I’m only going to proceed with this performance for your sake.  Everyone else…f#ck em.  Really.  I’m not joking.  All of them.  Even person-he/she-is-sitting-with.  Even him/her.  I hate them, too.  Are you dating/married to/interested in them? (4).  Well, they’re horrible, sir/madam.  I can only say, for what little it’s worth, that at least you’re getting great sex.”

*Pause*

“Oh, yes, that implies that I know he/she intimately.  I do.  That’s why I hate them so much, possibly even more than anyone else here.  But they’re great in the sack (6).  Because, yes, we’ve had sex.  So I can at least take comfort in that, sir/madam.  But they are horrible in every other conceivable way.”

*Pause*

“I’m just joking…I don’t know him/her at all (4), as a person.  So I can’t say they’re horrible.  I have had sex with them, though, but they weren’t very good at all, I didn’t get their name, they never called me afterward even though they SAID (glance at him/her) they would, and they have a tendency toward flatulence…well, you know.”

*Pause*

“I’d like to acknowledge the following rips: 1,2,3,4,5,6.  Thank you.  Oh…it was all a joke.”

-Puppy >.< Yip!

1: George Thorogood and the bluesmen he ripped off.
2: Jim Jarmusch
3: Monty Python
4: generic comedians everywhere.
5: Bill Hicks
6: MST3K

Today’s STUNNING Scientific News

“Do Women Need Bras? French Study Says Brassieres Are A ‘False Necessity'”
– Title of recent online article

Let’s go on…

“Conducting the study at the university’s hospital, Rouillon
measured and examined the breasts of more than 300 women, aged
18 and 35…”

So…money was spent for a man to examine the breasts of 300 women?

Why am I reminded of the Castle Anthrax? -Puppy >.< Yip!

10/16/16: I think the article meant “to” instead of “and” between the “18” and the “35”. Or I might have written the wrong word. In the first case, you get the general idea. In the second case, sorry. (housekeeping)

4/10/13

Freedom.

Yeah.

“You say the hill’s too steep to climb,
Climb it!
You say you’d like to see me try,
Climb it!
You pick the place and I’ll choose the time
And I’ll climb
The hill in my own way
Just wait a while, for the right day
And as I rise above the treeline and the clouds
I look down hear the sound of the things you said today
Fearlessly the idiot faced the crowd, smiling
Merciless, the magistrate turns ’round, frowning
And who’s the fool who wears the crown
Go down in your own way
And everyday is the right day
And as you rise above the fearlines in the frown
You look down
Hear the sound of the faces in the crowd” – Pink Floyd, “Fearless”

Recent Headline: “Poll: Striking Number Of Americans Want State Religion”

After listening to the BS prop from both sides, here’s the reality:

Whether or not there is a State religion would have ABSOLUTELY NO EFFECT on your life.  None.  It’s a NON-issue.  Anyone that campaigns for or against it: You are WASTING your time.  If you disagree, watch ‘A Civil Action’, pretend I’m the judge and you’re the cheese-man. 

“Few people waste THEIR time with it, or MINE…” Rip alteration acknowledged.

It will not make the US a more “moral” country, nor will it “promote” religion.  Unless you count the BS fake I’ll-say-I’m-X-religion-to-conform stance as “religion”.  And if you do, that’s sad.

It will also not force anyone to become Christian, turn the US into a fanatical Holy American Empire that sends troops for another round of Crusades, or make the US a less “free-thinking” country.

Sad.

-Puppy >.< Yip!

Mystery Science Theater 3000: King Dinosaur (1990)

This starts with a short (X Marks The Spot), but it’s pretty dullllll and, well, long.  Skip it.

And then Crow goes onnnnnn and onnnnnn about it.  Only tedium pads the episode.

Movie is a short slice of typical cr@p/cheeze from Bert I. Gordon.  Awfully bad.

Highlights:
Joey the lemur (original long version)
pretty good riffing (during the movie)

Grade: D+