Forgotten Kingdoms – A Day In The Life (SATIRE…SATIRE…SATIRE)

Took me a while to get on here…traffic. But I digress.

…it’d love to turnnnn…youuuuuu…offffffff…

Ahem.

First, you create your character. Name, class, race, alignment, description, adjective, etc etc etc…

Which sounds very complex. UNFORTUNATELY…none of this makes any difference. All characters, with a few notable exceptions, are generic automatons of mediocrity.

You will NOT find someone to roleplay your concept with. They do not exist there…IMPO.

Once that is done, you may have to wait up to 24 hours to be approved. Because, of course, they must verify that your name is acceptable, you have a suitable description, and so on. Of course nine times out of ten (yes, I’ve done enough iterations) you will be approved within half an hour: REGARDLESS of anything except (maybe) your name. In that case, you will have to change it, and wait another…30 minutes, max. (nine times out of ten…there are exceptions, although whether these are out of lack of attention or a desire to give the impression that actual analysis is taking place is open for debate).

Having accomplished that, you will be spat out into a Tavern in
Waterdeep. Everything will look really pretty.

Then, you’ll get the same first job everyone gets every single time they play, with every single character. Evidently, there is a Lamplighter who has been scared for YEARS to light lamps, and whose fear only abates temporarily when aided.

Then, after some time in the Snookery, you will go to Market Square (now Center…it’s been expanded). There you will await other characters, and, if you are any good at roleplaying, you will tolerate their mediocrity with a metaphorical forced smile; it does not harm you, after all, to reply to such mediocrity if you have ANY skill at roleplay. You can do so at ten percent of your RP capacity, and you’ll fit right in.

Assuming you stay, you will continue to return to Market Center, over and over and over again. You will listen to inane conversations and you will tell yourself “There MUST be other good role-players on here…if I can just pretend this isn’t cliquey JH-level roleplay cr@p, so as not to insult all the powerful players in the game…I’ll meet a good roleplayer.

Eventually.”

The vast majority of powerful characters are decadent, mediocre, undefined, generic, boring, without distinction, and absolutely and completely ignorable…EXCEPT, they are the Faith Managers. Therefore you MUST pretend that they can roleplay (as a representative of a God) at least well enough for you: a neophyte with practice armor.

I think, for me…the most egregious example of utter mediocrity as a baseline is the fact that ALL the powerful characters, no matter their alignment, ethos, powerful convictions, etc…talk to each other. Politely. The same as to every other character. In the Market Square. Good and Evil, mortal enemies at times, by the very definition of their deities…chatting.

Just…chatting. Not, speaking because it is necessary, but roleplaying being appropriately disgusted (or at least dismayed). Just…chatting. Meaningless, trivial, worthless. Without any roleplay value. Every character…JUST like every other.

Again…try it.

Make a character, try it…and tell me I’m wrong. Reply, send me a log, ANYTHING…

Unfortunately, that won’t happen. Because you can’t post something that doesn’t exist. And, unless you’re a Pof Mediocre-Character-X (or Y, or Z, or…) or a friend (IC and OOC crossover is rampant), you can’t deny anything I’ve said, without, IMPO, lying.

There’s no realism here. It is not “roleplay-enforced”. Anachronisms are completely allowed, if not encouraged. One player speaks with thee’s, thy’s, and thou’s…and the next says “hey, wanna go to rat hill?”.

SERIOUSLY! I’m not making this sh1t up!

So, as long as you can avoid being Inkyd, those who seek ACTUAL roleplay should try Armageddon. Or Harshlands. Or The Inquisition: Legacy. Or The Burning Post 2. Or dozens of other MUDs and MUSHs, far lower on TMC’s list, with REAL roleplaying.

This is all just IMPO, of course.

The change I’m attempting to provoke is highly unlikely. But, there’s ALWAYS a chance. Even for good roleplay on FK.