Author: Puppy

Semper Puppy

A Tiny Adaptation On A Piece Of Brilliance

Courtesy of the two most talented Pythons (John and Eric).

Non-Commercial, adapted slightly for my amusement and perhaps yours.

(link removed. It’s Python, fairly easy to find.)

My slight alteration, ‘Rhyte And Wrong’

A play on a stage, with the following props:
fake walls on two sides (left and back)
window opening in left
doorway to closet in left
doorway with closed door in back
desk with papers on it
two chairs, one on each side of desk
fake, stuffed body made to look somewhat real on floor hidden behind desk
fake, stuffed body made to look somewhat real holding piece of parchment inside closet
two signs: one that says “JOKE” and the other “A NEW BOOK SUBTITLE”
A torch

two characters:
Lord Rhyte, obviously in charge, dressed elegantly
S. Lee, dressed casually

*Play begins with Lord Rhyte sitting in chair on left of desk, holding up a book with the title “Rhyte And Wrong” clearly visible in absurdly large lettering so all can see, reading intently from it*
*S. Lee approaches from left side of stage, and climbs through open window, completely unnoticed by Lord Rhyte, then calmly walks over from behind Lord Rhyte and the back of the table to the right side of it, sitting down and folding his hands in his lap*
*Lord Rhyte blinks, glancing over without expression at S. Lee, then back away to the book, raising his eyebrows in a faint look of surprise before calmly placing the book down and turning to face S. Lee*
“Ah, Lee.”
“S. Lee, Sir.”
“Shut up. I want to have a word with you, Lee.”
“S. Lee, Sir.”
“Shut up. It’s about your new book. Now I’ve had your publisher in to see me this morning and he’s very unhappy with your new book.
VERY unhappy. In fact, he stabbed himself.”
*S. Lee appears somewhat concerned*
“Badly, Sir?”
*Lord Rhyte responds without emotion change*
“No, extremely well.”
*Lord Rhyte reaches down and picks up the hidden left leg of the fake body behind the desk, showing it to S. Lee, who gives no reaction. He then picks up a sign that says *JOKE* and smiles at the audience before putting it down and turning back, totally serious again, toward S. Lee*
“Well, before he went, he left a note with his personal assistant-”
*Lord Rhyte opens the closet door, the fake body falls out as Lord Rhyte unemotionally snatches the parchment from it as it’s falling, then glances at it as he continues speaking*
“The extent of which was how unhappy he was with your book, and in particular, why you had changed the subtitle “A New Book By S. Lee” to “A Magnificent Festering Disease By S. Lee”. Why, Lee?
“Ummm…it was a joke, Sir.”
*Lord Rhyte speaks in a somewhat angry, challenging tone as he holds up the *JOKE* sign*
“A JOKE?”
“Uh, no, not a joke…”
*S. Lee holds up the *A NEW BOOK SUBTITLE* sign*
“A new subtitle, Sir.”
“I see, Lee.”
“S. Lee, Sir.”
“Shut up!”
*Lord Rhyte glances at the two bodies and then back at S. Lee*
“Well?”
“Well, people remember the name Sir.”
“They certainly do remember the name, they’ve threatened to set this office ablaze.”
*Torch is applied by stagehand to left wall, it starts to burn*
“They have set this office ablaze.”
*Lord Rhyte holds up the *JOKE* sign toward the audience*
*S. Lee glances somewhat sheepishly at Lord Rhyte*
“You’re not going to fire me, Sir?”
“Fire you??? Two men dead, the publishing house on fire, your books worthless and my loincloth completely soiled?? What, what can you possibly say, what EXCUSE can you possibly MAKE??!!”
*S. Lee holds up the *JOKE* sign* “Sorry father.”
*Lord Rhyte completely loses his anger*
“Oh, it’s alright. By the way, I like the book.”
*Lord Rhyte lifts “Rhyte And Wrong” up from the table and glances to it in indication*
*END*

10/16/16: This sucked. But the original was d@mn good. (housekeeping)

The Texas Chain Saw Massacre (1974)

Hey man, really 70’s.

The leadup is horrid: wretched script, bad acting, dullness, obligatory crotch-cam.

The horror part is really creepy, and it’s scary; but there’s only so much screaming with intermittent bad dialogue one can take before it’s just like “Ok…they’re insane, I get it…is that it?”

And it is.

Grade: C-

Total Retribution (2011)

The intros from a couple of the companies that joined forces to make this are cool.

It maintains the illusion of competence until people start talking.

Badly written pretentious sh1t with a slight zombie presence.

Wretched. Kinda fun to watch in a cheezy sci-fi way, though, at times. So I’ve upped the grade.

And the, umm, special FX. Really…interesting. Wow.

Inspirational Alteration: FUBAB

Inspirational Quote: “That’s for robots only!”

Grade: F

Safely In The Warm Embrace Of Finality – An Homage By Puppy

Book One: Come To Home, Thou Cast Outwards Before

Chapter One:
Music music man man man man greetings.
Door man man man man man Mynril?
Put bound Gods man one hold no!
This door do chatter pause… humanoid this.
This you head images he third he.
How pause do that’s things stops nod.
Just door third both Mynril? give Mynril.

Coming Soon – Details By Puppy, 8/21/14

An homage to D+D, the GOOD parts of FK (just to be clear), Lovecraft, John Carpenter and Michael De Luca.

The reference should be obvious when it’s done, if not now. This is a work of fanfiction, an homage to a movie I have a weakness for.

THIS IS NOT A COMMERCIAL WORK.

Please consider this when reading, and I hope you enjoy.

The movie’s better, of course. But it’s fanfic…give me some slack here.

-Puppy >.< Yip!

The Master (2012)

Post-WWII Joaquin Phoenix, obviously traumatized and attempting to find a life for himself, makes several bad stops on his way to the eventual premise of the film.

It’s interesting, at first, especially wondering where exactly it’s going to go and knowing Phoenix will be there for 2 hours. And he
is, and he’s good as always – welcome back, JP.

But it never truly takes off beyond the pleasure of watching him act, and to a lesser extent watching Philip Seymour Hoffman.

It’s just too generic, too scattered, too unfocused to be the triumphant return I had heard it was for Phoenix. I mean, his PERFORMANCE is up to it…but he picked the wrong film. He just doesn’t get enough help.

You might disagree at first, but I found the more I watched the more disappointed I became in everything except JP and PSH.

Basically it’s another example of a hopeless, vulnerable, sad and tremendously damaged person being taken advantage of by a prophet of false hope. And I don’t mean that religiously; cruelty and abuse of that kind are very mortal, simple, basic human things…for some people.

Unfortunately.

Grade: C

Memento (2000)

I saw this a long time ago and I remembered it as being: pretty good, odd in terms of sequence, and with a twist. So I watched it again before it went off my NF list:

Watch a man with short-term memory unravel things, often many times, in a very unusual order and with an interesting method.

Basically the story unfolds backwards, and semi-repeatedly…so if that sounds interesting you should watch and if it sounds annoying you shouldn’t.

The conclusion is disappointing to me, I expected better. But it was interesting to watch until then.

On Netflix Streaming until 8/15/14.

Grade: C+

3/20/17: Back on Netflix Streaming. I had a feeling I had underrated this…and I think I did. A little.

Better than I thought; creepy and weird, weirder as it goes along.

Some parts still don’t fit (even knowing what to expect), and it might test your patience at first, but overall I think it’s worth it.

Inspirational Quote: “Do I lie to myself to be happy?”

Grade: B-