Month: June 2016

I Hurt – I Wouldn’t Have It Any Other Way

‘The Legend Of Huma’
‘White Gold Wielder’
Parts of ‘Dragonlance’
Others I don’t recall, it’s been so long.

“…It was one of those days, when it’s a minute away from snowing. And there was this electricity in the air. You could almost hear it. And this bag was just … dancing … with me. Like a little kid, begging me to play with it. For fifteen minutes. That was the day when I realized that there was this … entire life … behind things. And this incredibly benevolent force who wanted me to know that there was no reason to be afraid. Ever.

Sometimes there is so much … beauty … in the world. It’s like I can’t take it. And my heart is just going to cave in.”

“…I guess I could be pretty pissed off about what happened to me. But it’s hard to stay mad when there’s so much beauty in the world. Sometimes I feel like I’m seeing it all at once and it’s too much. My heart fills up like a balloon that’s about to burst. And then I remember to relax, and stop trying to hold on to it. And then it flows through me, like rain. And I can’t feel anything but gratitude.”

The Jealousy Delusion

So I read that Danny Ainge made a “lowball” offer for Jimmy Butler, consisting of two first round draft picks and Jae Crowder.

Obviously, this article was written by a non Celtics fan.

Because – if it was written by anyone who WASN’T at least slightly jealous of the C’s 17 titles as opposed to their (fill in the blank with a smaller number) – this is basically saying that Ainge did his job (try to make the Celtics better) and implying there’s somehow something wrong with that.

I mean, Red Auerbach is praised/recognized for his ability to rip off inferior basketball minds. So should Ainge be.

Is Danny supposed to tell every team he deals with “OK…now, you probably shouldn’t accept this offer, BUT…”?

When did being the GM of a professional basketball team come with training wheels?

Should Ainge have told the Brooklyn Nets “OK…now, I know you want to win now, but this is probably way too much to give up for these aging players…”?

Maybe not snatched Jae Crowder and Isaiah Thomas from their respective teams before said teams realized how good they were?

Maybe Ainge should call them now and say “Yeah…I know you didn’t realize Thomas/Crowder would be this good…so, tell you what…why don’t I give you one of those Nets picks.”

Is Ainge trying to make the Celtics as good as possible while not giving a fck about any other team?

OF COURSE HE IS. THAT’S HIS JOB.

If he were your GM, you’d be TOTALLY cool with it.

Just because your GM isn’t that smart, don’t hate on Danny.

Unless, of course, you would – if given the chance – prefer your GM to make only those trade offers that were “good for both teams” and were not in any way “lowball” offers.

…Even if they knew the lowball offer would be accepted.

…And your team would lose three again veterans that had little chance of bringing another title to ANY team.

…And your team would gain…4, was it? 5? First round draft picks from a team your GM thought would stink.

Poor every-other-GM-not-Danny-Ainge! They need to be protected against Danny’s horrible lowball offers. Maybe there should be a system in place where the NBA itself takes a…

oops…nevermind.

Cabin Fever (2002)

Ok, so…did this come out in conjunction with ‘The Cabin In The Woods’ to show just how accurate a satire that is?

Ummm…no, it came out both before AND after. Got it.

This is “before”…let’s see…

Two girls and three guys – check
Going to a cabin in the woods to party – check
A “Harbinger”-type character – check
Characters acting like complete morons – check
“The Athlete” – check
“The Fool” – the same as the athlete, actually…
“The Virgin” – check, close enough
“The Whore” – check, close enough…personally, I blame-
“The Scholar” – check, close enough

and, of course:
“The Vaguely-Disturbing Scandinavian Guy” – check

No surprises.

Grade: D-

Deep Puppy Thoughts (Part 138)

Per ‘Against Method’, the ridiculous idea that the “Scientific Method” must ALWAYS be followed and can NEVER be deviated from is simply a crutch for weak, unimaginative minds.

It’s like asking a math savant what X times Y times Z is, and then insisting that they show their work, every step of the way, even though that is more time-consuming than just SAYING the answer, produces no (necessarily) better result, and can in fact stifle the “savant”-ness of that individual (as dogmatic method-insistence stifles creativity).

Condemned (2015)

All ready to enter the appropriate dismissive-as-hell review – and I still will – when something vaguely clever happens.

Ok, so this girl is sort of infected/crazy, and this guy chops her hand off. And she looks at it, apparently not in pain but really surprised, and is like (very appropriately, I think) “WTF???” and then when she turns suddenly, the stump that’s left of her arm gets blood on the camera. Ummm…I assume this is dark humor, sort of like Monty Python’s Sam Peckinpah’s ‘Salad Days’.

But then…there’s really no other moments like that. Or if there were, they were instantly forgettable. So I give you the following, and hooray to whoever that girl was for upping this grade slightly; I mean, that was deadpan good.

(Minor Research: No, it wasn’t Dylan Penn).

The damage done by George A. Romero is well-documented and undeniable.

Here Darren Aronofsky takes his turn, inspiring someone to make a sh1t movie with lots of “dream” sequences and QUICK CUTS.

And green goop, and gore, and that’s about it.

To sum up, it’s EXACTLY like ‘Requiem For A Dream’, except it has infected people, it has no talent, and it sucks donkey balls.

It actually gets started – the gore/goop/infected stuff – about two-thirds of the way through.

Gotta say, lots of great pipe footage though.

Suggested Propaganda Quote-Lift: “…it’s EXACTLY like ‘Requiem For A Dream…'”

Inspirational Quote: “What the Fck?”

Grade: F

Criticism Of Criticism – Part Two

“Nirvana…
MTV Unplugged in New York [DGC, 1994]
Not only did Kurt Cobain transcend alt-rock by rocking so hard, he transcended alt-rock by feeling so deep. On this accidental testament, intended merely to altify the MTV mindset by showcasing the Meat Puppets and covering the Vaselines, Cobain outsensitives Lou Barlow and Eddie Vedder in passing. His secret is sincerity, boring though that may be–he cares less than Barlow without boasting a bit about it, tries harder than Vedder without busting a gut about it. The vocal performance he evokes is John Lennon’s on Plastic Ono Band. And he did it in one take. A” – Robert Christgau

This is one of his best.

You know he means every word because he always does: there is no hint of camp follower in this or any of his other reviews. This is what he does…and he clearly takes it very seriously.

‘Part One’ was a throw-away; the tone displaying his opinion as much as the words.

This is NOT a throw-away.

He gives his opinion, as always, very distinctly. He’s an authentic, and even though I often disagree strongly with his opinions, it’s comforting to know that he HAS them, that they are FELT.

The tone displays his opinion as much as the words, because this (IMPO) is genuine. Authentic. He didn’t insert random words from a thesaurus to make it look smarter, he didn’t suck up to popular opinion; he displayed his “feeling” towards the music, as much he feels the music itself displays feeling.

This is as raw (in a verbose way) and genuine as Cobain was, and to me it is as fitting a tribute to the man as any I’ve ever seen.

Grade: A

Pupdate – Grimmsy Grimmling – 6/3/16

I have PLENTY of ideas for Grimmsy scripts.

One is already semi-fully-written, actually. Having moved to there from fully-written-idea.

I’m writing this for five reasons:
1) To urge anyone who DOES like Grimmsy to stick around, as I *will* be posting more Grimmsy comics – perhaps with pictures, yet.
2) As a statement of fact, since I’m gonna post them anyway.
3) To beg someone…ANYONE…to PLEASE tell me: “Your comic sucks”, or “You won’t write any more”, or any variation on those themes.

I mean, I don’t NEED that inspiration…but it don’t hurt.

-Puppy >.< Yip!