Manage to acquire some sort of business, make it really really suck, then have two friends come in during peak hours. Wait for any sort of complaint from any customer, and then…
(Friend One) :Speaking up as they stand, as if to corroborate the complaint, and saying the long insult by the Waldorf Salad guy altered as necessary, but clearly on the complainer’s side:
THEN, very quickly, friend two stands as if deeply offended, speaking up as the Major did in the Waldorf Salad episode of ‘Fawlty Towers’, and making his punchline be another crummy business that does what yours does but is even WORSE.
James Tiberius Kirk handled it very well, of course…but I think there’s another scenario response that ought to be tried. You’ll still LOSE, of course…but you lose in STYLE, baby.
*Kobayashi Maru Commander* “This is the Kobayashi Maru…we have struck a-”
*Cadet, Interrupting* “Yeah, I know. Look, here’s an idea ladies and germs – next time your navigations officer or whatever-spacial-dangers officer says ‘Captain…we appear to be headed toward some sort of mine’, DON’T say “Ehhh…keep going”.
*Kobayashi Maru Commander* “Steady on course, helmsman.”
*Helmsman* “Ummm…begging the Captain’s pardon, but this is the area that has contained a mine each of the past 237 times we’ve entered it. Maybe we should just hook a right, or something?”