Highlights:
relentless Franklin-mocking
no-holds-barred riffing style
Inspirational Quote: “This is my weekly feigning of interest in you, son.”
Grade: B-
Highlights:
relentless Franklin-mocking
no-holds-barred riffing style
Inspirational Quote: “This is my weekly feigning of interest in you, son.”
Grade: B-
The occasional decent riff, but mostly it’s boring.
For completists.
Highlights:
The end (really, Tom Servo’s bit)
Grade: D
Since publishing this post on 5/17/13, here is what’s happened in terms of championships:
NBA:
Celtics: 1 championship
Knicks/Nets: 0 championships
—
MLB:
Red Sox: 2 championships
Yankees/Mets: 0 championships
—
NHL:
Boston Bruins: 0 championships
Islanders/Rangers/Sabres: 0 championships
—
NFL:
Patriots: 3 championships
Bills/Giants/Jets: 0 championships
TOTAL:
Boston: 6 championships
New York: 0 championships
—
But hey, it’s just a game…chin up.
Hmmm…maybe we should forget about New York and go back to “BEAT L.A.!!!”, at least that’d be competitive.
Sometimes he just wasn’t up to making movies, so what?
Since I have my glorified blog backed up in several remote locations, you’d actually be doing me a favor (monetarily) by succeeding in destroying this site.
I mean…I’d just have to get a new hobby.
*shrug* You’re not doing very well, anyways.
Everything here is somewhere(s) remote, so have at it.
I just like taunting you.
– Puppy
Heaven On Earth (1987)
The power pop is pretty mediocre and generic except on two (maybe three) occasions.
And then there’s the over-emoted sappy ballads. Meh.
That’s about it.
(“Heaven Is A Place On Earth”)
Grade: D
FAIR USE: CRITICISM – Is that it? Is he through? Is he done? Is he all done?
Have a little fire, Scarecrow…
Born To Die: The Paradise Edition (2012)
What have I been missing out on all this time, all this music, all these years, all these artists dismissed/ignored?
Anything? Nothing?
I sorta wish/wished it was the latter.
But I can’t dismiss *this* album, at the least, and it indicates that maybe Greil Marcus was right about getting old.
Dreamy.
I think she wrote it all herself; if she was just a voice to someone else’s words and ideas I doubt I’d be impressed.
Dreamy…sad…
Do you know those times when you’re sad, forlorn, deeply moved, blown away, a single tear rolls down your cheek…for no reason?
She does.
And, thankfully, so do I.
Norman fcken great! I mean, in a way I hate this…now I have no choice but to catch up on a decade of music.
Not all dreams are revelatory, but these are all at least…pleasant. And no fcken nightmares.
Alba Gu Brath.
(“Video Games”, “Diet Mountain Dew”, “Dark Paradise”, “Body Electric”)
Grade: B+
You know, compiling/blocking the IP addresses/names of attempted hackers is kind of fun in a defiant sort of way.
And BOY, am I defiant.
*William Bonney chuckle*
– Puppy
Faster Than The Speed Of Night (1983)
Distinctive vocals, that’s for sure. But my overall displeasure at the musical results is just as distinct.
There’s one great female-Meatloaf-ian song (no, not the “I’d do anything for love…” one), but most of it is just embarrassing and/or head-shaking and giggle-producing.
And it’s covers plus hired songwriting; nothing from Ms. Tyler. I *hate* that.
“I’m livin’ in a powder keg and kickin’up sparks…” *blazingly defiant, energy coursing through me, shown in my eyes and crooked smile*
Mine’s better :P
(“Total Eclipse Of The Heart”)
Grade: D-
“You know, some scars don’t heal…”
See ‘Maternal Instinct’.
– Puppy
So the vast majority of people are greedy, selfish, insensitive a$$holes who act according to their own best interests.
And when this happens to coincide with acting good to someone else, that’s not really being “a good person”…it’s doing what makes you feel good.
If you happen to – for whatever reason, including simply just BEING BORN THAT WAY – gain enjoyment from being an incredibly nice person, you’re not any better than those that happen to – for whatever reason, including simply just BEING BORN THAT WAY – gain enjoyment in the inflicting of suffering upon others.
What matters, when it comes down to it, is what you truly believe…and what you do, REGARDLESS of how you feel.
If you believe in being Good not because it makes you feel good – though it does – but because you BELIEVE in it, and you BEHAVE that way, that’s truly Good.
And good for you.
If you believe in being Good despite how you feel – good or horrible, or anything in between – and you BEHAVE that way, that’s truly Good.
And, in a way, even more admirable and deserving of happiness.
And good for you.
If you don’t believe in sh1t, on the other hand…well, if you don’t believe in sh1t, but merely act “Good” in order to obtain desired reactions for yourself, then you’re not “bad”…but you’re not really “Good”…you’re a greedy, selfish, insensitive a$$hole.
And of course there are those that don’t believe in sh1t AND ACT THAT WAY…hideous monstrosities that delight in doing wrong. I’ve known SO, SO many of them.
It takes me by surprise when I meet a truly GOOD person…they’re very hard to find.
Please…BE ONE. And if you find another, treasure and appreciate them.
– Puppy
The herbs and spices situation:
“I just checked, honey, and we’re all set except for one thing.”
“What’s that?”
*John Cleese holds up JOKE sign*
Edited:
Led Zeppelin (music review entry)
Era Nocturna – ‘Lackluster’ release date should be 2008. Oopsie.
Thanks for the hits.
“…but you HAVE heard of me.”
I *SEE*
*seeking Harleen*
To humanity in general, via Mr. Young (with some exceptions, of course):
“…doesn’t mean that much to me, to mean that much to you…”
And, more privately, via same:
“Old man, look at my life, I’m a lot like you were…”
– Puppy
Shirley Jackson – if my experience so far is a good indication – has a knack for making anything creepy, be it actually creepy or not. That is to say, a lead-up to what you feel will be something dark and disturbing even from a relatively harmless introduction, e.g. ‘The Lottery’.
That is the case here to begin with, and it makes it much more pleasurable to know that she has this ability, at least, to deliver on such build-up.
It’s a competently written, slowly developing witchcraft/shared isolation story from the witches point of view instead of the ignorant revolting pheasants.
Unfortunately, this turns out to be a lot more build-up than pay-off. ‘The Lottery’ delivers much more in much less time.
I wouldn’t bother with the film version. I’m certainly not going to.
Upped a notch for competence.
Upped a notch for respecting agoraphobia.
Grade: D+
‘Rod Torfulson’s Armada Featuring Herman Menderchuk’
Ahhhh, it’s good to listen to Fleetwood Mac again.
TUSK!
Edited:
My Bloody Valentine (music review entry)
Part of what convinced me, in college, that English Lit was MUCH more interesting than anything to do with accounting.
Creepy as Hell, I think, on the level of ‘The Metamorphosis’ and ‘Born Of Man And Woman’.
It holds up for me in my middle age.
I wouldn’t say it’s “great”…but it’s good.
And since it’s fairly short, a must-listen IMPO.
Inspirational Quote: “…they still remembered to use stones.”
Grade: B
“The measure of a person’s worth is determined only by themselves.” -Me, 1992
I’m just here for the shower scene, basically. (Around 1:04:15, if you’re interested).
But hey, I am an unprofessional critic, and so I will of course watch the whole thing (and review it, vis the words you’re reading now) in the spirit of FAIR USE: CRITICISM.
Hey, Michael Ironside younged pretty well.
Hahaha…I wonder if MST3K got the potato power idea from this.
It’s actually not that bad, all joking aside. Creepy, pretty well acted, some cool one-liners…nothing special but fairly decent. Sort of a poor man’s ‘Nightmare On Elm Street’.
Inspirational Quote: “The music’s too loud…this rock and roll will never last.”
Grade: C-
Cockroach’s Vanity (2024)
Found this randomly and gave it a (there’s-no-other-way-besides) quick listen.
It’s barely what I (and most people, at least before I got old) call an EP, which was good in two ways:
1) I didn’t have to listen long if it sucked and I wanted to review it anyways, and
2) The ratio of decent noise to sh1t is a lot higher when you only have to fill out 12:41.
It’s not bad. I have no idea WTF they’re talking about, nor do I care, but it sounds somewhat interesting.
Will it hold up to repeated listenings? No idea, cuz I’m gonna leave it at this and move on.
So, you know, if you like hard rock where the vocals are (mixed in and) basically dual/do-all hooks with the music, give it a try maybe?
Nice cover.
Grade: C-
70’s clothes, 70’s hair, 70’s deco, 70’s rotary, etc…blech.
And these stories aren’t terror-ifying.
First one, mildly interesting. *shrug* Not worth it.
Second, not even that. Tedious.
Third, ummm…gimme a break. Laughable. And not intentionally.
BUT…it does have an interesting ending of maybe…a minute or so.
That saves this from the garbage heap.
Grade: D-
Cr@ppy graphic horror movie with obligatory sex.
Is it meant to be scary, truly scary? Or is it meant to be a sort of grotesque, over-the-top parody?
…Cuz it’s dull and/or laughable as often as it’s “OUCH!” or “D@MN!” worthy.
Direction, acting, dialogue, pacing, believable gore, actual “message”…all lacking.
Best timing: The alligator.
Off Netflix on 6/30/24
Grade: F
“You woke up screamin’ aloud…”
WB Hell Hole – I’ve survived worse dumps than this.
Don’t even get me started.
– Puppy
I’d like to state, first of all, that I am NOT a professional critic. I am, however, an amateur critic with opinions *acting* as one.
I’d like to suggest a new slogan:
“Think your life is a waking nightmare? Well, come here, and we’ll show you what that REALLY is!”
On a scale of 0 to 10, I give it a .1 (Good food, yum yum).
*SATIRE…SATIRE…SATIRE*
– Puppy
Very good movie, so that’s a good start.
The commentator is laid-back, and provides some interesting commentary but also plenty of bland commentary, which can be a distraction from the movie.
I find that terrible movies (‘The Room’, ‘Birdemic: Shock And Terror’, ‘Manos: The Hands Of Fate’, etc…) tend to do better in first-time watchings, because you don’t miss anything in the large bits and pieces that you miss (darn copyright).
Grade: B-
Get them while they’re free, I say.
Not as good as the best MST3K ones, but there’s still some talent there.
Some light dusting done around the blog.
I really like this narrator. Plenty of lip and tongue action. (JOKE)
Quite formal and pleasing, actually.
Gets creepy after the necessary intro.
Periods of great description here.
A must for Cthulhu fans, and a good intro for others.
You have to be in the mood to really appreciate it.
Just wish H.P. had left out the racism.
Inspirational Quote: “Someday he would call, when the stars were ready…”
Grade: A-
SO redundant…wait, no, it’s a *female* being “hired” this time. “Really threw us a curveball there!” (Thanks, Jen!!)
Mark Duplass is actually not bad at what he does here. But what he does is talk like a genial total sociopath and never show the tiniest bit of real emotion. There’s a certain fascinaton to it, yes…but when you get down to it, there are plenty of other movies that present extreme aberrations in human beings, and actually have *more* to them than simply that.
It’s not exactly Joker and Harley Quinn.
27:38 – And they’re off!
Inside the mind of a serial killer? Not really sure if it’s creep(y) or laughably bad…I lean one way, then the other, grumbling at the notes I have to take for this review.
There is some actual tension and uncertainty near the end.
I’m at a bit of a loss. It’s not dark enough for the truly demented, but it’s not laughable enough for MST3K fans.
An interesting…attempt.
Grade: D
Just *KEEP DRIVING*. Dumba$$ characters.
Around 35 minutes in: some of the intro dialogue actually pays off.
Real creepy, if you hang in there. And if you like gruesome horror sh1t.
EXTREMELY creepy for the time.
52:30 – 54:11 – skip it.
Grade: D
“Very good speaking voice.” – Michael Palin
That’s very important, because at just over 6 listening hours, disliking the voice might be a deal-breaker.
1:15 – Good so far, without the real tension even starting.
1:33:04 – Necessary exposition.
Drags a bit at times. But, stay tuned.
3:52:50 – Ummmm yeah, there’s been a lot of dragging.
Found myself wanting to scream: “Check the rhyme, you stupid b@stards!”
4:05:56 – FINALLY…appropriate paranoia and suitable somewhat-intelligent behavior.
It’s a decent way to pass six hours without feeling either annoyed, overly challenged, or *totally* bored at predictability.
Grade: C+
From the 1953 novel by Jerome Bixby.
Nice, pleasant reading makes it even more consistently creepy.
You get a lot more info/background about what/why/how Anthony thinks and does than the ‘Twilight Zone’ episode.
I actually don’t like that, though…he’s more scary when you know less about him. Adds more worry and uncertainty.
I think the TZ episode is better than this, actually. But it’s still good.
Inspirational Quote: “…its eyes gleaming in small black terror.”
Grade: B
Really annoying website.
Display your high IQ by NOT going there and taking the test (before being told you havta pay for the results).
Just my opinion, of course.
Obvious ‘Star Trek’ opening. Let’s see what sort of horrific twist they can pull off on that.
Haha…nice transition to reality.
Wow…weird transition to “reality”.
WOW…ummm, it kicks in. I shouldn’t really have doubted it so much, there’s so much potential based on past performance.
Very good acting, as usual.
Poor Captain what’s-his-name…a man who has lost so much – and feels so much bitterness and rage – in reality, that he has to take his (EXTREME) feelings out on those in his continued fantasy life because he’s too afraid to do anything but trudge along in his dismal, has-been real life.
I mean, ‘Galaxy Quest’ has-been-ness is understandably depressing and frustrating…but you don’t see Alan Rickman’s character doing more than having the occasional private meltdown and *snatching* pictures-to-sign. And he’s the *most* bitter.
Virtually infallible lucid dreaming, every time.
Amazing. And, from what I understand of ‘The Matrix’, dangerous…dangerously tempting.
Inspirational Quote: “Stealing my pu$$y…is a red *fcken* line!”
Available on YouTube as of this writing.
Really good stuff: even the worst shorts aren’t THAT bad (bad as in unfunny). They all suck, of course, without riffing.
The riffing on them seems to be at a really high level pretty consistently.
Just minimize the boring/annoying ones, they’re pretty…short.
Grade: A-
5/2/24: Shorts-a-thons come and Shorts-a-thons go, but Shorts lists are forever.
Jen seems like a very decent, genuine person at heart, so it’s easy to buy her surprised/shocked/horrified reactions at the goings-on in this film.
The goings-on are pretty horrible and I’m reminded again that there’s so much potential for this to be great, but unfortunately every time I have hope Nic Cage (thankfully without bees) shows up on the screen.
Jen! rambles a bit too much at the end, but has some interesting tidbits.
Grade: D+
5/1/24: Re-watch before post. *shrug* I have different moods.
Jen’s commentary is much more a friendly-Canadian intrusion every time you feel the power and darkness of the film.
Don’t watch this…watch the film yourself, or with people that don’t talk a lot during movies.
Inspirational Quote: “Oh my God, he’s a monster…he’s a monster…”
Grade: D (lowered a notch to clarify how much better it is by itself, and full-length).
It’s not horrible, but it’s kinda…sad, in a way.
I mean, it’s a somewhat-hollow echo of the original, inspiring more nostalgia than amusement.
And the serious plot element is strictly functional. And, well…so are the jokes.
It’s just a relic, hanging on for dear life. Not horrible, but not really worth your time.
14:22 – Smuggler’s Blues?
17:01 – Pachanga?
28:49 – Now *that* is what I call a phone.
Grade: D
Reading of 1951 novel.
I find the narrator’s voice dull and kind of annoying at the same time, and there are definite lulls in the material.
But I find MOST of the material at least somewhat interesting.
Docked a notch for blatant sexism and another for blatant repetitive-political-statement-over-sci-fi-entertainment.
Grade: D+
A newbie! Of course, every Cthulhu mythos fan wants to write Cthulhu mythos; some can, some can’t.
And so I listen…(gotta admit part of why is that I Luv the narrator’s voice and intonation).
Rule One: NEVER apply to Miskatonic University.
Rule Two: Leave Innsmouth well enough alone.
Rule Three: Follow advice to ignore anything smelling of Cthulhu at least as much as Denzel Washington’s character should (have) regarding Azazel in ‘Fallen’.
Rule Four: No Pickmans!
Rule Five: There is NO RULE FIVE!
Rule Six: No Pickmans.
Rule Seven: Allow the creepiness to wash over you.
Rule Eight: If you don’t follow Rule Seven, DON’T LISTEN TO IT, not worth it.
Rule Nine: Like most things Cthulhu-esque, not for the weak of heart.
Rule Ten: Nothing to see/hear.
Rule Eleven: No Pickmans.
Hmmmmm…gets better when it gets to the point. Surprisingly so, actually.
Nicely (and appropriately) wordy.
I was worried it would be a moody/wordy imitation of the best Cthulhu-esque-ness. Imagine my surprise when it got better as it went along, and I stopped thinking of how to say “meh” and how TO say “This is good stuff”.
The Puppy is a harsh critic. But this is good stuff.
Inspirational Quote: “We ‘Dreamswimmers’…took to the lands of dream like otters to a roaring brook…”
Grade: B+
Ok, so…really bad narration in the convenient version I listened to. Mechanical and with pause s in-the-wrong … places, at times.
And T does NOT equal I.
On the other hand, it’s got the text nicely printed out for you as well, if you’d like to inflate your view. It even simulates turning pages.
King goes with LOTS of exposition here. But the rather mundane and relatively boringly-normal lead-up doing the dueling banjo thing with the building horror aspects make them even *more* horrible (in a scary sense, I mean).
It’s also scarier as things get more and more unsettled in non-Cujo portions, knowing that the build is happening (and even more foreboding, that THE build is only paused…that for everything and anything that may happen, good or bad, to whatever degree…poor Cujo is suffering most of all).
Suffering from a painful and terrifying (to self and others) descent into intolerable pain – and then – insanity.
The disintegration that takes place is quite sad. He *IS* a good dog. But it happens nevertheless.
Interesting and well done, I think, in working the nominal plot with the under-plots.
Seems well-written in general, like King gives a sh1t (this time, at least).
Shock trauma, eh? Portent of ‘Survivor Type’?
Characters are fairly interesting, pretty well-defined, multi-dimensional.
Quite a bit of character behavior shows that some humans don’t require rabies to act with vicious/insane mental deterioration.
Yeah, I can still cry. Rarely, but still.
Inspirational Quote: “It was THE BOY, THE BOY, and THE BOY had never done him any harm. Once he had loved THE BOY and would have died for him had that been called for…The last of the dog that had been before the bat scratched its nose turned away, and the sick and dangerous dog, subverted for the last time, was forced to turn with it.”
Grade: A-
Love the narrator’s voice for the material (and also the basic subject), so very hopeful/eager for it to be good.
I find it interesting, when I’m in the right mood. Rather boring, when I’m not.
You want description? Talk about description. I mean, I find Tolkien’s (for example) verbosity mostly boring, but I enjoy a mild uneasiness through most of this (How long is it? That’s rather a personal question…about 4:49).
The best parts are in the beginning – a long lead-up that you know will lead to something odd and probably disastrous – and, after a long middle portion, a return to creepy insinuation and at last some payoff.
Good source of background info on the beginnings of various Cthulhu mythos ideas. So, if you plan on reading everything Lovecraftian, decide how much background info you want vs. how much total mystery you want.
This is more an extensive introduction to the Elder Ones, Shoggoths, Cthulhu spawn, etc… than it is a scary story. The lead-up to the scary story part is fairly interesting because you know something odd and nasty is going to happen. But after the odd and nasty happening, the speculation and evaluation go on for QUITE a while, serving the purpose of a biography for any further Lovecraft readings you may wish to do. So if you don’t want a whole sh1tload of that, you may find this rather tedious.
I think it’s worth listening to, once.
Grade: C+
Taunting + Grease spell + Spike Stones spell
Those (That) were (was) the (the) days… (night)…
Sigh.
One of the worst movies ever. There are so many that I won’t hand out the title that easily, I’ll let you decide for yourself. But this is definitely one of the best worst ever.
I think watching a reaction video is perfect for ‘The Room’, because it shows only the worst of the worst, so you waste less time being awed by just THE worst of one of THE worst. Good job by Emily guiding the room-virgins through it; it’s DEFINITELY better watching it with someone else.
The intro and outro are the only subpar parts.
Grade: B+