Author: Puppy

Semper Puppy

Star Trek – Episode 38 (I, Mudd)

An android takes over the Enterprise and takes it to a planet where Harry Mudd rules supreme.  Not quite the second coming of Khan, but it’s not bad. Especially compared to the first Mudd episode, which stunk.

LOTS of silliness, but it’s mildly interesting.

Highlights:
Spock’s danger confirmation
Chekov’s android interaction
Uhura’s monologue
Spock’s fascination
Spock’s explanation of logic

Lowlights:
Stella interactions
some of the silliness
smoking Norman
cr@ppy ending

Spockism: “Nowhere am I so desperately needed as on a shipload of illogical humans.”

The Three Stooges – Episode 12 (Ants In The Pantry)

Highs:
Rain In The Face
head like Napoleon
convenient ladder
conspicuous (derived from the Latin)
Curly’s free kiss
shakin’ the tootsies
impromptu dance
insufficient rat poison
brief banquet
Curly’s defiance

Lows:
initial pest placement
cat placement
cat piano
piano gags
ending

Grade: B-

12/11/16: Good stuff. And they’re not afraid to tackle politics. Grade: B

Star Trek – Episode 36 (The Doomsday Machine)

A long leech-shaped object with a glowing center slices, dices, and eats planets!

The conflicts are between two ships and said object, and (more interestingly) members of the crew and Commodore Decker.

Highlights:
most of Decker’s performance
Spock’s performance
interpersonal conflict
ending – nicely dramatic

Lowlights:
battle scene(s) conflict
Decker’s ending overacting

Spockism: “Vulcans never bluff.”

Star Trek – Episode 35 (The Apple)

A planet that seems beautiful is explored, with dangerous results.  Then they find a group of people that worship a snake-head god type thing.

Extremely marginal.  Just barely worth reviewing, really…and only because of Spock’s contributions.

Highlights:
relaxed explanation of the word “kill”
Kirk’s ending Satan joke/Spock’s reaction

Lowlights:
extended redshirts death intro

Spockism: “I submit there is no cause for worry.  They’ve taken the first step – they’ve learned to kill.”

The ABCs Of Death (2012)

Ok, so there’s TWENTY-SIX directors here.  They each take a letter and make a short film based on a word beginning with said letter.

That means, each director is responsible for 1/26th of a movie.  Not even 5 minutes.  You’d think with that little responsibility there’d be some interesting ideas, because 1) It’s 26 times easier than making a full movie and 2) There’s 26 chances.

So it’s really sad how many times the ultra-mini-movies suck.

Here are the ones I found interesting:

D (Disturbing, but stick with it for the twist)
H (Very silly, but somewhat interesting)
Q (EASILY my favorite…makes the sh1t ones look that much dumber)
U (Undead point of view)
V (Sci-fi dystopian, interesting)

That’s 5 out of 26.

Some of the rest are so absurd that they’d finish below P.P. Pasolini’s ‘The Third Test Match’.

And of course there’s sh1tloads of credits.

Inspirational Quote: “So Stinky!”

Grade: D-

7/14/18: The Great Grade Update. Grade: D

Foo Real

I thought I knew all it took to bother you
Every word I said was true; that you’ll see
How could it be I’m the only one who sees
Your rehearsed insanity Yeah

I still refused all the methods you’ve abused
Its alright if you’re confused; let me be
I’ve been around all the pawns you’ve gagged and bound
They’ll come back and knock you down
And I’ll be free

I’ve taken all and I’ve endured
One day it all will fade I’m sure

I don’t owe you anything
I don’t owe you anything
I don’t owe you anything
I don’t owe you anything

I had no hand in your ever desperate plan
It will turn and when it lands words are due
I should have known we were better off alone
I looked in and i was shown you were too

I’ve taken all and I’ve endured
One day it all will fade I’m sure

I don’t owe you anything
I don’t owe you anything
I don’t owe you anything
I don’t owe you anything
I don’t owe you anything
I don’t owe you anything
I don’t owe you anything
I don’t owe you anything

I’ll Stick Around
I’ll Stick Around and learn from all that came from it

Star Trek – Episode 34 (Mirror, Mirror)

Kirk and a few others beam up into an alternate universe and meet Evil Spock.  And evil others; but Spock is the key, like he usually is.

Moments of stupidity, but mostly quite interesting.

Highlights:
the premise
Spock/Evil Spock
general mood
Kirk/Evil Spock interaction
Kirk’s speech – truly moving, really

Lowlights:
Kirk’s amazing cheezy revelation/weak cheezy reactions to it
weak Evil supporting reactions on the Good Enterprise
Kirk’s “romance”
fitting in Marlena
sad DRAMATIC combat
sad DRAMATIC Uhura/music

Spockism: “I do not threaten, Captain.  I merely state facts.”

Star Trek – Episode 33 (The Changeling)

Another second-tier favorite. 

The Enterprise encounters “Nomad”, a slightly altered version of a known probe that is now seeking out “perfect” life forms and destroying all others.  Kirk and company try to deal with it before it kills everyone.

Highlights:
a whole lotta Nomad
Spock’s Nomad indignation
a lot of interesting lines and conflicts
bluey?
the last 10-11 minutes, really

Lowlights:
long mental probing of Nomad
sudden, convenient episode name

Spockism: “Your logic was impeccable, Captain.  We are in grave danger.”

Star Trek – Episode 32 (Who Mourns For Adonais?)

The Enterprise meets Apollo on a distant planet.  He wants them to stay and worship him, Kirk of course does not comply.  Really stupid in parts, but it has some good moments.  Watch the ending, at least.

Highlights:
Apollo’s rage
interesting theory on the Greek Gods
Chekov again
Apollo’s wistfulness
Kirk providing me with great pleasure by annoying CA/A’s
truly dramatic ending

Lowlights:
INCREDIBLY stupid intro intro, especially McCoy’s commentary
low Spock quotient

Spockism: “Insults are effective only where emotion is present.”

Star Trek – Episode 31 (Amok Time)

Spock enters “mating time”.  So events lead up to that battle between Jim Carrey and Matthew- No, ummm, not quite. 

But it’s got the battle, and the DRAMATIC music (lots of it), and lots more.  It’s actually quite interesting, often dramatic, and even moving at times…the whole episode, not just the climax.

Highlights:
Spock’s performance
Chekov and his quips
very interesting ideas
real drama
cool first weapon
Spock’s logical/emotional outburst
Ending

Lowlights:
stalking nurse
cheezy unreal drama
cr@ppy second weapon

Spockism: “After a time, you may find that “having” is not so pleasing a thing after all, as “wanting”.  It is not logical, but it is often true.”

Star Trek – Episode 30 (Operation: Annihilate!)

It’s got a really stupid episode name!

Besides that, it’s the one with the noisy, semi-flying jellyfish that take over human hosts and eventually drive them insane.  Fairly interesting.

Highlights:
focus on Spock

Lowlights:
jellyfish blobs
the obvious escaping everyone several times

Spockism: “It is proving to be an inconvenience…but it is manageable.”

Star Trek – Episode 29 (The City On The Edge Of Forever)

My favorite episode ever, just ahead of ‘The Trouble With Tribbles’.  Kirk and Spock must travel back in time to prevent McCoy from changing history and thus negating their own existence.  Interesting premise, great execution…a minimum of cheeze, and lots of interesting scenes and lines.

Highlights:
The Guardian of Forever
Much of Spock’s commentary
possible icemen sighting!
Kirk doing some actual ACTING
Edith Keeler
actual emotional involvement

Lowlights:
Spock’s brief out-of-character emotional outburst

Spockism: “He knows, Doctor.  He knows.”

Star Trek – Episode 27 (Errand Of Mercy)

One of my non-Favorites (‘The Trouble With Tribbles’, “The City On The Edge Of Forever’) favorites. 

Kirk and Spock are trapped on a planet of seemingly placid humans who seem unconcerned by the sudden outbreak of war between Federation and Klingons, even when the Klingons occupy their planet.  The contrast between the extreme conflict and the peaceful occupants is quite interesting, if somewhat cheezy.  Hey, it’s Star Trek.

Highlights:
Commander Kor
Kirk/Spock’s confusion/frustration
Spock’s accuracy
ending

Lowlights:
random inconsistent castle
“go climb a tree”????

Spockism: “I should say the Organians are as far above us on the evolutionary scale as we are above the amoeba.”

Star Trek – Episode 26 (The Devil In The Dark)

People are being killed by an unknown creature at a mining colony, and the Enterprise is called to investigate.  It’s a bit more complex than that makes it seem, in a good way.  A bit unusual for a Trek episode, in terms of setting/plot, and not the most exciting, but it’s not bad.

Highlights:
focus on Spock
Spock’s emotional concern for Kirk
cute doggyish movements
admirable maternal instinct

Lowlights:
creature costume

Spockism: “It seems logical, Captain.  The Horta has a very logical mind.  And after close association with humans, I find that curiously refreshing.”

Why I Don’t Post Much Lately – Commentary – Comment Rip

Noone seems to give a sh1t either way, so I figure I’ll take the same amount of hits for not posting as I get for posting.

Commentary: If the new game in which you try to knock someone out with one blow is the cause of teens going around trying to do it in real life, why do I doubt that a new game in which you try to give a small portion of your allowance/income to a charity of your choosing would have a similar effect?

Oh, by the way…I think in my next life, I’d like to come back as the President of France.

Why?  Because I think it’d attract a lot of traffic to the website.

-Puppy >.< Yip!

The Best That You Can Do

I’ve heard and read a lot of bullsh1t about “doing your best”.

Plenty of great quotes about it, really…here’s one of my favs:

(paraphrase, I don’t wanna look it up) “Losers always whine about their best.  Winners go home and f@ck the prom queen.” – Mediocre Dreckheimer flick.

Sounds really cool, like it could slide into ‘Pulp Fiction’, really great sound bite(sp?) and all, but it’s horsesh1t.  Just like all the rest of them.

Truth is, the only people who think “Winning Is Everything” are losers, scumbags, and egotists.

The difficult thing is…your best is a LOT more than you probably think it is.

“I tried my best.”
“Did you win?”
“Doesn’t matter.”
“It matters to me!”
“What the fck do I care?”
…

– “…To say dying without attaining one’s aim is a foolish sacrifice of life is the flippant attitude of the sophisticates.”
– “To die without gaining one’s aim is a dog’s death and fanaticism. But there is no shame in this. This is the substance of the Way of the Samurai. If by setting one’s heart right every morning and evening, one is able to live as though his body were already dead, he gains freedom in the Way. His whole life will be without blame, and he will succeed in his calling.”
– Hagakure

And if you interpret that as morbid, you simply don’t understand.

Because it’s deep.  20,000 Leagues Deep.

-Puppy >.< Yip!

An Exciting Comedy Idea – By Puppy

So (and again, if this has already been done/proposed, fine…it SHOULD have been by now) I was just wondering, thinking about Crime Show A-Z (the one with that cute goth chick…ummm, call it X) because it has that cute goth chick and thinking about Monty Python because they were brilliant…and it occurred to me:

What if the actress that plays that cute goth chick on X guest-starred on ANOTHER show, using her real name?  Like, appearing as herself, the woman that plays that cute goth chick on X?

Ok, so she appears on another show, and let’s say the show is a tasteless, irreverent comedy show, and they do a parody of a famous comedy troupe via one of their most famous sketches?

Now, if the character of the woman that plays that cute goth chick on X, appearing on said show as herself (in character), DIED during a sketch on that show (the character of the person that plays that cute goth chick, not the person that plays that cute goth chick), would they, in order to make sure she’s dead, have to do the following?

*Person 1* “Oh my lack of birdseed, she’s dead!”
*Person 2* “No she isn’t…she’s just restin'”
*Person 1* “What do you mean, “restin”???  Look at her, she’s stone dead!”
*Person 2* “No, no…I think she just prefers bein’ on her back.  She’s beautiful ain’t she, lovely hair.”
*Person 1* “The hair don’t enter into it!  She is definitely deceased!”
*Person 2* “She’s probably pinin’ for the fjords.”
*Person 1* “”Pinin’ for the fjords”??? What kind of talk is that? Look, she’s just layin’ there, flat on her back.  She’s dead!”
*Person 2* “No no, she’s restin'”
*Person 1* “Alright then…if she’s restin’, I’ll wake her up” *lifts head of said pretending-to-be-dead actress from the couch she is on* “PAULEY…PAULEY…I GOT A NICE NEW BLACK CLOTHES SET FOR YA WHEN WAKE UP”
*Person 2* *Nudges the body of said actress* “There she moved.”
*Person 1* “No she didn’t!  That was you pushin’ her!”
*Person 2* “I did not!”
*Person 1* “PAUUUUULEY!!!” *Thumps head lightly on armrest of couch as actress fights back a grin* “PAUUUULEY!!! PAULEY PERRETTE!!!!!” *Thump thump thump* “PAULEY!” *Releases head, which is still fighting back a grin, and which falls back onto the couch*
“Now that’s what I call a dead Perrette.”

And don’t give me any pronunciation nonsense, you can put that in the bucket.  I mean “bouquet”.

-Puppy >.< Yip!

Star Trek – Episode 25 (This Side Of Paradise)

The Enterprise crew become content and quite happy when sprayed by spores…even Spock, which is quite entertaining. 

Not my FAVORITE, but one of them…well-written and performed.

Highlights:
eerieness
Spock’s acting/antics/explanation
Kirk/Spock’s forced confrontation – at this point friendship well established, it is truly dramatic

Lowlights:
a continuity error or two
Spock’s random sexist remark

Spockism: “I am what I am, Leila.  And if there are self-made purgatories, then we all have to live in them.  Mine can be no worse than someone else’s.”

Too good not to have another-

Spockism, Part Two: “I have little to say about it, Captain.  Except…for the first time in my life…I was happy.”

Vital News Update – 11/12/13

Also useful as a means to type the numbers 11/12/13 on the only appropriate day that I can.

Headline: ‘Miley Cyrus Shrugs Off EMAs Weed Controversy’

In other news: ‘Everyone In The World Shrugs Off Miley Cyrus Shrugging Off EMAs Weed Controversy’

Given a choice between the two of you as a means of entertainment (the words “singer”, “artist”, “actress” are all equally inapplicable to both) I’d take…the Sea-sick Croc-O-DIIIIILLLLE.

I mean, at least it’s got a decent bit o’ tail. OH!

-Puppy >.< Yip!

Star Trek – Episode 24 (A Taste Of Armageddon)

The Enterprise becomes “involved” in a war between two planets fought using only computers, where “casualties” off themselves in disintegration chambers.  I like this one quite a bit, although it could have been better and there are some VERY cheezy moments.

Highlights:
The general premise
phasers derived from the Latin
Anan 7’s performance
the female co-guest star playing devoted and sweet before she played cruel and vicious in a later episode
multi-legged creature?

Lowlights:
Ambassador Fox’s OVERACTING and accompanying DRAMATIC MUSIC!
somewhat clumsy execution of a brilliant premise
out-of-character McCoy

Spockism: “I do NOT approve.  I understand.” (as emphatic as possible for Spock)

V/H/S/2 (2013)

Opening: Darth Vader confronted by a furious Derek Vinyard.

After that, there’s the “intro” – more buyable than in part 1 and better acted but just as “who cares?” because the whole point is “pop in the tapes”.  And they do:

Movie 1: Guy gets an eye implant and then starts seeing people that shouldn’t be there.  That’s basically it until near the end, when a girl he’d seen before at the hospital comes to his door.  And some other stuff happens.  Paranormal-ish and kinda creepy, but derivative and unnecessary. 

Movie 2: Interesting…and Problematic.

It’s an inventive short zombie movie.  It’s very gory but it’s also well-made and well-acted.  The makeup and FX are convincing.  It’s intelligent and has a sense of timing (even though one bit is off, IMPO).  It explores zombie endurance, behavior and “relation” in somewhat-original fashion.  To paraphrase Roger Corby: “It even has a (dark and twisted) sense of humor.”

It also comes VERY close to (in my eyes) crossing the boundary between “tasteless” and “offensive” near the end, when I think to myself “No way…” when presented with two soon-to-be convergent scenes. 

The fact that I am reviewing it in depth (and positively) goes to show that a) In my opinion, it does not cross that line and b) it was well-made enough to make me FEEL, and THINK about that, and my review, with serious and somewhat disturbed emotions.

Only interesting bit after movie 2: waiting for the name of movie 2 in the credits after suffering through 3 and 4. It turns out to be ‘A Ride In The Park’, directed by Eduardo Sanchez and another old pro from ‘Blair Witch’.

So (hopefully) no new careers being jump-started here.

Basically I recommend you watch 2 and maybe the intro+1 if you don’t feel like skipping forward.

Grade: D+

Star Trek – Episode 23 (Space Seed)

The one where they find Khan and his people.  Khan, of course, tries to take over the Enterprise.

Necessary prequel (yes, that’s advice, both are NF streaming) for ‘Wrath Of Khan’, and pretty good just by itself – especially the scenes with Khan vs. Kirk.

Highlights:
Eugenics War references
McCoy’s informative bravery
Khan’s performance
Kirk and Khan’s grudging mutual admiration

Lowlights:
recurrent fatigue

Spockism: “Unify, Sir?  Like a team of animals under one whip?”

Zombie Massacre (2013)

Come on, this whole zombie/infected thing has just been done to death.

*rimshot*

I mean, where do they keep digging up these films?

*rimshot*

Besides, the whole zombie thing is just so year-in-the-past-after-which-they-ceased-to-be-relevant-and-fresh.

This particular terribly-everything one takes place in Cliche City.  You know, it’s that one after Redundancy Ridge, if you follow Stupid Street until the very end and then take a dull right onto Pec Pike, and then just make sure not to miss that left onto Derivative Drive.

Here’s a little bit I just ripped off Python:

And so the great powers of the world and the people of Shanklin, Isle of Wight, made zombie flicks.  They made them in Cairo, Bangkok, Cape Town, Buenos Aires, Harrow, Hammersmith, Stepney, Wandsworth and Enfield…but always they stunk.

Fav Bit: Female with a topknot worthy of the most ADORABLE kender.

Grade: F-

Star Trek – Episode 22 (The Return Of The Archons)

Brave New Episode (only better).

Oft-forgotten (by me, at least), and undeservedly so.

The Enterprise explores a planet where everyone seems placid and calm at all times except during “Festival”, when apparently all the sex, violence, and chaos happens at once.  All the people are controlled by some being called “Landru” that Kirk and company try to find out about/fight against.

Highlights:
Sulu’s intro
plot/theme/general ideas
guest actors

Lowlights:
a relatively weak ending (sort of a ‘Changeling’ warmup)

Spockism: “This is a soulless society, Captain.  It has no spirit, no spark.  All is indeed peace and tranquility: the peace of the factory, the tranquility of the machine.”

Star Trek – Episode 20 (Tomorrow Is Yesterday)

The Enterprise gets seen in “modern times”, has to erase evidence it was seen, then goes away, etc…

It’s relatively laid-back and not particularly exciting in any way, but it’s not horrid.  Watchable. 

Highlights:
guest actor

Lowlights:
Exaggerated focus on/reaction to Spock
some time warp cr@p

Spockism: “I am.”

Fargo (1996)

Weird as Hell, frozen over…MINNESOTA STYLE!

A film in which the Best Actress winner (Frances McDormand) doesn’t appear until there’s about an hour left in it. 

I’m not saying she isn’t good – only William H. Macy as the snivelling, incompetent crime-organizer is as impressive – just struck me kinda weird is all.

The story’s a simple crime drama with a lot of odd twists.  The reason it’s still simple despite having a lot of odd twists is that the odd twists have nothing to do with the crime drama.  They have nothing to do with anything.  They’re just THERE. 

Hell, forget “twists”…totally irrelevant SCENES, as pertains to the actual story.  No “alluding to” this or “establishing” that or “foreshadowing” this…they’re just THERE.  Like, hey, we wrote this scene…let’s throw it in.  The problem is, if you took all of them out you’d be left with…mmm, maybe 15-20 minutes of movie.

Basically, it’s mostly hollow and filled with sh1t.
(Sometimes)-Interesting sh1t, but sh1t nonetheless.  Hit it with a stick and it’ll burst open. You’ll laugh, you’ll gasp, you’ll eat it up, you’ll walk away and move on with your completely unaffected and unmoved life.

I guess you could admire the way the Coen Brothers took a 20 minute crime drama and lengthened it out to 90+ minutes with “yah”‘s and “you betcha”‘s and Tarantino Pulp-era-reject throwaways.  You COULD…I don’t, but you could. 

But why would you want to WATCH it?

Grade: C+

Crimson Tide – The Extended Version (Part 2)

00:04:30 – “So…Mr. Hunter…any other hobbies besides riding horses?”
“Not really, Sir.  I’m a fairly one-dimensional character made much better by a great actor.”
“I see, Mr. Hunter.  So am I.”
.
.
.
*Crickets*
.
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.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
00:06:10 – “Vossler, is that d@mn radio fixed yet? I could have built one, eaten it, passed it through my digestive system, cleaned it off, taken it apart, and rebuilt it again by now.”
“Sorry Sir, the miscalculation also affected my competence.”
“Great…you red-shirt moron.”
“What Sir?”
“Ummm…warp speed, Scotty.” *grumble*

Crimson Tide – The Extended Version (Part 1)

Now I really like the movie ‘Crimson Tide’ just the way it is (despite the best efforts of Simpson/Dreckheimer), but I wonder if anyone’s considered the enormous dramatic possibilities that would be gained by lengthening the wait time at the end.

(SPOILER ALERT!!!).

Like, instead of 3 minutes, have it be…

Oh, I don’t know…let’s say 36 hours.

It would really prolong that period of dramatic tension…and hey, as we all know, the longer something goes on therefore the better it is, right?  (This is for my live-to-1000 fans).

Here’s a sample of just some of what you might get in the “extended” version:

Obviously yeah that stallion bit, but then SO MUCH more!

00:02:30 – “Captain!”
*Denzel and Gene* “What?” *sideways half-glance at each other, maybe a WUH WUH WUHHHH in the background*
“Turns out there was an error in our calculations.  Russians will not have launch capability for 36 hours, Sir!”

00:03:01 – “Well, Mr. Hunter…this is where normally we’d have this resolved by now.  It’s a good thing we made a miscalculation, so we have more time to talk.”
“Yes Sir.”
“Yes Sir, you agree that this would normally have been resolved by now, or Yes Sir, you agree that it’s a good thing we miscalculated so that we have more time to talk?”
“Yes Sir I agree this would normally have been resolved by now.  Yes Sir, I agree that it’s a good thing we miscalculated.  It’s a good thing because now we both have more time to listen, Sir.  And those horses are from Spain, Sir.”
“Huh…I didn’t think of it in those rather philosophical terms, Mr.  Hunter.  *short pause*  But they are from Portugal.”

Star Trek – Episode 18 (The Squire Of Gothos)

Kirk and Sulu, and eventually many more, are plucked from the Enterprise to entertain a powerful yet childish being with a fascination for Earth history.

Highlights:
Trelane before he was a Klingon commander
Spock vs. Trelane

Lowlights:
talking green blob drama

Spockism: “I object to you.  I object to intellect without discipline.  I object to power without constructive purpose.”

Bullying – A Short Commentary

In light of recent comments by some defending possible bullying, even hypothetically, here’s a general commentary:

The fact is that morons who say that, IN ANY SITUATION, people who don’t “stand up to” people that are bullying/hurting them are somehow by definition therefore weak and cowardly AND IN ANY WAY “thereby” deserving of said bullying are…

Idiots.  That’s the perfect word.  Idiots.  And also possibly bullies.  But AT LEAST Idiots.

The fact is, if noone BULLIED anyone else, there would be NO NEED TO STAND UP TO THEM.

It happens because scumbags choose to make it happen.  Period.

Get it?  How many neanderthals/thalettes don’t understand this?

That’s not even getting to the fact that bullying is quite often ILLEGAL (see “Idiots”, above).

Some people say “Well, just stand up to them.”  What if “them” is 10 against your 1?

Some people say “Well, all bullies are cowards.” Not all.  I’ve made this mistake in the past – MOST bullies are cowards.  Some bullies aren’t cowards, they’re just scumbag sadists that get off on other people’s pain.

There’s no easy solution.

OH…except one…STOP FCKEN BULLYING PEOPLE YOU A$$HOLES.

-Puppy >.< Yip!

Mystery Science Theater 3000: Horrors Of Spider Island (1999)

Bulky guy and a bunch of dancers quickly get stranded on an impeccable lifeboat, forced to resist the urge to eat one another.  Then there’s an island and sort of a spider thing, and persistent half-nakedness.

Highlights:
SEXY horror music
intense dance auditions
horrific dialogue
decent-to-pretty-good riffing

Inspirational Quote: “We can’t hold out much longer”

Grade: C

Star Trek – Episode 17 (The Galileo Seven)

Spock, McCoy, Scotty and a few others get trapped on a planet with aggressive humanoids that throw a lot of spears.  Kirk races against time to find them (The group of crewmen, not the aggressive humanoids or the thrown spears…good parody idea though!  One in a row!).

Decent, and worth watching for the focus on Spock at least.

Highlights:
Spock’s leading role
Spock admitting that logic does not always have all the answers

Spockism: “I neither enjoy the idea of command, nor am I frightened of it.  It simply exists.”

Star Trek – Episode 16 (Shore Leave)

The planet of instantaneous thought-manifestation.  It’s kind of cute and kind of interesting.  I always think it could be better when I see it, because it could.  But it’s decent.

Highlights:
relatively relaxed nature is somewhat refreshing
Kirk vs. Finnegan

Lowlights:
TENSE music near the beginning.  It’s hard to get scared over a rabbit.
unconvincing McCoy romance moments
ending

Spockism: “Not necessary in my case, Captain.  On my planet, to rest is to rest: to cease using energy.  To me, it is quite illogical to run up and down on green grass using energy instead of saving it.”

Darkroom (2013)

Starts off trying to hook you into caring with a two-pronged approach: decent acting in a naturally sympathy-inducing location (a rehab center) and showing, to the best of their ability, the limited cleavage of the lead actress.  You feel sorry for her or you stick around for more cleavage, I guess is the plan.

Quite effective, really…I went for both.  Plus the fact that I had to watch it because that’s…what I do.

Shortly after that there’s the all-important changing-for-a-photo-shoot scene, which allows them to say “nudity” (barely).

Between 19-22 minutes in it turns creepy and almost everything is explained, after which it ceases to be creepy.

Then you get the cr@ppy horror flick (with a few flashbacks that you don’t care about cuz either you realize it’s a sh1t film or cuz you never cared in the first place because you were just waiting for the sh1t film part to start).

It’s sort of like ‘Saw’, only much worse acted, dumber, and more pointless.  Actually it’s not all THAT much like ‘Saw’, I just wanted to point out that, since I didn’t really like ‘Saw’ all that much, this REALLY sucks.

Mainly for misogynists, sadists, and crusading antitheists as “acceptable evidence”.

Directed by Britt Napier, apparently to show that women can make pointless sh1t movies just as well as men.  Well done.

Movie actually ends at 1:10, then there’s sh1tloads of credits.  Upped a notch for the first 10 minutes or so being not-sh1tty.

This is the sort of completely worthless garbage that ‘Cabin In The Woods’ is (so compellingly) skewering.  Bravo, Joss.

Inspirational Quote: “I’m a dirty girl.”

Grade: F

The Predicted (Overstated, Admittedly) Inevitable Decline Of Wes Welker

Ok, so he’s still d@mn good.  And I wish we had him

But…

2011: 122 Receptions, 1,569 Yards, 5 dropped passes (2.9 percent)
2012: 118, 1,354, 10 dropped passes (5.7 percent)
2013: On pace for: 100-1,110, 10 dropped passes (6.9 percent)

(Source: SportingCharts)

And he’s 32.  And he’s taken a POUNDING the last six years.  He’s not getting better, folks.  He’s getting worse.  Just because he’s still really good doesn’t mean he’s not in decline.  Cuz he is.

Yes, he’s caught 9 TDs.  He would have caught 15+ as a Patriot if they didn’t have a MUCH BETTER end zone target (Rob Gronkowski). 

Meaningless.

But of course I appreciate all he did for the Pats, and especially this:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0WCb17psf8A

-Puppy >.< Yip!

12/22/13:

Edit on prediction, and comparison:

Wes Welker, 2013: 73 catches, 10 drops.  Drop percentage: 9.0
Julian Edelman, 2013: 89 catches, 6 drops.  Drop percentage: 4.7

Faux News – 11/3/13

So I just found out (cuz why would I ever want to read anything about/by her?) two things, sort of by accident, about Megan Fox.

1) She’s bisexual
2) She’s a sexist MORON

“I would never date a girl who was bisexual, because that means
they also sleep with men, and men are so dirty that I’d never want
to sleep with a girl who had slept with a man.”

But yet you sleep with men. So your men are magically non-dirty?

“They’re boys; they’re easily toyed with.”

Well, in a way…I mean, you have nothing to offer except your body and yet people pay attention to you. Then again, you actually BELIEVE that anyone thinks you have any talent or relevance.

Not sure who’s more stupid. And when you’re older but just as dumb, they won’t care anymore…and you’ll still have no talent or relevance.

I guess it’s ok to be sexist as long as you’re female. Well…not “ok”, but…not QUITE as bad, you know.

In response: I guess a little because she’s a dumba$$ and I deserve it more, and no I wouldn’t.

-Puppy >.< Yip!

Star Trek – Episode 15 (Balance Of Terror)

Kirk vs. Romulan commander in a battle of wits after a truce-violating attack by the Romulans.  A lot of interesting dialogue and events, as well as the usual Trek share of cheeziness.  A good one, though: quite interesting if not fascinating.

Highlights:
Sarek’s performance before he was Sarek, as Romulan commander
Spock, as usual

Lowlights:
inappropriately DRAMATIC material-breaking music
unbelievably unlikely mistake by Spock (was that the BEST they could come up with?)
TERRIBLE ending

Spockism: “If the Romulans retained this martial philosophy, then weakness is something we dare not show.”

The People Under The Stairs (1991)

A half-way decent horror flick that’s (at times) both creepy and campy.

Periods of tedium, and the camp grows as the creepiness lessens.  Or maybe the creepiness just lessens.  It seems to go on too long, like they had enough ideas for half a movie but needed to pad it out to a full one.

But it’s an ok watch if you like the genre. 

Features Ving Rhames, one kick-a$$ kid, and at least one HORRIBLE mask.

Inspirational Attack Move: Nose-pick

Grade: D+

7/14/18: The Great Grade Update. Grade: C-

Star Trek – Episode 10 (Dagger Of The Mind)

A personal second-tier favorite that I think is overlooked.

A man escapes from a penal “rehab” colony, apparently
deranged…then things get creepy, both in mood and action.
The Vulcan mind meld is introduced, albeit somewhat awkwardly.

Highlights:
Van Gelder’s performance
the natural creepiness of Tantalus

Lowlights:
wooden “energize” guy
gently moseying redshirt guard