Month: September 2012

Ink (2009)

I know this is supposed to be deep and “meaningful” and touching and all, but to me, after watching ‘Lo’ – which I don’t know why I’m invoking except it’s fresh in my mind – it just seems a bit pretentious and overly dramatic.

Actually perhaps that’s why I’m invoking ‘Lo’…because it isn’t pretentious and overly dramatic.

There’s lots of fast-motion effects, like ’28 Days Later’-ish, but they don’t seem to be for any apparent reason…other than to be impressive. OK during fight scenes, not so much during the shaving scene.

There’s a time theme here…I get that.

The girl looks more bored/annoyed than scared…and rightfully so. So am I.

I guess I appreciate the symmetry…but everything: the flashbacks, the SFX, the lighting, the arty shots, (the symmetry), the wonderfully touching meaning/purpose…can’t hide the fact that this is still a fairly dull movie.

The idea is really great…but the script and the actors don’t even come close to fully realizing what the dream of that idea could be.

Grade: D

The Kids In The Hall – Episode 35

Worthy of Note:
gritty childrens’ novelist drama
Faggos
“It’s A Fact” is an improvement over “30 Helens Agree”
Bruce’s suicide journal

For those of you who may noticed the MASSIVE gap between episodes, I have a theory.
The kids spent summer vacation having fun and writing gobs of new material, which they used on their first three season two episodes.  Then they just sort of farted around.

The Kids In The Hall – Episode 24

Worthy of Note:
gun-musicians on patrol
businessman hunting
new, IMPROVED Cabbagehead
No Time To Lose…I mean, You’re Fired.  (Come on…watch both and then tell me this isn’t MPFC Lite)
interesting toe
verytemp job
office quickie
THE PIT OF ULTIMATE DARKNESS!!!
Hounds of Hell
Beasts of Brimstone
Puppies of Purgatory
FABULOUS lesbian softball team managing

Seamlessly much-improved…impressive. I ALMOST want to give it an A.

Grade: B+

The Kids In The Hall – Episode 17

Worthy of Note:
Donald Dane – the future of horror
Leafs game sketch/recurrence
Kevin’s middle
cute doggie!
Kevin outdoing Mark at his own bit
problems of mass murder
Vaudeville drama
clothes for ugly women

Their best yet.  Thompson is good, Foley is good, McDonald is good, McCulloch is barely noticeable, and McKinney is surprisingly competent.

Grade: B+

Series Episodes – An Explanation

You may have noticed that apart from Monty Python’s Flying Circus, I’ve skipped reviewing certain episodes of all the series’ I’ve watched.  This is for two reasons:

1) Monty Python’s Flying Circus is more watchable in its entirety than any other series I’ve ever seen.
and…
2) Skipped episodes denote those not worthy of being reviewed.  Mediocre and redundant at best, horrific and dull at worst.

-Puppy >.< Yip!

Jeffrey Ross: No Offense (2008)

With the easy air of a seasoned pro, Jeff rattles off quip after quip, each fantastically polished to a perfect, lustrous sheen while maintaining the “offhand” attitude of someone who “just made ’em up”.  He’s a true pro, really, and his jokes are decent.  But after having watched him REALLY let loose on several roasts, and especially seeing reels of Bill Hicks’ relatively sloppy but infinitely more inspired and FELT act the day before, this blast from the past just seems like a lounge act phony.  No offense, Jeff.  Unlike Hicks, you’re very dependable and relaxing.

Grade: C

Deep Puppy Thoughts (Part 10)

Ok…so, why is it that, during the winter when it’s REALLY cold (cuz it’s the winter) and you go out on a short errand to pick up a few food items or whatever, and you talk to someone later, and they ask if you “managed to stay warm”, and you say you went out, and they laud you as some sort of conquering hero for your majestic and brave travels to the 7-11…

But during the spring or summer, when it’s really pleasant out, and you DON’T go out, and someone finds out you didn’t go out, they seem to have an incredulous, accusatory tone to their comment?

“You DIDN’T?  WHY?  It’s such BEAUTIFUL weather out…you really HAVE to go out…I mean, it’s too late now, but it was so wonderful…”

The point of that, I suppose, since you already KNOW it was beautiful out, and that it was wonderful, and that the Sun would have shone on your face and birds would have chirped and all that other lovely sh1t…is to basically shame you into NEVER, EVER not going out again on a beautiful day.  You’ve already BLOWN that, and so, for your clearly irrational act of not going out, you clearly deserve to be mocked, ridiculed, and made to feel even worse than you already MUST feel because you missed the WONDERFUL day.

Just saying.

-Puppy >.< Yip!

The Cult

Electric (1987)

It’s got some riffs.  It’s also INDESCRIBABLY stupid, making Led Zep I and II look like statements by major philosophers.  And Ian Astbury can’t sing as good as Robert Plant.  Or Robert Palmer.  Or Robert DeNiro.

Grade: D

Sonic Temple (1989)

They put all the good sh1t on the first “side” (see vinyl/cassette) and it’s pretty good in a Metallica-goes-Bob-Rock-Pop-Metal sort of way.  The rest is just dull.  And Ian Astbury has redefined stupid as a lead vocalist/lyricist.  At least David St. Hubbins was funny.  Come to think of it, Astbury’s funny too.  But not in QUITE the same way that we would want.  You don’t laugh at the joke he represents, you laugh at the joke he IS.

Grade: C

American: The Bill Hicks Story (2010)

I’ve always liked Bill Hicks. He was funny, and I admired his honesty, courage, and lack of pretension.

But I don’t think he was ever as good a comic as he wanted to be, or as the world wanted him to HAVE been, after he died. I believe that if he hadn’t died of cancer, he would have just faded away slowly.

In death he became a tragic hero. But stories about heroes are usually exaggerated, if based on fact. He was too angry, with the world AND his own life, to be a true “stand-up comic”…he would have made one hell of a Crusader, though.

But not too many of those jobs are open anymore.

Anger is an Energy.

Inspirational Idea: Love

Grade: B

1/17/13: See ‘Pupdate: Documentary Grade Edits’. Grade: B-

“Or Who Cares?” – Curly Howard

“That’s not cool. That’s not how you play the game.” – Eric Chavez on the Oakland Athletics after they “clapped” and “chanted” too much in the dugout.

First, Eric, the Oakland Athletics are fighting for postseason positioning…they’re a young team, they got excited, so they expressed emotion.  It wasn’t anti-Yankee…it was pro-Athletic.  Loosen up, dude.

Second, who the heck cares what you think?  Just because you’re a Yankee you think anyone on ANY other team gives a sh1t about being lectured on how to “properly” play the game the Yankee way?  Noone outside New York gives a sh1t, and it’s sad that you appear to think that the Athletics might be “properly chastised” after having a Yankee finger wagged at them saying “Nooooo….bad Athletics…”.  The concept that ANYONE outside New York cares about the “Yankee Way” is about as valid as the concept that prior to the 2004 ALCS any Yankee fan considered Yankees-Red Sox a “rivalry”.  Please…

Third, since they were in the dugout, they weren’t actually playing the game at that point.

For an example of playing the game, look at your teammate, Alex Rodriguez, in the 2004 ALCS against the Boston Red Sox.  Notice how he slaps down with his hand in violation of the rules to knock the ball loose from Bronson Arroyo.  Notice how he puts his hands on his head and gets that “What did I do???” 5-year-old look on his face and pouts.

That would be an example of how not to play the game.

If you’re talking about people WATCHING the game, watch the lowlights (Thank you, “Big Eddie”) of every Sox-Yankees game of any importance from 1986-2004.  Notice the “Nine-teen Eight-teen” chants of your fans whenever the Sox inevitably start to lose, basically saying “Our team has beaten you, but that’s not enough…we want to rub your loser noses in it”.  That would be an example of how not to watch the game.

But hey, what do I know?  I’m not a Yankee.  Praise the Heavens above.

-Puppy >.< Yip!

Louis C.K.: Chewed Up (2008)

This guy seems to be really popular lately amongst the artsy/cutting-edge crowd.

Remembering having seen him do stand-up a while ago and recalling him as being funny, I was a bit disappointed because generally that means said comedian is pretentious and weird without being particularly funny.  Maybe he’s popular in that crowd because he’s white, totally irreverent, and uses the “n” word (he covers that) and doesn’t seem scared.  Also, he’s clever, crude, and in bad taste…and says things probably a lot of said people WANT to say.

But I was surprised, when I watched this, that I was RIGHT…he IS funny.  Completely tasteless, and not hilarious or anything “unique”, but very funny.

Highlights: N word/C word/F word combo, anti-deer rant, “buckets of disease” rant, crazy waitress rant

Inspirational Quote: “When people come out of your vagina and step on your dreams”

Grade: B+

Revelation: 9/23

NOW I understand.

The reason the male demographic likes “2 Broke Girls”, I know now after seeing Kat whats-her-name falling out of her Emmy dress, is Two Big Breasts.  Some of the females, too, I guess.

So, sorry guys, but hey ladies…if your bf wants to watch this show and he says it’s because it’s funny or female-empowering or…anything, really…it’s not.  It’s cuz he likes big boobs.

Which is cool and all…but why would you sit through this sh1t?  Just like…buy a Kat-whats-her-name poster and stare at it for 30 minutes.  Much more tolerable, because you don’t have to listen to the show’s soundtrack.

-Puppy >.< Yip!

Deep Puppy Thoughts (Part 8)

Whilst editing my Theatre of Tragedy reviews, besides wanting to attend some LARP, the following thought occured to me…

If they made an unofficial, un-authorized (suspend disbelief and PRETEND Stephen King would EVER turn down an offer for a movie based on something he wrote) sequel to ‘Christine’, and thusly had to intentionally misspell the words for the title, would they perhaps call it ‘Liv, Kristine!!!’?

(Is Liv to Live as Led is to Lead?  Those dumb Americans…)

-Puppy >.< Yip!

Saturday Night Live: The Best Of Will Ferrell: Vol. 1 (1995)

“Cowbell” is here, so that makes watching ‘The Best Of Christopher Walken’ even less necessary. 

But there’s a lot of mediocre/boring sh1t here, too…so if you’re not dying to see “Celebrity Jeopardy” or Ferrell’s great James Lipton impression again, this isn’t necessary either.

Grade: C

Deep Puppy Thoughts (Part 7)

I love the movie Braveheart, really…but the part of me that loves MST3K/Flying Circus would love to see an “alternate” version, made exactly the same as the original, but (having received permission from the owners) inserting Terry Jones’ “Cardinal Biggles” as follows:

*Inquisitor* “Confess, and you may receive a quick death.  Deny, and you must be purified through pain.  Do you confess?”
*Wallace* *Is silent*
*Inquisitor* *Steadily raising his voice* “DO…YOU…CONFESS?”
–
*Palin* CONFESS!!!
*Biggles, falling to his knees* “I confess!”
*Palin* “Not you!!”

-Puppy >.< Yip!

Clash Of The Titans (1981)

Perhaps I’m a bit biased because of memories from childhood (point of reference: I bought a BRAND SPANKING NEW Atari 2600 and had an “Oh, Joy!” moment) but this is certainly right up there in the “as good as it gets” department for this sort of film.  Dialogue and SFX are cheezy, of course.  But this is a fantasy movie made in 1981…I think that’s almost a given.

What sort of film is it?  It’s a D+D/Fantasy flick.  Not a fictional movie that happens to be set in a fantasy “world”.  What’s the difference?  The ‘Lord Of The Rings’ trilogy are movies based in fantasy worlds.  ‘Dragonslayer’ and ‘Krull’ are D+D/Fantasy flicks.  Two completely different categories.

The difference between these two categories, assuming both are “good” for what they are, is depth.

Depth of characters, depth of plot, depth of emotions/reactions that require/allow intellectual and/or philosophical analysis…as opposed to simply sitting back and enjoying the escapist ride.  Don’t get me wrong…I LIKE this, to an extent.  I like several movies of this sort.  They just honestly aren’t very GOOD if I’m going to be brutally frank about it.  And I am.

Think of it as your favorite junk food: very enjoyable in small doses but not really WORTH anything and if you have too much you might want to throw up.

Highlights: Medusa battle and mechanical owl self-test.

Grade: C+