Grumpy Old Puppy (Part 2)

And now with a commentary, here is a grumpy old puppy.

I’m old, and I’m not happy.

People today and their ‘Harry Potter’ wizards…

In my day, ‘Harry Potter’ was called ‘DragonLance’. And it wasn’t NEARLY as popular. And they didn’t make movies out of it because noone would watch them. And the only movie they did make was one of the most embarassing things you’d ever seen.

And that’s the way it was and we LIKED it! We LOVED it, oh Happy Day!

In my day, you didn’t get nice elegant little invitations to become a wizard who was treated with “respect”…FLABBITY FLOOBITY!

In my day, noone “invited” you to become a wizard, you had to decide for yourself. And even if you wanted to you probably couldn’t because you were too stupid. And even if you could people didn’t like your decision, they hated it. You were an outcast, a social leper before you could cast a single spell or even knew the touch of a woman, and that’s the way it was and we LIKED it!

All this convenience and pleasant company…

In my day, you didn’t have a fancy train carry you to your destination in comfort and luxury.
In my day, you walked there through horrible weather and nasty terrain. And you did it by yourself, because noone wanted to be seen with you. And if you died on the way noone cared. And the only company you had was the other dead failures for miles around. That’s right, the ground was covered with festering failed wizard corpses, and that’s the way it was and we LIKED it!

And this wonderful school with its talented magical specialists eager to teach you…FLEEBITY FLOO!

In my day, it wasn’t a school full of powerful mages you went to, it was some grumpy old wizard in a shabby hut. And he didn’t wanna teach you, you had to grovel for it. And even when he did teach you he was half-senile and you barely learned a thing. And you didn’t learn and advance steadily in magical abilities and knowledge; it took YEARS and YEARS before you could cast even a *useless* spell, and that’s the way it was and we LIKED it!

Not like today…

In my day, we didn’t welcome new wizards with friendly open arms…

In my day, even if you got far enough to become a wizard you had to take a test. And they weren’t nice to you, they hated your guts and called you names. And you had to have someone waiting for you, because if you failed the test you died and someone had to collect your corpse. And even if you passed the test they had to carry you home before your festering wounds killed you; that’s right, you had achieved the best possible outcome and you were horribly scarred mentally and physically.

And that’s the way it was, and we LIKED it! We LOVED it, ohhhh HAPPY DAY!

There They Go, Satisfied Customers By The Thousands! (Part Three)

As an unwanted and rather annoying follow-up:

Recently received SECOND notice from a collection company.

If you’ll check Part Two, you’ll see that the company in question is – according to some – not very reputable.

So, to www.peryourhealth.com AND as a document of my ongoing saga:

You can send me as many “bills” as you want. I’m not going to give you my credit card information, nor am I going to send you a vast amount of money for something that may already be paid.

This is an insurance matter. I WOULD give you my “insurance information” (quoting your letter), but unfortunately the only number you provide is a billing number, with NO way to connect to someone to give information to. As for your website, when I try to go there I have to enter some “information” (my quotes this time) which is “provided” (ditto) for me.

When I enter this information, it says the attempt was “unsuccessful”.

HOWEVER, it also lists a VERY convenient *NUDGE NUDGE* “pay now” option where I can send you money *WINK WINK* for something I am *NOT* responsible for, which is covered by my insurance *GRIN GRIN SNAP SNAP*, and which MAY HAVE ALREADY BEEN PAID. *SAY NO MORE!*

I WOULD give you my insurance information, but you provide ABSOLUTELY NO WAY TO DO SO. Therefore, I regard it as your fault; if you want my insurance information, give me a WAY TO PROVIDE IT.

I will not be sending you vast quantities of money for something covered by my insurance.

If you want their information, ask me in a way that I can reply to.

It is YOUR “responsibility” (quotes mine) to provide a means of giving information to you. You do NOT, and I will not use one of the many EXTREMELY convenient options to simply give you money to make you go away, since I’m not in the habit of giving vast quantities of money to someone/thing simply because they send me a piece of paper.

If you want to keep sending me your useless “notices”, fine.

Every time you do, I’ll re-post here affirming the above until you either A) provide the necessary means or B) go away.

Oh, and in the spirit of Buckwheat’s untimely demise, here’s a link for those of you that may have missed it before:

https://www.webwiki.com/peryourhealth.com

10/26/16: DOCUMENT

What We Become (2016)

There’s absolutely no reason to watch this movie.

The acting is decent, the writing is decent, the filming is decent.

The fx/makeup are mediocre at times; but even if they weren’t it wouldn’t change a thing.

The reason is because it’s totally redundant – there isn’t a thing here you haven’t seen before, as good or better.

Nothing surprising, no twists on the scenario, nothing exceptional.

In the context of that, the grade is wholly appropriate.

Competent and completely unnecessary. Re-watch one of your zombie favs instead.

Grade: D-

Another Example Of Pythonian Influence

An obvious example of being heavily influenced by the “No Time To Lose” sketch:

‘Tombstone’, when Wyatt Earp confronts BB Thornton’s character, and he says:

“Go ahead, skin it! Skin that smokewagon and see what happens!”

Suggested original script to follow:

*BB Thornton* “What?”
*Wyatt Earp* “Skin that smokewagon.”
*BB Thornton* “‘Skin’ what???”
*Wyatt Earp* “That smokewagon. Skin that smokewagon.”
*BB Thornton* “Oh, I see…’skin…that…smoke-wagon.'”
*Wyatt Earp* “Yes, that’s right.”
*BB Thornton* “‘Skin that smoke-wagon…'”
*Wyatt Earp* “Right!”

And so on, and so on…

*glance at cute little pig*

Possible Massive Degeneration Into Terrified/Non-Functional State

So…REQUESTED prescriptions refills (for medications I’ve already been prescribed, no changes) and agreed to an APPOINTMENT ASAP if necessary to make this possible. So, let’s hope this works. If not…

Here’s my plan: I’ll hope my situation gets resolved reasonably, and if it doesn’t, I’ll post here about the state of my decline as I run out of necessary, prescribed medications and/or head to the emergency room. Oh, and I’ll provide the names of some “doctors” people may want to avoid, maybe.

“I do not threaten. I merely state facts.” – Spock

“Hmm…hmmm…Hippocratic Oath…it’s not in there, jolly good. Very useful. Next!” – MPFC

Here’s a lovely clip:

FAIR USE: CRITICISM – A nice little clip about a horrific doctor.

Deep Puppy Thoughts (Part 170)

Humankind’s ability to destroy increases in direct relation to humankind’s ability to create/improve/advance.

That is why all science/invention/advancement must be taken with a grain of salt; all possible uses for anything new should be examined, evaluated, and prepared for with the best interests of humankind at heart and as the first priority.

Exhibit A: Atomic power.
Exhibit B: Advanced technology.
Exhibit C: Make up one of your own, you know you want to.

This is probably stating the obvious for most people, but…just sayin’.

Donald Trump – A Derogatorial

Donald Trump is to politics what ‘Dead Alive’ is to movies: So horrendously bad that it goes from being an F- on quality to being a C because of the tremendous laugh-and-mock-ability quotients; the “oh my God I can’t believe that…”

It’s sad when you can’t even give enough material for your own dedicated propagandists to make a decent, non-laughable case.

I’m still debating which would be worse: electing Trump, or a country-dividing Civil War (part two) if he doesn’t accept the election results.

He’s got about as much leadership stability as Dr. Captain Janice Lesterkirk.

10/20/16: Ok, he’s not as good as ‘Dead Alive’. ‘Hobo’, maybe? ‘Manos’?

10/20/16: Here’s some footage: FAIR USE: CRITICISM – SATIRE…SATIRE…SATIRE…

Adopt Don’t Shop

I’ve seen some posts about how this is a “deceptive” slogan and “misleading”.

BULLSH1T.

Of COURSE dog breeders are gonna say that. I mean, COME ON.

FACT ONE: Purebred dogs are wanted by a LOT of people. Very few, if any, will ever be put to sleep.

FACT TWO: LOTS and LOTS of dogs and cats in shelters around the U.S. WILL be put to sleep if they aren’t adopted.

FACT THREE: EVEN IF a particular dog or cat is not put to sleep, think about this: since purebreds are pretty much guaranteed a home, if people didn’t adopt these non-purebreds, exactly how would they find a home? They wouldn’t. They would live in a cage without a pet owner to love and take care of them.

So…to anyone who hates “Adopt Don’t Shop”…I think D. Vinyard said it best: “…get your head out of your a$$”.

10/19/16: It’s sad when the best propaganda that anti “Adopt Don’t Shop” people can come up with is that it’s all an “agenda” by “extreme animal rights activists” to eventually have all dogs “freed”, to roam the streets.

Fck, I mean Trump can come up with better BS propaganda than that.

Look up the word “outlier”.

Are there people out there that want all breeders outlawed, all animals freed, cows no longer viciously milked, mice free to explore career opportunities, mosquitoes saved from horrible hunters that kill them for their wings (which can fetch up to .8 of a penny)?

Sure. There are outliers to EVERY cause, EVERY movement, EVERY position. EVERYTHING in the WORLD that can possibly be subjective in ANY WAY has outliers. That’s what they are: outliers.

The VAST majority of people who urge people to adopt (including me) do NOT believe it is assault to milk a cow, do NOT believe cats and dogs can be converted to vegetarianism, etc…

In the same way, the VAST majority of people who buy purebred dogs do NOT believe there is a “conspiracy” against purebreds, do NOT think that we must defend breeders rights NOW or they will soon be gone!!!

I mean, come on. As is almost ALWAYS the case, the TRUTH lies somewhere in the middle of two extremes.

Are there some good, reputable breeders who love their dogs – and dogs in general – and aren’t evil monsters just in it for the money? OF COURSE.

Are there some good, reputable shelters who love their rescues – and rescues in general – and who exist to help give abandoned animals a second chance? OF COURSE.

I mean, what moron actually believes that puppies are NEVER bought because they’re “cute and little”, and then dropped off at a shelter when they grow into adult dogs? And that these dogs are somehow “defective” because of that? And that these dogs don’t deserve a home as much as ANY OTHER dog?

Oh, and to the people that say dogs are simply “property” (yes, I’ve read at least one rant about that) that’s just not true. NOT TRUE. Period.

See…this pillow I sleep with is property. If I want to, I can punch it, kick it, not give it food or water, dropkick it around the house, eat it, shove it up my a$$…WHATEVER. It’s a FCKEN PILLOW.

Dogs and cats are NOT property in anywhere NEAR the same sense. They are not merely “things”. If you think they are, then by that belief you show you don’t really care about them.

There are LAWS against animal cruelty. FACT. Dogs cannot be forced to fight and kill each other. FACT.

There are no laws against pillow cruelty. Noone will be appalled if I tell them I was really frustrated and so I hit my pillow. Noone will try to stage a pillow intervention to remove it from its abusive environment. Noone will campaign for pillow rights. Noone is insane enough to do this, or believe it will happen.

In conclusion, here’s the middle ground between the two extremes (The “milking cows is the same as raping a human woman” ones and the “all animals are property and anything can be done with them that anyone wants including sadists and Jeffery Dahmer-wannabes):

Not all breeders are bad. Not all shelters are bad.

Research where you’re thinking about getting a pet from. Make sure they treat their pets humanely. Make sure you can care for the pet properly. Make sure you are willing to keep the pet for its lifetime. Make sure that the pet has no behavioral issues that would cause you to return the pet. Make sure you LOVE THE PET.

Any objections?

Deep Puppy Thoughts (Part 168)

Feeling:

…After you’ve seen something, sort of a “My God…” realization – because in that moment you’re not debating theism or reason – “…my life could be so much worse.” It’s sort of like time freezes; everything that went too slow before is fine, everything that went too fast is fine, everything outside of you and that feeling, basking in it, feeling it slowly drain away with an odd sort of sadness with the relief. And you think about everything that means something; nothing else seems to matter.

It seems so simple.

…what the Hell was that? Hmmm. Oh well, back to life…

“…This is hard rock as the term was understood before metal moved in–the kind of loud, slovenly, tuneful music you think no one will ever work a change on again until the next time it happens, whereupon you wonder why there isn’t loads more. It seems so simple.”

– Robert Christgau on Nirvana’s ‘Nevermind’

Dead Set – A Derogatorial

Almost-award-winning my a$$.

See ‘Dead Set – Episode 1’ for the only info (and episode) that really matters.

I read that Simon Pegg “disapproves” of the fact that these living dead run, not shamble like good old Romero zombies.

And my response is: What are you, a moron?

‘Night Of The Living Dead’ came out fifty flippin’ years ago. How long do you want people to re-create the same thing OVER and OVER again?

And since when was George Romero (f@ck the A) the “authority” on living dead? I mean, if a director/writer/idea-er’s first concern is “Is this Canon to Romero films?”, they’re either overly infatuated with Romero (a common failing…I’m split), or they are bereft of inspiration.

Which means that their “creation” will be either a redundant ‘Night’ imitation (because Lord knows we need more of those) or a sh1tty consumer-whoring tangent.

Dead Set – Episode 5

Things get intense…and more interesting. But it’s the END, and that’s the main reason for both.

Faint alliances form/are played briefly out.

An example of Chaos Theory: Even the smallest action – a word, for example – can have an eventual massive reaction.

Absurdly grotesque death scene…I don’t know if it was satire (?), ‘Dead Alive’ “humor”, or they just wanted to go out with some major blood and guts now that the necessity for a plot has ended.

Don’t care much for the ending. Generic. Yeah, I get the reference back to episode one. But the only thing THAT makes me think of is “episode one was pretty good, gave me some hope…oh well, generic “zombie” sh1t”.

If anyone tells you about the “overriding” message of the whole series, tell them it took WAY too long to tell it.

I can’t say it’s “bad”…not with the feeling it left me with. But I can say there is nothing after episode one that lives up to the promise.

For hardcore zombie/infected fans only.

Dead Set – Episode 4

An interesting tidbit: I don’t think I’ve ever seen an evacuation/rescue coerced in such a way before. It’s a nice touch.

But otherwise: the characters don’t have enough depth to make this interesting, the novelty is long gone along with the satire, the mini-stories go nowhere fast, and I’m looking forward to it ending.

Dead Set – Episode 3

The living dead don’t like water. I guess they didn’t see ‘Land’.

This is marginally better than two, enough to make me watch four, but I was waiting for it to end more than I was enjoying watching it. And I predict four will be JUST good enough to make me watch five. F@ck it, I’ll watch five anyway. But I think this was over after one.

Dead Set – Episode 2

Test: The novelty’s gone, the first-creation (GRIMMSY!) inspiration is gone. Will it stay any good?

Don’t know. This is a neutral bridge episode, at best.

Meaning if the rest is any good, you might want to watch. If the rest sucks, episode one stands as a good infected “short-film”. I’ll keep you posted.

Dead Set – Episode 1

A fast-moving dead people scenario unfolds along with an episode of ‘Big Brother (UK)’, until the two begin to collide more and more obviously and directly.

They’re not zombies: I classify them as “living dead”, rather en”rage”d.

In fact they act very much like ’28 Days Later”s infected, and are filmed in much the same way (by the real cameras).

The setup is about as “fresh” as you’re gonna get for this sort of thing (by now).

Not a comedy: a dark satire, in parts, perhaps. But mainly (so far) a horror show.

Acting is solid or better, effects are very good; it’s quite convincing, actually.

I like the female lead especially: because she’s cute, but also because her character is convincing and at least slightly noble.

There are five of these. Basically, if they’re all at least as good as this, you’ve got a really long new (if you haven’t watched it yet) decent zombie/infected movie to watch.

I’m actually quite glad and very surprised; it’s been a while.

10/18/16: After watching all of them, I can say that this episode should be regarded as a good “short subject”. Only hardcore zombie/infected/etc fans need go any further. Maybe the second half of episode five, if you must. I’d apologize but it’s not my d@mn fault and I’m probably as disappointed as any of you are.

Dead Set (One Season, 2008)

Basically this brief UK series shows the “real” life of some people on a real(ity) show as documented by a “real” crew who are actually all being filmed by a real crew.

Then the zombie apocalypse starts.

I don’t think I’ve seen that before. Not that I had any choice.

So a watching I go. Stay tuned…

Any good? Answer unknown, I shall analyze…analysis complete: insufficient data to resolve problem. See entry ‘Dead Set – Episode 1’.

Pupdate – 10/17/16

Housekeeping of website is complete. For now.

My GOD was that tedious.

I noticed something while going through and tidying things up, too…

Lots of my posts suck. I mean, some are like really repetitive and some are just mediocre.

FORTUNATELY, I noticed some good ones as well. So, I’m both disappointed and heartened.

AND, I may say without fear of contradiction, that my movie/long subject/tv/short subject/MST3K reviews are all RIGHT ON THE MONEY. Good stuff, right from the beginning.

So if you’re wondering what doesn’t suck on here, it’s those, and certain selections from the other groups.

Onward.

Thoughts While Watching The Patriots – 10/16/16

Suggested Follow-Up To Charles Schwab Obsolescence Ad:

(Man) “So, do you think I can run to Mercury?”
(Man2) *chuckle* “No…”
(Man) “Why are you laughing?”
(Man2) “That’s not how the world works.”
(Man) “Well, the world is changing.” *jump* *plummet, scream*

NO!

Your choice of imagined clips to follow:

Michael Palin jumping out of the Kamikaze Advice Centre, OR
Ron Obvious jumping off the starting platform OR
your favorite Kamikaze Scotsman jumping off the top of Edinburgh Castle.

…and why are so many NFL coaches like M. Palin’s wimp character when it comes to managing time?

…time to lose.

Night Of The Living Deb (2015)

So. Back to zombie movies.

You know, seriously, this is actually sort of my contribution to society. I watch these, so that – for the most part – you don’t have to. Vis:

This is not a horror movie. It’s a comedy all the way.

The absurdity is RELENTLESS. I mean, joke after joke after joke parade on and by, some of the time lagging, some of the time the decent ones quickly covering for the bad ones. Twenty minutes in I actually laughed; it was eye-opening.

That’s after a weak, trying-too-hard-to-be-clever intro that made me think the whole thing would be the same. Fortunately, it actually GETS clever after it warms up, STAYS clever (at points, I emphasize…it’s spotty), and maintains a certain level of “quality” before fading near the end. Never revelatory, but it DOES have good points.

It’s only 1:24, so I guess the padding was necessary…but let’s just say you’re not missing anything at the end. You’re really not missing anything anywhere; in the sense that, wherever you start watching, it makes as much sense. And it means as much. And the jokes fly rat-tat-tat-tat as much, til about an hour in.

So I’d say start from about 12 minutes in (after reading the short description of the movie, which pretty much says all you need to know) and watch for as long as you like; if you like it by 20-25 minutes in, great. If not, you’ll never like it.

After an hour or so just stop watching, unless you’re either REALLY into it, drunk, or you’ve fallen asleep.

Here’s a note I took that I just HAD to put somewhere:

– A pretty good Ben Affleck imitation does a surprise Stuart Smalley imitation.

Inspirational Grammar: “Your/You’re”

Grade: D+

4/5/17: I find myself won over by Deb’s cute n’ SASSY-ness. But yeah, it runs out of steam somewhere around the “family” scene. The rest is simply tolerable, but hey…a guilty pleasure zomromcom. Grade: C-