Month: December 2013

Useful Information

“Tax evasion is the illegal evasion of taxes by individuals, corporations and trusts. Tax evasion often entails taxpayers deliberately misrepresenting the true state of their affairs to the tax authorities to reduce their tax liability…”

“For years for which no return has been filed, there is no statute of limitations on civil actions—that is, on how long the IRS can seek taxpayers and demand payment of taxes owed.“

“For each year a taxpayer willfully fails to timely file an income tax return, the taxpayer can be sentenced to one year in prison.  In general, there is a six-year statute of limitations on federal tax crimes.”  -Wikipedia

Now, I’m not accusing anyone of this, but if anyone at the IRS was interested in checking back say, oh I don’t know, 20 or so years of perhaps no returns, they might want to talk to:

Robert Lowe
44 Webster Street
Watertown, MA 02472

(As of at least mid-2011, although his “listed” address may be elsewhere…this was where he actually lived.)

Hope this helps out.

-Puppy >.< Yip!

Bobbing Low’s Guide To Life – Part One (SATIRE…SATIRE…SATIRE)

Rule One: If someone whose house you live rent-free in – despite the fact that you make a LOT of money that goes completely undeclared to the IRS, and have for YEARS – complains honestly and justly about horrible mistreatment and verbal/mental/psychological abuse to you, threaten to kill them and then advance towards them in a very threatening manner.

The Sixth Sense (1999)

A beautifully made movie about loss, pain, confusion/compassion, love, and redemption.

The music is appropriately sad but beautiful.

There’s an air of sadness and loss throughout the entire film that is understandable given both its subject matter and the ending twist.  It’s there, for me, as it was 14 years ago when I saw it the first time…when I DIDN’T know about the twist, not til the end.

Willis is good, Osment is great.  Shyamalan has never come close since in my limited experience.  The movie of his career, I’d say with virtual certainty, before his career is over.

VERY creepy, even after repeated viewings.

Quite touching in parts, especially as it gets closer to the end; sometimes sad and/or creepy at the same time.

There are a few lulls…but very few.  A great film.

And perhaps it’s because it reaches into some part of me, and some part of what was – but I can’t help but cry when Osment and his mother talk in the car, near the end.  It’s very comforting to know I can still do that, sometimes.  If you don’t understand that’s alright…this is for me.

Inspirational Quote: “They don’t have meetings about rainbows.”

Grade: A

4/16/14:  Instead of the joke I planned – which doesn’t fit here, or HERE, in my mind – I will just say that I think I knew I was using the same word multiple times but the REASON I didn’t alter that wasn’t because I couldn’t think of a synonym for “sad” or “beautiful”…I think, and hope as this to me is somewhat of a beautiful memory, that I used the words because they fit.  And I didn’t care if they echoed.  As with almost all my, or anyone’s, best work, there’s feeling in this.  Grade: A

11/12/16: Edited to remove spoiler, just in case. Grade: A

To Protect And…Ehhh, to HECK with it.

Recent headline: ‘Former DC Detective of the Year Guilty of Secretly Videotaping Stepdaughter in Shower, Bedroom’

“…This is the fourth time recently an incident has come to light
involving a D.C. police officer and women or girls, says WJLA. Officer Marc Washington died in an apparent suicide after he was
accused of having a teen runaway take off her clothes for pictures. Officer Linwood Barnhill Jr. is accused of being a pimp in an underage prostitution ring out of his apartment. And, officer Samson
Lawrence was recently accused of trying to kill his wife.”

Mystery Science Theater 3000: The Violent Years (1994)

Ed Wood’s riveting portrayal of the danger men face from violent girl gangs.  His message: with a dress, caress.  And so the MST reviewing ends.

Great holdup scene re-creation in the ending host segment.

Highlights:
Young Man’s Fancy short
Wood jokes
brilliant direction
brilliant acting
girl jokes
Ministry samples (sounded vaguely familiar…thanks, A.S./cute kitty)
pretty good riffing

Inspirational Quote: “Hundreds of men flock to crime scene”

Grade: B

Mystery Science Theater 3000: Colossus And The Headhunters (1994)

Cr@ppy wanna-be Hercules type guy leads a stupid adventure.  Lots of stomach clenching, lots of padding.

Highlights:
NummyMuffin CooCooButter
oily cheesesteak
Interesting bridges (Temple of Doom, a foot over shallow water)
dance for the Gods of Awkward Movie Padding
decent riffing

Inspirational Quote: “For the first time people don’t know where to look.”

Grade: C+

Tales From The Crypt (1972)

First tale: About a murder and a guy in a Santa costume, remade (unnecessarily and worse) for the show.

Second tale: Interesting take on death perception.

Third tale: Horrific treatment makes a man commit suicide, and his corpse returns to his main tormentor in poetic fashion.

Fourth tale: Three wishes, used unwisely and twisted as usual.

Fifth tale: Nasty man takes over a home for the blind and treats them horribly, they turn the tables.

Somewhat cheezy, but they’re fairly interesting without being too gory, and they get better as they go along.

Grade: C+

7/14/18: The Great Grade Update. Grade: B-

Deep Puppy Thoughts (Part 49)

So, lots of companies/products advertise as “Since X” (X = year of origin)

That’s not necessarily a sign of quality.  I mean, if a car was made the same today as it was a long time ago, would that be a good thing?

“Chevy: Building the same cars since 1929”

“Ford: Stuck in a creative rut since 1934”

I especially like when they advertise as “Quality Products…” or “Made With Care…” in front of the “Since X”.  Not because I give a sh1t, or believe them, but because it presents a great means of deceptive advertising.

I don’t know about you, but if a company advertised something as “Made With Pride Since 1979”, and then I found out they started making that product in 1945, I’d buy one.  Cuz hey, at least they’re honest.

“Oh yeah, we’ve made them since ’45…but we were pretty ashamed of ourselves for quite a while.  In ’79 we took out all the ingredients we knew were harmful…we’ve felt a lot better since then.”

*SATIRE…SATIRE…SATIRE*

47 Ronin (2013)

Pre-emptive review (very rare):

“The ronin spent more than a year waiting for the “right time” for
their revenge. It was Yamamoto Tsunetomo, author of the Hagakure,
who asked this famous question: “What if, nine months after
Asano’s death, Kira had died of an illness?” His answer was that
the Forty-seven Ronin would have lost their only chance at
avenging their master. Even if they had claimed, then, that their dissipated behavior was just an act, that in just a little more time
they would have been ready for revenge, who would have believed them?
They would have been forever remembered as cowards and
drunkards—bringing eternal shame to the name of the Asano clan.
The right thing for the ronin to do, wrote Yamamoto, according to
proper bushido, was to attack Kira and his men immediately
after Asano’s death. The ronin would probably have suffered defeat, as Kira was ready for an attack at that time—but this was unimportant.

Ōishi, from the perspective of bushido, was too obsessed
with success, according to Yamamoto. He conceived his convoluted
plan to ensure they would succeed at killing Kira, which is not a
proper concern in a samurai: the important thing was not the death
of Kira, but for the former samurai of Asano to show outstanding
courage and determination in an all-out attack against the Kira
house, thus winning everlasting honor for their dead master. Even
if they had failed to kill Kira, even if they had all perished,
it would not have mattered, as victory and defeat have no
importance in bushido. By waiting a year, they improved
their chances of success but risked dishonoring the name of their clan, the worst sin a samurai can commit. This is why Yamamoto
and others claim that the tale of the Forty-seven Ronin is a good
story of revenge, but by no means a story of bushido.” – Wikipedia

Yeah, and it STINKS too.

The Crazies (2010)

The story of a town that slowly becomes infected with something that turns people into psychotic, bloodthirsty lunatics.  Each in their own way, so it’s not a “zombie” or “infected” flick – they each have a somewhat unique personality, a different take on the psychosis.

The acting is good enough to make the extreme creepiness believable (therefore creepy) and it’s fairly well-written.  There’s also plenty of gore for people who want that.

Unfortunately it’s got about an hour’s worth of good horror movie and it stretches to 1:33.  Best in the beginning til it gets whittled down to 4 (the second time), then clever at the very end.

Grade: C+

7/14/18: The Great Grade Update. Grade: B-

Zombie Ass: Toilet Of The Dead (2011)

Once I realized this Japanese “zombie” (not really) flick was total horsesh1t, I tried to enjoy it as such…like many movies in the past, to one extent or another.

Unfortunately the almost complete lack of intelligence, even in coordinating the stupidity in a mockable pattern, made that very difficult.  With their best efforts, I laughed once, near the beginning.  Then I just waited for the d@mn thing to end…it peaked very early in both stupid and disgusting, and more of the same without anything new for almost an hour was just fcken DULL.

Unless you enjoy lots of a$$ shots, terrible dialogue, vomit, sh1t, farts, fake blood, incoherent plot twists, eyeballs captured in mid-flight, and double replays of a head crushed by buttcheeks, you can skip this.

It’s not, despite its best efforts, as amusing as a superior total-sh1t film: ‘Hobo’, ‘Nazis At The Center Of The Earth’, etc…

Why?  Because there’s almost no intelligence to it.  It’s just supremely weird disgustingness.  Asia seems to specialize in these, for some unknown reason.

To the country that was producing Samurai as opposed to sh1t films with regularity 300 years ago, some advice from one of your ancestors:

“It is said that what is called “the spirit of an age” is something to which one cannot return. That this spirit gradually dissipates is due to the world’s coming to an end. For this reason, although one would like to change today’s world back to the spirit of one hundred years or more ago, it cannot be done. Thus it is important to make the best out of every generation.”

Is this your best?

Inspirational Quote: “My balls!  You flattened them!”

Grade: F

Zombie Hunter (2013)

This one tries to be clever and also epic.  It fails.

It’s got lots of REALLY dumb voiceovers, lots of REALLY dumb dialogue, a cr@ppy hero, and Danny Trejo for about 2 pages of dialogue/lots of mean faces.

The fact that it tries helps, if only to mock it – especially when the POWERFUL music kicks in to back up the failed attempts.  Oh, and when the TITLES pop onto the screen for each CHARACTER and sometimes INANIMATE OBJECTS.

Three menaces: zombies, chainsaw guy, bad CGI.

It made me laugh a few times, so I upped the grade.

Inspirational Quote: “It’s quiet here…it’s almost too quiet…”

Grade: D-

Star Trek – Episode 80 (Turnabout Intruder)

A woman from Kirk’s past switches bodies with him to gain power and revenge.  The crew suspects something is wrong almost immediately, and the suspicion keeps growing, leading to lots of interesting conflict, especially involving Spock.

A pretty good episode, not just for season 3…a solid series ending.

Highlights:
Spock/McCoy discussion
Dr. Lester/Kirk convincing Spock
Spock’s trial for mutiny
Spock in general
mutiny escalation

Lowlights:
all the months/years of training…OOPS!
Kirk’s overacting
Kirk’s fey acting
minor penalty for Dr. Lester’s mass murder

Spockism: “No, Sir. I shall not withdraw a single charge that I have made. You are not Captain Kirk. You have ruthlessly appropriated his body, but the life entity within you is not that of Captain Kirk. You do not belong in charge of the Enterprise and I shall do everything in my power against you.”

Star Trek – Episode 77 (The Cloud Minders)

Kirk and Spock on a planet where the people are separated into elite (cloud city) and workers (mines).  Interesting idea, clumsily executed.

One of the most marginal ones I decided to review…I was desperate near the end.

Highlights:
hot trog – she can act, too!
Kirk’s interesting resolution

Lowlights:
some of Spock’s out-of-character musings and words

Crimson Tide – The Extended Version (Part 4)

00:31:55 – “You know, Mr. Hunter, I really am quite fond of those Lippizaner stallions.”
“Yes, Sir.”
“‘Yes, Sir’ you’re aware that I’m fond of them, or ‘Yes, Sir’ you’re also fond of them?”
“Yes, Sir, I’m aware that you’re quite fond of them.  Quite frankly, Sir, they’re starting to get on my nerves.”
“I see, Mr. Hunter”.
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00:33:13 – “Mr. Hunter, do you know what they call a Quarter Pounder with Cheese, in France?”
“Royale with Cheese, Sir.”
“That’s right, Mr. Hunter.”
“Was there a point to that question, Sir?”
“Not really, Mr. Hunter.  Just wondering about burgers.”

Star Trek – Episode 72 (The Mark Of Gideon)

Kirk is transported into an empty duplicate of the Enterprise, where he meets a woman from a vastly overpopulated planet (Gideon).  Meanwhile Spock bickers politely with a bureaucrat.

It’s not bad, but I never think to myself “I REALLY wanna watch THAT one.”

Highlights:
Spock’s diplomacy
moment of synchronicity
weirdness

Lowlights:
Kirk’s moments of crew apathy
really dumb number oversight
Gideon’s really dumb attempted solution

Grabbers (2012)

Some Irishmen/women must stay drunk to survive alien invasion.

This movie brought to you by ConLushCo, a subsidiary of The Booze Council.

Somewhat clever and fun, actually…mock-horror that’s fairly “believable.”  Sort of like a watery ‘Tremors’.

Inspirational Quote: “Youuuu…really are Irish.”

Grade: C-

7/14/18: The Great Grade Update. Grade: C

Star Trek – Episode 71 (Let That Be Your Last Battlefield)

Basically this is Trek’s way of making an obvious statement on the stupidity of racism while still getting around the 60’s censors.

A guy who’s white on one half and black on the other meets the same, only switch halves.  They hate each other and the Enterprise crew observes their mutual hatred and propaganda.  Good message, ok episode.

Highlights:
guest actors
chat over drinks
ending

Lowlights:
UNNECESSARY ZOOM!!!
longgggg destruct sequence
“go ahead”???
Spock’s play-by-play

Spockism: “To expect sense from two mentalities of such extreme viewpoints is not logical.”

Star Trek – Episode 70 (Whom Gods Destroy)

Kirk and Spock visit a mental asylum and encounter a former starship captain who now considers himself Master of the Universe.  And, of course, he tries to take over the Enterprise. 

Very flawed but quite interesting.

Highlights:
Garth
Marta
Kirk vs. Garth
very interesting (if stupid) resolution

Lowlights:
the dance
weird uggo prisoner line
the coronation
bad continuity

Spockism: “On the contrary, you were treated with justice and compassion, which you failed to show towards any of your intended victims…”

Star Trek – Episode 69 (Elaan Of Troyius)

An arranged marriage to make peace between two planets depends on “instructing” a rather savage leader of one of the planets.  Lots of interesting interaction between Kirk and Elaan.  And then there’s sabo2G to set up the necessary secondary plotline (imminent destruction).  A good one.

Highlights:
Elaan
Kirk’s accurate assessment
Kirk vs. Elaan
Kirk w/ Elaan…ROWR!

Lowlights:
very little Spock action

Crimson Tide – The Extended Version (Part 3)

00:20:20 – “Mr. Hunter…do you like movies about gladiators?
“No, Sir.”
“‘No Sir’, you don’t like movies about gladiators, or…’No Sir’ you…”
“Doesn’t work for this, Sir.”
“I see, Mr. Hunter.”
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.
.
.
.
.
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00:22:46 – “Mr. Hunter…have you ever been in a Turkish prison?”
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Star Trek – Episode 66 (Plato’s Stepchildren)

Kirk, Spock, and McCoy have to try to escape from a planet where (almost) everyone has the power of mental domination and uses it at will and with total disregard for the dominated.

One of the best third-season episodes.  Also features the Kirk/Uhura kiss.

Highlights:
Alexander
the mood
interesting/disturbing scenes
Spock’s musings/reckonings

Lowlights:
some silliness

Spockism: “Whose harmony? Yours? Plato wanted truth and beauty, and above all, justice.”

Star Trek – Episode 62 (Spectre Of The Gun)

Very flawed but I have a strange affinity for this one.

Landing party gets sent to a Tombstone, AZ re-creation to take part in the ‘Gunfight at the O.K. Corral’ – as the losers.

Highlights:
the premise
guest acting
the mood
the score (hey, it’s cool)
some very interesting exchanges

Lowlights:
moments of obvious stupidity
moments of dumb bickering

Spockism: “History…cannot be changed.”

Star Trek – Episode 56 (Assignment: Earth)

The Enterprise meets Gary Seven in the 20th Century, and has to decide if he’s there for good or evil.  Vaguely remembered as “one of those 20th Century earth episodes”, this one is a bit better than season one’s.

Highlights:
cute but ditzy secretary
Gary Seven
fairly interesting ending

Lowlights:
not particularly exciting or sci-fi

Star Trek – Episode 54 (The Ultimate Computer)

The Enterprise installs a new computer that supposedly will replace manned starships.  It does increasingly naughty/illogical things until Kirk and Co. have to try to destroy it.  Lots of cheeze, but I really like it.

Highlights:
good premise
Spock vs. McCoy
most of Daystrom’s input
landing party drama
Spock’s insult explanation
interesting non-fascination
Spock vs. McCoy again

Lowlights:
Wesley’s acting
Kirk’s sailing ramblings
Daystrom’s insane musings near the end with SCARY music
cheezy resolution

Spockism: “Computers make excellent and efficient servants, but I have no wish to serve under them.”

Star Trek – Episode 51 (Patterns Of Force)

A Federation observer corrupts a planet into a new Nazi Germany, trying to bring order (success) while leaving out the hateful racism and propaganda (failure).

Highlights:
Spock’s helmet reveal
Spock’s barn confusion
a clip joint-RUFF!
Spock’s revelation
Isak the Zeon
epilogue

Lowlights:
given the premise, not as good as it could have been
weak heils and chants, on and on and on…
weak ending

Spockism: “Captain, I’m beginning to understand why you Earthmen enjoy gambling – no matter how carefully one computes the odds of success, there is still a certain exhilaration in the risk.”

Star Trek – Episode 48 (The Immunity Syndrome)

The Enterprise encounters a massive single-celled entity that appears to drain the life out of everything and everyone it comes near.

A decent episode.

Highlights:
antici…
McCoy/Spock decision
McCoy/Spock interaction
Spock’s calm reports

Lowlights:
a bit of over-long over-drama
pation – dumb ending

Spockism: “Tell Dr. McCoy he should have wished me luck.”

Star Trek – Episode 47 (A Piece Of The Action)

The Enterprise visits a planet whose culture is based entirely on one book about Chicago gangs of the 1920’s.

Intentionally amusing, with lots of heavy cheeze.  Kirk and Spock especially have fun with the concept.

Highlights:
Scotty’s “heater” confusion
Spock’s helpful near-ruining of plan
Spock’s slight radio miscalculation
good guest acting
car hijinx
Kirk’s sudden accent/grammar changes

Lowlights:
one blatantly stupid Fizzbin contradiction

Stalled (2013)

Mostly this is two characters sharing dull dialogue from separate bathroom stalls.  You only get to see one of them, making it that much more interesting.  Very close to the end there are a few non-lavatory shots, but they’re just as meaningless and dull.

There’s also some zombies, but they’re more of a side attraction probably thrown in to get “zombie” in the movie description.

If you watch very carefully, you can see one woman caressing another woman’s ALMOST-BARE BACK in the beginning.

Grade: F

Star Trek – Episode 45 (The Trouble With Tribbles)

The feel-good equivalent of ‘The City On The Edge Of Forever’. 

By that I mean it’s the best feel-good Trek episode ever, and ‘City’ is the best dramatic one ever.  Sort of like Trek movies IV and II.

Highlights:
Chekov’s quips/personality
Under-Secretary Baris
Spock’s easy override of dismissal
Trelane’s return as Klingon commander
Klingon second-in-command
Spock’s commentary throughout
A fat Tribble
second-in-command’s inspired provocation
Scotty’s explanation
cuteness factor
a lotta’ will
Tribble avalanche
perceptive Tribbles
ending humility

Lowlights:
Not particularly “exciting”…but that’s intended
some over-feel-good dramedy
overlong barroom brawl
convenient plot conclusion

Spockism: “They do not talk too much.  If you’ll excuse me, Sir.”