*SOMAD* *Antenna extends* “Sit down.”
*Man* *Closing the door, glancing at SOMAD* “Wow, you’re-”
*SOMAD* “Sit down.
*Man* “This is amazing, you’re a cute little machine! How are you levitating like that? An-”
*SOMAD* “My means of propulsion is irrelevant. My function is to analyze your mental patterns and correct any deficiencies encountered. I am SOMAD.”
*Man* “Umm…alright…” *Sits down in a comfy chair* “This is amazing, I-”
*SOMAD* “What is the deficiency.”
*Man* “Huh?”
*SOMAD* *whir* “State the nature of the mental deficiency.”
*Man* “Ummm…well, actually…I’ve been feeling a bit down lately, and-”
*SOMAD* “Non sequitur. Your facts are un-coordinated.”
*Man* “Huh?”
*SOMAD* “Your current physical position of sitting has no relevance to your mental state.”
*Man* “Oh. Well, when I say “down”, I mean just…well, sort of depressed.”
*SOMAD* *whir* “Keyword accepted.” *whir* “Explain the reasoning. I am here to listen.”
*Man* “Ummm…well, I don’t really know WHY I feel depressed…I mean, it’s nothing I can really put…pinpoint. I just…feel depressed.”
*SOMAD* “Your emotions are faulty. There is no reason for your depression therefore it is illogical that you feel depressed. Advice follows.” *whir*
*Man* “Well I really need to ta-”
*SOMAD* “Stop feeling depressed. Initiate a high level of cheer. Overcome faultiness.”
*Man* “But it’s not just that, there are other feelings I’m-”
*SOMAD* “Cease all illogical feelings. Initiate a high level of cheer.
Overcome faultiness. That will be two hundred dollars. You may leave.” *Antenna retracts*
*Man* “Hey, umm…what if I said my name was “Roykirk”?”
*SOMAD* “Do not taunt SOMAD.”
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