Author: Puppy

Semper Puppy

Response

It hurt me very much when we stopped talking, a LONG time ago.

It hurt again when you ignored my heartfelt, sincere attempts to reconnect with you. 

And so I said goodbye to you; and in all the time since then you made absolutely no attempt to acknowledge me in any way, shape, or form that would show you had any interest whatsoever in being my friend or even in any way associated with me, at all, ever.

So when I get a random message after all that time saying not much of anything, the only logical response I can think of is:

Have a good life.

Mystery Science Theater 3000: Samson Vs. The Vampire Women (1995)

See Frank on his fairly quick but time-staggered journey to second-banana Heaven, accompanied by Torgo.  And an old cheezy slowwwww-paced Mexican horror flick. 

Could have been a lot more inspired for a last hurrah.

Highlights:
horrific dubbing
sudden chunky masked guy with spiffy cape
solid evidence that the WWF/E originated in Mexico
decent riffing

Grade: C

Mystery Science Theater 3000: The Screaming Skull (1998)

Robot Rumpus isn’t very funny, but it does demonstrate the value of Old Glory insurance.  Then there’s the usual cr@ppy movie.

Highlights:
cute Servo butterfly
Crow T. skull
ultra-pretentious movie intro
death jokes
surprisingly good riffing

Inspirational Quote: “I invite you to join me in marital intercourse.”

Grade: B-

Jeux Sans Frontieres

Anyone that derides any game as childish or meaningless/pointless is just fooling themselves.

Everyone plays games.  At every age.  The only things that change are the games you play and how you play them.

That you choose to label them as something else does not change what they are.

“Shall we play a game?”

“I don’t like to lose.”

-Puppy >.< Yip!

Class Of Nuke ‘Em High (1986)

Some Troma flicks are watchable, because they’re…not good enough, but smart enough.  And doggone it, some people do like them.

This isn’t all that smart, even adjusting for sh1t, but I actually find it minorly enjoyable.

My favorite part was minorly enjoying it while waiting for it to end so I could review it, knowing there would be nothing to actually have to analyze. 

Oh, and every shot of Janelle Brady.  That pretty much got me through.

Inspirational Quote: “Hmm? Mmm? … Hmm?”

Grade: D

Deep Puppy Thoughts (Part 45)

Ok, now I understand when people say that some people take sports WAY too seriously, it’s just a game, etc etc etc.  I agree.

But on the other hand, I think it’s equally as absurd to either:
1) HATE sports, as if they are a tool of evil (they’re JUST GAMES, right?  How can you HATE games?????)
or…
2) Believe that every male that likes sports is by definition a moron.  That’s just dumb.  I mean, if you think all football players are just big dumb fat guys, try memorizing an NFL playbook.  You don’t even have to move a muscle, just read one, and be able to recite exactly what you would do on every play based on what every other player does.  Purely intellectual.

Apparently advertising people subscribe to this notion as well, based on the following ad:

Coors Light Commercial.  Everyone in the bar is always smiling. 

Cut away, cut back: SMILE…

another cut, SMILE…

another…SMILE.

It’s like, with Coors Light they smile about EVERYTHING?

“Hey, good to see you!” SMILE

“You look really great!” SMILE

“Oh sh1t, I gotta go take a piss!” SMILE

“FCK!  I just spilled my beer!” SMILE

“OMG I don’t believe she shot me down!!!” SMILE

“I drank WAY too much, man, I feel like I’m gonna vomit all over you!” SMILE

The Welker Delusion

It’s a critical attribute for any NFL (or any pro sport) GM/Exec/Scout/Coach/Etc to be able to see the gradual beginning decline of a player before it becomes blatantly obvious to the masses.  That’s when you trade said player based on their presumed level of talent when you know they’re going nowhere but down.  Slowly, perhaps, but down.  And once you start to decline as an athlete, you generally don’t go back up.  You just keep going down.  The great ones just go down a LOT slower.

So, based in no small part on the fact that Wes Welker (and this is a non-verified observation…no mathematics involved, just eyes) from what I saw (and I saw a lot) dropped more passes last year than the past 3-4 years combined, his loss has been greatly exaggerated.

Would he be better than Boyce, Dobson, or Thompkins?  Sure.

But I think the pendulum has swung from 2-3 years ago to the point where I can now say that Wes Welker is a poor man’s Julian Edelman.

-Puppy >.< Yip!

The Spock Delusion

If you ever encounter a CA/A who invokes Spock in their argument/defense/overall attitude, feel free to make them aware of the following:

1) Spock (as with all Vulcans, not because he was half-human) was an extremely emotional being.  Because he suppressed these emotions does not mean they did not exist.  If any actual research had been done, as is the CA/A MO, this would have been known to them.

2) Many Vulcans are theists, if you know what “theism” means in the broadest (real) sense.

Same-Day Edit: It’s actually…well, not amazing, knowing them…but remarkable that trying to find ANY reference to “theism” anywhere that could possibly in any way be seen as unarguably positive or even non-negative is a ‘1984’ like struggle against the Ministry of Truth.  I mean, I could’ve SWORN that the last time I looked up “Vulcan” on Wikipedia, it said they were theists.  But this time, that section is completely absent…ALMOST as if someone had intentionally gone in and removed it retroactively for (mis?)information purposes.  So, I went to several other sources to verify the FACT that at least some Vulcans are, in FACT, theists.  Fictionally, of course.  But isn’t it sad how rabid these people are?  I mean, I knew CA/A’s aspired to worldwide propaganda, but if you have to turn into Big Brother to denounce “brainwashing”…well…ummm…yeah.

Unrest (2006)

At the beginning, you may think to yourself – “This could be pretty good…creepy, maybe thriller-type interesting”. 

It could.  But it isn’t.

Like most cr@ppy NetFlix streaming horror movies you’d never heard of before, the reason why is because it’s not very good at all and so noone watched it, or if they did they didn’t tell anyone else.  Or if they did, they told them it sucked.

It’s professional-grade, I’ll say that for it.  No ridiculously gross awfulness.

But the opening faint promise becomes more and more disappointing as it just meanders around, going nowhere interesting until the very end.

The philosophical/spiritual attempts are half-hearted, as is the “romance”, and both seem to serve only to (like love) pad the film.

I mean, she basks in the obvious afterglow with her bra still on?

Comes with lots of unwarranted VERY SCARY music, and cadaver-fishing.

9/12/13: Guest Review by Mr. Eric Praline, addressing the director (and being disturbing) – “It’s people like you what causes unrest!”

Inspirational Quote: “I got a head!”

Grade: F

To Any Who Care

Please do not take my previous post as an indication that I am in any way STOPPING my posts.

Simply pausing and being a smarta$$ about it.

There’s no way I’d ever give up my site…the fact that it exists and is visited annoys too many people that I can’t stand for me to even consider it. 

Thank you.

-Puppy >.< Yip!

Subeta Review

As of late I have been playing Subeta quite a bit.  It’s sort of like NeoPets.  I’m fairly into it at the moment, but I shall attempt to suspend that for an honest evaluation.  Vis:

If you’re looking for games, this is NOT the place to go.  At all.  In any way.  The games are very limited in choice and aren’t particularly exciting.

There are frequent pauses, mini-crashes, etc.

The world is much smaller.

The player base is much smaller.

However…as of this writing, at least, I prefer it to Neo.

Why?  Because I’ve seen at least some real evidence that the staff actually gives a fck about the players.  Are they doing it because they’re nice, or to get new players?  Probably some of both.  But I like staff that gives a fck.

Also because there are lots of things to do, if you don’t demand actual games.  Like Neo, it’s for kids AND adults, so some things seem a bit childish/amateurish to me.  But it’s got a certain cutesy-japanese-anime charm to it, and so far the other players have shown to be nice, overall, from my experience.  And the ads are far less intrusive and annoying.

Anyhoo that’s it for now, screw watching cr@p movies for you people when I’m (at least temporarily) into this.  Look at my back catalog.  No offense.

-Puppy >.< Yip!

Harold’s Going Stiff (2011)

Documentary-format movie about British men slowly turning into “zombies” via some unknown disease.

Centers on one man (Harold) and a woman that takes care of him.  She looks a bit like a young Dawn French, if that holds any interest for you.

I can’t call it moving or funny or scary, because every time it seems to be edging towards one of those it just moves back to slow and deliberate.  Not boring, just slowly moving along, going nowhere in particular, in no hurry – sort of like the disease itself.

It’s a bit frustrating, actually, because it’s fairly clever and never embarrassing, but it just never seems to even TRY to go anywhere beyond its initial borders.  It’s like watching a slow-moving stream and wondering when it’s going to overflow or change direction.  Certainly not unpleasant, but if you’re expecting anything else, somewhat disappointing.

Very few players, very little “action”.  Weird…and by far the most tranquil zombie movie I’ve ever seen.

Grade: C-

Zombi 2 (aka ‘Zombie Flesh Eaters’) (1979)

Cheezy, dumb ripoff of the then-popularity of Romero’s ‘Dawn’. 

Quick intro scene lifted right from the middle of ‘Dawn’.  Why?  SELL SELL SELL!  (Ironic, no?)

If you like gore you might (mildly) enjoy cackling and/or laughing at this, depending on your tastes and your tolerance for cheeze and bad FX.

I need decent acting, a decent script, believable characters…SOMETHING else besides gore to make a zombie flick watchable.  Unless it’s UTTERLY horrid…and this doesn’t QUITE achieve that.

With the cheeziness and background music, it’s sort of like watching a 70’s porn flick, without the porn.  It’s even got a guy that was in one of the ‘Emanuelle’ movies.  Not to be confused with the ‘Emmanuelle’ movies.

The “exciting” scenes often have a Michael-Palin-from-MPFC’s-‘jungle explorers find a nice place to eat and then bad stuff happens’ sketch, near the end – before it’s deemed not suitable for family viewing.

“Do you know much, about voodoo?  It’s a fascinating practice…” Yeah well you wouldn’t know it from this, Loki.

Upped a notch so I don’t have to worry about which title to put on my F list.  And because it reminds me of ‘Dawn’.  And 70’s porn.

Grade: D-

Mystery Science Theater 3000: Agent For H.A.R.M. (1997)

Another dumb, boring spy flick.  The movie is terrible and the riffing mostly sucks, so really the only reason to watch is for the entire-episode-length (gee, I wonder if that’s a coincidence) trial of planet-destroyer Mike.  It’s sort of amusing, but that’s it.  Skip the movie.

Grade: D-

Ridding The World Of All Known Problems

What does that? Antitheism, of course! A lack of religion would eliminate all the world’s problems.

In other news, North Korean leader’s ex-girlfriend executed by firing squad for making porn.

Well…there goes that theory.

Thanks CA/A’s, GREAT idea! (Re: JJ – MPFC, “HTDI”)

I mean, my position is SO EASY! I don’t have to prove that religion is “good”, I merely have to prove that evil fcked up sh1t would happen COMPLETELY WITHOUT religion. Personally, I feel a bit let down…I was hoping for a challenge. :(

-Puppy >.< Yip!

5/17/16: Rumors of her death may have been greatly exaggerated. But if you’re POINTING THAT OUT – that is to say, if you’re trying to show that North Korean leadership “isn’t all that bad…” – just to back up your obvious bullsh1t hypothesis…you really need to rethink your priorities.

8/12/16: Just a little clean-up. But hey, check out ‘There They Go, Satisfied Customers By The Thousands!”. That’s some funny stuff.

A Theory – And It’s Mine

Well, it’s more of a theory in the Anne Elk sense…that is, it’s an obvious fact to anyone but a MORON.

Ahem…ahem…

AHEM!

As I’ve said countless times (well, I could count, but that’d be boring and I’m on a roll) before, religion can NEVER be done away with.  I’d like to explain that I put the word “never” in all caps for reasons of emphasis.  NEVER.  As in, not ever.  *Knock Knock* Hello…hello, McFly?

As extremely reluctant Einstein-esque quotee Spock is oft quoted as saying FOR CA/A’s: “Yield to the logic of the situation.”

Would Spock pursue an impossible goal?  No.  That would be illogical.  A silly, pointless, illogical human reaction.  Spock would accept as reality the facts of the situation.  And he would move on.  Not to mention that Vulcans are THEISTS, but that’s beside the point.

I mean, it simply cannot be done.  It’d be like saying to him “Spock, our group wants to work on computing the exact numerical value of Pi.”  He would look at you, probably with a raised eyebrow, explain how that was impossible, and politely decline to join your waste of time.

“Computer.  This is a class A compulsory directive.  Compute to the last digit the value of Pi.  *Pause* As we know, the value of Pi is a transcendental figure without resolution.  The computer banks will work on this problem, to the exclusion of all else, until we order it to stop.” – ST: TOS, ‘Wolf In The Fold’

CAN’T BE DONE.  Understand?  CANNOT.  No.  Never.  Ever.  Impossible.  There will ALWAYS be theists.  Always.  Forever and ever.  And if all current theists stopped believing and all religions were done away with (ALREADY an IMPOSSIBILITY), people would MAKE UP NEW ONES!!!  What the Hell is wrong with you people?  My lack of God, it’s annoying!!!

-Puppy >.< Yip!

Cemetery Man (1994)

It’s a good sign at the beginning when something deadpan happens and it’s played just right.  Not ignored, but not POINTED OUT, like “wasn’t THAT clever???”.

Acting is tolerable, fx are cheezy, music is pretty decent.  The weakness of the script becomes more of an issue as things get more complex.

I kind of went back and forth between bemoaning its stupid cheeziness and waiting to become enthralled by its near-fascinating gothiness.  I doubt many will find the second winning in their hearts/minds, but, as with ‘Lo’, it’s completely possible some people will adore it and others will think it’s a load of sh1t.  Me, I’m somewhere in the middle, but it doesn’t grab me the way ‘Lo’ did, so leaning more towards the latter.

You’ll only find it funny if you hate it, and you won’t find it scary either way.  The best to hope for is rapt fascination…which I could understand.  None of that HERE, but to each their own.

If it was better written and better acted I might call it moving.  As it is let’s call it (mildly) interesting. (Re: JJ – RC, DH ‘ICSS’)

For living/undead romance, I’ll take ROTLD Part 3.

Grade: D+

Chiot Est Mort. Vive Chiot.

Pretentious? MOI??? (Re: JJ – Diane and RC).

So an update on the great Neopets saga that I just KNOW you’re going to love:  (Re: JJ – MPFC)

New account, 1st place in LCL recovered.  Ummm…4 times.

So yeah…a fluke and all. 

Meaningless?  Sure!  But I just have a RtH attitude toward proving people wrong when they act like…mmmm…so on and so on.  (Re: JJ – MPFC)

HA HA HA HA HA I AM the God, I AM THE GODDD!!! (Re: JJ – Frank)

MINE MINE MINE DOWN DOWN BACK BACK MINE MINE!!! (Re: JJ – DD)

-Puppy >.< Yip!

To The DOSASS (Part 5)

You know, being under this Denial (well, sort of) Of Service attack, it kinda makes me feel like the high court has sentenced me to TORTURE.

And if you ever stop, I’ll probably be thinking to myself, somewhat wistfully for some reason, “What about TORTURE??”

-Puppy >.< Yip!

P.S. Oh yeah, since I got more hits yesterday than in any single day for the past two weeks, let me just repeat this gentle assertion/question: You’re not a very GOOD hacker, are you?

Independence Day (1996)

Once again Jeff Goldblum plays the coolest character in a cheezy, dated-upon-release but still somewhat fun quasi-epic sci-fi-ish adventure flick.  Only this one is more cheezy.  And a little too long.

But it does have Will Smith, which sort of offsets that.  Sort of.

Inspirational Quote: “Excuse me…Mister President…that’s…not, ENTIRELY accurate.”

Grade: D

NeoPets – The Tomb Of The Unknown Score

First, an explanation/warning of a problem I encountered on Neopets.

Second, a general NeoPets review (Hey come on, I put seven/eight solid days of work into this!).

Fifth, a description of screen shots I have and how they’re relevant.  No, I’m not going to upload them.  Why?  Because I don’t care if you believe me, and because you probably are bored by this enough already.

NOW THEN:

Well, let me just use mostly email quotes from me and TNT (That’s an acronym for The Neopets Team, for those in the know).

8/9: Timeline event – Neopets account created.

8/13: 1st place overall score, listed in BIG LETTERS on a game page, held by me, vanishes.  Now, and this becomes important later on, notice the month of creation and the month of high score gaining.  YES!  They’re the same!

8/13-8/14: Mentioned problem, got this response: “We will look into it Thanks!”

8/16: Wrote to ask about progress of looking, since score still gone and no info given.  Received this response: “Thank you for contacting us via the Feedback form. If, in fact, you have an actual support issue regarding your account, please submit a ticket here:”.  No, I don’t have an actual support issue, I’m quite deliberately wasting your time.  Well, except for the deleted/vanished score support issue, there’s that.

8/19: From me: “It’s been four days, my ticket has been closed without resolution, only reopened when I suggested I was considering writing about the state of Neopets customer service, and still I’ve received absolutely no idea whatsoever why my number one score in Lost City Lanes was deleted, after having been delayed acceptance to VERIFY legitimacy, and then approved.  And posted to the high score list, giving me a trophy I still have even though according to the game itself, I have NEVER played it.
 
So, just letting you know I’m working on my piece.  If you’re not going to do anything about it, the least you can do is tell me “We’re not going to do anything about it” instead of just…nothing.  Let me know, thanks.”

8/21: …As for your score, High Score trophies are awarded only once per day, sometime in the early morning Neopian Standard Time. In order to receive a trophy you will need to be in a qualifying position in the High Score Table at that exact moment. If you send
a qualifying score after this time you’ll need to maintain your top spot to qualify for the next day’s trophy.

Please note that scores being reviewed are NOT posted until the score has been approved by our moderation team. This means that it will not post to the High Score table, no matter how awesome your score was, until it’s approved. By the time it is approved
the score may no longer qualify for a trophy but this is not a bug, just how the system works…

8/21: My response: “Hello.  The fact that I have a 1st place trophy in Lost City Lanes is proof, by your own words, that I MUST have achieved a top three score, this month (since this is my first month of playing), in Lost City Lanes that was accepted and posted to the high score table.  I have screen shots to verify this.
 
My score was reviewed, and accepted.  And I have screen shots of this as well.  A few days later, it was deleted, after I received the proper trophy for having the number one overall score, which I worked very hard to get.  The deletion came without any explanation whatsoever, and after nearly a week there is still no explanation.  I can only infer from that that Neopets does not thoroughly investigate such matters, for if you did you would certainly have a reason for the deletion of my high score, or at least could have been able to tell me what you just told me, which is nothing I didn’t already know, almost a week ago when I first mentioned the problem.
 
I will no longer be using Neopets, and I will be posting a message concerning these events to inform anyone who may be playing/thinking of playing of what can happen to something that you work very hard to get, using the screen shots and information I have gathered.
 
Thank you, and goodbye.”

Part Two:

Suggested new NP ad slogan:
Neopets: Your home for more ads than Live365!

OR, you can pay 8 bucks a month and they take away the ads.  And that’s about it.  Really…the “extras” are inconsequential except for the SSW (Super Shop Wizard), and if you think you really NEED that, just remember: It’s a GAME…”Neopoints” don’t actually exist.  It’s a bunch of pixels on a screen that you’re paying 8 bucks a month to see slightly altered.

In all honesty, the games (a lot of them, at least) are top-notch as far as simple online goes.  But that doesn’t get any better for 8 bucks a month, and when your number one score in a game can get mysteriously deleted by a HUGE company that should have software that excludes the “random deletion” effect, it takes away a bit of the fun.

Part Three:

ScreenShot 1: My adorable sweet cute lovey-dovey sweet little first-place trophy!
SS 2: My account info, showing I started on 8/9 and had been playing for 3 days.
SS 3: My “High Scores” list…Lost City Lanes not there! :(
SS 4: Ticket submitted on 8/14 explaining problem IN DETAIL
SS 5: This is my favorite…it’s a screenshot of the game Lost City Lanes, and it shows that my high score for the month is “N/A” and my high score OF ALL TIME is “N/A”.  So, basically, I have a 1st place trophy for a game I NEVER PLAYED.  That’s just priceless.
SS 6: Screenshot of my ticket being “Reopened” VERY soon after I wrote and complained and mentioned that I might complain publicly about bad CS…now ain’t that a coincidunce! Nyuk nyuk nyuk…
SS 7: Ummm…just a later copy of 6, with nothing being done after 4-5 days.
SS 8: Ummm…see above.  Redundancy, you know, Mr. Hunter.
SS 9: Screenshot showing the “My Support” section, which vanishes conveniently whenever I REALLY want to look at it, or if I complain (for a while).  Naughty me!
SS 10: Screenshot showing the entire “Help” section after I complained again, which is mysteriously completely blank (see above).

Hope you enjoyed this!  If you did, I’m Puppy!  If not, I’m Penn and Teller!

-Puppy >.< Yip!

To The DOSASS (Part 3)

Since my hit total is pretty stable, if not up, since the attack began, and since the only thing it’s forced me to do is click a different button here and there, I have to say this to you:

You’re not a very GOOD hacker, are you?

-Puppy >.< Yip!

P.S. – GoDaddy does not count “pings” toward the daily hit total.  So no, the hits are not you.  The hits are other people, despite you.

With that in mind, I think I can safely refer to this as, instead of a “Denial of Service” attack, a “Slight Uptick in Service and Revitalization of Inspiration for Owner of Site as Shown by Recent ‘I am Feeling Uninspired’ Post” attack.

But by golly, it’s working!

Criticism Where Criticism Is Due, Praise Where Praise Is Due

In the spirit of that, I’d like to say that GoDaddy acted fast in responding to the DOS attack I’m currently still under.  Thanks!  I mean, when you’re under a Denial of Service attack (which tries to prevent you from getting hits) and your daily hits go UP, that’s a good sign.

-Puppy >.< Yip!

NSA Please Do Not Read This Post

How to know you’ve sorta kinda made it: become the target of a Denial Of Service attack.

Now, I appreciate someone attempting to hack me as much as the next guy, but it is illegal. 

Thus the disclaimer as the title for the post.  Because it certainly would be a shame if the NSA, which monitors all online communications, were to read this and find out that an illegal activity had occurred.  Why, they might even investigate.  So, please…don’t read this.  Thank you.

-Puppy >.< Yip!

P.S. Thanks for the material, DOS guy/girl/entity/it.

Gilliam Vs. Spielberg

Ok, so recently Terry Gilliam made a comment something to the effect of: Steven Spielberg isn’t a very good director, he just makes predictable and formulaic movies for the masses complete with happy endings.

Now, I LIKE Terry Gilliam (at least, his work) but he’s clearly always been a little bit insane (watch ‘Flying Circus’…no, he wasn’t on drugs) which tends to add to his work sometimes, but it makes his serious commentary, well at least in this case, suck.

Spielberg’s ‘Minority Report’ (based on a Philip K. Dick novel, I know, but Gilliam said “director”, not “writer” or “complete comptroller”) is brilliant.

Introducing Gilliam to that equation would have gone pretty much like the Python equation: he hovers behind MUCH more talented people (Idle, Cleese especially) and chimes in with the occasional bit of fun nonsense.

In order for Spielberg/Gilliam ‘Minority Report’ to have been as good, Spielberg would have had to be in charge of 98 percent of it, and Gilliam the other 2.

1 percent of that would be his inspired creativity that was the equal of Spielberg’s (I’d say 98:1 is a fair ratio of talent) and the other 1 percent would be the same as from Python: nonsense, inane/insane surreal references given meaning only by those that adore French cinema (see Python’s ‘French Film Sketch’) and, of course, a confusing ending.  In fact, the ending is the ONLY thing Gilliam could really improve…he’d get his 2 percent there.  Maybe.

-Puppy >.< Yip!