Author: Puppy

Semper Puppy

Deep Puppy Thoughts (Part 150)

Ok, now as an amateur critic I feel it’s only appropriate to give criticism where criticism is due…HOWEVER, I feel it’s also proper to give praise where praise is due.

So, major kudos to GoDaddy and WordPress for holding up aces under this recent/current/possible future DDOS attack.

I’ll be giving a play-by-play analysis for those interested in the exact goings-on, but let me make my first comment – as I am wont to do – via quote:

FAIR USE: CRITICISM – The furthest (well, maybe) I’ve ever seen bullets move someone across an open space in film history.

Deep Puppy Thoughts (Part 149)

If you’re gonna try to talk to me – and I don’t know you – allow me to display how *I* feel about BS and propaganda.

FAIR USE: CRITICISM – Very good scene from a great movie. Displays what I consider an admirable attitude toward BS.

Message: If you have something to say, say it. If you BS/prop, it’s not gonna have ANY better chance of a positive outcome for you; at best, it will have no influence whatsoever so you’re just being a colossal moron by wasting your time (and mine).

“Mr. Ambassador, you have nearly a hundred naval vessels operating in the North Atlantic right now. Your aircraft has dropped enough sonar buoys so that a man could walk from Greenland to Iceland to Scotland without getting his feet wet. Now, shall we dispense with the bull?”

“Good, honest…hatred. Very refreshing.”

Deep Puppy Thoughts (Part 147)

If the BEST that climate change deniers can do is to point out in
“See??? Nyah nyah nyah!” fashion that 97 percent is not the PRECISE number for scientists that (insert level of belief in climate change, man’s role in climate change, available proof of man’s role in climate change, etc…) believe…please – you’re giving me deja vu to the days when cigarettes weren’t “absolutely proven” to be bad for you.

We – along with scientists and cigarette companies – knew cigarettes were bad for you LONG BEFORE it was “proven”. Come on…gimme a break.

The only thing the “proof” delay proved is that scientists are humans, and like getting huge piles of cash from X to say/not say something.

AND:

One of my favorite bits of antitheist nonsense is the antitheist’s version of the religious refrain that “the only people who are truly saved are X” where X = a specific religion, as supplied by resident antitheist truth-teller (well, sort of) Penn Jillette:

“The only people with true morality are us, the atheists.”

What you mean “us”, illusionist?

As for 97 percent not being the precise number for “scientists who believe climate change is happening and is significantly influenced by man”, perhaps…

But that’s only because some scientists:
– Haven’t stated such a belief and/or
– Are the same “See, it’s fine!” minority (and no matter WHAT stats you look at, they ARE in FACT a minority) that cigarette companies were able to pay enough to get away with poisoning peoples’ lungs DECADES after they KNEW they were doing so.

ALSO:

Why do these new Durex dancing tights go baggy at the…errr…nevermind.

BUT:

Here’s a good question: So, anything mentioning or referencing Nazi Germany in any way is automatically a logical fallacy…ummm…righhhtttt…

Here’s the thing: The reason mentioning Nazi Germany during an argument or debate, EVEN IF the reference is ABSOLUTELY CORRECT AND PRECISE, is a logical fallacy (supposedly) is:

It sheds an unfair or inappropriate light on X or Y, where X and Y are two sides to a debate or argument.

So, basically, this is saying “You cannot use propaganda to influence the outcome of a debate/discussion/etc.”

Which is a nice, cute little thought.

But think about it. Give it THE SLIGHTEST amount of thought.

A reference to Nazi Germany/Hitler/etc is an INCREDIBLY OBVIOUS prop move – even if it’s not meant that way.

So…you CANNOT use incredibly obvious propaganda, or it’s a logical fallacy (even if your point is, in fact, true)…BUT…

If you’re smart/manipulative enough to use NON-obvious propaganda to influence thought/outcome/etc…that’s fine?

Propaganda is propaganda. The “best” (that is to say, most effective) propaganda is NOT RECOGNIZABLE AS PROPAGANDA. It comes across as “fair” when it is, in fact, simply well-disguised propaganda.

So, it’s ok to use propaganda when it’s done subtly? If you can get away with a prop argument, it’s fine?

Bullsh1t. Write down all the “logical fallacy” descriptions, roll them up, throw them away, and just TALK…person to person, real to real.

Instead of making up all these rules, just stick with one, as paraphrased from Jim Carrey in ‘Liar Liar’:

(Exchange “breaking the law” with “trying to bullsh1t people”):

FAIR USE: CRITICISM – A good example of loud honesty.

Thank you.

Deep Puppy Thoughts (Part 145)

First, let me apologize in advance for these ad nauseum DPT’s.

I’ve finally figured it out.

When quasi-intellectuals insert obligatory Latin and/or obligatory semi-“scientific” terminology into their otherwise normal English speech (verbal or written), it’s done for three reasons.

1 – It allows them to retain an aura of superiority, whether anything they say has any validity or not. The second has no intrinsic connection to the first, of course.

2 – They’ve studied certain programmed, computerized responses to certain specific things to such a point where they have in fact BECOME “computerized” to an extent; in much the same way that Diane Chambers (and I love Diane Chambers, but it is what it is) inserts random French words and phrases into her speech for no adequately explored reason other than she feels superior and is “demonstrating” her superiority by showing her advanced intellect; in fact, while certain very common words and phrases are actually part of normal English vernacular for most people, *most* of her “improvements” are both amusing and actively counter-productive…often noone else has the slightest idea what she’s talking about, and so in terms of communication, she is behaving in a most illogical fashion. If her point is to display superiority for no other reason than to say “ha ha I’m smarter than you are”, she succeeds. Else she fails, since to intentionally use phrasing that you know will INHIBIT communication is DAMAGING to the act of communication, serving no useful purpose other than the ego-padding of the speaker.

5) Dick Dawk is a c@ck. I would say the same about Chris Hitchens, but at this point he’s probably more accurately described as a pile of decaying organic matter in some state of decomposition that cannot be PRECISELY defined, but which probably has lost the complete set of twigs and berries.

Anna Dalton – She Is Violinist Hear Her Emote (Character Explanation)

Anna never started off “writing” a song…she would play, and let it take her where it did.  She would make notes, she would play repeatedly, slowly, every note touching her and judging each as just right/or not.  These were the only two categories because all must eventually become the first, and she was in no hurry to do so.

And after playing it MANY, MANY times, she would take permanent “notes”…but these wouldn’t have (musical) notes in them, they would consist of indications, moods, instructions, echoes, pieces of her soul and herself.  This would grow and be unreadable as music, silly and useless to anyone else.  Scribblings.  But that wouldn’t matter, because it didn’t have to mean anything to anyone else, ever.

All it ever had to do was mean something to her.  To be a piece of her husband, of herself, of the spirit and love that connected the two and always would, of that which she could not and would not ever want to define – beyond and above words, more than a definition.

And every aspect, every hint of every piece of music she played and felt, in this way, was beyond description, a version in beauty of Cane/Cthulhu’s indescribable horror…things that exist that can not be adequately described, for the words do not exist. Beyond, above, past them.  More than them.

Only in her music, it was love and devotion, not horror and insanity. And in this she was shrouded forever; comfortable and happy, content, in any circumstance…untouchable to the minor annoyances of the world outside of this place of magic.  And in this haven, how could she possibly be sad?

Semper Fidelis.

Coach Of The Year My A$$

He somehow found a way to coach the winningest team in NBA history to a Finals LOSS.

*I* could coach a team with Curry/Green/Thompson on it and have a winning season. Just ask Steph who he thought the rotation should be, nod, and then sit on the bench and watch.

I mean, if it’s gonna be “Coach Of The Team With The Winningest Record”, fine, but it should be properly named.

Kerr’s job is about as hard as K.C. Jones’ was. I mean, come on…it’s a fcken joke.

It’d be nice if more sportswriters actually had the guts to vote for who they REALLY thought COACHED the best…but that would require a lot more effort and analysis.

I mean, really, what did Kerr do? He put the best players in and made the occasional substitution.

I can’t remember the number of times an analyst (some pro-Celtics, some neutral) SPECIFICALLY commented on a great COACHING move that Brad Stevens was making/had made/etc…

Seriously, to all the voters, unless you’re getting paid to go with the flow, what’s the rationale here?

The equivalent logic would be:

The Baltimore Ravens won the Super Bowl in 2000. Therefore, Trent Dilfer was the best quarterback in 2000.

I mean, the Ravens DIDN’T RE-SIGN HIM AFTER HE WON THE SUPER BOWL. But, oh yeah, he was great.

“Game Manager” = Not very good, realizes and accepts that, and doesn’t try to do too much.

I guess if his team hadn’t LOST in the Finals, Steve Kerr would be a really really good “Series Manager”.

Come to think of it, I’m a pretty good “Cliche Manager”.

Would You Rather (2012)

‘Saw 0.2’ (That is NOT a recommendation).

I was in a really sh1t mood.

John Heard gets his money and runs…i wonder if that was actually how he was paid, and if that was what he had to drink to agree to be in this?

Now, the main evil guy…was it in the script for him to lazily eat nuts on some guy’s office sofa or was it his “inspired” improv? “…hey! If I ate nuts on this guy’s sofa, I’d look really creepy and it’d be like, foreshadowing and stuff!”

Way too many eye and head adjustments, way too many (uninspired) voice adjustments.

When did they create a combo-clone of Buckwheat and Snoop Dogg?

Why did I have a feeling the quasi-goth chick would be the nastiest contestant?

Is anyone still reading this?

Was any of the … “philosophy” in this supposed to be actual, coherent philosophy? Acknowledging that everyone has a Light side and a Dark side, and accepting that as part of human nature…the truly Evil here, as in life, are those that initiate evil acts, not those who are forced to respond to them.

It’s a close call which is better written and acted; this, or the Chris Farley “Japanese Game Show” sketch from SNL.

And if you’re waiting for a “twist”…it ain’t worth it.

There’s a parade of IQ’s to choose from, but I think one of the best is “Undeniably suspenseful” from the front cover. I mean, they’ll admit that there’s a certain basic level of suspense, but they don’t sound too happy about it.

Inspirational Quote: “…gonna have to, take one for the team.”

Grade: F

Pupdate – Grimmsy Grimmling, Escort Of Souls – 7/15/16

I assure you, I am still the BEST comic writer on this website.

AND…come 8/27/16, Grimmsy will carry on – hopefully with pictures, but if not, then without.

To prepare for this, I’d like to acknowledge the following works of art and sources that I shall, at some point, in some way, be citing, quoting, drawing from, naming, referring to, etc etc etc…

– The efforts of certain Deviantart.com users
– The “Twilight Harvester” pet from Subeta
– old Looney Tunes (style)
– The Grim Reaper (many forms)
– The “Chibi” concept
– Era Nocturna – “Beautiful Death”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a0X1ynq1x8M

2/4/18: *shrug* Fine, be that way. :P

Plan 9 From Outer Space (1959)

According to some, this is the worst movie ever made.

Eh…I’ve seen worse.

I mean, this is BAD, sure. It’s terrible. But I don’t see how it’s all that much more or less terrible than any other terrible Ed Wood movie (which would be all of them).

Absent an MST3K version to review, I’ll just say that if you want to see some great moments in the history of wretched acting, you might wanna give this a look-see. Also in the history of wretched screenwriting, and (of course) the history of wretched directing.

Ed Wood seems to give all the actors here the freedom to act, or not act, as they see fit. Some of them try for the most part…some of them are wooden for the most part…and some of them seem to just not give a sh1t, for the most part.

For the ones that try, but are kept in sh1t-land by Wood’s horrendous (fill in the blank), I think this is somewhat applicable, referring to each one of them:

“…who delivers the inane Con III lyrics with prissy expertise…”

and for those of you confused by what exactly THAT means, the following:

“‘Captain Hauk sucks the sweat off of a dead mans balls.’ I have no idea what that means, but it seems very negative to me.”

Eddie-baby seems to have absolutely no demand from his actors other than “utter your lines in any manner.”

I mean, I could ask a lot of hypothetical WTF questions, or point out every nuance that’s wrong…but what’s the point, really?

It’s just a BAD movie. A really, really BAD movie. I see very little to mark this as THE terrible Ed Wood movie…ALL Ed Wood’s movies are pretty d@mn terrible.

I think it’s worth a watch for the usual laughably-stupid lines that were SUPPOSED to be utterly serious.

Like other Ed Wood movies, you can’t really make these anymore; so there’s a certain museum-worthy charm to its own particular brand of horrible.

Inspirational Quote: “Yeah, sorta spooky-like.”

Grade: D-

Deep Puppy Thoughts (Part 144)

I think, for the purposes of truth-telling and in the spirit of defining “reality”, every video featuring the rotting pile of inanimate matter formerly known as “Christopher Hitchens” (hey, just keepin’ it real) should henceforth be retitled as part of a lengthy sequence…sort of like this one!

Christopher Hitchens Acts Like An A$$hole (Part X)

Huh? Someone should work on that.

Because being wrong or right, as the case may or may not be, has no intrinsic connection with being or not being an a$$hole.

Do you know one of the things that’s great about having your own website? You can post *JOKE*s like this one, knowing that some CA/A’s will see it, knowing that deep down inside they’ll be at least a LITTLE pissed (whether they admit it or not), and knowing there’s absolutely nothing they can do about it.

I mean, in order to do something about it they’d have to expend energy; be it responding somewhere else, trying to illegally hack into my website (naughty naughty!), or, *somehow* taking and using moments of their life reacting to something they supposedly care nothing about (me/my opinions/my website/etc).

That’s the part I really love. Just sort of gets me right here…

Recognizing And Dealing With A Trend – NBA 2016-2017

I was going to title this post “How To Beat The Golden State Warriors”.

But I figured that was way too propagandic, especially since I don’t have the SLIGHTEST idea what the fck I’m talking about. So, with that in mind…

How to beat the Golden State Warriors:

When you have a new innovation, in any sport, there’s generally one player and/or team that starts that trend.

Logically, that team MUST be extremely good at that innovation, whatever it is, because if they weren’t, they wouldn’t introduce and use it.

There are examples in every sport – one team starts to play a certain, specific way…approach, personnel, innovation, etc…

In baseball: Dramatic shifts for every player with a strong tendency to hit to a specific field – it started, it WORKED, and so eventually team after team has adopted it, to some extent.

In football: The no-huddle offense. They didn’t just say one day, during a game, “Ok…let’s stop huddling, see if it works”. You get an innovation, and you PRACTICE it before you deploy it, so YOU are by default the best at it. EVERY team in the NFL now has a version of the “two minute offense”, the no-huddle. Why? Because it’s been proven to work, so it’s been universally adopted. But the team that tries it FIRST, the one that practices it for WEEKS before unveiling it, has a HUGE advantage over all other teams, until other teams have enough time to catch up.

So, in basketball: The “small-ball” lineup. The traditional center is a useful accessory, at best.

Example: Golden State’s “Death Lineup”. By tailoring the flow and strategy of the game to suit THEIR personnel – personnel that have been chosen to be proficient in that flow and strategy – they instantly gain an advantage over every other team. It’s a fact that the “Death Lineup” works. Other teams, faced with it, often find themselves overmatched because THEIR personnel weren’t made to play that specific strategy. The traditional center, who stays inside, blocks shots, operates on the box, never takes a three…becomes virtually useless. Because if the other team has five players on the court that can ALL shoot the three pointer, that team can have those five players in a “spread offense”…maximizing spacing to get three point shots off. They do it well because they KNOW it’s what they’re going to do, they’re PRACTICED doing it, and they have the SKILL to make it work.

So the question everyone should be asking is: how do you counter that?

The easy, most obvious answer is “go small yourself”. But if your team isn’t BUILT for that, you’re almost certainly not as GOOD at it, from a personnel standpoint, a practice standpoint, and a skill standpoint.

Golden State, with the signing of Kevin Durant, now has the ultimate “Death Lineup”: Durant, Draymond Green, Stephen Curry, Klay Thompson, and…well, the fifth doesn’t matter much, all they have to be is competent at the strategy (read: Harrison Barnes) and they simply CANNOT be matched at this type of basketball. Other teams can TRY…but no other team has the personnel, the SKILL in this way, to beat the Warriors at their own game.

So, if you can’t beat them at their own game, what do you do?

You come up with a strategy, an innovation, a technique SPECIFICALLY designed to combat EXACTLY that strategy.

Example: The Boston Celtics showed a blueprint for how to beat the Warriors last season – a win AT Golden State, and a double-overtime loss in Boston. Why?

It wasn’t coincidence. They used (and fortunately had, to use) relentless, smothering perimeter defense to not allow the Warriors to get off open threes, or at the very least to make them work a LOT harder than they wanted to to get an open shot.

You overcome superior talent in two ways: strategy and hustle.

That’s why the Celtics went 1-1 against GS, ALMOST handing them their first loss of the season (they lost the next night), and beating them in Golden State, their first home loss of the season.

It just seems logical: if they’re hitting over 40 percent of their three-point shots, and they’re taking a three a lot more than a 2, and you’re taking a 2 a lot more than a three…basic mathematics says you’re gonna lose.

UNLESS you can work SPECIFICALLY to combat their skill set.

MAKE your team, PLAN your team, BUILD your team, PRACTICE your team, etc, etc…with that ONE goal in mind.

Then practice STOPPING as much as they practice DOING.

This will give you a reasonable chance of victory. They’re extremely talented, and hustle and planning can only go so far…so you still might lose. But – like the Celtics – you might be able to fight them tooth-and-nail and have a reasonable chance of victory.

And, there’s no reason to worry about the Warriors adapting to your adaptation. AS LONG AS you work, plan, and practice as hard as they do.

They are NOT going to switch from Curry/Thompson and gang taking a ton of threes. You know that. Why? Because that’s what they’re best at.

As Bill Belichick does: TAKE AWAY what they’re best at. Maybe you can’t STOP them, but you can harrass them. You can limit the effectiveness of their strategy with one specifically designed to counter it.

Suggested perfect anti-“Death Lineup” lineup:

One great shot blocker/rebounder with skill and quickness
Three lock-down perimeter defenders: Two to start, one off the bench to keep the pressure on when one needs a rest. The two lock-down defenders on, of course, Curry and Thompson.
Three tough/strong/quick/agile forwards: Again, two to start, one to spell. These go on Durant and Green.
Other reserves to back up these duties…maybe a big and a small. Or two mediums. Versatility is the key.

That’s nine. The vast majority of the time, play them.

WHEN the “Death Lineup” rests (and it has to, eventually), a pure scorer or two off the bench to light up their reserves. Their reserves – if you plan your team properly – could not possibly be good enough to beat you if your main goal is accomplished, especially when so much is tied into the “Big Four”.

So you get a good coach (Hello, Brad Stevens).
You get hard-nosed, strong, relentless, AND skilled players (Hello, Avery Bradley and Jae Crowder, etc.).
You make your philosophy as ingrained as GS’s is. (Hello, Celtics).

You don’t try to out-three point the Warriors. If you do, you lose.

Don’t play their game…SHUT DOWN their game, and ATTACK their weaknesses.

I watch games, and I hear all the time “when (so and so) goes to this, it takes (so and so) out of their game.”

WHY? You have to KNOW going in that, IF/WHEN going to (so and so) takes one of your good players out of their game, they’re GOING TO DO IT. Every time. Why wouldn’t they?

You don’t plan on stopping them during the game.

You anticipate EVERYTHING they could do, you devise a countermeasure, you PRACTICE all of them, you get players that can PLAY them…and maybe you win.

Or, maybe that’s all really stupid. Too close to call, really.

Curly Howard, Philosopher

Curly Howard, unknown to many, makes a stunningly perceptive argument/statement/question in the Three Stooges short ‘An Ache In Every Stake’.

Now, Curly cleverly disguises this as a discussion about warmth in various conditions, but the analogy to the argument over the existence/non-existence of God is quite apparent when you consider all the hidden nuances littered throughout the short.

Here is the actual verbatim statement:

“Tell me…is it as warm in the summer as it is in the country? Or vice versa? Or who cares? *nyuk nyuk nyuk*”

When you put this incredibly challenging statement together with all the other elements, the clarity is DEVASTATING.

But where is the ambiguity? It’s over there, in a box.

Careful study reveals that the “nyuk” repeated at the end of the statement, while APPARENTLY a form of laughter at a simple joke, could very well be much more. Oh, SO much more…

I can’t even begin to appreciate fully the majesty and yet brilliantly simple meanings at play here…

But like the question “If God exists, and is omnipotent, can God create a boulder so heavy that even He cannot lift it?”

I’ve read ‘Hagakure’, and as with it, some statements take long, long periods of intense thought to even BEGIN to comprehend.

Such is the case here. We may never know, in our lifetimes, the true meaning of Curly’s words. But it is a fitting challenge for the greatest minds of today.

We must, I would suppose, be satisfied in being able to at least comprehend another brilliantly allegorical piece:

Ecce Homo, Ergo Elk. La Fontaine knew his sister and knew her bloody well.

Fair Use: Criticism – GREAT clip.

Deep Puppy Thoughts (Part 143)

Sometimes – very, very rarely – you have a moment, a series of moments where you “feel” something, something incredible and special.

And, while you’re feeling it, it seems hard to think it could ever go away…but when it fades, when your emotions return to normal, you wish so badly you had cherished it more…however much you DID cherish it.

And you hope for it to happen again, and you feel – at least – a small feeling of comfort, knowledge that it is possible, that you will feel that way again.

You just have to wait…

And you have to be here in order to wait.

And it’s worth it.

(“…you will not fail, however he may assail you. There is also love in the world.

…Be true.” – White Gold Wielder)

3ive Things

1) If you try your best and something just doesn’t go your way, move on after uttering something to the effect of “Ehhhhhh…whatever, I never much cared for Red Leader anyway.”

2) See above, with alternate colors and possibly adding “At least X is ok”, where X = Y Leader, where Y = a color.

3) Work on Grimmsy continues!!! Less than two months now and there’ll DEFINITELY be some new stuff! POSTED!!! THINK OF IT!!!!!!!!!!!

P.S.) Props to all the PIC-tures I’ve fav’d recently on Deviantart.com (check it out, decent site) and especially singled out is ‘Undertale’, a cute little comic about two skeleton type things that’s fairly intelligent and has a sort of comforting, nostalgic feel about it.

But…back to writing…

FAIR USE: CRITICISM – The scene depicted in this clip shows how you can make a horror movie that is scary without needing gore. What does Kubrick have to work with? Two actors and a typewriter. See, it CAN be done!

I Hurt – I Wouldn’t Have It Any Other Way

‘The Legend Of Huma’
‘White Gold Wielder’
Parts of ‘Dragonlance’
Others I don’t recall, it’s been so long.

“…It was one of those days, when it’s a minute away from snowing. And there was this electricity in the air. You could almost hear it. And this bag was just … dancing … with me. Like a little kid, begging me to play with it. For fifteen minutes. That was the day when I realized that there was this … entire life … behind things. And this incredibly benevolent force who wanted me to know that there was no reason to be afraid. Ever.

Sometimes there is so much … beauty … in the world. It’s like I can’t take it. And my heart is just going to cave in.”

“…I guess I could be pretty pissed off about what happened to me. But it’s hard to stay mad when there’s so much beauty in the world. Sometimes I feel like I’m seeing it all at once and it’s too much. My heart fills up like a balloon that’s about to burst. And then I remember to relax, and stop trying to hold on to it. And then it flows through me, like rain. And I can’t feel anything but gratitude.”

The Jealousy Delusion

So I read that Danny Ainge made a “lowball” offer for Jimmy Butler, consisting of two first round draft picks and Jae Crowder.

Obviously, this article was written by a non Celtics fan.

Because – if it was written by anyone who WASN’T at least slightly jealous of the C’s 17 titles as opposed to their (fill in the blank with a smaller number) – this is basically saying that Ainge did his job (try to make the Celtics better) and implying there’s somehow something wrong with that.

I mean, Red Auerbach is praised/recognized for his ability to rip off inferior basketball minds. So should Ainge be.

Is Danny supposed to tell every team he deals with “OK…now, you probably shouldn’t accept this offer, BUT…”?

When did being the GM of a professional basketball team come with training wheels?

Should Ainge have told the Brooklyn Nets “OK…now, I know you want to win now, but this is probably way too much to give up for these aging players…”?

Maybe not snatched Jae Crowder and Isaiah Thomas from their respective teams before said teams realized how good they were?

Maybe Ainge should call them now and say “Yeah…I know you didn’t realize Thomas/Crowder would be this good…so, tell you what…why don’t I give you one of those Nets picks.”

Is Ainge trying to make the Celtics as good as possible while not giving a fck about any other team?

OF COURSE HE IS. THAT’S HIS JOB.

If he were your GM, you’d be TOTALLY cool with it.

Just because your GM isn’t that smart, don’t hate on Danny.

Unless, of course, you would – if given the chance – prefer your GM to make only those trade offers that were “good for both teams” and were not in any way “lowball” offers.

…Even if they knew the lowball offer would be accepted.

…And your team would lose three again veterans that had little chance of bringing another title to ANY team.

…And your team would gain…4, was it? 5? First round draft picks from a team your GM thought would stink.

Poor every-other-GM-not-Danny-Ainge! They need to be protected against Danny’s horrible lowball offers. Maybe there should be a system in place where the NBA itself takes a…

oops…nevermind.

Cabin Fever (2002)

Ok, so…did this come out in conjunction with ‘The Cabin In The Woods’ to show just how accurate a satire that is?

Ummm…no, it came out both before AND after. Got it.

This is “before”…let’s see…

Two girls and three guys – check
Going to a cabin in the woods to party – check
A “Harbinger”-type character – check
Characters acting like complete morons – check
“The Athlete” – check
“The Fool” – the same as the athlete, actually…
“The Virgin” – check, close enough
“The Whore” – check, close enough…personally, I blame-
“The Scholar” – check, close enough

and, of course:
“The Vaguely-Disturbing Scandinavian Guy” – check

No surprises.

Grade: D-

Deep Puppy Thoughts (Part 138)

Per ‘Against Method’, the ridiculous idea that the “Scientific Method” must ALWAYS be followed and can NEVER be deviated from is simply a crutch for weak, unimaginative minds.

It’s like asking a math savant what X times Y times Z is, and then insisting that they show their work, every step of the way, even though that is more time-consuming than just SAYING the answer, produces no (necessarily) better result, and can in fact stifle the “savant”-ness of that individual (as dogmatic method-insistence stifles creativity).

Condemned (2015)

All ready to enter the appropriate dismissive-as-hell review – and I still will – when something vaguely clever happens.

Ok, so this girl is sort of infected/crazy, and this guy chops her hand off. And she looks at it, apparently not in pain but really surprised, and is like (very appropriately, I think) “WTF???” and then when she turns suddenly, the stump that’s left of her arm gets blood on the camera. Ummm…I assume this is dark humor, sort of like Monty Python’s Sam Peckinpah’s ‘Salad Days’.

But then…there’s really no other moments like that. Or if there were, they were instantly forgettable. So I give you the following, and hooray to whoever that girl was for upping this grade slightly; I mean, that was deadpan good.

(Minor Research: No, it wasn’t Dylan Penn).

The damage done by George A. Romero is well-documented and undeniable.

Here Darren Aronofsky takes his turn, inspiring someone to make a sh1t movie with lots of “dream” sequences and QUICK CUTS.

And green goop, and gore, and that’s about it.

To sum up, it’s EXACTLY like ‘Requiem For A Dream’, except it has infected people, it has no talent, and it sucks donkey balls.

It actually gets started – the gore/goop/infected stuff – about two-thirds of the way through.

Gotta say, lots of great pipe footage though.

Suggested Propaganda Quote-Lift: “…it’s EXACTLY like ‘Requiem For A Dream…'”

Inspirational Quote: “What the Fck?”

Grade: F

Criticism Of Criticism – Part Two

“Nirvana…
MTV Unplugged in New York [DGC, 1994]
Not only did Kurt Cobain transcend alt-rock by rocking so hard, he transcended alt-rock by feeling so deep. On this accidental testament, intended merely to altify the MTV mindset by showcasing the Meat Puppets and covering the Vaselines, Cobain outsensitives Lou Barlow and Eddie Vedder in passing. His secret is sincerity, boring though that may be–he cares less than Barlow without boasting a bit about it, tries harder than Vedder without busting a gut about it. The vocal performance he evokes is John Lennon’s on Plastic Ono Band. And he did it in one take. A” – Robert Christgau

This is one of his best.

You know he means every word because he always does: there is no hint of camp follower in this or any of his other reviews. This is what he does…and he clearly takes it very seriously.

‘Part One’ was a throw-away; the tone displaying his opinion as much as the words.

This is NOT a throw-away.

He gives his opinion, as always, very distinctly. He’s an authentic, and even though I often disagree strongly with his opinions, it’s comforting to know that he HAS them, that they are FELT.

The tone displays his opinion as much as the words, because this (IMPO) is genuine. Authentic. He didn’t insert random words from a thesaurus to make it look smarter, he didn’t suck up to popular opinion; he displayed his “feeling” towards the music, as much he feels the music itself displays feeling.

This is as raw (in a verbose way) and genuine as Cobain was, and to me it is as fitting a tribute to the man as any I’ve ever seen.

Grade: A

Pupdate – Grimmsy Grimmling – 6/3/16

I have PLENTY of ideas for Grimmsy scripts.

One is already semi-fully-written, actually. Having moved to there from fully-written-idea.

I’m writing this for five reasons:
1) To urge anyone who DOES like Grimmsy to stick around, as I *will* be posting more Grimmsy comics – perhaps with pictures, yet.
2) As a statement of fact, since I’m gonna post them anyway.
3) To beg someone…ANYONE…to PLEASE tell me: “Your comic sucks”, or “You won’t write any more”, or any variation on those themes.

I mean, I don’t NEED that inspiration…but it don’t hurt.

-Puppy >.< Yip!

A Sincere Message

To the people that have been trying to hack my site recently, two things:

– Thanks for the hits, AND
– THANK YOU SIR MAY I HAVE ANOTHER?

10/1/16: In the interest of being genuine and authentic, I must amend this.
Please replace the above two messages with the following:

– F@ck you you F@cking F@cks
– *shrug* A necessary evil, I suppose, of having actual opinions. And the hits ARE pretty cool.

Deep Puppy Thoughts (Part 136)

Somewhat common CA/A refrain: “If God exists, may they strike me down RIGHT NOW!”

Ooooo. Shock value. You’d make a great LaVeyan, just send away for your membership card.

Assuming you’re talking about the concept of God as described in the Bible (omniscient and omnipotent)…

You really think you can OUTSMART God??? “Command” God???

Like, you’re Loki/Bartleby and you’ve found a “loophole”?

Are you HIGH?

And ask yourself this:

Suppose…just suppose…that just ONCE, someone uttered the phrase “If God exists, may He strike me down right NOW!” and then was instantly struck by a bolt of lightning and killed.

Now, LOGIC states that the two have nothing to do with the other. The statement simply HAPPENED to coincide, in that instance, with the bolt of lightning.

But 100 bucks says AT LEAST half the people that use *the phrase* now would stop using it.

I mean…you gotta hedge your bets, right?

Pupdate – Grimmsy Grimmling FAQ Number Three

And the questions just keep on not comin’!!!

“…”

Why yes, I am looking forward to the end of the contest I’m having on Deviantart.com for drawings of Grimmsy, which is less than 3 months away!

*In a sleepy voice* “Wha? … who’s this?”

The Grimmsy Grimmling creator, of course. Thanks so much for the question!

“I didn’t ask a question…how’d you get in here, anyways???”

Well I figured you must be curious. It could mean the start of actual Grimmsy comics! DRAWN ones, yet! Maybe! THINK OF IT!!!

“Great, ummm…could you please leave?”

Sure. I’ll lock the door on the way out, too. Very careless of you, you know!

*sleepy mumble*

Pupdate – Grimmsy Grimmling FAQ Number Two

More questions that I get ALL the time, if I do get questions, which I don’t:

“What the Hell was that????????”

Ah, well, that was the setup to strip one. That’s why it’s called strip 0.5…also-

“But what the Hell was it????”

Well, as I said, it was the setup to strip one.

“For the love of God and all that is good and sacred, why did you make me read that?”

Well, I thought strip one needed a setup. I mean, it just happened too quickly, I thought, in retrospect. So I decided to write strip 0.5, to establish the pleasant, normal setting, maybe set up some in-jokes, maybe make some, maybe just say that…

“Why are you such an a$$hole?”

Oh, I bet you tell that to all the boys.

“So is strip five gonna be more people walking and one line of flippin’ dialogue??????”

I’m sensing hostility here.

“Well???”

No, strip five will be somewhat more interesting. I’m pretty sure. Just have to fine-tune it and all. It’s not easy when you’re establishing canon and planning ahead to maintain continuity.

“Have you found an artist yet, even?”

Ummm…nope. But hey, I’ve got a contest going on at deviantart.com where you can DRAW Grimmsy! And maybe I’ll like the drawing, and there’s prizes and stuff.

“Why are you telling me that?”

Well, maybe you can draw.

“Do you realize that the “strip” you just wrote is quite probably the most boring and pointless thing in the history of comics???”

Oh, thank you.

“I hope Grimmsy comes for you, you b@stard.” *grumble, departure*

No! NO! No, I’m too young to die!! I’m too young, and too handsome!

*glances at reflection by accident*

“NYAH!”

*tilts head, glancing back at the reflection for verification purposes, and then shrugging*

“Well, I’m too young.”

Grimmsy Grimmling, Escort Of Souls – Number 0.5 – Frame 10

Older man seems a bit surprised still but smiles as he accepts the paper from the other man with a quick “thank you”.

Man now-without-paper nods vaguely, not seeming to care much more about either the older man or the paper – his good deed done for the day, now he can relax.

DIALOGUE: “Thank you.”

Grimmsy Grimmling, Escort Of Souls – Number 0.5 – Frame 9

The family is completely gone from the frame.

The man with the paper seems to have noticed the older man’s mild interest; he lifts his hand, apparently offering the paper he holds to the older man in a polite-friendly sort of a way.

The older man seems to pause at this development, looking just slightly surprised.

Grimmsy Grimmling, Escort Of Souls – Number 0.5 – Frame 8

The man with the paper, the older man walking towards the right, and what appears to be a small and rather happy family just about to exit on the left are the only people remaining in the frame.

The family seems oblivious to the other two men.

The man with the paper seems a bit bored, holding the paper even more lazily now as if it is no longer something he wants, is a tiny burden.

The older man is very close to the man with the paper now, moving toward stage right. He seems to have a very vague interest in the paper, from the look on his face, but is not intruding on the other man’s space.

Grimmsy Grimmling, Escort Of Souls – Number 0.5 – Frame 7

Frame is now virtually empty except for the man with the newspaper; a few stragglers on each side remain in view, as well as an older man who is about halfway through the frame, moving toward the right of it.

Man seems done with his paper, it’s semi-folded in one hand and held loosely at his side as he gazes about briefly.

Grimmsy Grimmling, Escort Of Souls – Number 0.5 – Frame 6

Background: conditions (light, clouds, etc) are now virtually the same as frame one of strip one.

Man has reached the far right end of the frame and apparently stopped, holding what is now clearly a newspaper in both hands and looking at it in such a manner to indicate that both 1) it is of only minor interest to him and 2) he’s nearly finished…the page he’s on, anyway.

The crowd continues to thin out, noone exceptional.

Grimmsy Grimmling, Escort Of Souls – Number 0.5 – Frame 5

The man who will appear in strip one (drawn very clearly as him) is one of those in the frame now; he has entered from the left and seems to be carrying a newspaper or magazine of some sort (nothing definitive can be seen, just squiggles that indicate – apparently – writing). He is walking at a leisurely pace, seeming on the positive side of the “content” scale, just like everyone else that’s here/has been here.

Nothing about the man really makes him stick out from the crowd, which appears to have gotten a bit thinner: not much time has passed at all (obvious from the clouds, light, stragglers from frame 3, etc), there just seems to be a lull in the daytime traffic.

Grimmsy Grimmling, Escort Of Souls – Number 0.5 – Frame 4

The crowd, by this point, seems fairly regular but also fairly thin…people exit, new people enter, none of them all that distinct in appearance…noone that shouts out to be looked at.

Mood is average, pace is average…noone seems “ecstatic”, but the overall impression is that this is a fairly pleasant/relaxing place to be, and that those that pass through it are taking advantage of the pleasant relaxation.

Background shifts are very minor: cloud movements that if one was paying attention to and LOOKING for, would seem to be moving together in such a way that the beginning of strip one is coming about (keep in mind that in sequence you haven’t SEEN strip one yet, so that’s not really relevant).