Month: February 2013

This isn’t for ALL the Gulu Gulu performers, just…well…the dull, untalented, cr@ppy ones.

CLARIFICATION:  When I say “the dull, untalented, cr@ppy ones” I’m referring to Das But or anyone (gag) similar to him ONLY.  Thank you.

Two reviews of every said performance past, present, and future:

“At this point, the man/woman attempted an “arty” sort of poem/story/song/miscellaneous.”

“Typical hyperromantic exoticism is one answer, and everybody would know they’re full of sh1t is the other.”

-Puppy >.< Yip!

He’s dull.  The more people that know him, the more people that will know that, the more he’ll realize what a colossal bore he is.

Maybe eventually he’ll get some psychiatric counseling, cuz whatever meds they might put him on can’t possibly make him any less creative.

I’m pulling for ya, man.  Seriously…go see a shrink.

-Puppy >.< Yip!

“you seem upset…”

Hey, drop the ‘Analyze This’ attempt, Das…you’re not very good at it, and you don’t believe in mental health treatment anyway, remember?  That’s why you’re a ticking time But.

WTF do you need good, enduring, toughest-quality tactical gear for???  If it’s just a prop, why does it have to be enduring/toughest-quality?  And if it’s NOT a prop…what are you gonna do with tactical gear, Das?  That sounds like something potentially dangerous.

“No heterosexual man in his right man”

Now that’s GOTTA be a Freudian slip.  Boom Chikka WAH-WAH!!!

Actually, I think (although it took him MANY hours to, errr…”compose” this) that his angsty I-wanna-yell-but-I’m-a-coward-so-I’ll-yell-at-small-animals fury is leaking out into word formation errors.  Cuz he CAN spell.  REALLY!  The guy’s a very good speller, when he’s (relatively) calm and rational.  He calls women b1tches A LOT when he’s calm and rational (including rating the women he’s had sex with in GRAPHIC DETAIL in a public forum), but he DOES spell well while doing it. 

LADIES…he’s available!

“would…troll another grown a$$ man.”

Let me respond in four ways. 
1) Here is a quote from you, Das But: “”I already trolled you into blocking me.”
2) And another: “…I trolled your a$$…”
2.5) Are you in your right man?  If so, what about the one that’s left?
3) I had you pegged as a breast man.  But it’s cool if you’re an a$$ man.  Just remember Das: if you’re in a threesome with another guy and a woman, and the woman leaves, and you keep going, that DOESN’T make you homosexual.

“like a child”

No, according to things you’ve written Das, that’s apparently what you think all women are like once you get them naked.

“Your observations contain an obvious sense of bias”

Hey, you’re the one that posted the anti-black people video on youtube.

“as though you were storing up your attempted insults for a sort of punch line…”

I’m a funny guy!  You know, I’m funny…like, I’m a clown.  I’m here to amuse you!

BTW Das…I think your bits would do better if you added a few punch lines.  You know, in between the constant Stephen-Wright-voiced swearing.

“Truth is, I have very few friends around here”

Have you tried NOT calling women b1tches and NOT pulling an “excuse me while I whip this out” at feminist rallies?  That might help.  Just a thought.  Oh wait!  I’ve always wanted to do this…

So Das But is walking down the beach…
he stumbles over something in the sand.
He turns around and looks down, and he sees a lamp.
He takes the lamp out of the sand, and he rubs the lamp.
A genie pops out of the lamp.
The genie says “Oh thank you so much for releasing me from my imprisonment.  In exchange for that, I will grant you ANY one wish that you have.  Just name it.”
So Das says “Alright…I want you to make lasting peace in the Middle East.”
The genie shakes his head sadly and says “I am sorry, even with my CONSIDERABLE powers, I cannot do that.  Please, make another wish.”
So Das says “Can you get me some friends who know how I feel about women and black people and homosexuals and STILL like me without just laughing behind my back every chance they get?”
And the genie says “Ummm, let me have another look at that Middle East thing.”

“and the friends I have do not know about the work I do.”

You mean your exciting restaurant job where you’ve gotten drunk and climbed on tables and counters during work hours?  Or the baby rape drawings?  Or the nasty zine you try to foist off on people?  Well…they do now.  I mean…potentially.  I get lots of DBPH, after all.

By the way Das, I meant to ask you this before…I’m not saying you’re homosexual, but if you WERE, what sort of person would you most want to receive anal sex from?

“a bunch of fat f#cking neckbeard, unemployed geek losers approaching middle age”

I see.  And what is it about them, that makes you want to receive their anal sex?

“they are smarter…more mentally sophisticated than myself.”

I see.  Thank you.  What do you think of my little satire bits on you?

“hilarious.”

Really?  Thanks.  And who generally tends to knee you in the groin constantly?

“Normal people,”

Really?  Who else?

“many others…when finding something uninteresting”

So it’s sort of just a bored lazy habit thing?  How do you react?

“usually don’t even pay attention to it.”

Not at all?  Then what do they do?

“become persistent about it,”

And how do you feel once you’ve taken about 6 hours worth of knees to the groin?

“it is…hilarious”

By the way Das, do you mind me using all these little quotes from you in my bit, so maybe you can get some lip and tongue action?

“there is no such thing as bad publicity”

Great.  And who DON’T you respect in any way?

“b1tches”

I see.  And what is the best word to describe every piece of art/writing you’ve ever done?

“hype”

And you’re sure you don’t mind those knees?  How about painful rectal itch?  How do you feel about that, don’t you hate it?

“actually enjoy it.”

And how many times have you had sex with a woman and not had her laugh afterwards?

“one time”

Well, you’ve gotta start somewhere.

“this is common sense”

That’s the spirit!  And what do you hope to achieve in about 15 years?

“maturity”

When was the last time someone didn’t spit in your food before they gave it to you?

“years ago”

I see.

“As for me, I am a real man,”

Yeah, you’re not one of those (your quotes) “faggot” “loser” men that gets tattoos.

“who works a real job,”

And gets STINKING DRUNK at it!  HERE HERE!

“are you jealous?”

I don’t know, do you think I’m jealous?

“I think so…”

Why?

“because”

because why?

“why else would you try and forbid my friend Sandy from being my friend.”

First, I never tried to forbid Sandy from being your friend.  I’m not gonna das Sandy, I have nothing against her at all…but suffice it to say that, when we talked about you…I made my preliminary conclusion that you seemed like sort of a snivelling little rat-faced git.

Second, since we’ve now FINALLY come to the supposed “reason” why you sent me your psycho-babble rant (that’s the babblings of a (wanna-be) psycho, no offense to real psychos intended or implied…as opposed to what you think of mental health treatment, which is why you thought it was a good idea to send me your PBR)…I can only wonder this: Why did it take SO D@MN LONG for you to get to the “point”?  Why didn’t you say “Hey…why did you forbid Sandy from being my friend???”, and I would have said “I didn’t, I just said I thought you seemed like a huge nob”, and then you could have said “Oh.  Alright, my work here is done, I’m gonna go do some more baby rape drawings.  By the way, tattoos are for fags.”

“I can assume it is because you see or think that I am a better man than you and that is sad.”

That IS sad…you’re not a better man than anyone.  What makes you be such a stinkwad?

“It is called insecurity”

And finally, what do you think of your place in society?

“there is nothing more useless to this world”

And ONE more question…what type of school did your humor fit best in?

“elementary”

Well, what do you expect from a guy that thinks Hitler did good art.

Some people might ask…isn’t it dangerous to (albeit rightfully so) show a scumbag dumba$$ that when he feels SO MUCH anger at himself and his life that, in his particular case, he SHOULD, because it sucks and so does he and since he doesn’t “believe” in mental health treatment he is NEVER going to not be a scumbag ultra-pissed dumba$$?

And my answer would be…No. Cuz he’s a poser.

He’ll just rant and rave and yell at random people (which he would have done anyway, given his past) and then sit there like the impotent, pitiful fcken coward he knows deep down inside that he is.

vis: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tjC_7DaTIGY

So it’s all cool.

10/16/16: FAIR USE: CRITICISM – I know about “redundancy”. This is a great clip. (housekeeping)

You have 377826 Total Visits

That’s roughly…hmmm…quick math…755 DBPH (Das But Potential Hour) units.

WOOHOO!

-Puppy >.< Yip!

“i feel really gay that you are messaging me. do you feel the same?”

I feel pretty, oh so pretty…

Are you still doing those child rape drawings?

“Yeah a few.”

Just “a few”?  So you’re now only SLIGHTLY interested in child rape drawings?

“I tried twitter but i couldn’t be bothered.”

Translation: I tried twitter but people ignored me so I stopped.

“I do all sorts of sh1t.”

Yeah, like the “talking sh1t to animals” bits where you basically just say random curse words to small animals.  That’s…not funny.

“what is your website?”

You’re SOAKING in it!!!

“I don’t want to waste my time looking at sh1t with tattoos or nothing.”

Yeah, sorry, I don’t have sh1t with masks.  And I actually LIKE animals, not swearing at them.

“I do not have tattoos…not one and I never will.”

Yeah, so you told me before…you think they’re “gay” and any man that has one is a “loser”.

“I don’t pay attention to stats on my website,”

Translation: I don’t get any hits and I HAVEN’T GOT TIME FOR THE PAIN…ANY Mooo-ooo-ooore!

“I could care less.”

So you do care, then?  If you care somewhat, why don’t you pay attention?

“I have another that is far more important that gets up to 500 unique ip’s per hour.”

Translation: ONCE, I got 500 hits in ONE HOUR!  Ahhhh…those were the day…

“that one I have to stay on top of. or people get pissy.”

So you’re on top of it now?  Get off, man, you’ll crush it!

“no. there is nothing illegal on my website.”

I did NOT have sex…with that woman…Monica…Lewinsky.  Just dassing you, man.

By the way Das, what’s your favorite way of being spanked and then yelling “THANK YOU SIR MAY I HAVE ANOTHER!!!”?

“I have dealt with police over these issues”

I see…

“(long story)”

How long is it?

“…main concern is photographic evidence of adults exploiting minors through a form of prurient interest is illegal.”

WOW…you sound like you MEMORIZED the definition of child porn.  Ummm…why?

“there is none of that on my website.”

There’s none of anything on your website.

“It is only considered as an artistic rendition of cartoonish satire.”

Really?  I thought satire was supposed to be funny and/or have a message?  Unless you consider it funny to see children being raped, what message exactly are you trying to send, Dasy baby?

“I don’t f#ck”

Sorry…have you considered ceasing being a tremendous stinkwad?  That might help.

“with cp and I would never store any or even look at any on my computer.”

Yes, you’re firmly on record now as having stated that.  Ummm…yeah.  Ever seen ‘Cleanflix’?

“Quite frankly on a personal level, that along with junkies are probably the lowest standard of human alive.”

Hey, were you that guy in ‘Trainspotting’?  Oh…ever seen ‘Cleanflix’?

“And I know this for a fact because I was a desperate junky for a decent portion of my life.”

Hey, were you that guy in ‘Trainspotting’?

“…so then do ya wanna go shoot up some primo dope and go fck some babies?”

Hey, were you that guy in ‘Trainspotting’?

“what the f#ck do you want”

Oh, you know, the usual things…a nice house, the right girl, maybe a new pair of socks…

Actually before I go on I’d just like to point out that I never wanted anything from you other than for you (someone I had NEVER talked to) to not, out of the FCKEN BLUE (thank you, RD) send me a profanity-laced, homophobic, anti-tattoo, anti-fat-people, completely unprovoked and mind-numbingly stupid borderline-psychotic rant (See ‘It’s been a while…’).

Unfortunately, you decided to.  I still have NO IDEA why…but what’d ya expect me to do?  Reply with “Hi!  Thanks a lot for the unprovoked harassment and abuse!”?

“you stupid faggot?”

Hmmm…see ‘A Derogatorial – By Puppy’ re: your apparent homophobia.  And as I point out QUITE CLEARLY, I’m a clever person who talks loudly in restaurants!

“I already trolled you into blocking me.”

No, you tried (and at first you didn’t succeed, but you kept on suckin’) to get me to block you after your totally unprovoked rant because while you apparently (judging from said rant) hate me for some reason I don’t know, you’re also (IMPO) a total poser and coward.  Just a hunch.  I’m not saying you DEFINITELY are…I’m saying I’m about 99.9999999 percent sure.  But of course, only fools are positive.

I base this on your oh-so-brave-and-valiant “If you go somewhere far away, someone else will beat you up” comment/threat(?)

By the way, how does it feel to go so EXTREME in your bullsh1t persona and then sit alone and realize that deep down, you’re afraid of your own shadow?  Is that why you seem to hate everything?  I mean…you can’t do the spoken-word sh1t for profit (I refuse to believe anyone would PAY to hear it), and since there’s absolutely NO creativity to it, I assume it’s an outlet for you to safely release your inner raging angst without having to actually have any testicles.

Metaphorically speaking, of course.  I’m here for ya, big fella.

“DO you want more because I would be happy to drop as low as I can go to help you out.”

Boom-Chikka WAH WAH!

Nah, man…like I already said (see ‘Das ist gut!’) I really LIKE you and all, but I just don’t think of you that way.

“I have lots of business.”

Really, would that be more baby rape drawings like you advertised before? (see ‘Excerpts from Das But’s twitter page – Photo taken LIVE in his mom’s basement’) Or yelling at small dogs and other helpless, defenseless creatures?  Or another anti-black people video?  Which of those are you talking about?  Or do you do anything else?

-Puppy >.< Yip!

For your reading pleasure, it’s Das But vs. Das Boot.

Dboot: QUIET IN THIS WHOREHOUSE!

Dbut: why did you block me? I thoujght we were having a pretty good time together? probly a dick!

Dboot: Look at these new heroes. All wind and smoke. Just big mouths.

Dbut: if ya want i reckon

Dboot: Mildew is good for you. It’s the next best thing to fresh lettuce…like fresh horse-droppings.

Dbut: i try to add you as friend and you friend and you wont let me. if i try to add again will you? if noy we meet for fight!

Dboot: I’ve got some up my a$$. Maybe we can tie them together?  I can’t navigate on bananas!

Yes, I realize the “official” spelling is “Hi-Keeba”. 

However, I think in the spirit of, oh I don’t know…RIFFING, ORIGINALITY, INDIVIDUALITY, EVERYTHING MST STOOD FOR…that it’s best to go with my personal take on it rather than changing every BLEEDING review to match the “universal MST standard”.

Those who don’t understand my reasoning are spectacularly missing the WHOLE POINT of MST, Monty Python, and every other fairly ORIGINAL, INDIVIDUALITY-BASED, FCK CONFORMITY, THINK-FOR-YOURSELF brand of humor ever to walk the face of the Earth.

Bahhhh.

-Puppy >.< Yip!