Month: January 2012

Alien Resurrection (1997)

Sigourney Weaver effortlessly carries the movie with the ease of someone completely in command of their character (Easier after three movies).  With Joss Whedon in charge of the script, it features plenty of kitschy drama and dark humor, often served together.  It’s also visually impressive if you can stand grotesque images, especially near the end.  It does lag a bit in the middle, though, and the characters are more amusing cartoons than persons of interest. 

And so it ends…

Grade: B-

Alien 3 (1992)

The bleak, depressing, dull, demoralizing, and downright BAD sequel to ‘Aliens’ was directed by David Fincher, and shows why he got to direct stylish, nihilistic nonsense like ‘Fight Club’ but leaves me shocked that he was handed the reins for an actual great movie (‘Seven’).

Apparently the formula here is to eliminate the likeable characters from the previous film and then introduce no new ones, instead surrounding Ripley with thoroughly bland and one-dimensional you’ve-met-one-you’ve-met-em-all types, and you don’t really need to meet one.

It’s the feel-bad movie of the year!

Grade: F

5/30/12: The benefit of adding professionalism to an otherwise worthless movie.  Grade: D-

4/25/16: Alien Cubed proves that sometimes more isn’t better. Grade: D-

6/3/16: Re: above comment, thank you RK.

Aliens (1986)

Exceptionally well-made sequel, more in the vein of drama/action than the first film’s sci-fi/horror, and much better.

Paul Reiser is remarkably sleazy, Sigourney Weaver is remarkably resilient, Michael Biehn is remarkably likeable/competent, and Bill Paxton is the most remarkably whiny Marine ever.

Inspirational Quote: “Game Over, Man!”

Grade: A-

6/23/13: This is certainly as good as fellow 80’s drama/action alums ‘Lethal Weapon’ and ‘RoboCop’, and it’s more imaginative and better written.  Grade: A

John Mellencamp

The Best That I Could Do 1978-1988 (1997)

Very good selections from six albums.  And by “very good” I’m suggesting that he picked the best that he could of the best that he did.  Not that they were always all that good.  Catchy throughout, more intelligent as they go along.
(“Lonely Ol’ Night”, “Paper In Fire”)

Grade: A-

Michael Jackson

Thriller (1982)

Just because an album is a landmark doesn’t mean you have to like it.  The craft here is undeniable, but I just don’t particularly enjoy listening to some of the hits.  Unlike a lot of today’s pop superstars he did write some of these songs himself, though, and four out of my five favs were Jackson-penned.
(“Wanna Be Startin’ Somethin”, “Beat It”)

Grade: B

Bad (1987)

See Above…change five to four.
(“Smooth Criminal”, “Leave Me Alone”)

Grade: B-

Cyndi Lauper

She’s So Unusual (1983)

Some of it is forgettable, but none of it is truly regrettable.  It’s surprisingly (still) refreshing and, on at least a couple of occasions, the pure pop is transcendent…which for pure pop is very unusual.
You go girl!
(“Girls Just Want To Have Fun”, “She Bop”)

Inspirational Lyric: “I wanna be the one to walk in the Sun.”

Grade: B-

I Am Puppy Hear Me Degrade – Depeche Mode, “Personal Jesus”

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u1xrNaTO1bI

:06 – She’s got the idea…Run Lola Run!
:13 – You can lead a horse-cam to water but you can’t make it stop filming bad videos.
:23 – So Fast Fashion formed in a village when two pickup drivers met two horse riders?
:35 – The Chicken Of Tomorrow!!!
1:04 – So faith is found in a scrubland brothel?
1:32 – “…Even shallower lead singer David Gahan, who likes Gore’s message because it’s a good way to impress girls…”
1:40 –  It’s all in the hooter.  The schnauz.  The olfactory instrument.
2:01 – “I am repelled by your touch.  Leave me alone, I’m being artsy.”
2:09 – “Hmmm…I wonder if she faked it…”
2:12 – OMG suggestive imagery!  See?
2:16 – That’s a long one.
2:18 – Easy, partner…
2:22 – What’s the deal with the horse images spliced between sexual sounds?  Well…that is a nice…WHAT AM I SAYING???!!!
2:28 – Phew…we’re done.  We certainly got our two minutes worth.
2:30 – So you’re RIDING…I think you need lessons on subtlety from Ms. Amphlett.
3:04 – I wonder if they faked their rhythm more than the women faked their orgasms?  Or vice versa?  Or who cares?

Bryan Adams

Anthology (2005)

Selected to prove that Bryan Adams can write a WHOLE lot of really bad songs.  I mean, this is two and a half HOURS of pure Bryan Adams.  Out of that time, let me sum up the total excitement –
“*Riff Riff*  “Oooo yeah I love this!” “Got my first real six-string…” *Riff Riff* “Ohhh..yeah…that was a cool song…” “Over at the five and dime…” *Riff Riff* “Oh well…wanna make out?”

Grade: D-

Alice Cooper

Alice Cooper’s Greatest Hits (1974)

“I’m Eighteen” and “School’s Out”, believe it or not, were actually considered “hard rock” at the time.   Now they’re considered fun novelty songs.  Controversial, perhaps, then.  Laughable, mostly, now.
Or at least chuckle-able.  But Alice Cooper > Gary Glitter for doing it a few times.
(“Billion Dollar Babies”)

Grade: C

Betty Curse

Here Lies Betty Curse (2006)

Notable as the vehicle for former aspiring actress Megan Burns (’28 Days Later’), who decided she’d much rather direct…errr, I mean front a pop band, so using her 15 minutes she secured a recording contract, bombed and was subsequently dropped.  There’s nothing “goth” about this music, except perhaps its pretension…however, unlike say, Placebo or even (say it ain’t so) Depeche Mode, there’s no guilty/fun pleasure/reward here…it’s Tiffany after a funeral, or an angst-ridden teen’s poetry journal set to dull synth music.  I dub thee, Miss ABBA of Gothville.  Bow down and be forgotten.

Grade: D-

The A List – Music

Led Zeppelin – Led Zeppelin IV: A+
Nirvana – Nevermind: A+
Soundgarden – Superunknown: A+
Pearl Jam – Ten: A+
The Police – Every Breath You Take (The
Classics): A+
Alice In Chains – Jar Of Flies: A+
The Beatles – Abbey Road: A+
Led Zeppelin – Boxed Set: A
Aerosmith – Greatest Hits: A
Nirvana – In Utero: A
The Police – The Police: A
Nirvana – Nirvana: A
Alice In Chains – Dirt: A
The Rolling Stones – Hot Rocks: A
Pink Floyd – A Collection Of Great Dance Songs: A
Nirvana – Icon: Nirvana: A
U2 – The Best Of (1980-1990): A
Nirvana – Unplugged In New York: A
Tom Petty & The Heartbreakers – Greatest Hits: A
Led Zeppelin – Houses Of The Holy: A
Yes – Fragile: A
Led Zeppelin – Physical Graffiti: A
The Doors – Greatest Hits: A
Pearl Jam – Vs: A
The Smashing Pumpkins – Siamese Dream: A
Metallica – Ride The Lightning: A
Stone Temple Pilots – Purple: A
Various – MTV Buzz Bin, Volume 1: A
Belly – Star: A
Fleetwood Mac – Rumours: A
Steely Dan – A Decade Of Steely Dan: A
Ministry – Psalm 69: A
The Rolling Stones – Forty Licks: A
Green Day – International Superhits! : A
Temple Of The Dog – Temple Of The Dog: A
Stone Temple Pilots – Core: A
Guns N Roses – Appetite For Destruction: A
Ministry – The Mind Is A Terrible Thing
To Taste: A
Billy Joel – Greatest Hits Volume 1 & Volume 2: A
Lynyrd Skynyrd – Gold & Platinum: A
Duran Duran – Decade – Greatest Hits: A
The Pixies – Bossanova: A
Creedence Clearwater Revival – Chronicle: A-
Pink Floyd – Animals: A-
Metallica – Master Of Puppets: A-
Bad Company – 10 From 6: A-
Pink Floyd – Echoes: The Best Of Pink Floyd: A-
The Beatles – Magical Mystery Tour: A-
The Cars – The Cars: A-
Def Leppard – Hysteria: A-
The Who – My Generation: The Very Best
Of The Who: A-
ZZ Top – Greatest Hits: A-
Pink Floyd – Dark Side Of The Moon: A-
The Pixies – Death To The Pixies: A-
James Horner – Braveheart (Soundtrack): A-
Neil Young – Greatest Hits: A-
Queen – Greatest Hits: A-
Aerosmith – Toys In The Attic: A-
Tom Petty – Full Moon Fever: A-
The Moody Blues – Greatest Hits/Legend
Of A Band: A-
Type O Negative – Bloody Kisses: A-
The Pixies – Doolittle: A-
Eagles – The Very Best Of The Eagles: A-
Limp Bizkit – Significant Other: A-
The Who – Who’s Next: A-
Bruce Springsteen – Born In The U.S.A.: A-
Pearl Jam – Vitalogy: A-
Nirvana – Live At Reading: A-
Peter Gabriel – The Definitive Two CD Collection
(Hit): A-
David Bowie – Changesonebowie: A-
Pink Floyd – Wish You Were Here: A-
John Mellencamp – The Best That I Could
Do 1978-1988: A-
Curve – The Frozen EP: A-

Last Updated: 10/17/23

Eagles

The Very Best Of The Eagles (1994)

This band has been accused of being sexist.

For me, their greater offense is being sappy.   After all, plenty of bands over the years have been EXTREMELY sexist in their lyrics and haven’t gotten panned nearly as much.

So it’s much more painful, to me, to have to listen to Don Henley trying to croon “Desperado” than it is to hear the “sexism” of “Lyin’ Eyes”…after all, women DO cheat too.

My preference is to hear them either rock out or perform some good old fashioned pop, with the emphasis on pleasant harmonies rather than whatever-the-hell-they-happen-to-be-saying.  Which they do quite a lot, at their best.  And this IS their best.  Most of it, at least.  Meh.
(“Witchy Woman”, “One Of These Nights”, “Hotel California”)

Grade: A-

Joe Walsh (including ‘James Gang’)

The Best Of Joe Walsh (1978)

Joe Walsh always had a fairly original, signature guitar style.  The problem was writing good songs to showcase that style.  Presented here is most of his best pre-Eagles material, and while you may find his voice annoying (I know I do) and the songs very similar to one another (Not a problem if you like his style, see “AC/DC”), there’s no denying the miracle anthem-by-accident “Life’s Been Good”, never approached/repeated before or since.
(“Funk #49”, “Life’s Been Good”)

Grade: B+

Babe: Pig In The City (1998)

I don’t know what the most depressing aspect of watching this movie is.

The unhumorous attempts at slapstick humor?

Mickey Rooney, a former star, in a thoroughly embarrassing and dislikeable role?

The almost complete lack of James Cromwell?

The disturbing animal scenes that should never have gotten a “G”?

The tremendous letdown from the first movie?

The costumes, scenery, and music remain attractive and interesting…but apart from a few scenes that harken back well to the spirit of the original (most notably involving Babe and an attack dog), this is fairly dismal and depressing.  Not exactly what you hope for in a “childrens” movie, unless you take your children to the cinema in order to traumatize them.

Inspirational Quote: “You must have a very thin grasp on reality.  Unless, of course, you’re suicidal.”

Grade: C

Night Of The Living Dead (1990)

Tony Todd shows in a leading role why he’s a good supporting actor.

This remake of the original ‘Night’ is less cheezy but far less innovative.  Not quite the redundancy of the shot-for-shot ‘Psycho’ remake, though.  Worth a watch for Romero/Savini acolytes and zombie-film addicts, otherwise just watch the original.

Inspirational Alteration – The ending

Grade: C

6/24/12: I’ve seen a lot of zombie movies.  Movie grading is subjective.  Therefore… Grade: C+

7/14/18: The Great Grade Update. It’s actually decent and different enough to be worth a watch. Grade: B-

Fighting Fantasy Gamebooks – Worthy Of Note

Book 1 – The Warlock of Firetop Mountain
Book 3 – The Forest of Doom
Book 5 – City of Thieves
Book 7 – Island of the Lizard King
Book 11 – Talisman of Death
Book 13 – Freeway Fighter
Book 16 – Seas of Blood
Book 17 – Appointment With F.E.A.R.
Book 25 – Beneath Nightmare Castle
Book 36 – Armies of Death
Book 38 – Vault of the Vampire
Book 50 – Return to Firetop Mountain
Book 58 – Revenge of the Vampire