Author: Puppy

Semper Puppy

French And Saunders – Episode 5 (Jools Holland, Rik Mayall, Harry Enfield)

French.  Saunders.  You’re BEYOND ‘The Comic Strip’.  Please…please…let it go. 

Better reference: ‘The Money Programme’.

“The waiting is the hardest part…”

Highlights:
the rich and emaciated
both of the three basic looks
bosom discussion in the louvre turning into…
menstruation discussion in the louvre
chatty/cheerful severely wounded/dead (a pretty long one, too)

Lowlights:
virtually the entire first 7 minutes
Lots of bits, varied and scattered
Jools Holland’s boring piano playing/music number
ending

French And Saunders – Episode 4 (Michael Grade)

It appears, after four episodes, that they have a few good bits per episode and then the rest is closer to rubbish than good.  But I KNOW they get better…I’ve SEEN them better. 

Oh well…stick with it, Pup.

Highlights:
excited Raw Sex intro
French and Saunders’ amazing and short stunts (and reprise)
Dawn’s subtle BAFTA-snagging
Spanish Dawn’s encroaching on musical number
Dawn peeking
short little ratings bit after the outro

Lowlights:
Scots jokes (and reprises)
links…?
really bad music/dance number
long Spanish(?) musical number
long outro

French And Saunders – Episode 3 (Julie T. Wallace)

A rather wet episode.  See French and Saunders in bathing suits.  Silly ones.

About as good as 2, unfortunately…let’s hope for improvement.

Highlights:
Pixieish French (I have a weakness for her)
“Birth, Bloody Birth”‘s lump of Saunders
French trashing Saunders
Gypsy sketch accents
‘Eeek!…’

Lowlights:
two really fat old disgusting guys humping things
trailer sketch
parts of the gypsy sketch
guy with hats spinning and flipping stuff
a rather weak ending

Germ Z (2013)

Not to be confused with ‘World War Z’.  There are a lot of streaming movies that need a tag to that effect regarding some other (major) movie.

People become infected by a space germ and start eating other people.

There’s attention paid to trying to develop characters that you care about, but it’s not done very well so you really don’t care all that much.  At least, I don’t.  Seems shallow emotionally, superficial; just as bad as if they hadn’t bothered and just gone with all gore.

It’s completely serious, not camp.  And it’s just good enough that you can’t really laugh at it, you just have to tolerate it or – maybe, if you see something I don’t – enjoy it mildly as an infected/zombie flick.

The actors seem to do their best, but that doesn’t stop the acting from descending often into B-Grade.

Ok…there’s one moment of REALLY bad gore FX about halfway through, but where it loses my consideration for anything above a D- comes when an infected tears a woman’s arm off and then beats another woman to death with a REALLY bad prop.  Maybe that’s not how I wanna go.

About an hour in: bad infected behavior continuity.  Lazy, lazy!

The ending drama might do something for you if you’re in the right mood.  And you won’t be missing anything if you skip to it to find out.

Grade: D-

Deep Puppy Thoughts (Part 54)

Why has NOONE thought of/followed through on a “Best Of Joe Mantegna (aka Richie “The Hammer” Ginelli) From ‘Thinner'” Youtube compilation?

I mean, it would make the mediocre full-length movie into a GREAT short film.

I mean, would I like it?  Are you KIDDING?  I’d fcken LOVE it!

Come ON, man… (JJ: LD)   <— a little rusty on that, hopefully proper form.

Don Hertzfeldt – Ah, L’Amour (1995)

Pissed reaction to rejection/bad dating experiences. (I assume).

It’s not all that clever (it’s not stupid, just not all that clever), so unless you’re watching it for the animated gross “reactions”, it’s not a big loss to miss.

Although Don’s admission (at least, that’s how I see it) that he (the animated male) isn’t exactly without fault in the whole scenario is refreshing.  And amusing.

And I like the music.

Grade: C

Pupdate – Vegetarianism

I’ve decided to go vegetarian.  Again.  But this time, I think I’m really gonna do it.

Won’t be a snobby/preachy one…just a personal choice.  No CA/A contamination here.

Wish me the best.  Unless you don’t like me, in which case hope for the worst and I’ll absolutely DELIGHT in either proving you wrong by succeeding or not giving a sh1t because you’re not worth even that amount of thought/feeling.

A winner every time, no blanks!

-Puppy >.< Yip!

Lock, Stock, And Two Smoking Barrels (1998)

Stylish crime drama/action/dark comedy.   Stylish like Tarantino, so you don’t really need to know what the actual plot is.

You know, one of those types.  Lots of clever references and a few interesting visuals.

It’s a little TOO clever for me most times, though…references that make sense but don’t seem amusing, just self-indulgent. 

Or boring, if you prefer. 

Not as bad as ‘DIEner”s subtitle, but you get the idea.  And if you don’t, check it out.

Ending’s pretty cool, though.

Grade: C-

Scream (1996)

Yeah, I saw this when it came out.  Ahhh…long gone days.

Really dark comedy/horror, of course.

Doesn’t disappoint after a brief interlude of not seeing it.  At LEAST ten years…it’s scarier than any movie it references and it feels real.

Good until the very ending, when it gets a bit weak.

Cutest character: David Arquette…awwww.

Great Moment In Nipple Shot History: Rose McGowan

Inspirational Quote: “You fcken hit me with the PHONE, d1ck!”

Grade: B

Wishmaster (1997)

Extremely cheezy “terror” opening: “The Past”

Robert Englund with a horrid combover: “Present Day”

Then the “romantic tension” is announced via a rock song w/ the dialogue.

Features some really obvious extras movement.  That’s extras to the movie, moving in very obvious badly choreographed patterns.

And at one point you might get thirsty for some COKE.

First Wish: Screaming, shifting/growing little creature form, some COKE, and the female lead’s anguished face montage.

Oh, there’s an amazing no-crash insane driving sequence.  Apparently only swerving was in the budget.

Especially after a bit of Robert Englund and a VERY little Tony Todd.

There’s a killing spree near the end that wants to be ‘Hellraiser III’ but is more ‘Monty Python’s Sam Peckinpah’s Salad Days’.

If you wanna see the heroine vs. the djinn in a (boring) Wits N’ Wishes battle, that starts around the hour mark.

Inspirational Quote: “Yessss…the sh1t just…hit the fan, didn’t it?”

Grade: F

French And Saunders – Episode 2 (Roy Castle)

Skits and sketches.  1 was better.

Highlights:
size argument/askance looks
NCP car park!!! (them’s good people, man)
tasteful Saunders crotch shot
t1ts propaganda
Saunders’ night bra

Lowlights:
Bangles parody (Cuz it’s music and not very funny)
musical sketch intro/reprise/ending
pretty much everything after Saunders’ night bra

French And Saunders – Episode 1 (Alison Moyet)

Ok so I’m using resources (thank you, Wikipedia and maybe others) to put these in the correct order by date aired.

Both (Dawn) French and Saunders (Jennifer) have other projects, talent, and a pleasant appearance (Rowr).  Look ’em up if you want/need to.

Here they do skits and sketches together, as in all their episodes (I think).  Sometimes they’re more of a longer theme/parody.

Highlights:
seeing French and Saunders interact: it’s just cute
nice little Dawn-dismissive intro
Dawn’s sudden emergence
Dawn’s helping hands
Dawn’s improper update

Lowlights:
the music – I don’t care who it is, ever.  COMEDY, please.

Mental Illness, ANY Form: One of the last disabilities it’s societally “OK” to mock/stereotype/blame

“according to Army Secretary John McHugh, the soldier saw a psychologist last month and was given Ambien for a sleeping problem.” – HuffPost Crime citing ‘USA Today’

This is about the man who recently allegedly killed people at Fort Hood.

HOW, exactly, is that a “relevant fact”?

It’s like saying, IN MY OPINION: “…the soldier saw a psychologist last month and was given a drug millions of people use with absolutely no violent side effects”.

Where’s the story, huh???

Oh, right…I forgot…HOW could *I* forget…mental illness = violent fcken psycho.  RIGGHHHHT.

Much LATER it goes on to explain how he had, according to someone quoted “behavioral…and mental health issues and was being treated for that”.

AND, according to another quotee he showed: “no sign of any likely violence either to himself or others.”

So…if you take any meds for ANYTHING, or see a psychologist for ANYTHING…like MILLIONS of other Americans…that’s pertinent information if you allegedly commit mass murder?

Of course, what’s NOT news is that the other 24,999,999 people (note: guesstimate for making a point purposes) who have seen a psychologist and take Ambien DON’T allegedly commit mass murder.

Fcken Bullsh1t.

-Puppy >.< Yip!

We Are What We Are (2013)

So there come times when I ask myself why I watch these wretched movies that I watch, knowing I must hate them because they stink and really, who wants to read about D- after D- after F…and do *I* really want to WRITE about them so badly?

But then there’s the occasional ‘Lo’ or ‘The Devil’s Rock’ or ‘Wake Wood’…a little gem of a movie that I otherwise would have missed.

This, believe it or not, falls into that saving-grace category.

It’s about a family that practices cannibalism on a semi-regular basis.  And, since it’s made well, it’s therefore quite disturbing…and interesting.

Low-key and yet creepy at the beginning and slowly but steadily building up in both what the family does/is revealed as having done and in the suspicions of others.

The mood is appropriate, and the acting by a no-name cast is quite good.

There are a few hokey “action” parts near the end, but they don’t last long and eventually the action isn’t so hokey.

It’s bloody disgusting, but it’s not hokey.

EXTREMELY gory/disturbing near the end.

Pretty powerful, actually.

Just one question: shaking hands…so ‘Book of Eli’ was right??

Grade: B

Portal: No Escape (Dan Trachtenberg short film, 2011)

Intro: ’28 Days Later’ or more appropriately ‘Azure Bonds’ (Yeah, a BOOK!!!)  Interesting, both scene and score.

Really good FX.

No complaints until way-too-easy escape.

Great learning curve: Dimension Door gun mastered quickly.  Impressive and plausible (she strikes me as a quick learner).

GREAT touch near/at the end.

SPOILER ALERT:

Think ‘Truman Show’

Ending’s a bit sudden, but I’m NOT glad.  I wish there was more.

Grade: B+

4/6/14: In the midnight hour, I cried MORE MORE MORE.  Maybe the easy escape was allowed/semi-allowed/whatever.  Or if not, overlook it.  This is just fcken cool.  And it’s certainly worth five and a half minutes of your time.  Grade: A-

Dead Island: Riptide – No Retreat (Youtube short film, 2013)

Money on FX: well spent
Money on actors: Coulda used more
Money on script: ditto
Bathing suits: cute
The sort-of twist: not bad
Emotional moment: believable
Ending: predictable

Grade: D

4/5/14: I musta been in a SLIGHTLY bad mood.  And the male/female leads are decent.  Grade: D+

Gallowwalkers (2013)

Slightly interesting opening featuring the Spanish/American Inquisition.

It quickly devolves into a religious/western/zombie/post-apoc mishmash.

Then Snipes explains his motivation.

Then it’s a lot of boredom and pondering and dullness.

Exceptions: A couple of the action scenes have some interest value, and tell me that little boy/girl doesn’t look like Newt!

Grade: D-

Mr. Show – Episode 10 (The Velveteen Touch Of A Dandy Fop)

See episode 9.  Actually don’t, I just meant refer to it and upgrade slightly to get to the review for this.

Highlights:
annoying charity
insane parts of green-light sketch
a few parts of trial
foot insertion

Lowlights:
train sketch
long megaphone sketch
most of trial
most of ending

Louis C.K. – SNL Monologue, 3/29/14

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/03/29/louis-ck-snl-monologue_n_5057239.html?utm_hp_ref=mostpopular

The Sort-Of Enemy Of CA/A Babblers Is My Kinda Wanna-Be-Acquaintance But Not Really.

Toned down for network tv, of course.

Decent…and I LOVE his God joke that must have CA/A’s frothing at the mouth for the quick dismissiveness and then MOVING ON.

Highlights:
God’s judgement
women musings

Grade: C

11/7/16: FAIR USE: CRITICISM – Decent clip, as reviewed above.

Best Western

I enjoy parts of ‘Young Guns’ and ‘Tombstone’ (and a few others) for what they are, just like the next guy.

But then, when I want a REAL Western, I watch ‘Unforgiven’.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8wGiJcq95Ug

10/16/16: FAIR USE: CRITICISM – This is a good clip – which precedes a GREAT clip – from a very-good-to-great movie. (housekeeping)

Mr. Show – Episode 8 (If You’re Going to Write A Comedy Scene, You’re Going To Have Some Rat Feces In There)

D.C. sticks something small in his gf’s mouth.  Not bad.

Highlights:
child labor jokes
Rodrigo’s kneecaps (nice touch)
insane name-guy boss
Ben Stiller
more child labor jokes
ending

Lowlights:
pool-is-all sketch
spelling mistake
longgg show-exec sketch
longgg “new San Francisco” sketch

Mr. Show – Episode 6 (A Talking Junkie)

Ok…this is pretty d@mn mediocre.  Their worst yet.  D@mn!

If you view the entire show as a necessary lead-in to the last minute…it’s great!

Highlights:
Bob’s quick rap persona
box of black hildos
all-anal mountain bike
parts of ‘Rap The Musical!’
baby-Dave outro: easily the best part

Lowlights:
boring junkie sketch
red balloon
overdone quarters
really horrible unfunny song/reprise/reprise
interview sketch

Mr. Show – Episode 4 (Who Let You In?)

A CA/A’s dream episode.

The parts about religion that aren’t funny aren’t funny because they aren’t funny.  But to Cross, that apparently didn’t matter.

Imagining Cross’s GF reading this, reaction then: “Fck you!”

Imagining Cross’s GF one end-of-season later: “Let me in you Fcken prick!”

Highlights:
guitar ability version of health updates
unfortunate excretion-lack timing
acid flag flashback: collection of a$$holes

Lowlights:
Cross’s anti-religion stance coming through repeatedly and unfunnily (the second is KEY)
expert truck bit/song
ending

I know I’m not as smart or prestigious as Larry the Cable Guy, but maybe D.C. will come after me now in his…ummm…stand-up?  The only question: Will he use a chipmunk voice?  Oh, and who the fck’s in the audience?

Mr. Show – Episode 3 (We Regret To Inform You)

A very happy show.

Highlights:
dueling letters
gay porno film fade
some versions of “Third Wheel Legend” (shortest and longest esp.)
recurrent straight, NOT gay theme
bubblebrain
cute little firecracker threat

Lowlights:
gay porno film repetition/’Holy Grail’ rip
some versions of “Third Wheel Legend”

What Might Have Been… (Almost-Pissing Contest With A CA/A)

Ok, so me and this CA/A were gonna get into an insult exchange (mutually consenting to it) but it sorta fizzled out before it happened.  A shame, really…woulda gone something like this.

Not gonna tell you which one I woulda been.

(This is where you imagine Holliday and Ringo)

-Puppy >.< Yip!

6/12/14: New link due to angsty CA/A whining:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GGNdnlCbfMs

Fair Use: Criticism – This clip is one of the best parts of ‘Tombstone’.  Also, CA/A’s suck.  Thank you.

-Puppy >.< Yip!

Mr. Show – Episode 2 (What To Think)

CA/A’s should love this for Marshall, the 13th Apostle. Which…isn’t bad.

But it IS actually funny at times.  More tasteless AND more funny than the first.

The pace is really manic…sketch/link/sketch/link with one-shots and deja vu moments.  It wouldn’t be so noteworthy/impressive if it wasn’t funny.  It’s also not surprising that it didn’t last very long.

The show, that is.

Highlights:
great anti-art intro
unrelenting homosexual cabal
insane sales pitch people
a few holes joke/musical

Science: Blinded Like A Douche

HAHA! I don’t give a sh1t, it’s funny.

Ok, so there’s some CA/A’s that believe fervently and dogmatically that SCIENCE is the ultimate answer to life, the universe, and everything.
Including why Doug Adams is overrated.

Personally, I hope to GOD (or lack of GOD) they’re wrong. Sometimes dispelling the mystery around something is BAD…I mean, really…leave some wonder alone you brilliant fcken morons.

To the guy that told me science is blameless for bad things done using/in the name of it, but completely responsible for good things done using/in the name of it…you’re a moron.

Anyways, here’s a little bit to show you I don’t “dislike” science, nor do I in any way “object” to science, nor am I COMPLETELY ignorant about science. Just mostly ignorant.

As with almost EVERYTHING in life, it has good and bad. The following is good:

“Joanne Milne suffers from Usher syndrome and was deaf from birth.
Jo underwent a life-changing operation to have cochlear implants
fitted. On March 24, Jo’s bilateral implants were switched on,
allowing the 41-year-old to hear for the first time ever. Jo’s
mother recorded the video that shows her daughter overcome with
emotion as she listens to her doctor as he recites the days of
the week.” – AOL.com, BBC

-Puppy >.< Yip!

Mr. Show – Episode 1 (The Cry Of A Hungry Baby)

Mr. Show is a pretty good/ultra weird sketch comedy show.  I only remember it vaguely, but I think it’s worth watching again.

Result: limited thumbs up.  Bob and Dave are both talented and weird, so even when they’re relatively dull they’re not completely cliche-boring.

Highlights:
making the best of 4 won slaves
increasingly weird delaying tactics
conditions mockery

Dead Before Dawn (2012)

Presumption and 1st Impression: student-film level sh1t non-horror flick.

Christopher Lloyd gets some work and makes the best of it, and so does Kevin McDonald.

But the more I watched, the more I realized it was not complete sh1t. It was mostly sh1t, but decent mocking material, and some decent cheezy sh1t moments.

That’s not an endorsement…it’s a reprieve from sh1t failure land.

Approx. 1:11:00 – One of the finest unexpected moments in anti-Cage, pro-Conan cinematic history.

Inspirational Quote: “I’m gonna go poop.”

Grade: D-

Human Revolution – Deus Ex (Youtube, short film by Moe Charif, 2014)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LO2Rx8YlSWY

Semi-hot goth/cyberpunk/”futuristic” chick in REALLY tight spandex. 

Ok, now for the 40-45 percent or so still with me…

Decent acting…decent “look” (i.e. real(istic)).

One REALLY good FX moment, featuring the chick.  Other (fairly) good ones too.

A little too much slo-mo.

5:25 – Layne Staley!!!

8:00-9:15 – too much action, bad acting.

*8:25-8:28 – Gummy hand…Thank you, Neopets!

9:15-End – Fairly interesting.

* = Exception.

Grade: D

4/5/14: I musta been in a really bad mood.  The chick in spandex rocks.  Grade: C+

An Honest Desire, And Why It Won’t Happen – By Puppy

Well quite frankly I’d LOVE to review sh1t and have lots of people give a d@mn.

I guess that’s sorta true now to a limited extent, but I dunno if it’s more as an oddity or a critic.

There are two ways to figure:

1) I’ve gotten a lot of hits, relatively, as a simple blog by a no-name.

2) Noone’s asked me to review anything for them, at all, that they’ve done OR like, in a very long time.

And re: number 2, given my tendency to give what I consider fair grades but many might not, it shouldn’t really come as any surprise.  And it doesn’t, now…but it’s still slightly annoying and quite wistful-inducing.

I’m being serious.

-Puppy >.< Yip!

Accusation: You’re getting lazy…you’re not putting as much effort into it.

Reply: Perhaps.  Give me back my fcken hits.

The Rutles: All You Need Is Cash (1978)

Eric Idle proves he doesn’t need John Cleese to be funny.

Of course, John Cleese needs Idle even less, but there it is.

Occasionally amusing parody with short songs, some of which are fun and some of which are boring.

A bit better than ‘Bad News’ but nowhere near as good as ‘Tap’.

Highlights:
some of Idle’s writing
consistent camera problems
ripping off old bluesmen
Idle v. Radner

Lowlights:
many Python rips by Idle, not as funny the second time (I stopped counting at 4, not quite halfway through)
some of the songs

Grade: D+

Find The Connection, If Any – Have Fun!

Psssssst…. 2:03-2:24

“Aaron’s pro tips: 2. Assume that ignorance is a valid excuse for being a white racist.”

(WAIT A MINUTE! You said “white racist”. Why did you say that?
Since, according to everything you’ve said before, ONLY whites can
be racist. Therefore, to say “white racist” is, by your own
definition, redundant. Unless of course you mean there can be
other types of racists…but that goes against everything you’ve said previously. You SEEM too eloquent to be TOTALLY redundant…Hmmmm…)”
– Excerpt from a previous discussion

10/16/16: FAIR USE: CRITICISM – Good clip from a very good movie featuring a usually not-very-good actor. (housekeeping)

Louis C.K.: Word: Live At Carnegie Hall (2012)

I’ve watched them out of order, so I don’t know whether to say “improvement” or “downgrade”…but this is pretty insightful/direct/funny. 

Almost back to ‘Chewed Up’, I think.

And it’s a welcome return to very bad taste.

Favorite bits: extended Hate rant, slavery rant, extended Anti/Pro children rant

Inspirational Quote: “You don’t die, idiot, you just have a long sh1tty second half.”

Grade: B

Monty Python’s Life Of Brian (1979)

Ok…forget everything I’ve ever said about this movie. 

It had been a LONG LONG time since I last saw it.  ‘Til now.

The intro is weak and the intro song sucks.

As for the movie…it’s got some completely weak/dull bits scattered liberally throughout.  It’s also got some really amusing/interesting bits scattered liberally throughout.

Nothing that’s PARTICULARLY funny…not up to ‘Holy Grail’ or any of the best of ‘Flying Circus’. 

The best parts come after about the 40 minute mark.  Some of them are lifted, but they rip their own material, so it’s not too bad.

And it’s got a nice message at the very end.

Inspirational Quote: “No, that’s the point…don’t let ANYONE tell you what to do!”

Grade: C+

Desperado (1995)

Great intro…Steve Buscemi almost always satisfies.

This is a bunch of action scenes, mostly shootouts, spread out over the length of a movie by drama scenes that don’t really mean anything.

This movie doesn’t really mean anything.  But here are my favs:

– The first shootout after Buscemi’s warning: great music/action.

– Danny Trejo vs. Banderas and a car full of bad guys: great action/chaos theory ponderings.

A couple of scenes are also interesting/amusing…but most are just there because they have to be.

Grade: C-

The Ring (2002)

There’s a hole in this thar movie!

So the kid sees soon-to-be-dead people?  Mostly dead?  Slightly alive?  Que?  Little boy in this movie: you are no Haley Joel Osment.

Freakiness/Weirdness is there, but the first not as much.  And there really isn’t much “scariness”…it’s mostly a longggg bit of atmosphere broken up by scenes; tedious in the middle.

I don’t buy the drama or the characters so much, probably because of the quality of the writing.  And acting.  Not horrid, but…not A-list.

After it seems over: The rest seems plastered on, thrown in because it still wasn’t good enough, a lame attempt at more suspense “action”.

With all that said, kudos to the director for making it watchable and semi-enjoyable.  I’m sure it wasn’t easy.

To all the critics that don’t “understand” the movie:  I think you misuse the word “understand”.  I understand it, I just think parts of it exist for no real reason, explained or otherwise.  It’s just someone’s attempt at a scary movie, that’s all.  And they had to pad around it and make it more “mysterious” to achieve anything at all.

But it’s not worth all the work.  Maybe it could’ve been a dark, creepy X-File.  But it wasn’t.

Grade: C