Useful Information

“Tax evasion is the illegal evasion of taxes by individuals, corporations and trusts. Tax evasion often entails taxpayers deliberately misrepresenting the true state of their affairs to the tax authorities to reduce their tax liability…”

For years for which no return has been filed, there is no statute of limitations on civil actions—that is, on how long the IRS can seek taxpayers and demand payment of taxes owed.

“For each year a taxpayer willfully fails to timely file an income tax return, the taxpayer can be sentenced to one year in prison.  In general, there is a six-year statute of limitations on federal tax crimes.”  -Wikipedia

Now, I’m not accusing anyone of this, but if anyone at the IRS was interested in checking back say, oh I don’t know, 20 or so years of perhaps no returns, they might want to talk to:

Robert Lowe
44 Webster Street
Watertown, MA 02472

(As of at least mid-2011, although his “listed” address may be elsewhere…this was where he actually lived.)

Hope this helps out.

-Puppy >.< Yip!

The Sixth Sense (1999)

A beautifully made movie about loss, pain, confusion/compassion, love, and redemption.

The music is appropriately sad but beautiful.

There’s an air of sadness and loss throughout the entire film that is understandable given both its subject matter and the ending twist.  It’s there, for me, as it was 14 years ago when I saw it the first time…when I DIDN’T know about the twist, not til the end.

Willis is good, Osment is great.  Shyamalan has never come close since in my limited experience.  The movie of his career, I’d say with virtual certainty, before his career is over.

VERY creepy, even after repeated viewings.

Quite touching in parts, especially as it gets closer to the end; sometimes sad and/or creepy at the same time.

There are a few lulls…but very few.  A great film.

And perhaps it’s because it reaches into some part of me, and some part of what was – but I can’t help but cry when Osment and his mother talk in the car, near the end.  It’s very comforting to know I can still do that, sometimes.  If you don’t understand that’s alright…this is for me.

Inspirational Quote: “They don’t have meetings about rainbows.”

Grade: A

4/16/14:  Instead of the joke I planned – which doesn’t fit here, or HERE, in my mind – I will just say that I think I knew I was using the same word multiple times but the REASON I didn’t alter that wasn’t because I couldn’t think of a synonym for “sad” or “beautiful”…I think, and hope as this to me is somewhat of a beautiful memory, that I used the words because they fit.  And I didn’t care if they echoed.  As with almost all my, or anyone’s, best work, there’s feeling in this.  Grade: A

11/12/16: Edited to remove spoiler, just in case. Grade: A

Vault Of Horror (1973)

Five tales of “horror”.  It’s the sequel to ‘Tales From The Crypt’, and it’s pretty much the same except it’s not creepy at all, just cheezy and predictable.

It’s tolerable.  Also: you can make fun of it, you won’t be scared, and you can see The Doctor with a nasty looking beard and without his jelly babies.

Grade: D

To Protect And…Ehhh, to HECK with it.

Recent headline: ‘Former DC Detective of the Year Guilty of Secretly Videotaping Stepdaughter in Shower, Bedroom’

“…This is the fourth time recently an incident has come to light
involving a D.C. police officer and women or girls, says WJLA. Officer Marc Washington died in an apparent suicide after he was
accused of having a teen runaway take off her clothes for pictures. Officer Linwood Barnhill Jr. is accused of being a pimp in an underage prostitution ring out of his apartment. And, officer Samson
Lawrence was recently accused of trying to kill his wife.”

Mystery Science Theater 3000: The Violent Years (1994)

Ed Wood’s riveting portrayal of the danger men face from violent girl gangs.  His message: with a dress, caress.  And so the MST reviewing ends.

Great holdup scene re-creation in the ending host segment.

Highlights:
Young Man’s Fancy short
Wood jokes
brilliant direction
brilliant acting
girl jokes
Ministry samples (sounded vaguely familiar…thanks, A.S./cute kitty)
pretty good riffing

Inspirational Quote: “Hundreds of men flock to crime scene”

Grade: B

Tales From The Crypt (1972)

First tale: About a murder and a guy in a Santa costume, remade (unnecessarily and worse) for the show.

Second tale: Interesting take on death perception.

Third tale: Horrific treatment makes a man commit suicide, and his corpse returns to his main tormentor in poetic fashion.

Fourth tale: Three wishes, used unwisely and twisted as usual.

Fifth tale: Nasty man takes over a home for the blind and treats them horribly, they turn the tables.

Somewhat cheezy, but they’re fairly interesting without being too gory, and they get better as they go along.

Grade: C+

Deep Puppy Thoughts (Part 49)

So, lots of companies/products advertise as “Since X” (X = year of origin)

That’s not necessarily a sign of quality.  I mean, if a car was made the same today as it was a long time ago, would that be a good thing?

“Chevy: Building the same cars since 1929”

“Ford: Stuck in a creative rut since 1934”

I especially like when they advertise as “Quality Products…” or “Made With Care…” in front of the “Since X”.  Not because I give a sh1t, or believe them, but because it presents a great means of deceptive advertising.

I don’t know about you, but if a company advertised something as “Made With Pride Since 1979”, and then I found out they started making that product in 1945, I’d buy one.  Cuz hey, at least they’re honest.

“Oh yeah, we’ve made them since ’45…but we were pretty ashamed of ourselves for quite a while.  In ’79 we took out all the ingredients we knew were harmful…we’ve felt a lot better since then.”

*SATIRE…SATIRE…SATIRE*

47 Ronin (2013)

Pre-emptive review (very rare):

“The ronin spent more than a year waiting for the “right time” for
their revenge. It was Yamamoto Tsunetomo, author of the Hagakure,
who asked this famous question: “What if, nine months after
Asano’s death, Kira had died of an illness?” His answer was that
the Forty-seven Ronin would have lost their only chance at
avenging their master. Even if they had claimed, then, that their dissipated behavior was just an act, that in just a little more time
they would have been ready for revenge, who would have believed them?
They would have been forever remembered as cowards and
drunkards—bringing eternal shame to the name of the Asano clan.
The right thing for the ronin to do, wrote Yamamoto, according to
proper bushido, was to attack Kira and his men immediately
after Asano’s death. The ronin would probably have suffered defeat, as Kira was ready for an attack at that time—but this was unimportant.

Ōishi, from the perspective of bushido, was too obsessed
with success, according to Yamamoto. He conceived his convoluted
plan to ensure they would succeed at killing Kira, which is not a
proper concern in a samurai: the important thing was not the death
of Kira, but for the former samurai of Asano to show outstanding
courage and determination in an all-out attack against the Kira
house, thus winning everlasting honor for their dead master. Even
if they had failed to kill Kira, even if they had all perished,
it would not have mattered, as victory and defeat have no
importance in bushido. By waiting a year, they improved
their chances of success but risked dishonoring the name of their clan, the worst sin a samurai can commit. This is why Yamamoto
and others claim that the tale of the Forty-seven Ronin is a good
story of revenge, but by no means a story of bushido.” – Wikipedia

Yeah, and it STINKS too.

The Crazies (2010)

The story of a town that slowly becomes infected with something that turns people into psychotic, bloodthirsty lunatics.  Each in their own way, so it’s not a “zombie” or “infected” flick – they each have a somewhat unique personality, a different take on the psychosis.

The acting is good enough to make the extreme creepiness believable (therefore creepy) and it’s fairly well-written.  There’s also plenty of gore for people who want that.

Unfortunately it’s got about an hour’s worth of good horror movie and it stretches to 1:33.  Best in the beginning til it gets whittled down to 4 (the second time), then clever at the very end.

Grade: C+

Zombie Ass: Toilet Of The Dead (2011)

Once I realized this Japanese “zombie” (not really) flick was total horsesh1t, I tried to enjoy it as such…like many movies in the past, to one extent or another.

Unfortunately the almost complete lack of intelligence, even in coordinating the stupidity in a mockable pattern, made that very difficult.  With their best efforts, I laughed once, near the beginning.  Then I just waited for the d@mn thing to end…it peaked very early in both stupid and disgusting, and more of the same without anything new for almost an hour was just fcken DULL.

Unless you enjoy lots of a$$ shots, terrible dialogue, vomit, sh1t, farts, fake blood, incoherent plot twists, eyeballs captured in mid-flight, and double replays of a head crushed by buttcheeks, you can skip this.

It’s not, despite its best efforts, as amusing as a superior total-sh1t film: ‘Hobo’, ‘Nazis At The Center Of The Earth’, etc…

Why?  Because there’s almost no intelligence to it.  It’s just supremely weird disgustingness.  Asia seems to specialize in these, for some unknown reason.

To the country that was producing Samurai as opposed to sh1t films with regularity 300 years ago, some advice from one of your ancestors:

“It is said that what is called “the spirit of an age” is something to which one cannot return. That this spirit gradually dissipates is due to the world’s coming to an end. For this reason, although one would like to change today’s world back to the spirit of one hundred years or more ago, it cannot be done. Thus it is important to make the best out of every generation.”

Is this your best?

Inspirational Quote: “My balls!  You flattened them!”

Grade: F

Zombie Hunter (2013)

This one tries to be clever and also epic.  It fails.

It’s got lots of REALLY dumb voiceovers, lots of REALLY dumb dialogue, a cr@ppy hero, and Danny Trejo for about 2 pages of dialogue/lots of mean faces.

The fact that it tries helps, if only to mock it – especially when the POWERFUL music kicks in to back up the failed attempts.  Oh, and when the TITLES pop onto the screen for each CHARACTER and sometimes INANIMATE OBJECTS.

Three menaces: zombies, chainsaw guy, bad CGI.

It made me laugh a few times, so I upped the grade.

Inspirational Quote: “It’s quiet here…it’s almost too quiet…”

Grade: D-

Star Trek – Episode 80 (Turnabout Intruder)

A woman from Kirk’s past switches bodies with him to gain power and revenge.  The crew suspects something is wrong almost immediately, and the suspicion keeps growing, leading to lots of interesting conflict, especially involving Spock.

A pretty good episode, not just for season 3…a solid series ending.

Highlights:
Spock/McCoy discussion
Dr. Lester/Kirk convincing Spock
Spock’s trial for mutiny
Spock in general
mutiny escalation

Lowlights:
all the months/years of training…OOPS!
Kirk’s overacting
Kirk’s fey acting
minor penalty for Dr. Lester’s mass murder

Spockism: “No, Sir. I shall not withdraw a single charge that I have made. You are not Captain Kirk. You have ruthlessly appropriated his body, but the life entity within you is not that of Captain Kirk. You do not belong in charge of the Enterprise and I shall do everything in my power against you.”

Crimson Tide – The Extended Version (Part 4)

00:31:55 – “You know, Mr. Hunter, I really am quite fond of those Lippizaner stallions.”
“Yes, Sir.”
“‘Yes, Sir’ you’re aware that I’m fond of them, or ‘Yes, Sir’ you’re also fond of them?”
“Yes, Sir, I’m aware that you’re quite fond of them.  Quite frankly, Sir, they’re starting to get on my nerves.”
“I see, Mr. Hunter”.
.
.
.
00:33:13 – “Mr. Hunter, do you know what they call a Quarter Pounder with Cheese, in France?”
“Royale with Cheese, Sir.”
“That’s right, Mr. Hunter.”
“Was there a point to that question, Sir?”
“Not really, Mr. Hunter.  Just wondering about burgers.”

Star Trek – Episode 72 (The Mark Of Gideon)

Kirk is transported into an empty duplicate of the Enterprise, where he meets a woman from a vastly overpopulated planet (Gideon).  Meanwhile Spock bickers politely with a bureaucrat.

It’s not bad, but I never think to myself “I REALLY wanna watch THAT one.”

Highlights:
Spock’s diplomacy
moment of synchronicity
weirdness

Lowlights:
Kirk’s moments of crew apathy
really dumb number oversight
Gideon’s really dumb attempted solution

Grabbers (2012)

Some Irishmen/women must stay drunk to survive alien invasion.

This movie brought to you by ConLushCo, a subsidiary of The Booze Council.

Somewhat clever and fun, actually…mock-horror that’s fairly “believable.”  Sort of like a watery ‘Tremors’.

Inspirational Quote: “Youuuu…really are Irish.”

Grade: C-