Month: April 2014

Extremely cheezy “terror” opening: “The Past”

Robert Englund with a horrid combover: “Present Day”

Then the “romantic tension” is announced via a rock song w/ the dialogue.

Features some really obvious extras movement.  That’s extras to the movie, moving in very obvious badly choreographed patterns.

And at one point you might get thirsty for some COKE.

First Wish: Screaming, shifting/growing little creature form, some COKE, and the female lead’s anguished face montage.

Oh, there’s an amazing no-crash insane driving sequence.  Apparently only swerving was in the budget.

Especially after a bit of Robert Englund and a VERY little Tony Todd.

There’s a killing spree near the end that wants to be ‘Hellraiser III’ but is more ‘Monty Python’s Sam Peckinpah’s Salad Days’.

If you wanna see the heroine vs. the djinn in a (boring) Wits N’ Wishes battle, that starts around the hour mark.

Inspirational Quote: “Yessss…the sh1t just…hit the fan, didn’t it?”

Grade: F

So there come times when I ask myself why I watch these wretched movies that I watch, knowing I must hate them because they stink and really, who wants to read about D- after D- after F…and do *I* really want to WRITE about them so badly?

But then there’s the occasional ‘Lo’ or ‘The Devil’s Rock’ or ‘Wake Wood’…a little gem of a movie that I otherwise would have missed.

This, believe it or not, falls into that saving-grace category.

It’s about a family that practices cannibalism on a semi-regular basis.  And, since it’s made well, it’s therefore quite disturbing…and interesting.

Low-key and yet creepy at the beginning and slowly but steadily building up in both what the family does/is revealed as having done and in the suspicions of others.

The mood is appropriate, and the acting by a no-name cast is quite good.

There are a few hokey “action” parts near the end, but they don’t last long and eventually the action isn’t so hokey.

It’s bloody disgusting, but it’s not hokey.

EXTREMELY gory/disturbing near the end.

Pretty powerful, actually.

Just one question: shaking hands…so ‘Book of Eli’ was right??

Grade: B

Slightly interesting opening featuring the Spanish/American Inquisition.

It quickly devolves into a religious/western/zombie/post-apoc mishmash.

Then Snipes explains his motivation.

Then it’s a lot of boredom and pondering and dullness.

Exceptions: A couple of the action scenes have some interest value, and tell me that little boy/girl doesn’t look like Newt!

Grade: D-