A few other critical ones:
Stairs: When travelling (within your house) at night, if forced to use stairs in a dwelling where BL is sleeping (Usually about 8:30 EST…gotta get plenty of rest to earn that…ummm…), you must endeavor to avoid making any noise at all. This may require a significant amount of time, but don’t worry – if you get it wrong and make the tiniest of noises, you’ll be graciously informed the following morning. Accept this in the spirit of self-improvement, as no human can ever truly please BL, one must simply learn to annoy him as little as possible. OH…also, do not turn on the light to climb the stairs. Do it by feel, by memorization. Because if you succeed, great…you haven’t used up any electricity! And if you slip and fall and go crashing down the stairs…well, that light woulda woke him up anyway. Simply remain still and calm, and in the morning someone will pop that bone back into your leg.
Lights: Lights are not to be used. The ONLY exception is the room you are CURRENTLY in. And I don’t mean half-in, or almost-in. You should be ALL THE WAY in the room before turning any light on. It’s a simple matter. Lights left on due to BL falling asleep drunk are, of course, exempted.
Booze: You could talk about your problems/feelings(?), or you could just get hammered.
Delivery: If you, you horrible little younger person with your color tv sets and your hula hoops, decide that someone’s slaved-over dinner isn’t GOOD enough for you just because it is a food that would make you literally vomit, and you decide to order food DELIVERED – I mean, what are you, made of money??? *gulp of booze* – there are just a few things you should know.
1) Don’t do it.
2) If not 1, you will be asked every time even if answer is already known: “You’re ordering out?” or somesuch question/phrase. There is no proper response…simply deal with the shame of having your dreadful deed pointed out.
3) Time spent going from your room to the door is time LIGHTS ARE WASTED…especially that stupid little outdoor one. So, somehow manage to be waiting at the door when the food arrives. Don’t ask me, figure it out for yourself.
4) Even though the dog attacks (or tries to attack) every stranger coming to the door, the dog WILL NOT be held against its will. It is an occupant of the house, just as you are, you filthy degenerate! So your options are as follows:
Go outside the house, quickly slipping through the door and then closing it behind yourself just in time to stop the charging dog, shiver if it’s winter, pay for the food, open the door, find out it’s been closed (to save on heat) and therefore locked, knock on the door (with a free hand, or your head lightly if none available), face the scorn of the one opening the door, apologize for your impudence, offer some of the food to the guy sitting like a lump on the couch, wander upstairs and eat QUIETLY.
All other options have been discontinued.
Tha End.