Mystery Science Theater 3000: The Thing That Couldn’t Die (1997)

Brain-guys first appear, make lots of amoeba comments.  Spock did it better.

Movie is mediocre drama that turns into really cheezy non-scary horror/drama.  Spoiler alert: It’s sort of like the “incredibly resilient man” in practice.

Highlights:
mostly-decent riffing
Crow T. Robot’s ‘Civil War’
divining jokes

Inspirational Quote: “The little lady oughta be down to her twelfth layer o’ slip by now.”

Grade: C-

Deep Puppy Thoughts (Part 39)

I think, whenever someone attacks a position I take, and then implies that because they proved me wrong they proved my position itself as completely wrong, it should be called a “Straw Dog”.

Oh, and on a related note…I’d like to collaborate with someone on a remake of Sam Peckinpah’s film ‘Straw Dogs’.  There would be a slight alteration to the script: instead of everything there now, it would consist entirely of people challenging points I’ve made and then saying “Ha!  All similar points are therefore invalid!”

I envision a budget of at least $1000.

I Am Puppy Hear Me Degrade – Sensitive Antitheist Post(s) Of The Day (6/25/13)

I didn’t KNOW this person was a CA/A until after I’d read a couple of their sensitive posts and then looked at their complete collection, but I had this CRAZY HUNCH…anyways here goes:

Regarding the idea of dogs feeling any emotions/To people that suggest anything of the sort:

“Animals form bonds, yes, as do molecules.”

“If you knew what real love was you wouldn’t be looking for it in a dog.”

“Once you know what it means to be human, you won’t be worried about animals.”

– He’s a lighthaus.  Your call.

Oasis Of The Zombies (1982)

Really horrible.

“Chilling” intro, then cut to pleasant somewhat-funky music over the credits.

It’s got a tag-team “grenade” toss and a few cr@ppy zombie scenes.  And dullness.

Advice to guy being killed by zombies: Stop sticking your hand straight up in the hair and moving it around shakily, and instead use it to swat at one of the zombies.

It’s all worth it for the profound ending, of course.

Inspirational Quote: “That’d be swell!”

Grade: F-

Harshlands MUD

So I fled FK seeking asylum in HL.  Unfortunately…

Ok, I make my first character.  Spend HOURS (really!) working on his personality, background, mannerisms, motivations…submit him.  His description gets altered by a helpful Imm (cuz he thought it’d be cooler that way, not cuz it was in any way “incorrect” or “improper”), then I start out.

About 34 real hours of playing later, I’ve had about…I’ll say a good SOLID 30 minutes of roleplay.

Ok, so I decide: Every place you can possibly start, except the main city, you’re gonna be alone most of the time.  So unless you enjoy typing craft commands repeatedly for days until you see a tiny increase in proficiency and emoting to NPC’s that never (in my experience) respond, you havta start there.

So I start there.

Initially it starts out good, actually.  There’s other characters there, I can actually roleplay, etc…
And most of them are pretty good.

Then I go back on, walk into a tavern (everyone hangs out in taverns, even the nobles…it’s the thing) and a PC that’s a follower of the Goddess of Peace, whose followers are all supposed to be gentle and kind pacifists, acts like a total twat.  I mean, I have nothing against other PC’s treating my PC-of-the-moment like sh1t…if it’s in character.  But this is just some low-grade no-talent clueless player who has no idea about the Goddess she serves.  Encountered her before, around a bunch of other “gentle and kind” types, and she’s SOOO nice.  Encountered her again, around a typically snotty noble (Admittedly well-played, since the nobles are in fact snotty, so no complaint there) and she acts completely different.  Why?  My conclusion is nose-up-arse-syndrome.

So anyway, here’s the review:

Positives:
-No Powergaming
-One friendly staff member (very friendly actually, hopefully you’ll get him…the Americans suck).
-LOTS of background, in game and for the setting.
-Great roleplay opportunities open up after many of your characters die.  So if you have LOTS of time and LOTS of characters you don’t mind dying, eventually you can play a snob.
-Ambivalence towards reviews.  You’ve gotta admire apathy, in a way.
-If you want to sit around for six hours at a bar drinking and gossiping with your friends, but you aren’t old enough to go to a bar, don’t want to drink, and/or don’t actually have any friends, you can capture the atmosphere perfectly here.

Negatives:
-Helpfiles are a mishmash both in setup and in writing.
-Petitions generally go unanswered (at least as a new player)
-Current game balance as of this writing is VASTLY in favor of “Good/Neutral”.  So if you play an evil character, basically you’re gonna die.  Or, at the very least, you’ll survive, but you’ll have noone to roleplay with.  Unless you can find that one other evil character in the place you start and you’re on a similar time schedule.  Then you can REALLY get to know that player…and noone else.  And you can’t really do anything.  Well…except crafting.  Lots of crafting.

In conclusion, if you can get a few of your friends to join at the same time, you MIGHT have some fun.  If not, you’re gonna spend lots of time either alone or sitting in a bar listening to people gossip.

Really…that’s it.

MAN do I miss Forgotten Kingdoms…

-Puppy >.< Yip!

Pre-Emptive Analysis

Headline: “Christian group’s stunning decision”

BEFORE reading the article, or any responses, here is my review of the CA/A responses to it:

“See?  Religion is horrible…they’re all the same.”

When a non-religious person does something wrong, here is my review of the past/current/future CA/A responses to it:

“That has nothing to do with me, we’re all individuals.” (In Bleating Unison)

-Puppy >.< Yip!

Mystery Science Theater 3000: Girls Town (1994)

Mamie Van Doren acts “rebellious”, Paul Anka acts ultra-sweet and sings dumb songs, mild ‘Reform School Girls’ shenanigans occur.  Lots of slang and dull moments.

Highlights:
Tom Servo’s scat
decent riffing

Inspirational Quote: “If you sing I’ll become a personal representative of Satan, so help me…”

Grade: C

6/25/13: See ‘Zombie Nightmare’.  Grade: D+

A Statement Of Appreciation

To Whom It May Concern (If you don’t know this is you…it isn’t):

I have never, in my whole life, known a more racist, hateful, ignorant, borderline-fascist, narrow-minded, deceitful, two-faced, backstabbing, traitorous, disloyal, pathologically-adept-at-lying, fake, morally empty, shallow, insincere, pathologically-adept-at-faking-emotion, manipulative piece of rat feces (metaphorically speaking) than you.

Thank you, for making me realize how strong a person I can be.

And tell BL he’s still a p@ssy.

-Puppy >.< Yip!

Thoughts While Watching The Red Sox – 6/18/13

The age of micro-“role”-managing shows how stupid it (sometimes) is:

Unless Doubront got injured mysteriously in the dugout, here’s apparently John Farrell’s thought process:

Let’s see…I can leave in a pitcher who has allowed three hits and zero walks in eight innings and who is showing no signs of “weakening” or “running out of gas”, who is under 100 pitches and could at the very least get a chance to finish the game, someone I KNOW is pitching great…OR…

I can put in someone who’s been erratic and who, at best, MIGHT pitch great.

But hey, he’s the “closer”…put him in.

My thought when I saw him warming to come in, before he’d thrown a pitch:  “If he comes in, it’s an absolutely idiotic move by Farrell.”

My thought after he came in and blew the lead: “He came in…it was an absolutely idiotic move by Farrell.”

My thought if he had struck out the side: “He did it…it was an absolutely idiotic move by Farrell.”

-Puppy >.< Yip!

The Brilliance Of The Scientific Method

‘Scientists Discover Stem Cells In Fat’

“These fat-based stem cells were discovered by accident.
Researchers were trying to grow cells from material collected by liposuction. But when a piece of lab equipment failed, the cells in
their sample died–except for these unusually hearty stem cells.”

– Karen Hopkin

And, in related news: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JL-SmhFlFoQ

10/16/16: FAIR USE: CRITICISM – I don’t care enough about this clip to criticize it. So I guess that’s pretty critical. (housekeeping)

Memoirs Of An Intellectual Coward

Ok, so apparently I’m an “intellectual coward”.  According to Dick Dawk and his followers.

Reason:  I refuse to give any real thought as to the existence/non-existence of God.

Why?  Two reasons:

1) It is impossible to say with certainty either way, and even the question itself is impossible to answer at its core, since the word “God” has many different meanings to many different people.  Mathematically speaking, there are BILLIONS of possible meanings for the word “God”, if you include all deities ever considered since the dawn of humanity and also all abstract concepts of a force/higher power/superior being/etc…there is NO WAY to know the answer, and I’ll find out when I die.  I have enough patience to wait until then.

2) It is totally irrelevant.  I live my life according to my morality:  I’m not perfect, but I think I’m a decent person.  If someone told me my actions would/would not get me rewarded, I would not change my behavior.  If someone told me my actions would/would not get me punished for eternity, I would not change my behavior. 

On a related note, to suggest that all theists only act the way they do out of desire for reward/fear of punishment is the equivalent of suggesting that all believers in the existence of laws and police to enforce them only act the way they do out of fear of punishment.  That is to say, noone obeys laws because they BELIEVE in their morality, everyone just does it cuz they don’t wanna go to jail.  But, deep down inside, we’re all killers/rapists/thieves/scumbags.  Which is, of course, good solid empirical evidence that Dawkins is a c@nt (although there is solid empirical evidence to the contrary, see recent post).

-Puppy >.< Yip!

Mystery Science Theater 3000: Swamp Diamonds (1993)

Roger Corman sh1t.  Lots of dull stuff happens, with LOTS of padding.

If you want to see an early attempt at women-in-prison and catfighting that Corman would perfect later (when he realized it made much more money than SERIOUS cr@ppy movies), this will do nicely.

Highlights:
old-Trek parodying intro
What To Do On A Date short
Touch Conners getting a little pre-emptive ‘Space Mutiny’ treatment
decent riffing

Inspirational Quote: “Kay’s worked on the kill floor, she knows where to deliver the blow.”

Grade: B-

Random Thoughts

Last/Coolest twitter twit: (Thanks, FB!!!)

“I would call Richard Dawkins/Penn Jillette c@nts, but they lack the necessary warmth and depth.”

The two things I like about Sixteen Horsepower’s album ‘Sackcloth ‘N’ Ashes’:
1:  Chicken of tomorrow on the cover
2: “Black Soul Choir”, which is so much better than anything else on the album I’m amazed in a Sonic-Youth-‘Washing Machine’ sense.

-Puppy >.< Yip!

Puppy Poll – 6/13/13

One person was asked the following questions:

Do you think anyone in the government gives a sh1t about what anyone not in the government thinks about any government program beyond what will directly affect their ability to get re-elected?

Do you think that polling people to determine what they think about any government program and/or what they want done about it is anything but a complete waste of time to pretend that we actually have any voice in what will actually happen (overtly or, if necessary, covertly)?

Doris Dog kisses Rock Tree and she says?????

No.

No.

I can’t take it anymore!!!!!

This poll has a margin of error of plus or minus 100 percent.

No puppies were harmed in the taking of this poll.

-Puppy >.< Yip!