Category Archives: I Am Puppy Hear Me Degrade

Why It’s Completely Absurd To Advocate A Lifestyle Of Total Logic – Analysis Of A Trend (By Puppy)

If you’re reading this because you agree with the title, are bored, wanted a potential chuckle, etc…Great.

If you’re reading this because you disagree with the title, I would suggest the following…

Any argument I can make can probably be out-argued by you, because you’re so much smarter than I am in that “useless beyond-genius no-real-value Rain Man” sort of a way.

So just think about the following two quotes, and continue to worship Stephen Hawking as your Deity.

“You don’t understand, and you never will.” – Diane Chambers (A fairly logical character)

“Computers make excellent and efficient servants, but I have no wish to serve under them.” – Spock (Also, fairly logical)

-Puppy >.< Yip!

The Pointlessness of Pointless Sex – A Logical Argument

It has been argued that humans are inherently poly-amorous, that all people truly want to have sex with as many people that they find attractive as possible…that “relationships” are only entered into by those that cannot succeed in routinely obtaining sex from more than one attractive person, that wish to allow themselves to not have to “keep up their appearance”, because of societal pressures, because it’s the “easy” thing to do, and so on.

This argument is just as blatantly flawed and self-serving (as it is made, of course, by those that are NOT in committed “relationships”) as the argument that it’s “wrong” to be with more than one person even if noone is hurt, that you shouldn’t have sex outside of marriage, that homosexuality is wrong, that one must wait 7 dates before having sex…and so on.  These arguments, of course, are made by those that adhere (or at least pretend to adhere) to the “wrong”-ness of choice.

Every Human Being is different.  To suggest that it is IMPOSSIBLE to truly WANT to be with only one person, for the sole reason of that is truly what YOU want, is absurd.  Simply because one cannot “understand” that desire, because one does not feel it themself, does NOT by definition mean that it cannot exist and that anyone that says that’s what they want is just “pretending” or “kidding themselves”.

The most ridiculous part of the argument AGAINST voluntary fidelity is that the people making it are completely disdainful of the other-side-of-the-coin argument (that you MUST be in a heterosexual, monogamous, married, etc etc etc relationship).

The reason I (And many people) don’t have random sex with any other attractive adult possible is NOT, as some might suggest, because I’m “repressed” or “afraid”. 

I’m not afraid of “Sinning”, I’m not worried about my ability to obtain sex, I don’t feel that it’s “wrong”, I don’t care about public perception…and so on.

The reason I don’t have sex with every attractive adult I COULD have sex with is because, quite frankly, I don’t want to.

From a logical perspective, I think everyone except those bent on sexual “conquest” to prove their virility would agree that the POINT of sex, apart from procreation, is PLEASURE. 

Therefore, the aspect to be considered is…what do I derive the most pleasure from?

Having had meaningless sex in the past, I’ve found that the empty, awkward, rather dull feeling that comes (no pun intended) immediately after the act is completed is FAR worse than the act itself is more pleasurable than just THINKING about it.  It just doesn’t make sense to spend SO much time trying to obtain something that, once obtained, becomes meaningless and leads you to think “Ok, who’s next?” if the feeling arising from the “success” of the attempt is, in fact, BAD.

Not to suggest that meaningless sex doesn’t feel GOOD…sure it does.  But the period and amount of pleasure achieved, for me, is just simply not worth the post-meaningless-act depression over the sheer meaningless-ness of it, the resources (Time, money for *insert foreplay meetingplace here*, etc) wasted, and so forth.

Sex with someone that I actually CARE about, at least somewhat, lacks these negative results and is therefore something to be strived for as a vastly superior option.

From a purely logical standpoint, for me, meaningless sex is just plain stupid.

It also displays an appalling lack of self-control, which, if you’re doing something you know will just make you feel worse afterwards, is akin to doing hardcore drugs (I assume, never had the urge to try) only this is a VOLUNTARY addiction, and hence lacks ANY sort of reasonable justification outside of the inability to control one’s most base animal instincts. 

I mean, if a wolf can be platonic, can’t a “superior” human?  It’s not a sign of weakness or herd mentality, it’s a sign of Self-Control, Logic, and Love.

Of course, if you actually feel GOOD after having sex with someone you care nothing about, and you both want to…go for it!  I won’t make the same pretentious, inane assumption that critics of Fidelity make by criticizing other people’s emotional  choices, as if I have any idea what it’s like to be inside their head.

-Puppy >.< Yip!


In the manner of LTI, here are some handy phrases to know if you ever end up at BSH…

ITU (“Intensive Treatment Unit”) = Solitary

CO = Someone that can sneer/laugh at/mock/”subdue” (WHEN APPROPRIATE!) patients

Patient = Prisoner

Established Bedtimes = When you go to your cell unless there’s a sporting event that calls for much earlier bed

CO Training Walk-Through = Lock up the patients and pretend it’s always this way

Good CO (Of which there are many) = Someone who has their job for a reason other than listed above (See “CO”)

-Puppy >.< Yip!

Anton LaVey Vs. John Doe (Referee: Puppy)

Contrary to Occultist (and undeserved Cult Figure) Aleister Crowley, whose drug-induced “revelations” have about as much credibility as “Lucy In The Sky With Diamonds” (Yes, I know about the drawing), Anton LaVey actually tried to put forth an intelligent intellectual argument in his conglomeration of mostly other people’s ideas known as ‘The Satanic Bible’.  John Doe, from the film ‘Seven’, would likely take issue with LaVey’s stance that the “Seven Deadly Sins” in fact reflect man’s inherently carnal nature and should be embraced, not avoided.  Granted, John Doe was an incredibly sick and disgusting character, but what makes ‘Seven’ so scary is that he is perfectly lucid in his explanations, which are rather more articulate than LaVey’s…e.g…

9/6/12: I’m big enough to admit when I’m wrong…I didn’t really understand Crowley when I wrote this.  Although I put no faith in his spiritual/theological arguments, nor do I “oppose” them…they are, at least, genuine.  Unlike LaVey.  And Crowley, while in my opinion quite flawed and, at times, completely incorrect in his non-spiritual musings, was from what I now understand an extremely intelligent man whose one-line philosophy doesn’t mean what many people think it means.  As a wise(r) man once said, “Those things that are easily understood are rather shallow.”  Unlike LaVey, Crowley was NOT shallow.  Now, onward…

LaVey: Believed it should be embraced in whatever (consensual, legal) way you wanted, including extramarital affairs and relationship infidelity.
Doe: Although he objects based on the morality of the marriage contract with God, he also seems to think it’s wrong to have sex with someone after you’ve promised someone you supposedly Love that you will always be faithful to them.

Winner:  Doe

LaVey: Believed that one should be Proud of their accomplishments and abilities, and that Immortality is achieved by performing great deeds on Earth, and being thus remembered.
Doe: Believed that, as was taught in Medieval Times, Pride is a “Sin” even if you don’t believe in the concept of Sin because becoming too full of oneself often leads you to underestimate others and overestimate yourself, and has caused more amazingly stupid defeats than can be counted on all digits (INCLUDING toes).

Winner: Doe

LaVey: Believed that it was proper and just to exercise one’s Wrath upon one’s enemies, assuming (supposedly) it was within the constraints of the Law.  A bit of a contradiction, since violence is rarely lawful.  Then again, the law hasn’t exactly always been in keeping with truth and justice (See “Slavery”).
Doe: Believed that exercising one’s Wrath upon another was a weakness, something only God had the right to do, and would inevitably lead to your own destruction in one form or another.

Winner: Call it a draw…Revenge rarely leads to happiness or closure, but the law itself is a form of revenge against those who do wrong.

LaVey: Believed Envy was a driving force in man trying to achieve one’s goals and obtain things desired.
Doe: Believed that everyone should be content and happy with their place in life, and not want for anything they were not provided with.

Winner: LaVey.  From a purely logical standpoint, he makes sense…in moderation.

LaVey: I’m not quite sure how Anton justifies endorsing doing absolutely nothing as part of the basic nature of man.  Sad, really, if he believes it is.
Doe: Believed that Sloth (Apathy, laziness) was wrong as a form of omissive destructiveness.

Winner: Doe…I mean, come on.

LaVey: Again, as with Envy, believed Greed motivated people to better themselves.  Or, to quote Gordon Gecko – “Greed is Good”.  Sounds a bit too Capitalistic.
Doe: Believed that Greed motivated people to do things they knew were wrong simply for monetary gain or other relatively meaningless factors.

Winner: Doe.  I’m not a BP fan.

LaVey: Believed that one should indulge one’s appetites as one wished, that it was every person’s right to consume anything they wished (within legal means)
Doe: Believed that it was wrong for people to eat WAY too much food when millions of people are starving to death.

Winner:  Doe, although this only applies if the excess food is in fact given TO the people that actually need it.  It does no good sitting on store shelves.

After Se7en rounds, the bout goes to Doe, 5 rounds to 1, with one draw.  Still a twisted little thing, though.

-Puppy >.< Yip!

‘The Satanic Bible’ – Updated Analysis (By Puppy)

– Anton LaVey thanks Ragnar Redbeard, whose “Might Makes Right” philosophy would be applauded by Adolf Hitler, among others.  And, of course, no women (until the secondary “thanks”)…because to Anton (although he would never actually come out and say this) women are here on Earth to please men.  I also like the acknowledgement of P.T. Barnum (“There’s a fool born every minute”) as an influence on LaVey…it shows from the start what a fraud he is.

7/23/11: Apparently he thanks him a lot, according to those that contend much of his book is plagiarized from ‘Might Is Right’.  This philosophy is, of course,  abject nonsense,  the sort of mindless drivel spouted by the physically and/or mentally strong when they’re at the height of their powers and conveniently forgotten whenever they actually need help from anyone else.

9/7/12: I suppose there are those who espouse this when physically and/or mentally strong, AND who continue to espouse it even when they become physically and/or mentally weak…but I’m pretty sure the ratio of those “true” believers to fraudulent, bullying scumbags is about 1:1000.

10/21/15: For some reason I was thinking about bugs and this naturally came to mind. Bees, ants, and other insects that have a sense of “community”, at least in SOME way, are NOT LaVeyan. Spiders, cockroaches, ticks, mosquitoes…these are the best LaVeyans on the planet: existing to exist, thinking only and always of themselves (each one), producing nothing. Well, spiders are at least good organic vacuum cleaners.

– The introduction, in which Anton is described as dedicating things to “The Devil”, although he by his own definition defines “The Devil” as a Christian concept…and, being a Christian concept, he must see it as ignorant and foolish. So, he’s dedicating his ceremonies to ignorance and stupidity. Brilliant.

7/23/11: This isn’t completely fair, as he is using “The Devil” as a metaphor in an attempt at parody/mockery/shock value/etc…I don’t think he’s doing it very WELL, but he is doing it.

10/21/15: It’s comedy that’s not funny. Simple as that, really.

– “man’s carnal nature will out no matter how much it is purged or scourged by any white light religion.” – Anton LaVey

Really, Anton? Then how do you explain Mother Theresa, amongst others? You didn’t say “Usually”…you said WILL…meaning always. STRIKE.

7/23/11: My response sounds a bit petulant in retrospect, so I’ll expand it…there’s a huge difference between “carnal” and “brutal and selfish”. To use the example of sexual repression, as opposed to the (non-destructive) display of lust in a consenting manner, as THE nature of man and as something “opposed” by white-light religions is simply deceptive. White-light religions do not by definition attempt to “purge”, “scourge”, or really even repress sexuality. Not ALL of them, at least…the generalities are unfounded and the basis for his reaction is therefore false.

9/7/12: “The sensuous Pagan ritual begins…” – Tom Servo. Sorry, I LOVE that one. No offense to Pagans in general meant in any way.

10/21/15: Clarification: No offense to NON-LaVeyan Pagans meant in any way. If you’re LaVeyan, please stop visiting my website.

– “I came to detest the sanctimonious attitude of people toward violence, always saying it’s God’s will.” – Anton LaVey

I never said that. So…you formed a cult. Brilliant.

7/23/11: Here I agree that to explain something horrible by saying it’s *Insert Deity’s Name Here*’s will is insufficient, at least from an intellectual point of view. But I think, again, he’s lumping in EVERY Theist into the same category, which is, again, a false premise.

9/7/12: Let’s be frank: He’s an angsty post-adolescent venting his frustrations.

10/21/15: He’s a showman with nothing to show, a comedian without material.

– “In my case, I found I could conjure up parking places at the last minute in front of theaters, when none should have been there.” – Anton LaVey

So you just blinked the cars out of existence that otherwise
would have been there…did you wiggle your nose or fold your arms
and nod your head quickly?

7/23/11: I still think my response here is amusing and I have nothing to add.

9/7/12: Personally, I always preferred ‘I Dream Of Jeannie’ to ‘Bewitched’…but that’s a whole other (more interesting and worthy of thought) topic.

10/21/15: Of course the reason I preferred ‘I Dream Of Jeannie’ wasn’t really the writing…also, it strikes me that he must have done the nose-wiggle ‘Bewitched’ thing, because the other one would be really hard whilst driving.

– “Satanism is a blatantly selfish, brutal religion.” – The guy that wrote the foreword.

…ummm…aren’t you supposed to PRAISE what you’re forewording?

10/21/15: Personally I think the vast majority of LaVeyans are idiots, lunatics, or (the majority) a$$holes who want to pretend that they have a “philosophy” behind why they’re such an a$$hole when the reason is…they’re an a$$hole.

– “This is the book of our era.” – second foreword guy.

HAHAHAHAAHAHA!!! Oh…ummm…you’re serious. I wrote better sh1t in Junior High.

7/23/11: Actually according to its Precepts, it isn’t supposed to NECESSARILY be a “blatantly selfish” or “brutal” philosophy (No, it’s not a religion). It’s only used in that way by blatantly selfish and/or brutal people. As for the “book of our era” quote…I think Joel Hodgson said it best – “That’s a reach…that’s a reach.”

– “Crucial to the concept of Satanic ritual is an appreciation of its illustrative and inspirational qualities without necessarily regarding it as inflexible reality.”

Translation – It’s good theater! Well…so is Rocky Horror…

7/23/11: Form over function is perfectly fine for a lifestyle or a hobby, but as a personal guiding philosophy it leaves a lot to be desired.

9/7/12: Do not AVOID the Hounds of Hell…do not AVOID the Beasts of Brimstone…do not AVOID the Pup..pies of……tory…

10/21/15: I’m sorry, I lost interest, where was I?

– “Satan…Although condemned to the most hideous of domains, a Hell totally shunned by the divinity, he embraced such privations as the burden of his intellectual prerogative.”

Ummm…no. Actually Satan/Lucifer/TheDumbAngel was cast out
of Heaven, according to Christian mythology. So unless Anton found some Holy books that say otherwise, he’s using Christian mythology to denounce Christian mythology…which doesn’t quite
work. If Satan (If he exists) was offered a chance to go back to Heaven, he’d say “OK!” and leave all his pathetic “followers” behind.

7/23/11: This part is actually the most convincing/factual of all the quotes thus far…Lucifer WAS, in fact, cast out of Heaven for refusing to obey God’s will (If you believe in such things), and he did start off as a bit of a “tragic hero” before being consumed by his own (justified or not) hatred and bitterness. I still stand by the last part though…he’d leave in a second if he could (Again, if you believe in such things).

9/7/12: To wage a war you know you cannot win can be considered noble. It can also be considered insane. A matter of perspective, I suppose. <=== That’s NOT a snide comment.

10/21/15: Ten bucks says Anton used a Thesaurus for this.

– “The Satanic Bible is a most insidious document.”

No…it would have to be clever to be insidious.

7/23/11: Ditto.

9/7/12: If it’s so insidious, why do you have to SAY that it’s insidious? That’s like one of those cr@ppy 50’s horror film posters with the word “TERRIFYING!” on it.


– “As candid and conversational as the Satanic Bible might seem at first glance, it is not a volume to be gently dismissed.”

Sure it is!

7/23/11: Ok, ok…perhaps not “gently dismissed”. It’s better written than that. But dismissed nonetheless.

9/7/12: You are the weakest LaVey. Goodbye.

10/21/15: Well, at least you can take a picture of it.

– “You, the reader, are about to be impaled upon the sharp horns of a Satanic dilemma. If you accept the propositions of this book, you condemn your most cherished sanctuaries to annihilation. In return you will awaken – but only to the most fiery of Hells. Should you reject the argument, you resign yourself to a cancerous disintegration of your previously subconscious sense of identity. Small wonder that the Archfiend’s legacy has won him so many bitter enemies! Whatever your decision, it can be avoided no longer”

WOW! This sounds like it’d make a decent “Choose-Your-Own-Adventure” book…maybe Steve Jackson can re-write it and make it more interesting.

7/23/11: Hmmm…I certainly was a bit bitter, no? Although I was a funny guy…

9/7/12: I was just funny, you know.

12/19/12: You know…just, the way I talk…you know, like a clown…

10/21/15: Get the fck outta here…

-Puppy Yip!

10/21/15: Edited for appearance.

Equilibrium is Tedium-ium

It’s so unbelievably mediocre that it fails to generate that “Wow, that’d make a great MST3K episode!” response.

Or, to describe the feelings of my eyes as they lolled around in disbelief while watching, I believe Lucifer said it best when he was cast out of Heaven…

“I’ve Fallen…and I can’t get up!!!”

-Puppy >.<  Yip!


Ok…if you were from the Scandinavian Peninsula, and you also happened to be a character in the game “Mortal Kombat”…and you were fighting someone else in the game, and you had them almost beaten, and they were helpless and you could execute a really cool finishing move on them…what would it say?

“Finnish Him!”


-Puppy >.< Grrr…

Rantings, Ravings, Innings…

I believe John Cleese’s character Dennis Moore (The Lupin Bandit) said it best, regarding the idea of the practicality of Communism – “Blimey…this redistribution of wealth is trickier than I thought.”

To all Poser-Goths (As opposed to real ones) wondering why your bf/gf dumped you, I would suggest listening to the Type O Negative song “Black No. 1” and focusing on the second chorus.

The great thing about having a Poser-Goth bf/gf is that, if you’re having sex, and you say “Did you…?” and you MEAN it…and they say “No”…and you say “Oh, I’m sorry!” and you MEAN it, and they shrug and say “I don’t care”…you know THEY mean it too!

-Puppy >.< Grrr…

Spiders – A Rational Argument

I recently spoke with someone that expressed their dislike of people that kill spiders or other parasites because they are afraid of them.

But, while I appreciate the legitimacy of that argument, what about the small, silent minority of us that kill spiders because they take up valuable protein that could otherwise nourish us?

Thanks for your time.


-Puppy >.< Grrr…

Dumb-Boy Bad-Voice

[1:48 A.M.]:  Because people do things that people don’t know about.<BR>  
funshinebobby [1:49 A.M.]:  You don’t know about the Mafia.<BR> funshinebobby
[1:49 A.M.]:  Because I do.<BR> funshinebobby [1:49 A.M.]:  It’s real easy to
act tough and scary online.<BR> funshinebobby [1:50 A.M.]:  But when it comes
down to it, in real life, you couldn’t hold a fucking stare to someone with an
actual sick head.<BR> funshinebobby [1:50 A.M.]:  And that’s the reason you look
for trouble in a place where you can’t be reached.<BR>funshinebobby [1:50 A.M.]:
 Because you’re a coward.<BR>funshinebobby [1:50 A.M.]:  And what happens to
cowards?<BR>funshinebobby [1:50 A.M.]:  They die.</DIV>

<P><BR>Funshinebobby(Robert Vasaturo aka “Dunny Bono” aka Dead MC aka arson
daily)…likes WXCI, 91.7 FM…23 year old white male…Danbury,
CT……Agnostic…Aries…New Fairfield High
School…New Fairfield, CT…</DIV>


What the FCK are you talking about, Robbie?  Didn’t they pick you up in that sting anyways?

-Puppy >.< Grrr…

Review of every Woody Allen movie

Dull-Ugly-Pretentious-Boy Loses Girl.
Dull-Ugly-Pretentious-Boy Makes Lots of Dull, Pretentious Jokes.
Dull-Ugly-Pretentious-Boy Impresses Girl.
Dull-Ugly-Pretentious-Boy Lives Happily Ever After With Girl(Until Next Movie).

Or, as Tom Servo reviewed the MST3K short “A Date With Your Family”…

“The Woody Allen Story!”

-Puppy >.< Grrr…

Con Air V. Fight Club

Both achieve approximately the same level of intelligence.

9/9/12: ERROR…ERROR…ERROR…’Con Air’ is smarter.

But ‘Con Air’ blows more sh1t up

9/9/12: YEAH!

…and its Hero (Cameron Poe) is much more likable than ‘Fight Club”s “Hero”…umm…who would that be, exactly?

9/9/12: “The looney was of course the WRITER, Sir Walter Scott.” *Sir Walter Scott* “I didn’t write that…sounds more like Dickens.” * Charles Dickens* “You b@stard!” – MPFC

Winner:  Con Air (Mediocre beating Mediocre posing as Social Commentary)

2/18/18: Wow, this was really really totally way off and utterly wrong. Never cite ‘Con Air’ as an example of better-than anything.

Depeche Mode – A Non-Puppy Perspective

Music for the Masses (Sire, 1987)

“When Vince Clarke departed Yazward in 1982, Fashion-in-a-Hurry’s commercial doom was presumed sealed, whereupon Martin Gore went ahead and proved how easy it is to write ditties once you’re in a position to exploit them. It’s not as if anybody can, but at this point in pop’s progress potential supply far exceeds potential demand. Yet only rarely is the production process altogether mechanical. Gore can’t create without venting his shallow morbidity, which happens to mesh with a historically inevitable strain of adolescent angst, and he takes himself seriously enough to have burdened albums with concept and such. This time, however, the title announces his determination to give it up to his even shallower singer, David Gahan, who likes Gore’s message because it’s a good way to impress girls. Dark themes combine with light tunes until the very end of side two. Anybody with an interest in adolescent angst (adolescents included) can sob or giggle along as the case may be. B+”

– Robert Christgau


To – Rex Ryan
From – Every Other NFL Coach

Thanks so much! May we show our appreciation by extending your
contract for the rest of your life, and enrolling you in WW?

P.S. – Bill Belichick thinks you should bury a Big Mac this time.

P.P.S. – How do you hold an opposing quarterback to 55 yards and LOSE? Genius.

P.P.P.S. – You can use “Fat Bastard”, Mike Myers won’t sue.

12/4/12: I can’t believe it’s necessary to say this, BUT, for the incredibly stupid…I am NOT making fun of overweight people.  I’m making fun of R.R. because he’s an ignorant, loud-mouthed, trash-talking wannabe/joke.  He just happens to also be overweight.  If he weighed 100 pounds I would have made a “thin” joke.  It’s called “humor”…see how that works?  Peace.

Calling All Intelligent New Yorkers

There’s a major misconception out there that New Yorkers and Bostonians hate each other.

This is just not true.

I don’t hate New Yorkers…I hate ignorant, belligerent, arrogant morons.

I don’t care where they’re from, where they live, what their gender is, etc…

So, please…and I mean this in all sincerity…if you are an intelligent New Yorker who, like myself, realizes there are plenty of perfectly legitimate reasons to dislike people or not on an individual basis, PLEASE post a comment supporting me (Puppy) in my efforts to bridge the gap between East and…East.

Thank You.


P.S. – AJ Burnett isn’t nearly as bad as people say…I mean, he’s having a horrible year, sure…but he’s only so disappointing because he HAS been very good in the past.  I mean…when we signed Lackey, and people said he was an “ace”, I EXPECTED him to suck…so I wasn’t disappointed.  Too bad Beckett followed in his lead, but hey…I tip my cap to the better team (this year), and hope my Sox force a one-game playoff so that Sabathia has to start against Price