And now with a commentary, here is a grumpy old puppy.
I’m old, and I’m not happy.
People today and their ‘Harry Potter’ wizards…
In my day, ‘Harry Potter’ was called ‘DragonLance’. And it wasn’t NEARLY as popular. And they didn’t make movies out of it because noone would watch them. And the only movie they did make was one of the most embarrassing things you’d ever seen.
And that’s the way it was and we LIKED it! We LOVED it, oh Happy Day!
In my day, you didn’t get nice elegant little invitations to become a wizard who was treated with “respect”…FLABBITY FLOOBITY!
In my day, noone “invited” you to become a wizard, you had to decide for yourself. And even if you wanted to you probably couldn’t because you were too stupid. And even if you could people didn’t like your decision, they hated it. You were an outcast, a social leper before you could cast a single spell or even knew the touch of a woman, and that’s the way it was and we LIKED it!
All this convenience and pleasant company…
In my day, you didn’t have a fancy train carry you to your destination in comfort and luxury.
In my day, you walked there through horrible weather and nasty terrain. And you did it by yourself, because noone wanted to be seen with you. And if you died on the way noone cared. And the only company you had was the other dead failures for miles around. That’s right, the ground was covered with festering failed wizard corpses, and that’s the way it was and we LIKED it!
And this wonderful school with its talented magical specialists eager to teach you…FLEEBITY FLOO!
In my day, it wasn’t a school full of powerful mages you went to, it was some grumpy old wizard in a shabby hut. And he didn’t wanna teach you, you had to grovel for it. And even when he did teach you he was half-senile and you barely learned a thing. And you didn’t learn and advance steadily in magical abilities and knowledge; it took YEARS and YEARS before you could cast even a *useless* spell, and that’s the way it was and we LIKED it!
Not like today…
In my day, we didn’t welcome new wizards with friendly open arms…
In my day, even if you got far enough to become a wizard you had to take a test. And they weren’t nice to you, they hated your guts and called you names. And you had to have someone waiting for you, because if you failed the test you died and someone had to collect your corpse. And even if you passed the test they had to carry you home before your festering wounds killed you; that’s right, you had achieved the best possible outcome and you were horribly scarred mentally and physically.
And that’s the way it was, and we LIKED it! We LOVED it, ohhhh HAPPY DAY!