Author: Puppy

Semper Puppy

Pupdate 3/16/14: Major Overhaul

Same-Day Rewrite:  When I was putting less effort into it I was getting 5K hits a day.  Putting more effort into it gets me in the 100’s.  Really fcken frustrating.  Only three ways to deal with it:
1) Ditch it
2) Work harder on it
3) View it as something to do as a hobby, not a necessity, as I always should have

I picked 3.

-Puppy >.< Yip!

Bobbing Low’s Guide To Life – Part 12

Screw it…it’s just a dog.  Save that 5 bucks a month.  That’s at LEAST 2 beers. *SATIRE*

The rest is NOT satire.

“Sent: 9/2/2010 4:23:04 P.M. Eastern Standard Time
Subj: Hi

I just checked again…Bobby switched it to “Energy Saver – Fan”.  I said it should be on “Cool”, because that helps more with humidity.  Bobby … refused to listen to me.  He’s already threatened to kill me, so I didn’t argue with him.  X is your dog, X.  If you want the AC on a certain setting, it should be.  Talk to Bobby.  If he says he won’t do it, talk to X.  If she says she won’t do it, pay the extra 10 bucks a month to cover the cost difference.  At least, that’s what I would do.  Me saying anything is pointless, I would be ignored.”

Answers:
1) Of course it’s real.  Edited only for name purposes. (X’s) and once for subjectivity purposes (removing something (…) that might be construed as subjective)
2) Yes, this is the guy that’s not paid taxes on a LOT of income for a LONG time, as of mid 2011.
3) No, I don’t think I’m being a rat or a snitch.  He threatened to kill me.  Fck him.
4) *shrug* Not a big dog fan, maybe?  Just a possibility (there was a dog trapped in that virtual fcken greenhouse WITHOUT proper ventilation…to save money, of course)
5) Well that’s plannin, isn’t it?  Forethought.  This isn’t even the best of his worst.

-Puppy >.< Yip!

P.S. – A movie quote to the IRS if they haven’t talked to this…person yet.

“Variable, this is Knife: Where the Hell are you???”

Bobbing Low’s Guide To Life – Part 11

How to say goodbye.

If it’s someone you (I can’t say “like”…let’s say “tolerate well” as the high), then give a quick “Bye”, MAYBE EVEN IF they don’t say it first!!! (That’s like, pure BL gold…you gotta really be lucky).

If it’s someone you dislike/hate then either COMPLETELY ignore their attempts, gaze up coldly for DARING to take up your time with a pleasantry and then look back down, OR…and this is the most common and recommended by B.L….PRETEND you didn’t hear them, make them say it again, and THEN do the ignore/cold stare in some sort of variety pack form.  You know, always the same, just mix it up a little.

Sorta like the ‘Today’s Mystery Limp’, only…well, I was gonna say “smarter” or “dumber”, but it’s pretty darn equal.

And while writing about B.L., this just came to mind…not sure HOW it’s connected, but there it is:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jRKz82v5JQY

P.S. I apologize for the redundancy with Part 10, this is just like, SO B.L.  And I’m still only writing ONE copy for every…hmmmmm…let’s say 100 times it happened.  Very conservative estimate, mind you.

10/16/16: FAIR USE: CRITICISM – Bad movie, just enjoy the clip. (housekeeping)

How To Respond Decisively To A Request

This is a JOKE…calm the fck down.

The German Response: A strong “No”.

FAIR USE: CRITICISM – I don’t care how historically “inaccurate” it is.

1) It’s a MOVIE.
2) Don’t be so pedantic.
3) Look up the phrase “suspension of disbelief”
4) I hardly think anything that may have in some tiny way happened 2,000 years ago can be PRECISELY DOCUMENTED.
5) What do you have against dogs??? Bastards.
6) I forget six.
6.9) I change my position: it is not completely and precisely accurate, therefore it is illogical and against the Ministry Of Truth. Just don’t throw rats at my face, please, for the love of non-God.

Tales From The Darkside – Pilot OR Episode 0 (Trick Or Treat)

Horrible.  How this got the show bought is beyond me.

It’s slow ALLLL the way through.  Cheeziness/cheezy music do remind me of Romero a bit (he…and I use the word liberally…”wrote” this).

And what a BLATANT ‘Creepshow’ ripoff.  You know, that one freaky/good movie segment.

Don’t miss the exciting “rotary phone re-re-re-dialing” scene.

Reviewed merely to get something new started.  Hopefully it gets better.

Louis C.K.: Hilarious (2010)

Starts off really well – tasteless and/or funny, and seemingly fresh.

That’s the first few minutes.

After that it becomes uneven: more amusing than funny, with a few exceptions.  And the mumbling/grunting gets on my fcken nerves after…right away.  I don’t want Tim Allen, I want Louis C.K.

He just doesn’t seem all that inspired sometimes.  For the first time that I’ve noticed, he seems vaguely fake in points.

Check out the highlights, then try another special, unless you demand to see them all.

Highlights: Dead Kid bit, Awkward Heterosexual Sucking bit, Sh1t bit

Grade: C+

Bobbing Low’s Guide To Life – Part 10

How to greet/say goodbye to people.

If you LIKE them (very rare): Give them an emotionless but polite “hello” but do not otherwise pursue conversation.

If you are APATHETIC/NEUTRAL towards them: Give them some sort of FAINT acknowledgement (perhaps) if you’re in the mood for it.  Otherwise, skip it.

If you DISLIKE them (for no reason other than you’re a prick):  Return their greeting/farewell with COMPLETE ignorance OR (even better) just look up slightly, stare at them coldly, and then look back down.  Best when done several dozen (hundred?) times to reinforce the effect.

Whatever the case may be, try to avoid conversation.  Because then they’ll probably think this:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5hfYJsQAhl0

10/16/16: FAIR USE: CRITICISM – A good bit from a really bad movie. (housekeeping)

Crimson Tide – The Extended Version (Part 6)

Timing has been abandoned for this bit.

“You know, Mr. Hunter…with the advancements in submarine technology we have in this ship, we could travel very large distances if we wanted to.”
“Yes, I’m aware of that, Sir.”
“I’m not certain of this, Mr. Hunter…but I would bet we could very easily travel, let’s say, 20,000 leagues.”
“Yes, Sir, I concur.”
“That’s pretty deep, Mr. Hunter.”
“Actually, Sir, it’s pretty far.  But it may or may not actually be deep.  Sir.”
“What’s that, Mr. Hunter?”
“I was explaining, Sir, that travelling 20,000 leagues would be pretty far, Sir.  But not necessarily all that deep.  Sir.”
“Ah, yes…I understand that now.  Thank you, Mr.  Hunter.  Oh, by the way, I bet those Portugese horses, the Lippizaner stallions,  could run a distance of 20,000 leagues before they got tired.
“I don’t think you’ve quite got the hang of that measurement, Sir.”

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K4anNb2jS4Q

“I didn’t know that, Mr. Hunter.  But they are from Portugal.”
“Sir, if you don’t mind, could we please drop the friggin’ horse conversation?”

There’s 20,000 leagues more, but I’m done here.

10/16/16: FAIR USE: CRITICISM – A great bit from a great show. It’s a great episode, too, as I recall. (housekeeping)

Lunatics Reviewing Music – Part 13

The vastly overrated Andy Kaufman adding a little punch to “The Mighty Mouse Theme”.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kGx94VPb8V8

10/16/16: FAIR USE: CRITICISM – I’m gonna criticize this (it’s mildly amusing) but I don’t care much if you campaign wildly for its removal since the mildly is very mildly. (housekeeping)

Bad Milo! (2013)

This is a dark/silly comedy, despite the blood.  “Horror” is just such a misplaced word relating to this.

Stressed out man gets an alien thing in his body.

Best things about it: Distant relative of ‘How To Get Ahead In Advertising’ (perhaps a lovechild with ‘Office Space’), the train intro, and Peter Stormare.

Neutrals: Intelligence, Weirdness, Decent acting.

Worst thing about it: The fact that I got completely bored not quite halfway in and never gave a sh1t after that.

Grade: D

Lunatics Reviewing Music – Part 12

SOL’s Legends Of Rock on “The Band That Played California Lady” and their big hit, “California Lady”.  A tragic, insane tale.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E8wGJjBax8w

10/16/16: FAIR USE: CRITICISM – This is an entertaining clip from an otherwise somewhat dull MST3K episode, if I recall correctly. (housekeeping)

The Vicar Of Dibley

Impossible for me to watch (again) and “rank” or even really review these properly.

Dawn French is good, as usual…but she’s just as good in every episode, and every episode is pretty much the same.  If you’re looking for something to become AMAZINGLY familiar with, to sort of “feel” a part of (And yes, I know the feeling) then this isn’t bad at all…quite good, actually.

But if you’re looking to laugh, go elsewhere.  This is more occasionally mildly amusing.  The recurring characters have no depth, just a basic theme that is belabored every episode.  You’ll feel right at home pretty quickly if you want something inoffensive to watch and/or fall asleep to.

It’s a program version of Python’s ‘Pictures Of Other People’s Lives’, where you hang them up and then pretend they’re a part of YOUR life.  Not to denigrate watchers or the show itself…that’s just plainly WHAT (and all that) it is. 

Think low-key dramedy…so low-key that you feel without French providing SOME humor it would just float away.

48 Hrs. (1982)

This is such an AMAZINGLY mediocre movie.  Truly, the level of not-good-but-not-too-bad is persistently off the charts.

Nick Nolte is a poor man’s…anyone.  Or a median-income man’s Mitchell.  Or a lucky man to get any roles at all.  Or a straw man if you pick on his acting over Murphy’s.

One good thing: Murphy is decent and sometimes amusing.

WOW is some of this music cheezy as hell.  WHY, James Horner?

If this had any effect on the making of GOOD cop/buddy action flicks, great, and thank you.  But by itself it’s a mediocre version of something that’s since been done to death, and much better.

Inspirational Quote: “There’s a new sheriff in town…and his name is Reggie Hammond.”

Grade: D

Heavy-Rotation Selections

With my radio station vamos’ing on the fifth, I thought I’d make a list of Heavy-Rotation (Band I play the most) Albums worth owning.  In alphabetical order.

Alice In Chains – Dirt
Alice In Chains – Jar Of Flies
Nirvana – In Utero
Nirvana – MTV Unplugged In New York
Nirvana – Nevermind
Pearl Jam – Ten
Pearl Jam – Vitalogy
Pearl Jam – Vs.
The Pixies – Bossanova
The Pixies – Surfer Rosa
The Pixies – Trompe Le Monde
The Smashing Pumpkins – Gish
The Smashing Pumpkins – Siamese Dream
Soundgarden – Superunknown
Stone Temple Pilots – Core
Stone Temple Pilots – Purple
Temple Of The Dog – Temple Of The Dog

Fright Night (1985)

Extremely dated in parts (yes, beyond the norm for ’85), but it’s a fairly interesting/entertaining little movie. Parts REALLY drag, but parts hold up well.

I mean, it’s not a horror film. Don’t think it’s even trying for that. It’s more a dark and cheezy comedy with a little bit of mediocre drama thrown in. When the very few actually dramatic scenes occur, it does make them that much more…dramatic.

My opinion on it might be slightly dated given past (beginning near original release) viewings, but I think I’ve pretty much detached that and given it a reasonable/fair grade. And I only had to watch it for the 33rd time!

Inspirational Quote: “You’re so cool, Brewster!”

Grade: C

10/5/16: BETTER Inspirational Quote: “You havta have faith, for this to work on *me*, Mr. Vincent.”

7/14/18: The Great Grade Update. Grade: C+

Bill Hicks – Relentless (1992)

Again, the problem: Hicks (as much as I’d want him to be) is not a very good stand-up comic.  I’m sorry, he’s not. (Thanks, NdT).

Repeats some material from ‘Dangerous’, and I think it’s safe to say makes ‘Dangerous’ completely irrelevant since it’s also better.

File under the “Admirable But Not Very Enjoyable” category.

Best Bits:  Weapons Catalog, Good Drugs/Good Drug Story

Inspirational Quote: “You know, I don’t know what y’all believe and I don’t really care.”

Grade: C

To My Listeners – A Sincere Thank You

To all those that have been listening to my station for a while, I’m sorry to have it go away so suddenly (or go away at all).  Sincere thanks to everyone who helped make it a (at least limited) success.

Not sucking up or anything, I just feel more than a “thanks, bye” is in order.

The reason I decided to end the station is based on commercials, I’ll just leave it at that.

Special thanks…well, special thanks to everyone that listened the most.  This means you, Alabama.

You’ve got until the 5th to get any songs you REALLY like from ITunes.  But in the case of the bands I play the most (Nirvana and Temple of the Dog’s one album especially) I’d recommend buying the whole album…definitely worth it.

Anyways that’s about it.  Happy listening.

-Puppy >.< Yip!

PUPDATE 3/4/14: My station, ‘Semper Puppy’ no longer exists on 3/5/14.  If you see another station calling itself that, it ain’t mine.

Suck It Trebek

To all those who said/thought my online radio station would fail miserably, before it potentially goes away (quit, not fired), here’s my failure:

24 Overall Favorite Station selections
1 VIP Favorite Station selection
602 Presets
3465 listening hours in the last 30 days
Rating: 5 out of 5 (4 Votes)
95 Facebook likes
5 Google shares
2 Tweets
1 Pinit

Live365 – A Plea And Explanation

While I understand the…well, not really “need”, since you get money from other sources…but while I understand the need to put ads wherever you can to stay profitable, there is a point where that becomes too much.

I don’t mind the silent, still ads that cover the entire right side of my screen when I’m checking out “Semper Puppy” (which I happen to pay for, every month).

But when, as happens VERY often now, an ad PLAYS while a song is playing, completely RUINING the song and doing nothing but make me say “Well, fck that product, I’m never buying it now…”, that’s too much.

So are the FULL-PAGE ads I have to click out of after stealthily moving my screen to the correct position before I can even SEE the “X” to stop them.

It’s reminiscent of Neopets’ “Advert Attack”…quite similar actually, thus eerie.

It’s also making me think VERY seriously about dropping my membership.  So do with that what you will…I mean, I don’t want to drop it, but I’m not gonna PAY to be SHOWN ads.  Especially when they interfere with the normal broadcast of a radio program.

-Puppy >.< Yip!

Tales From The Crypt – Episode 92 (Ear Today…Gone Tomorrow)

Dig that cat, he’s…oh, nevermind.

A safecracker with hearing loss regains his abilities after a rather odd operation.  Then it’s a bit of a test for him.  Kinda cheezy but also fairly interesting, until the end – which seems to go ON and ON and ON…

Da End.

Self-Preservation Is The Opiate Of The Masses

Truly, truly sad that some people believe it’s the “Highest Law”.

I mean, if being a groveling, sniveling, cowardly piece of rat sh1t is cool with you, here’s what you look like:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0MGLdIYdCq0 (2:27-2:41)

FAIR USE: CRITICISM – Good clip from great movie. Also fits for the purpose stated above.

Lunatics Reviewing Music – Part 6

THE Bruce Dickinson feeling very strongly about “(Don’t Fear) The Reaper”:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dri0WmDXHo0

5/20/16: No, you’re not sorry about that. You don’t give a fck, you heartless bastards! *Cleese smiling as he holds up the JOKE sign*

8/15/23: At least they’re not pretending to give a fck anymore.

Lunatics Reviewing Music – Part 5

The insane cannibal couple from ‘The Book of Eli’ hums the praises of “Ring My Bell”.

Also heavily endorsed by a fake Italian film director in MPFC in its alternate version: “Ling My Berr”.

(This is where you go to YouTube and try to find the appropriate clip, where applicable and legal, since my link don’t work. And of course I understand – I mean, the vast majority of the people that would watch the whole movie really just wanna see two old insane cannibals humming along to a cr@p song).

Caldera (Evan Viera short film, 2012)

CGI short film with lots of intriguing, pretty, even (some) beautiful images.  With music to match, yet.  No dialogue, but see ‘Avatar’.

It’s got a bit of an (original on MTV version) ‘Aeon Flux’ feel to it…you don’t really know WTF is going on, but it almost doesn’t matter.

Open to interpretation, I suppose.  Which is good…maybe making you think.  Then again, if you don’t WANT to try to figure it out, here’s a summary from the director:

SPOILER ALERT…

“CALDERA is inspired by my father’s struggle with schizoaffective disorder. In states of delusion, my father has danced on the rings of Saturn, spoken with angels, and fled from his demons. He has lived both a fantastical and haunting life, but one that’s invisible to the most of us. In our differing understanding of reality, we blindly mandate his medication, assimilate him to our marginalizing culture, and entirely misinterpret him for all he is worth. CALDERA aims to not only venerate my father, but all brilliant minds forged in the haunted depths of psychosis.”

Grade: B-

Bill Hicks – Dangerous (1990)

Like I said in my review of Hicks’ biopic, he’s not nearly as funny as he or I would like.

But he’s sincere and he’s at least somewhat amusing/intriguing in his anger/frustration.

I’d LIKE to grade him higher on sheer moral principle, but artistic integrity forces my hand yet again.

By the way…since I assume any stand-up comedian researches his/her material at least in a basic fashion, who is George Michaels?  If that offends you, chill the fck out…Hicks would have wanted you to.

Inspirational Quote: “Today a young man on acid realized that all matter is merely energy condensed to a slow vibration…that we are all one consciousness experiencing itself subjectively.  There’s no such thing as death, life is only a dream and we’re the imagination of ourselves.  Here’s Tom with the weather.”

Inspirational Idea: At the very end.

Grade: C-

The Most Beautiful Thing (Cameron Covell Short Film, 2012)

It’s also probably one of the most predictable things.

A cute HS romance with a happy ending. 

If you like predictable and sweet, you should watch it.  Personally, I find it a little too much of the first.  But the believable (well-acted) sweetness makes it somewhat interesting.

Grade: C+

Louis C.K.: Shameless (2007)

Worst of the three I’ve seen so far, but that’s more a compliment to the other two.

C.K. is talented enough that even his “ok” is better than most comic’s “funny”.

Laughed a few times; REAL laughter, too…and was at least mildly amused for the rest of the time…could’ve used a few more of the first though.

Louis, at this point, is a bit like a security blanket…I can wrap myself in the knowledge that while he may not always be brilliant, he never stinks.  And this is some small comfort re: standup.

Tasteless, as usual…seems to have fun with it, as usual…doesn’t seem to give a fck if you’re offended or not, as usual.

Good, sensible, easy-to-understand pro Gay Rights section too.

Not his BEST, but it ain’t bad.  So if you’re anal about such things, start here.

Highlights:
Extra Jerky
bags of dicks
donuts and dead hookers

Inspirational Quote: “Who gives a sh1t?? It doesn’t MATTER, it doesn’t have any effect on your life, why the fck do you care?”

Grade: B-

Lunatics Reviewing Music – Part 1

Since music is subjective, I thought I’d give a few examples of how even people who are out of their tiny little minds have favorites.  I think it’s safe to say, that THIS, is a great moment in the portrayal of the insane music reviewer.

Stansfield reviews Beethoven:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eRBI1VSO7hc

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x9SZVOzNcAc

10/16/16: FAIR USE: CRITICISM – These are good clips that relate to the subject. (housekeeping)

Absence Of LaVeyan Powers Of Car Movement Costly

“…The cops then checked the block for cameras before arresting
Jackson and charging him with destruction of city property, disorderly conduct and resisting arrest. Fortunately for Jackson, the officers missed a security camera on the home of Jackson’s neighbor. That camera captured the whole bizarre incident.”

Once again, innocent until proven guilty, police or non-police just the same.

But…

Checked the block for cameras before arresting him? Is there any way something could be more obvious? “Ummm…well, you’re under arrest if we can’t find anything to make your “one civilian” be worth more than our “two police officers”…so just hold on a second…” -PUPPY NOTE: those were fake quotes. This is satire. So Nyah!

Maybe they were just doing a routine drive-the-wrong-way-down-a-one-way-and-smash-into-a-car-and-then-realize-it’s-the-annual-camera-operations-check check?

-Puppy >.< Yip!