(Concerned colonel) “She has fainted! Get her a glass of water!” (Fast-asleep Curly) “No, whiskey.” FAIR USE: CRITICISM – 9.5 (The Russian Judge)

Q: What mental condition do most professional cyclists suffer from? A: Rapid cycling

A as in A Maid On A Night Out Winding A Grandfather’s Clock With Her Left Hand B as in Bloody gobs C as in Clever people, like me, who talk loudly in restaurants D as in Don’t get cocky, kid. E as in E. Henry… F as in Floodlights G as in God’s Green… Continue reading Unofficial Puppy Call Letters

A as in Anacanapuna… B as in Bouncy-bouncy! C as in Cheese knife D as in Dogs Playing Poker E as in Ewe F as in You G as in Big fence in Chicago H as in Haikiba! I as in SEE J as in Ugly late night talk show host K as in Kwah… Continue reading Official Puppy Call Letters

“And make it a fresh bottle, I don’t want something that’s been sitting around for years.”

(scene) – 1-on-1 interview. “Right before this interview, I used the guest bathroom and threw up repeatedly in the sink. I wasn’t sick, I just knew I’d be spending 5-10 minutes around you and wanted to get it out of the way.”

“…we oughta be alright here for a while. We have a gun, bullets…food and radio…” Some adorable curtains, bit of paint and wallpaper, nails, clean the corpses out. It’ll be great.

If any professional sports M.B.N. says any of the following: “treasure chest”, “momentum”, “fate”, “destiny”, “drop mic”, “PERIOD”, “end of discussion”, “guarantee(d)”, know-and-still-used random sh1t logical fallacies, using-because-I-learned-it-yesterday-and-want-to-show-off logical fallacies or anything like them, or if I’m just in a bad mood, I will tear one of your arms off and beat you to death… Continue reading Lady Fingers

‘The Room’ – At least it doesn’t have Nic Cage in it.

Impossible to fully and accurately explain. “…fighting off one of the creatures…from the other side, right? A representation. The things Cane writes are indescribable…. Beyond description. Right. We’re wasting our time.”