American Psycho (2000)

Christian Bale performs very well as an alternately boring/psychotic yuppie.  The boring is easy for Bale…and there’s a lot more boring than psychotic, so it’s pretty much his perfect role.

Why?  Because even for a sh1tty actor with very limited range, two emotions (apathetic and psychotic) are easy enough to get down.

There’s also a lot of meaningless drivel as Bale’s character descends further and further into insanity.  But he’s still pretty boring.

His fascination with 80’s music isn’t a great low-key setup for anything.  It’s just dull.  And he’s got sh1tty taste.

Grade: D

4/7/14: OK, OK…it’s not THAT bad.  I still have no use for Christian Bale as an actor in general, but as I said, this is his perfect role.  And his dullness IS funny at times, and there are some moments so ridiculous that they’re amusing and some juxtapositions (hey, mighty fancy word) that are interesting because they’re so different. 

Inspirational Quote: “Yes, it is!”

Grade: C-

Quote Of The Day – Morality > Science

Spoiler Alert: From a good movie (‘Extreme Measures’). If you haven’t seen it, this quote is better experienced that way.

“Maybe they are doing a great thing for the world. Maybe they are
heroes. But they didn’t choose to be. You chose for them. You
didn’t choose your wife or your granddaughter, you didn’t ask for volunteers. You chose for them. And you can’t do that, because
you’re a doctor, and you took an oath, and you’re not God. So I
don’t care, I don’t care if you can do what you say you can. I
don’t care if you find a cure for every disease on the planet!
YOU tortured and murdered those men upstairs, and that makes you a disgrace to your profession. And I hope you go to jail for the
rest of your life.”

There are some who call him…Tim (SATIRE…SATIRE…SATIRE)

Puppy Preface:  I went on a “Roleplay-Enforced” MUD, of my own volition.  Therefore I had to expect that I (and everyone else) would roleplay…that is, play their character, not act however they feel, scorned and embarassed or not.

So I played a character, who was sweet and rather naive.  So when some guy (character) tried to force me, sexually, I played as she would.  When he made her “forget” it had happened and instead made her go to the bathroom and masturbate (how gallant!) to…not really sure I understand this…but to confirm his power and “manhood”, guess what?  I did it.  And when I had to come back to him, pretending nothing had happened…even though PLAYER (me) was outraged, I did NOTHING but play my character:  Nice, considerate, naive, trusting.  And I think I did rather well…you know…ROLEPLAYING.

So when, the next day, I complain IN CHARACTER to someone after they help me figure out what really happened, and the offending character goes off and sulks because he (player) doesn’t like that, it’s a really SAD testament to roleplaying.  I was sad when I had to roleplay liking the schmuck, but I did it…because I’m a ROLEPLAYER…some people need to learn this.

But I degress:

When you can’t get any in real life, try Timothy’s M* School:

“With a slight memory twist, Timothy left Sashana believing that their conversation and his light fondling was him attempting to seduce her.”

Puppy: Is “light fondling” now considered an acceptable means of “flirtation” or “seduction”?

OR Puppy: Oh, hey, wow…yeah, light fondling is a great first move, huh Tim?  I think he watched that MST3K short more than I watched the flippin’ Mummy: “Tackling her from behind is the first step.”
I especially like his clarification: It’s only LIGHT fondling.

“In a library no less, in a private room, he wanted to get her clothes hiked up so he could take her right there on the table.”

Puppy: You wanted to hike up my socks?

“Perhaps she was flattered?”

Puppy: Oh, I don’t know…

OR Puppy: Oh yeah, and you can insinuate HOW you want the intended target to respond.  If so…what’s the point of even playing, Tim?  I mean, just emote that you’re fcking everyone, logoff and make the game that much better.

“But the man’s power was overwhelming and she had to escape…to her relief, found in the bathroom.”

Puppy: “Ok, now this is where, if you DON’T wanna get forced, you have to go masturbate.” – Someone’s apparent thought process.  I mean…when you think about it, it’s just DUMB…it’s fantasy so I’m not gonna get riled up over it (See “Roleplaying”, above) but…WTF is this guy thinking?

OR Puppy: This is great…this is the part where Timmy forces my character to masturbate after failing his “Bleedin’ Obvious Non-Subtlety” roll.  And doesn’t realize she was a virgin.  And then he asks her straight out.  Perhaps, Tim, next time you find a MUSHSEX partner, you should be sure of their info before you assault them in a public place.

“<OOC> You say, “Please skip the subjective analysis of your own behavior I’m sure you’re manly, but that’s hardly appropriate.”

Puppy:  That was me, word for word.  I cannot improve on it.  He was talking about how amazing my orgasm had to be, how manly he was…I felt like watching ‘Men In Tights’.

“Timothy says, “Hmm. She would know that he is probably concerned that if she were a virgin that he inadvertently took that.”

Puppy: And HOW would he “inadvertently” take that?  A REALLLLLY long detachable penis with a mind of its own?

The search continues…

-Puppy >.< Yip!

Pupdate – 1/27/14

For the past few months, my review of ‘The Devil’s Rock’ has been getting a substantial amount of hits.

Now, how I feel about that is, like the F&P, two ways:
1) Thanks, that’s rather flattering actually…and…
2) WTF is wrong with you people?? I’ve written a helluva lot of sh1t more witty than that.

Oh well…time for some boiling Cointreau.

-Puppy >.< Ruff!

Deep Puppy Thoughts (Part 50)

In a world…

So, basically someone should make a movie about vampires vs. humans for total world domination…and the vampires are winning, then someone (human) prays or does something really cool/weird/unusual to invoke Ed Harris’s voice saying “Cue the Sun.”

Then there’s a decisive turn in the war, and the humans win.

And they get along for a coupla weeks after that…like in that sh1tty Independence movie, and then it’s back to work hating each other for really really dumb reasons.

Run with it.  And come on; swing baby, you’re platinum.

-Puppy >.< Yip!

The Monster Club (1980)

It’s a laidback (monster) club setup where Vincent Price tells some non-monster guy 3 stories.  In between, there’s horrible club music numbers.  I mean, they really are both cheezy and annoying at the same time.

I used to really like this, when I was just an itsy bitsy teensy weensy little…schmeensy.

1: Sensitive, truly romantic monster gets seduced by a scheming human.  There’s very little horror here, but some thriller and decent drama. And a littttle bit of comedy.

2: Dull, boring mini-flick.  With an unfortunate helping of Donald Unpleasance.  Tiny twist at the end doesn’t save it.

3: Man gets trapped in a village of Ghoulish man-eaters.  Some interesting things happen, and the ending is good and kinda creepy.

Inspirational Speech: Vincent Price at the end.

Grade: D

OK, I said I wouldn’t, so…Let’s Vague!

“I make you a counterproposal…I’ll agree to your terms, IF…IF you follow your own rules and regulations.”

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=urNFQw8VIvA

Inky’s got major BLINKY, baby!

Oh, here’s what to say if you’ve been hunting rats too long:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=idO3VjT8sjk

-Puppy >.< Yip!

10/16/16: FAIR USE: CRITICISM – I don’t have a fever, but the second clip shows in a very straightforward and firm way how sometimes people GET fevers, and they must be treated. (housekeeping)

Deadly Cinema (2003-2005)

Really horrible acting and poor-at-best writing make up the “sketches” in between the horrible movies. 

The “star”, Jami Deadly, is as bad as all the rest of the cast.  She’s got a sort of a wanna-be Elvira, wanna-be Crypt Keeper mixture going on.

It’s like going to a local club for sketch comedy on a bad night.  And if you watch more than one of these just to make sure it wasn’t a temporary blip…well let’s say, very kindly, that you’re a very trusting and also very desperate soul.

I only watched the host segments, and only a few of them.  So, take it as an incomplete…but mainly take it as “So bad from what I saw that I’m gonna switch to ‘Manos'”

DO NOT be fooled by people who compare this to MST3K, or even Elvira.  Or Joe Bob Briggs.  Or anyone currently on the air that doesn’t suck.  It’s DULL…and it only got life, IMPO, because people were jonesing for some MST3K.

Room 237 (2012)

My GOD is this pretentious.  You don’t sit there and feel surprised/enlightened…just bored, really.

Points out all the “hidden messages” in the movie ‘The Shining’.

Watch ‘The Shining’ instead.  If you want conspiracy messages/random theories about it, look online.  Don’t waste 1:43 of your time here.

This documentary should have come out as French, with English subtitles.

Guest IQ: “[Kubrick] didn’t tell an audience what to think or how to think and if everyone came out thinking something differently that was fine with him. That said, I’m certain that he wouldn’t have wanted to listen to about 70, or maybe 80 percent [of Room 237]… Because it’s pure gibberish.” -Leon Vitali

Grade: F

Tales From The Crypt – Episode 32 (Easel Kill Ya)

Tim Roth stars in this one as a REALLY creepy painter.  Good acting by him…decent theory…well done.  I particularly like the “cops with dogs” scene that Roth TRIES to stay calm about.  Cuz they KNEW, man…they could smell it.

I still prefer ‘A Maid On A Night Out Winding A Grandfather’s Clock With Her Left Hand’.  Not to mention Michelangelo’s ‘Two Muscular Guys Touching Fingers’.  And, of COURSE, ‘Dogs Playing Poker’.

Pupdate 1/21/14

I sort of wish someone could read the Bobbing Low entries, but unfortunately they haven’t learned to read yet, and the word “computer” scares them.

They sure can sh1t some rocks though.

-Puppy >.< Yip!

Really…interesting.

Hey, here’s a good one (Translation: I just thought of it, and you have no choice you’re already committed):

If people (at least when ‘Rocks’ came out) would actually use the phrase “Sick as a dog”, why not make it more inclusive?

“Slick as a cat” is the first thing that popped into my mind.

Run with it!

Bobbing Low’s Guide To Life – Part Five

The mystery limp is key to a successful non-loving, no sex, no romanticism relationship.

Just start limping one day.  Blow off any concern, cuz ya know…you’re a MANLY man.

Then, switch that limp around constantly…like Igor’s hump from ‘Young Frankenstein’, only much more prevalent.  You know, sometimes it’s in the “normal” leg, then a few days later it’s moved over to the other leg…rarely you can do both legs (not for beginners) and if you just don’t give a d@mn that day, lose it completely!   BRILLIANT!

-Puppy >.< Yip!

Inigo Montoya – A Metaphor

This is a metaphor that has special meaning to me.  Let me stress that: a METAPHOR.

Directed at all the lying, propagandic a$$holes involved.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d6m7NR6iYjg

-Puppy >.< Yip!

10/16/16: FAIR USE: CRITICISM – BRILLIANT and very emotional clip from a truly great film. (housekeeping)

The Final Armageddon Post – And This Time, I MEAN IT!

“Complaints of unfairness will not be given an audience. If you think
your character’s situation was unfair, too bad. Live with it or don’t.” – Armageddon homepage, under topic “Rules”.

Well…I mean, come on…if you “live by the sword”, as they say…

Meaning, complaints posted to MY website of unfairness will be given the same audience.  Why?  You like it that way, apparently.  If you think the situation is “unfair”, too bad.  Live with it or don’t.

I don’t care.

-Puppy >.< Yip!

Video Clips On Youtube

Since I’ve noticed that many SMALL clips (less than 5 minutes of a 2+ hour movie…hardly the entire thing) on Youtube tend to eventually get “Blocked/Removed for Copyright Reasons” by extremely rich companies (subsidiaries of ConHugeCo), I suggest this:

It is (well, check first, but as far as I know) completely legal to have those clips there, and they CANNOT be removed, if they are the subjects of “critical analysis”.  I don’t remember the exact wording, but the basic point is if it’s an analysis of that clip by a critic, it’s ok.

I am a critic.  Amateur, yes…but I’ve been reviewing things here for over 3 years.  So, if you make sure it’s legal first (I BELIEVE so, but just to be sure), ask me to give a critical analysis on a clip that you want put there, and I’ll watch it, and I will give it a critical analysis.  A real one, not just “Love this” or “it stinks”…but a real review/critique just like the stuff I do here.

Attach comments to this post if you want.

Thanks.

-Puppy >.< Yip!