(Dis)Honesty: The Truth About Lies (2015)

A documentary on how people lie, why, different circumstances, different perceptions, etc.

It’s a bit slow at first, and there are tedious moments.

However, the main speaker (who they cut to frequently) is both interesting and somewhat amusing.

And the overall interest factor in learning about the subject should keep your attention for the most part.

Grade: C+

The Elegant Gentleman’s Guide To Knife Fighting (6 Episodes, 2013)

Australia Australia Australia!

Python comparison: None, nowhere near as good.

KITH comparison: Pretty close at times, but not quite.

Best Guess Reference: ‘The Vacant Lot’.

Basically it’s a sketch comedy show/series that sometimes has themes reappearing later in each episode.

I can’t see hating it, nor can I see loving it. But it is quite tasteless, while at the same time being moderately amusing/entertaining.

Mildly recommended to fans of KITH, TVL, and general tasteless comedy.

Mystery Science Theater 3000: The Return

Unfunny bordering on embarassing.

I was worried it might be this bad, and it is. I only have one episode to work with, because I refuse to waste more time on this when I can be wasting it somewhere else.

At no point do I get the feeling of “hey, that was inspired” or “hey, nice message in joke form”.

By now there are so many people doing this sort of thing that it’s just another failed re-creation.

Let it go, guys.

Inspirational Quote from a long-ago MST3K sketch: “It stinks.”

Skins (2017)

It’s about people with major physical deformities: how they act, how they’re treated by “normal” people, how they feel about themselves, and their various friends/family.

Some of the visuals are disturbing, and parts of the movie are disturbing.

A bit difficult to grade…the makeup is very convincing, the characters seem real enough, and its message is at heart positive, about such people and the things they have to endure…AND about how they’re almost invariably better people than the ones that look “normal”.

But I think the idea of it could have been realized a lot better than it was.

If it sounds interesting, try the beginning, and go from there.

Grade: D

Mulholland Drive (2001)

Ha ha. Kangaroo Court. Ha ha.

Having established and accepted that his films suck, I thought I’d try to just summarize David Lynch for people who may be a bit confused.

Lynch is a writer/director whose “talents” are in the “director” part.

I mean, it’s got mood (LOTS of it), it’s got slowwwww building sequences, it’s got weird images, it’s got too many eyeball closeups, it’s got 1 minute scenes stretched out to 5 by means of standing/sitting around doing nothing, and it’s got a script that some may consider brilliant but that is, in reality, sh1t.

I mean, hell, even Ed Wood wrote better lines than this.

So unbelievable, so cold, so NON-reality-escaping.

So PLEASE-don’t-take-me-to-this-fantasy-world-for-two-hours-and-change.

I mean, the dialogue is mediocre at best. And the delivery is like a cross between Flying Circus’s ‘The Free Repetition Of Doubtful Words Thing’ and Ed Wood’s old buddy Kline.

It’s not dream-like unless your dreams are stupid and pretentious at the same time.

Horrible movie.

Grade: F

Patrick: Evil Awakens (2013)

An eerie doctor does some eerie tests on some eerie patients in an eerie hospital.

I was going to dismiss this as yet another totally cliche, predictable “horror” movie that loves sudden, SCARY music and actions. And doesn’t bother too much with acting.

But there was something about it (maybe the other second-banana nurse looking GREAT in her uniform, RAWR) that intrigued me just enough to keep watching. And by then, it wasn’t a film, it was a meal.

The creepy moments are there, so if you’re desperate for a horror/”thriller” movie, you MIGHT find this of some interest. But don’t be desperate, watch something else.

The ending sucks, if you like that sort of thing

Inspirational Quote: “My strengths are…bodily fluids and spongebaths.”

Premature IQ: “I’m okay.”

Grade: D-

Kung Fury (2015)

This is INCREDIBLY silly.

Pay no attention to the back story, or the main story.

Just watch as some guy battles rogue arcade games, Der Fuhrer and other nasty foes.

Personally, I find it stupid enough to be amusing at times. Other times, just stupid.

But it’s short…if you like sh1tty movies, why not give this sh1tty short film a try?

Grade explanation: Not quite top-shelf enough to qualify for a sh1t-C.

Inspirational Quote: “Knuck-les.”

Grade: D-

Love Me (2014)

A little boring in parts, a little creepy in parts.

Things seem to fail more often than not, and even when they “work” you wonder how long a couple that met maybe three times before getting married will stay together.

Moral of the story, IMPO: It ain’t worth it.

It’s a tolerable watch, but nothing all that good.

Grade: D

Louis C.K. 2017 (2017)

Louis’s still got his edge; I was worried.

If you don’t like edgy/tasteless, stay away.

There are a few bits that miss but overall it’s good, clever, and utterly tasteless.

I don’t think I’ve ever seen him more tasteless, actually. I chalk it up to two things…just guesses, but here they are:

1) He’s pissed off and bitter.
2) He’s pushing as far as he can while still making people laugh; it’s sort of like this is Louis’s version of Chapman/Cleese saying “Let’s see how offensive we can be…I mean, let’s PUSH IT” via the ‘Undertaker Sketch’.

Best bits:
Baby killing rant
Anti-Love rant
Elegant fingering
Dick sniffing

Grade: B


Speaking of serial killer fascination…

Lilith sums up sociopaths and why rebound-dating is bad:

“So, essentially, Frasier was a toy you played with briefly and then threw away; a fellow human being whose emotions you twisted for your own satisfaction, with no consideration for his feelings.”

Interview With A Serial Killer (2008)

See title for description.

A few strong reactions:

– Creepy as H@LL
– Appalling and riveting at the same time

Shawcross is obviously evil, but you EXPECT that; he’s a serial killer.

You also expect the celebrity fan mail he receives, given the dark side of people.

But if you’re pretty d@mn horrified by his long-lost daughter’s
offhand commentary/relationship with him, let’s just say you’re not alone.

Not for weak stomachs.

Grade: C+

Train To Busan (2016)

It’s a zombie movie. Not a “flick”, it’s too good for that, at least.

But how good? Well…

If all you’re looking for is “zombie” “action” (together and apart), you can watch this without the subtitles and probably be suitably impressed.

The FX are certainly convincing, and the scope is pretty darn impressive.

As I wrote BEFORE I read it echoed in an existing review (NYAH!), it’s very similar to ‘World War Z’ in that respect. The zombies are ENRAGED, and they move as a mass of rage; convincingly, relentlessly…not quite the epic visual of the WWZ wall-climb, but there’s some very worthwhile visuals here if you like somewhat grotesque and wave-of-zombie.

So on the zombie/action front, no problem at all, absolutely none.

Now, on the acting/dialogue front…

The acting is ok for the most part; they seem to do the best they can with what they’re given.

But the dialogue at times is hokey, cliche, and/or purely unbelievable. And there’s only so much you can do when your lines suck. It’s too much to fully suspend disbelief, and therefore too much to truly feel emotionally involved.

It’s good enough to hold interest…and there are SOME genuinely touching/realistic moments…but it could have used a re-write or two.

The other problem is continuity. Sometimes, the change is INSTANT. Other times, there’s plenty of time for a long, drawn-out meant-to-be-dramatic scene that is instead sappy because of said flaw. I mean, I get stretching a pattern a little, but sometimes it just goes too far against the established grain.

There’s some interesting messages (really), and I’d like to like this more than I do, but the writing just holds it back too much.

Gotta admit though, especially in relation to ‘Night’, the ending is pretty cool.

Worth a watch for zombie/infected fans.

Grade: C-

Atari: Game Over (2014)

SPOILER ALERT: Ending Revealed. But who cares?

A bunch of unfunny jokes, boring stories, and dumba$$ illustrations filling time while a group of people dig a big hole looking for ‘E.T.’ cartridges.

I mean, I knew it was going to MENTION ‘E.T.’, but I thought it would be much more about the actual demise of Atari…you know, exactly WHY, HOW, etc…

Very little of that, lots of dirt and sh1tty references.

And they find some cartridges. Oh joy.

Grade: F

The Day The Earth Stood Still (1951)

Sort of interesting in parts, but the premise is incredibly stupid:

The Earth MUST accept peaceful conduct. If not, it’ll be DESTROYED!!!

Huh? I get the point the movie’s trying to make, but that’s absurd.

Also absurd (and inhuman, and fascist, and morality-destroying) is the “system” developed by Klaatu and his kind.

Well-made enough to remain an object of mild interest, but for me the most enjoyable part is the pre-‘Army Of Darkness’ quote anticipation, and a greater understanding of why Ash should have paid a bit more attention. Cough.

Inspirational Quote: “Klaatu barada nikto.”

Grade: D