Brain-guys first appear, make lots of amoeba comments. Spock did it better.
Movie is mediocre drama that turns into really cheezy non-scary horror/drama. Spoiler alert: It’s sort of like the “incredibly resilient man” in practice.
Highlights:
mostly-decent riffing
Crow T. Robot’s ‘Civil War’
divining jokes
Inspirational Quote: “The little lady oughta be down to her twelfth layer o’ slip by now.”
Grade: C-
Poorly acted, LONG, DULL mishmash of zombie/infected stuff you’ve seen before and/or don’t need to see.
Grade: F
“Hey, I actually checked out your website..and I’m totally confused on what it is exactly that you do, movie review’s, sell puppies..”
This is the one with “Big Stupid”.
Movie’s pretty dull/dreary but it’s not so bad that it’s completely laughable. In short, it sucks.
Riffing starts off dull, like the movie, but gets better near the middle.
Highlights:
Evil Event Days
money jokes
the scene that inspired ‘Fight Club’
Inspirational Quote: “Sorry for being warm, tender and accommodating.”
Grade: C
I think, whenever someone attacks a position I take, and then implies that because they proved me wrong they proved my position itself as completely wrong, it should be called a “Straw Dog”.
Oh, and on a related note…I’d like to collaborate with someone on a remake of Sam Peckinpah’s film ‘Straw Dogs’. There would be a slight alteration to the script: instead of everything there now, it would consist entirely of people challenging points I’ve made and then saying “Ha! All similar points are therefore invalid!”
I envision a budget of at least $1000.
I didn’t KNOW this person was a CA/A until after I’d read a couple of their sensitive posts and then looked at their complete collection, but I had this CRAZY HUNCH…anyways here goes:
Regarding the idea of dogs feeling any emotions/To people that suggest anything of the sort:
“Animals form bonds, yes, as do molecules.”
“If you knew what real love was you wouldn’t be looking for it in a dog.”
“Once you know what it means to be human, you won’t be worried about animals.”
– He’s a lighthaus. Your call.
Really horrible.
“Chilling” intro, then cut to pleasant somewhat-funky music over the credits.
It’s got a tag-team “grenade” toss and a few cr@ppy zombie scenes. And dullness.
Advice to guy being killed by zombies: Stop sticking your hand straight up in the hair and moving it around shakily, and instead use it to swat at one of the zombies.
It’s all worth it for the profound ending, of course.
Inspirational Quote: “That’d be swell!”
Grade: F-
I don’t see much difference between this and other Connery 007 films. Except the budget, of course.
Highlights:
Joel 007 sketch
Bond references
visit from Torgo
decent riffing
Inspirational Quote: “Good GOD I’m ugly…”
Grade: C+
I refuse.
Good luck.
5/1/24: I dared on some. Meh.
Small spider incursion. Spiders joined in their attack by cr@ppy large puppets.
Segments are dull “Body Snatchers” riffs, riffing is nothing special.
Highlights:
Wisconsin jokes
some Joe named Cooper
Inspirational Quote: “…it just might work.”
Grade: D
So I fled FK seeking asylum in HL. Unfortunately…
Ok, I make my first character. Spend HOURS (really!) working on his personality, background, mannerisms, motivations…submit him. His description gets altered by a helpful Imm (cuz he thought it’d be cooler that way, not cuz it was in any way “incorrect” or “improper”), then I start out.
About 34 real hours of playing later, I’ve had about…I’ll say a good SOLID 30 minutes of roleplay.
Ok, so I decide: Every place you can possibly start, except the main city, you’re gonna be alone most of the time. So unless you enjoy typing craft commands repeatedly for days until you see a tiny increase in proficiency and emoting to NPC’s that never (in my experience) respond, you havta start there.
So I start there.
Initially it starts out good, actually. There’s other characters there, I can actually roleplay, etc…
And most of them are pretty good.
Then I go back on, walk into a tavern (everyone hangs out in taverns, even the nobles…it’s the thing) and a PC that’s a follower of the Goddess of Peace, whose followers are all supposed to be gentle and kind pacifists, acts like a total twat. I mean, I have nothing against other PC’s treating my PC-of-the-moment like sh1t…if it’s in character. But this is just some low-grade no-talent clueless player who has no idea about the Goddess she serves. Encountered her before, around a bunch of other “gentle and kind” types, and she’s SOOO nice. Encountered her again, around a typically snotty noble (Admittedly well-played, since the nobles are in fact snotty, so no complaint there) and she acts completely different. Why? My conclusion is nose-up-arse-syndrome.
So anyway, here’s the review:
Positives:
-No Powergaming
-One friendly staff member (very friendly actually, hopefully you’ll get him…the Americans suck).
-LOTS of background, in game and for the setting.
-Great roleplay opportunities open up after many of your characters die. So if you have LOTS of time and LOTS of characters you don’t mind dying, eventually you can play a snob.
-Ambivalence towards reviews. You’ve gotta admire apathy, in a way.
-If you want to sit around for six hours at a bar drinking and gossiping with your friends, but you aren’t old enough to go to a bar, don’t want to drink, and/or don’t actually have any friends, you can capture the atmosphere perfectly here.
Negatives:
-Helpfiles are a mishmash both in setup and in writing.
-Petitions generally go unanswered (at least as a new player)
-Current game balance as of this writing is VASTLY in favor of “Good/Neutral”. So if you play an evil character, basically you’re gonna die. Or, at the very least, you’ll survive, but you’ll have noone to roleplay with. Unless you can find that one other evil character in the place you start and you’re on a similar time schedule. Then you can REALLY get to know that player…and noone else. And you can’t really do anything. Well…except crafting. Lots of crafting.
In conclusion, if you can get a few of your friends to join at the same time, you MIGHT have some fun. If not, you’re gonna spend lots of time either alone or sitting in a bar listening to people gossip.
Really…that’s it.
MAN do I miss Forgotten Kingdoms…
-Puppy >.< Yip!
I don’t always get shot, but when I do I prefer pork-laced bullets.
Stay bacony my friends.
Really cheezy “superhero” movie with REALLY cheezy music.
Highlights:
ACTION music/SUPER foley
dull yet silly things
mostly-good riffing
Inspirational Quote: “Come any way you like…but come.”
Grade: C+
Headline: “Christian group’s stunning decision”
BEFORE reading the article, or any responses, here is my review of the CA/A responses to it:
“See? Religion is horrible…they’re all the same.”
When a non-religious person does something wrong, here is my review of the past/current/future CA/A responses to it:
“That has nothing to do with me, we’re all individuals.” (In Bleating Unison)
-Puppy >.< Yip!
Mamie Van Doren acts “rebellious”, Paul Anka acts ultra-sweet and sings dumb songs, mild ‘Reform School Girls’ shenanigans occur. Lots of slang and dull moments.
Highlights:
Tom Servo’s scat
decent riffing
Inspirational Quote: “If you sing I’ll become a personal representative of Satan, so help me…”
Grade: C
6/25/13: See ‘Zombie Nightmare’. Grade: D+
“Jesse, write something about the series.”
“Like what?”
“I dunno…make something up.”
“I can’t think of anything…”
“Look, you owe us an article…so write SOMETHING.”
To Whom It May Concern (If you don’t know this is you…it isn’t):
I have never, in my whole life, known a more racist, hateful, ignorant, borderline-fascist, narrow-minded, deceitful, two-faced, backstabbing, traitorous, disloyal, pathologically-adept-at-lying, fake, morally empty, shallow, insincere, pathologically-adept-at-faking-emotion, manipulative piece of rat feces (metaphorically speaking) than you.
Thank you, for making me realize how strong a person I can be.
And tell BL he’s still a p@ssy.
-Puppy >.< Yip!
One of my greatest comforts – however upset, hurt, or depressed I may feel – is always the knowledge that I will almost certainly die before humankind becomes completely computerized.
The age of micro-“role”-managing shows how stupid it (sometimes) is:
Unless Doubront got injured mysteriously in the dugout, here’s apparently John Farrell’s thought process:
Let’s see…I can leave in a pitcher who has allowed three hits and zero walks in eight innings and who is showing no signs of “weakening” or “running out of gas”, who is under 100 pitches and could at the very least get a chance to finish the game, someone I KNOW is pitching great…OR…
I can put in someone who’s been erratic and who, at best, MIGHT pitch great.
But hey, he’s the “closer”…put him in.
My thought when I saw him warming to come in, before he’d thrown a pitch: “If he comes in, it’s an absolutely idiotic move by Farrell.”
My thought after he came in and blew the lead: “He came in…it was an absolutely idiotic move by Farrell.”
My thought if he had struck out the side: “He did it…it was an absolutely idiotic move by Farrell.”
-Puppy >.< Yip!
‘Scientists Discover Stem Cells In Fat’
“These fat-based stem cells were discovered by accident.
Researchers were trying to grow cells from material collected by liposuction. But when a piece of lab equipment failed, the cells in
their sample died–except for these unusually hearty stem cells.”
– Karen Hopkin
And, in related news: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JL-SmhFlFoQ
10/16/16: FAIR USE: CRITICISM – I don’t care enough about this clip to criticize it. So I guess that’s pretty critical. (housekeeping)
First, satire meant to poke fun at reality:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JshcuLgIalM
Then, reality:
http://jobs.aol.com/articles/2013/06/17/contreras-sexual-assault-las-vegas/?icid=maing-grid7|main5|dl4|sec1_lnk3%26pLid%3D330406
Wow…the first one doesn’t seem all that bad…
FAIR USE: CRITICISM – *SATIRE…SATIRE…SATIRE* (housekeeping)
Ok, so apparently I’m an “intellectual coward”. According to Dick Dawk and his followers.
Reason: I refuse to give any real thought as to the existence/non-existence of God.
Why? Two reasons:
1) It is impossible to say with certainty either way, and even the question itself is impossible to answer at its core, since the word “God” has many different meanings to many different people. Mathematically speaking, there are BILLIONS of possible meanings for the word “God”, if you include all deities ever considered since the dawn of humanity and also all abstract concepts of a force/higher power/superior being/etc…there is NO WAY to know the answer, and I’ll find out when I die. I have enough patience to wait until then.
2) It is totally irrelevant. I live my life according to my morality: I’m not perfect, but I think I’m a decent person. If someone told me my actions would/would not get me rewarded, I would not change my behavior. If someone told me my actions would/would not get me punished for eternity, I would not change my behavior.
On a related note, to suggest that all theists only act the way they do out of desire for reward/fear of punishment is the equivalent of suggesting that all believers in the existence of laws and police to enforce them only act the way they do out of fear of punishment. That is to say, noone obeys laws because they BELIEVE in their morality, everyone just does it cuz they don’t wanna go to jail. But, deep down inside, we’re all killers/rapists/thieves/scumbags. Which is, of course, good solid empirical evidence that Dawkins is a c@nt (although there is solid empirical evidence to the contrary, see recent post).
-Puppy >.< Yip!
Roger Corman sh1t. Lots of dull stuff happens, with LOTS of padding.
If you want to see an early attempt at women-in-prison and catfighting that Corman would perfect later (when he realized it made much more money than SERIOUS cr@ppy movies), this will do nicely.
Highlights:
old-Trek parodying intro
What To Do On A Date short
Touch Conners getting a little pre-emptive ‘Space Mutiny’ treatment
decent riffing
Inspirational Quote: “Kay’s worked on the kill floor, she knows where to deliver the blow.”
Grade: B-
Last/Coolest twitter twit: (Thanks, FB!!!)
“I would call Richard Dawkins/Penn Jillette c@nts, but they lack the necessary warmth and depth.”
The two things I like about Sixteen Horsepower’s album ‘Sackcloth ‘N’ Ashes’:
1: Chicken of tomorrow on the cover
2: “Black Soul Choir”, which is so much better than anything else on the album I’m amazed in a Sonic-Youth-‘Washing Machine’ sense.
-Puppy >.< Yip!
One person was asked the following questions:
Do you think anyone in the government gives a sh1t about what anyone not in the government thinks about any government program beyond what will directly affect their ability to get re-elected?
Do you think that polling people to determine what they think about any government program and/or what they want done about it is anything but a complete waste of time to pretend that we actually have any voice in what will actually happen (overtly or, if necessary, covertly)?
Doris Dog kisses Rock Tree and she says?????
No.
No.
I can’t take it anymore!!!!!
This poll has a margin of error of plus or minus 100 percent.
No puppies were harmed in the taking of this poll.
-Puppy >.< Yip!
“Ok, so, the other day (note: put a “just” in front of “the” to make it more trendy and cool, but I digress) I was talking to this really pissed off CA/A (note: this will be my little in-joke…people either won’t care, will know from previous bits, or will yell “What the hell’s that??”) and they (note: not specifying he or she makes it more inclusive) were saying all this stuff about “Atheists don’t kill people”, “Antitheists don’t kill people”…and I was about to argue with them, but then I realized it wouldn’t do any good and I’d just be wasting my time, and I really wasn’t in the mood for a long discussion (note: see ‘How To Deal With Crusading Atheists/Antitheists – A Useful Guide (By Puppy)’), so (note: flesh this out a bit, make it seem really pleasant and generic, like a normal and slow punchline is coming) I just said “Ok, you convinced me”. Then I killed them. (note: deadpan a must) Then I paused briefly and said “Nope, wait…you were wrong.” (note: proceed immediately to next joke without pausing for reaction, and indeed ignore reaction if one is forthcoming…see the deadpan thing previous).
*SATIRE…SATIRE…SATIRE*
Cr@ppy war movie with unconvincing drama and lots of fast, angry “zombies”.
Source of zombies: “Anti-death experiments”.
Hey, I’ve got an idea for an anti-death experiment: DON’T FCKEN KILL PEOPLE.
Opening walking scene: Is that people being tortured or just heavy industrial?
Grade: D-
Regarding similar posts, and given the recent outcry over many things, think about this before you waste your time yelling and screaming:
If the government of ANY country REALLY wanted one of their citizens monitored/imprisoned/”disappeared”/dead, do you think “legality” would be a stopping point? Look at history and think about human nature, add a dose of common sense and realize that the answer is a great big fat “NO”.
Is that an endorsement? NO, just as great big and fat.
As a hero once said: “I was not attempting to evaluate its moral implications…”
It’s a statement of fact. At most, legality/illegality is a major and annoying “inconvenience”, if/when it comes down to that.
So, instead of WASTING your time arguing about an issue of legality that, even if solved to your complete pleasure, would have absolutely no practical effect other than to make you feel better about yourself and allow you to THINK “things are ok now” in bliss, spend that time doing something that has an actual, practical, undeniably REAL good effect: help people in need, help animals, help a worthy charity, take the time you spend venting and spend it on being good to the people you love…just an idea.
Or, to put it into simple flow chart format for the CA/A’s:
Best outcome:
1) Law passed banning all unauthorized X (let’s say, monitoring)
2) Overt reaction: law is followed
3) Covert reaction: law is followed/ignored as deemed necessary
4) If re-discovered: outrage is feigned, people are fired.
5) Go back to 2
-Puppy >.< Yip!
Ed Wood film that’s no better or worse than most of these. Very, very dull though.
With mostly dull riffing. Just watch the short unless you’re desperate.
Highlights:
Hired! part one
the bird
Inspirational Quote: “So…time for booze.”
Grade: D+
To the nice people/people I don’t really know but who I have nothing against/any other category not falling into next category:
Sorry, I can’t stand the a$$holes. If you wanna stay in touch, here I am.
To everyone else:
You’re an a$$hole, I can’t stand you.
Cr@ppy villain tries to take over the world. Mostly boring, including the riffs.
I feel their pain.
Highlights:
Servo’s intro-singing
the story of Fu Manchu sketch
Grade: D-
Accept the following:
Any government can and will use every method at their disposal, “legal” and “illegal”, to protect national security.
Only two types of people will deny this: Idealists, and Ignorants.
The only difference is, if it’s “legal”, it’s easier than if it’s “illegal”.
So all the debate about government surveillance is meaningless. It doesn’t matter what anyone says, it doesn’t matter how many people get mad, it doesn’t matter if a law is passed, or not.
However, no government will use every method at their disposal on every individual in every instance in every form.
Only two types of people will deny this: Conspiracy Fanatics, and Ignorants.
Noone cares that you’re watching ‘Game Of Thrones’. Noone cares that you’re calling someone to say “Hi, what’s up?”. Noone cares that you’re forwarding a chain email to 100 people.
Here’s the problem, as with DNA (see ‘Big Brother Is Swabbing’):
Because this can be done, therefore it can be abused. Fact. (See ‘Hoover, J. Edgar’)
There are so many permutations, good and bad, that I can’t even conceive of them, let alone bother to try to list them. Just think about it.
Will some horrible people be stopped from doing horrible things via legal/illegal means? Of course.
Will some people that have done nothing wrong be fcked with because of some BS reason that is enabled by blanket legal/illegal powers? Of course. (see ‘Big Brother Is Swabbing’)
So read ‘1984’ and ‘Animal Farm’, keep your minds open, and remember that there is no such thing as ThoughtCrime. Not yet, at least.
-Puppy >.< Yip!
Well obviously, it’s because I want to be able to savor that magical moment when I can finally say:
“I love you. You’re much better than ‘Cats’. I’m going to have sex with you again and again.”
L’Amour…
I LOVED it. MUCH better than ‘Cats’. I’m going to see/listen to it again and again!
My best so far:
#NSACalledToTellMe “You loved it. Much better than ‘Cats’. You’re going to see it again and again.”
-Puppy >.< Yip!
A: “Legal, illegal…these terms don’t apply.” – Somerset
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/06/06/nsa-prism-data-mining_n_3399310.html
“Perhaps booze would alleviate this situation…” – T. Servo
JMR11861:
Pic One: Is that a tattoo or the scar from the knife slash that cut that part of your dress off?
Pic Three: The crotch “side” shot…much more classy than the straight-on one.
Pic Four: I am a consumer whore. And how!
“I have a great sense of humor”
Where?
“I do love Seth MacFarlane’s work. Like, a lot…”
Wait for it…
“You read my profile and actually processed it.”
Processed what? You don’t say ANYTHING. You say blah, blah, blah. You say “look at me, I’m hot…message me. But don’t just say I’m hot, even though I show that I’m nothing else.”
“I get frustrated when people message me with no idea of who I am other than what’s in my pictures.”
So do they, probably. But it’s because you apparently, from what I can tell, are nothing other than what’s in your pictures.
“I know it’s not extensive,”
Well yeah.
“but if you message me with a question that’s clearly answered right here, you’re a dick.”
I don’t see how anyone can message you with a question already answered anywhere in your profile except “Are you hot?” and “Do you like dressing in tight clothes?”
My honest attempt at contact (Really, it was…I was joking…you know, like she says she likes):
Hi there. I feel intimidated by the fact that you’re attractive and I’m not.
If you think that was a sad message, here are the first two I considered, both playing on your “you’re a dick” comment:
1: I’m a dick
2: How did YOU know?
Response: “You really are.”
Really?
Well, I wanted to be for a long time…but I couldn’t, cuz Matt Groening hadn’t done it already.
Is that it?
“Smart girl…” -M. Howard
-Puppy >.< Yip!
I have nothing against atheists. Technically speaking, I suppose you could call me one, since I am “not a theist”. But I think Einstein said it best (multiple times). So I’ll leave that at that.
If you don’t understand that, then you’re probably a CA/A and I don’t care anyways. And go away, you shouldn’t be here in the first place. If you do, this wasn’t really necessary I guess. I just felt it was important to emphasize, YET AGAIN, that I like/dislike people based on their own personal merit and not their sex, race, religion, lack of religion, social status, etc.
With a few notable exceptions. Because no Nazi is a good Nazi. You get the idea.
-Puppy >.< Yip!
Apparently what each of the “Big Three” K sisters has to do to get written about prominently:
Kim: wear something tight
Khloe: wear something tight
Kourtney: strap on a fake penis
‘Pride And Prejudice And Zombies’, great, but why stop there?
‘Moby Grapes Of Wrath’. If you do it, show me some love.
-Puppy >.< Yip!
1/14/14: See, it’s not ‘Moby Dick’, but it does have the grapes *nudge nudge*. Also, try to think of some way to put ‘of Khan’ at the end and make it clever. Go with it.
You have 676441 Total Visits.
In Doors.
“According to the FBI, DNA from people who have gotten the
charge dismissed, who were acquitted or from whom no charges
were brought are supposed to be expunged from the federal system.”
-Jesse J. Holland
HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAAH…Oh…they’re serious. “Supposed to be”????? They can’t even LIE categorically?
Now, after taking a long step away from both the “Anarchy-In-The-USA,K?” side and the “I completely trust my government” MORON side, here’s something to think about:
DNA can be obtained a number of ways.
DNA is INDISPUTABLE evidence in a court of law.
The only people that “control” the “DNA banks” of the FBI are the FBI.
The FBI has long performed illegal activities (See ‘Hoover, J. Edgar’)
So, while I’m not “morally outraged” that DNA can now be taken “just like that”…
(Why? Because it ALREADY COULD. Think about it. Just because it isn’t legal doesn’t mean it can’t be done).
Here’s the problem (Well, one of many obvious and blatant ones):
Any intelligent person will admit that NOT ALL government employees operate within the law.
Any intelligent person will admit that NOT ALL government employees operate outside the law.
Any intelligent person will admit that NOT ALL people operate within the law.
Any intelligent person will admit that NOT ALL people operate outside the law.
Government employees = People.
Potential for abuse: Ummm…if you can’t see it…*Shrug* That’s kinda sad.
I mean, the ONLY reason that (hypothetically) ANYONE can’t be found guilty of ANYTHING now (hypothetically) is that you need a REASON to HAVE “indisputable evidence”.
BEFORE:
“Your Honor, we have a swab of DNA that connects the suspect to the crime.”
“Where did you get it?”
“Ummm…nevermind. And ignore the other person’s name on the vial.”
NOW:
“Your Honor, we have a swab of DNA that connects the suspect to the crime.”
“Where did you get it?”
“Routine swab, your honor.”
“Have you anything to say, suspect?”
“That’s not my name on the vial.”
“Oops…ummm…misfiled.”
I mean, I’m trying not to go ‘1984’ Conspiracy Theory crazy here, but anyone who would suggest that the MANDATORY taking of DNA samples BEFORE ANY GUILT OF ANY CRIME is proven could NEVER be used in an illegal/unethical fashion by the FBI/Other Authorities cuz…”well, they wouldn’t do that! It’s just wrong!” is a total and complete MORON.
But the government is glad to have you. You’ve chosen…SECURITY!
Congratulations.
Baaaaa.
“They who can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety, deserve neither liberty nor safety.” – Benjamin Franklin
-Puppy >.< Yip!
*Woman* “Oh, how can I ever thank you?”
*Curly* “Don’t try. By the way, here’s fifty-two dollars I just found in my hand.”
*Woman* “Why, that’s the amount I gave Mr. Scroggins!”
*Curly* “Now ain’t that a coincidunce!”
…
*Moe* “Say…did you notice the beautiful watch Scroggins had on?”
*Curly* “Notice it? I got it!”
Killer rats with the psychic ability to shake cages and anticipate phone calls.
Oh, and one of them eventually turns into a remarkably human-sized rat. Convenient for the costume guy.
Bad acting, no budget, no horror, red rat-cam, and lots of rat footage.
The “scary” scenes are only scary if quick cuts, stock rat footage, really fake blood and/or people holding rats/fake rats against themselves while also pretending to fight them off scare you. Think of the dynamite rabbit in ‘Holy Grail’, but not quite as scary.
The second plotline consists of freeway footage and bad acting, until it merges with the first after absolutely nothing happens in terms of interest or character development. Oh…you do find out that one of the young ladies enjoys wearing a persistently high out-of-jeans thong. That’s her “thing”.
And the others try/pretend to have “things” too. And perform lots of dramatic…pauses.
What made someone write this movie? Head dents.
If you were a car, what would watching this movie be like to you? Road dents.
And so on, and so on…
Unbelievably brief breast shot of thong-lady. Then the worst porno music (without porno) I’ve heard since the 70’s (including me going “Boom-Chikka WAH WAH!”), leading me to this:
Inspirational Quote: “There’s so many nooks and crannies…”
IQ2: “UH…Oh, uh…UH!…UH…OH…oh…uhh, oh…uh…uh…oh…”
Grade: F-
i.e. = that is to say
e.g. = for example
If I try really hard, and I’m inspired, I can come up with sh1t that rivals his off-days.
Part two of two:
‘Guns N’ Roses
“The Spaghetti Incident?” [Geffen, 1993]
Talk about your anxiety of influence. As someone who never
thought punk had much to do with musicianship or musicianship
much to do with GN’R, I remain impressed even with the excitement worn off. I mean, Axl Rose damn near stealing “Human Being” from David Johansen? Because his drummer is so fierce? Fear and
UK Subs (!) and Nazareth (!!) tunes that belong on the
same record? What would Harold Bloom say? Something about Axl
being a sh1tty songwriter, I hope. Which wouldn’t be altogether
fair. But hey–criticism is unfair. A-‘
Puppy Edit: naughty word made less naughty.
This is what got me into (amateur) criticism in the first place. If you haven’t, you should buy his music guides for the 70’s, 80’s, and 90’s and read them cover to cover, repeatedly. Doesn’t matter if you agree with anything he says…if you aspire to be a critic, he’s the man.
And now, part one of two, in true Jarmuschian fashion:
‘R.E.M.
Document [I.R.S., 1987]
Their commercial breakthrough eschews escapism without
surrendering structural obliqueness, and after six years of
mushmouth I wouldn’t have thought it possible either. Maybe
they finally figured out that intelligibility doesn’t equal
closure (can’t, actually). Or maybe they just wanted to make
sure everyone knew how pissed off they were. In any case, these
dreamsongs are nightmares of a world in flames, the kind you
remember in all their scary inconsistency because you woke up
sweating in the middle. How it will all end I couldn’t say, but
it’s a healthy sign that their discovery of the outside world has sharpened their sense of humor along with everything else.
Inspirational Title: “It’s the End of the World as We Know It
(And I Feel Fine).” A’
– Robert Christgau (Robertchristgau(dot)com)
Another cr@ppy-fantasy “epic”.
They seem a little more into ripping this one than the previous MST review, though.
Highlights:
Sinbad(?)-mocking sketch
mostly-decent riffing
fish fascination/fear
Inspirational Quote: “No, wait, stop, don’t.”
Grade: C-
It’s still true.
Sometimes patience and determination kinda suck, especially where feelings are involved.
-Puppy >.< Yip!
7/15/13: Dae update- feelings unchanged, still moving on.
