Todd And The Book Of Pure Evil – Episode 3 (Rock N’ Roll Zombies Know Best)

Better than episode 2.  So I keep watching, I guess.

Typical pseudo-goth villain: they can let evil sh1t happen, but they can’t actually DO it.  Pose(u)rs.

Highlights: persistent screams, extra kick, Todd’s dream.

Inspirational Quote: “I thought you’d like them because they’re dead…and gothy.”

I Have To Post On This

“Shot 16 Times By Cops, Innocent Man Files $20-Million Suit” – Title of recent AOL news video.

Basically they served a search warrant on an address, but the man they shot, who was lying in bed at the time, wasn’t the man they were looking for.

According to the two officers (one sheriff, one DOC) he “reached for what they thought was a gun”.

Now let’s think about this…there’s two of them, and one of him.  They’re law enforcement, he’s not.

I’m not saying he did or did not “reach for what they thought was a gun”…but if he DIDN’T, hypothetically speaking, whose word do you think would be taken by most people (including, of course, the police)?  The two officers who corroborate the same story, or the one non-officer who tells a different story?  Again, I don’t know what happened…and to presume either way is wrong.  I’m just saying that IF, hypothetically, they told a different story…who would be believed?

But hey, what do I know.

-Puppy >.< Yip!

Infected (2013)

Terrible zombie flick with a down-home relaxed southern feel. 

Mr. Blonde has gone from menacing to fat, wrinkly, and pathetic.

I mean, I’m fat and wrinkly.  But at least I didn’t star in this.

I also spotted a guy that was decent in ‘The Rock’ about 20 years ago.

Even if you just want gore, there are much better options.

I have a theory: the main reason anyone agreed to appear in this movie (except the ‘Rock’ guy) is NOT the money.  It’s so they could put on their resume “I was in a movie with Michael Madsen”.

I was GOING to give this an F- right til the end, when I realized it could be interesting to watch to make fun of.  But only barely.  So I upped it.

48:10 – Ah, brilliant ‘Reservoir Dogs’ rip.  Door instead of cigarette.
48:32 – ‘Rock’ guy realizes he’s in this movie.

Epilogue: I’d rather the log remained hairy.  Also, during the second string of end credits, does the guy really say “high fever of the t1tty?”

Grade: F

Deep Puppy Thoughts (Part 42)

“Ignorance is bliss” is an imprecise statement.

Is = to be.

Ignorance = lack of knowledge.

So basically, “ignorance is the equivalent of bliss” or “ignorance is the root/cause of bliss”.

Which is false, since I know plenty of ignorant people that are really unhappy, and…well, actually NOONE isn’t ignorant.  Of SOMETHING.  Unless you know everything there is to know…and I don’t think any one person does…you are, in at least one sense, ignorant.

Therefore, the statement implies all people are blissful, which is not only imprecise it’s also COMPLETELY inaccurate.

I suppose it makes sense as a metaphor, perhaps…but are metaphors really logical?  And even if they are, are they appropriate for “logic statements”?

I mean, according to this analogy (Hey!  That’s what it could be!) the more ignorant a person is, the happier they are.  Therefore, the opposite must be true: the more a person learns, the less happy they become.

Hmmm…maybe there’s more to the Cthulhu mythos than I thought…

Todd And The Book Of Pure Evil – Episode 2 (How To Make A Homunculus)

Not as funny or witty as the first.  Oh well…it’s good enough to make me watch number three, at least.

Jason Mewes tones Jay down a little as the high school janitor.  He’s a BRILLIANT advice-giver.

What’s the story?  None, really…same as the first.  Different possessed, different variations.

Highlight: Ultra-erotic homunculus lure.

Inspirational Quote: “Look, just because some teacher carved a pentagram into his own forehead and then slipped in his own blood…”

Quote Me On This

Here’s what will happen (well, it’s already happening, but…and I think I said this before, but just in case I didn’t…)

1) CA/A’s will throw off their chains and yell and scream with FUUURRR-ious anger.
2) Some non-CA/A’s will be offended and engage, others will ignore.
3) Conversations/arguments will go nowhere, but continue for no adequately explored/explained reason.
4) I will rip Douglas Adams just to piss off CA/A’s, even though he’s overrated.
5) CA/A’s will obtain marvelous accomplishments such as a bench, an organization, and a catchphrase for me.
6) Non-CA/A’s will find that the CA/A’s grow tiresome and cease engaging.
6.9) CA/A’s will gradually grow tired of screaming as they have fewer and fewer things to scream about, leaving only a small, borderline-lunatic fringe still screaming.
7) World will continue, ignoring this fringe group as it ignores other fringe groups.
8) CA/A’s will live in own world, because insulation protects against reality.

-Puppy >.< Yip!

In Living Colour!

“…(Pope) Francis apparently objected to the statue on account of his abhorrence of the cult of personality…”

From The Huffington Post, article by Paul Brandeis Raushenbush.

“Personality cults were first described in relation to totalitarian
regimes that sought to alter or transform society according to
radical ideas…Often, a single leader became associated with this revolutionary transformation, and came to be treated as a benevolent “guide” for the nation without whom the transformation to a better future couldn’t occur. This has been generally the justification for personality cults that arose in totalitarian societies of the 20th century, such as those of Adolf Hitler, Benito Mussolini and Joseph Stalin.” – From Wikipedia, “Cult of Personality”

Now if only CA/A COP heads of state (Hello, North Korea!) would follow suit.

-Puppy >.< Yip!

Sedibluebird – Braveheart, Main Theme & Making Plans/Gathering The Clans (Youtube, 2011)

Short but brilliant rendition on violin.

Two things:
1) My love for the subject matter is probably greater than yours, and
2) She does make one obvious mistake near the beginning

But she tackles a very difficult piece head-on, and as R. Christgau once said, “(s)he did it in one take.”

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SWV6dcv21c8

Grade: A-

A Plea For (Selective) Ignorance

I am SO sick of the elitist “In the information age, ignorance is a choice” cliche.  Which implies that ignorance is ALWAYS, by definition, bad.

Ignorance(n): The condition of being uninformed or uneducated. Lack of knowledge or information.

What if I just don’t give a fck about something?  I mean, if I’m choosing between Cruise and Hoffman in that hotel, I’m gonna choose to have sex and remain ignorant over choosing to gain “knowledge/information” by reading the phone book.  To “g”…half of g.

I mean, if you really believe it’s better to know the names and numbers of everyone up to half of G in a town you’re never coming back to and know noone in because that’s “information” than to relax and fck around, you are a moron.  Of course, this is just a straw dog.  Or a salad day.

-Puppy >.< Yip!

Mystery Science Theater 3000: 12 To The Moon (1994)

Why haven’t I reviewed the ‘Design For Dreaming’ short before?  It’s a really stupid, annoying musical number that isn’t redeemed by riffs.  And the riffs aren’t good.

Movie is a typical cr@ppy 50’s sci-fi exploration/drama flick.

Riffing gets mostly dull about halfway through.

THRILL as the writers intermittently prepare for ‘Space Mutiny’ naming. 

WONDER if they came up with the whole ‘Space Mutiny’ names idea without re-watching this and the other prequely one the name of which I can’t remember and don’t care enough to look up.

EXULT with me in my brief moment of moderate inspiration.

Highlights:
Frank’s touching roast of Dr. F
PBS jokes

Inspirational Quote: “The moon is officially icky.”

Grade: D

Deep Puppy Thoughts (Part 41)

Marriage is certainly getting a bit more confusing these days, what with the different combinations and all.

SERIOUS NOTE: I support gay marriage and this is a joke, so if you quote me out of context you’re a vacuous, toffee-nosed, malodorous pervert.

But here, just watch this to see how confusing it can get:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HztsKaQBesg

However, I think the problem can be solved very easily if every couple (or group, if polygamy’s a factor) adopts these simple words as the standard wedding question/response:

“Do you four boys take these two girls to be your seven brides?”
*in unison* “yes”
“Right, go and do your prayer.”

Zombie Nation (2004)

A sh1t horror film that features zombies (well, sort of) near the end.

Sub-Corman-esque in its pandering: misogynists in the beginning, desperate gore fiends around 55 minutes in.  Briefly.

But most importantly fans of badly-acted, horribly-written sh1t all the way through.

Features the worst police office set ever very partially constructed.

30:45- CUT! Ok, now the zombie movie…umm…well, about 25 mins later actually.
31:41- Gordy NO!!!

Inspirational Quote: “Here…have a cookie.”

Grade: F-

Mystery Science Theater 3000: Village Of The Giants (1994)

Bert I. shows you how to make a “big stuff” movie:
1) Write a dumb script
2) Hire some bad actors
3) Make some cheap cr@ppy FX

Stick with just the host bits until around 32:00, at least.  Then it’s intermittently amusing.

Highlights:
Mr. Torgo applies at Deep 13
Tom Servo’s mom
brilliant mumblings
Ode to Frank (repeated at the end)

Inspirational Quote: “I dreamed I was standing by a big dead duck in my underwear.”

Grade: D+

The Acceptable Double-Standard

“REDLANDS, Calif. — A Southern California high school teacher was arrested on unlawful sex charges two weeks after she gave birth to a baby that was allegedly fathered by a student, Redlands police said Tuesday.

Laura Elizabeth Whitehurst, 28, was arrested Monday night for
allegedly having unlawful sex with a 16-year-old, Redlands police
spokesman Carl Baker. She was the boy’s adviser.”

Age of Consent in the state of California: 18

So when a male teacher has sex with an underage female student, it’s rape.

When a female teacher has sex with an underage male student, it’s…well, just kinda naughty.

Exactly where is the “equality” here?

Because you have a vagina it means you can rape kids?

Brilliant comments displaying the wonders of sexist double-standard stupidity:

“It takes 2 to tango! The Boy is the father so why is it a crime? They
both did it so why is she being charged for It? She just gave birth so
let her be. And If the Boy’s mom doesn’t like her then be it. I’m sad
for the baby.”

“16 is not a child. He is old enough to know right from wrong”

(Both of these made by supposedly female commenters).

-Puppy >.< Yip!

Beneath The Surface (2007)

This is NOT a zombie movie. 

It took me at least two (maybe three) tries to watch this.  I searched for “zombie” on Netflix and then looked at ALL (and boy are there a lot, some of them very sad) of the results.  This actually stuck out to me and I moved it to the top of my queue because it didn’t sound familiar and I thought it MIGHT actually be decent.  But when I was asked if I wanted to “Resume” viewing, I sensed danger.  Even with absolutely nothing better to do and a review waiting, it took quite a bit of will to force myself to actually watch the WHOLE D@MN THING.

It’s a student-film level attempt at moviemaking, which happens to revolve vaguely around the zombie concept.  Sort of like ‘My Sucky Teen Romance’ and vampires, only not as good.

I think the male lead sums up Blake Reigle’s confusion over what could make this movie interesting: “Drugs, sex, murder, pills?…nothing??”

Grade: F-

Mystery Science Theater 3000: The Brute Man (1996)

Pearl leaves very quickly, thankfully.  But there’s still a troubling lack of Frank.

It’s a monster movie.  Monster = creepy ugly long-faced guy.  It’s very boring, so thankfully it’s short.  But since they use all their best riffs on the even-shorter short, there’s not much point in watching it.

Highlights:
The Chicken Of Tomorrow short (in a deadly battle against the Chicken of Today)
fake-newspaper mocking

Inspirational Quote: “…so put your mouth under a chicken.”

Grade: D+

From The Department Of Hack Sports Journalism

“The number of player arrests, some of them multiple times, is ballooning. They’re coming too fast, literally one after another.
And too often they include people dying…

The instinctive reaction and easy solution is to lay all the blame on
the player and hold him fully responsible for his own problem and
the taint it gives the league.

But that’s too easy.” – David Steele

Yes, it’s far too easy to go with the easy, logical solution.  Let’s make up a dumba$$ one!

My only question is: Does this guy actually come up with this drivel because he BELIEVES it, or because he’s trying desperately to be interesting but is completely lacking in talent and inspiration?

Oh, also, on a related note…I think The Sporting News should be held responsible for the cr@p written by David Steele.  After all, they signed him, knowing how much he sucked.

-Puppy >.< Yip!

Mystery Science Theater 3000: Racket Girls (1994)

Short is strongly recommended to potentially-smitten logic worshippers.

Movie is the inevitable combination of mob non-intrigue and LOTS of very silly female wrestling.  Incredibly bad.  Recommended to Ed Wood fans.

Highlights:
persistent Lisa Loeb
Are You Ready For Marriage? short feat. the pseudo-scientific method
boing
horrific editing/run-on dialogue
decent riffing

Inspirational Quote: “My loins will never stir again.”

Grade: B-

Brilliant GoDaddy Customer Service (SATIRE…SATIRE…SATIRE)

So, 4 and 1/2 days after I received an email saying I would receive another email about my complaint within 24 hours, I call and ask why I haven’t…get an answer, ask if I’ll get an email when it’s resolved…then it goes something like this:

“Yeah, you’ll get an email when it’s resolved.”
*Pause*
“Ok…” *Pause, waiting for further comment*
*None forthcoming* “…thanks.”
*Pause* “Yup.”
*Pause, waiting for further comment*
*None forthcoming* “…bye.”
“Bye.”

I feel special, oh so special.

-Puppy >.< Yip!

Edit: Prior to this all my customer service with GoDaddy had been good, and I was responded to nicely regarding this…in the spirit of fairness. :)

Iron Sky (2012)

This is supposed to be witty and funny.  Well, you can laugh AT it, for as long as you can stand the boredom of watching it.

Despite its best efforts it reaches funny only once, at around the 40-41 minute mark.  Well, I did chuckle faintly around 1:21…thus the relatively high grade.

“The director’s cut of this sci-fi comedy is a Netflix exclusive.”

Oh, Netflix streaming, you get all the best movies!

And hey, don’t miss the seven minutes of credits at the end.

Inspirational Quote: “So…you are a formerly dead black model who is now suddenly a living white hobo after spending a weekend on the moon.  Is that correct?”

Grade: D-

Mystery Science Theater 3000: The Thing That Couldn’t Die (1997)

Brain-guys first appear, make lots of amoeba comments.  Spock did it better.

Movie is mediocre drama that turns into really cheezy non-scary horror/drama.  Spoiler alert: It’s sort of like the “incredibly resilient man” in practice.

Highlights:
mostly-decent riffing
Crow T. Robot’s ‘Civil War’
divining jokes

Inspirational Quote: “The little lady oughta be down to her twelfth layer o’ slip by now.”

Grade: C-

Mystery Science Theater 3000: The Girl In Lovers’ Lane (1993)

This is the one with “Big Stupid”. 

Movie’s pretty dull/dreary but it’s not so bad that it’s completely laughable.  In short, it sucks.

Riffing starts off dull, like the movie, but gets better near the middle.

Highlights:
Evil Event Days
money jokes
the scene that inspired ‘Fight Club’

Inspirational Quote: “Sorry for being warm, tender and accommodating.”

Grade: C

Deep Puppy Thoughts (Part 39)

I think, whenever someone attacks a position I take, and then implies that because they proved me wrong they proved my position itself as completely wrong, it should be called a “Straw Dog”.

Oh, and on a related note…I’d like to collaborate with someone on a remake of Sam Peckinpah’s film ‘Straw Dogs’.  There would be a slight alteration to the script: instead of everything there now, it would consist entirely of people challenging points I’ve made and then saying “Ha!  All similar points are therefore invalid!”

I envision a budget of at least $1000.

I Am Puppy Hear Me Degrade – Sensitive Antitheist Post(s) Of The Day (6/25/13)

I didn’t KNOW this person was a CA/A until after I’d read a couple of their sensitive posts and then looked at their complete collection, but I had this CRAZY HUNCH…anyways here goes:

Regarding the idea of dogs feeling any emotions/To people that suggest anything of the sort:

“Animals form bonds, yes, as do molecules.”

“If you knew what real love was you wouldn’t be looking for it in a dog.”

“Once you know what it means to be human, you won’t be worried about animals.”

– He’s a lighthaus.  Your call.

Oasis Of The Zombies (1982)

Really horrible.

“Chilling” intro, then cut to pleasant somewhat-funky music over the credits.

It’s got a tag-team “grenade” toss and a few cr@ppy zombie scenes.  And dullness.

Advice to guy being killed by zombies: Stop sticking your hand straight up in the hair and moving it around shakily, and instead use it to swat at one of the zombies.

It’s all worth it for the profound ending, of course.

Inspirational Quote: “That’d be swell!”

Grade: F-

Harshlands MUD

So I fled FK seeking asylum in HL.  Unfortunately…

Ok, I make my first character.  Spend HOURS (really!) working on his personality, background, mannerisms, motivations…submit him.  His description gets altered by a helpful Imm (cuz he thought it’d be cooler that way, not cuz it was in any way “incorrect” or “improper”), then I start out.

About 34 real hours of playing later, I’ve had about…I’ll say a good SOLID 30 minutes of roleplay.

Ok, so I decide: Every place you can possibly start, except the main city, you’re gonna be alone most of the time.  So unless you enjoy typing craft commands repeatedly for days until you see a tiny increase in proficiency and emoting to NPC’s that never (in my experience) respond, you havta start there.

So I start there.

Initially it starts out good, actually.  There’s other characters there, I can actually roleplay, etc…
And most of them are pretty good.

Then I go back on, walk into a tavern (everyone hangs out in taverns, even the nobles…it’s the thing) and a PC that’s a follower of the Goddess of Peace, whose followers are all supposed to be gentle and kind pacifists, acts like a total twat.  I mean, I have nothing against other PC’s treating my PC-of-the-moment like sh1t…if it’s in character.  But this is just some low-grade no-talent clueless player who has no idea about the Goddess she serves.  Encountered her before, around a bunch of other “gentle and kind” types, and she’s SOOO nice.  Encountered her again, around a typically snotty noble (Admittedly well-played, since the nobles are in fact snotty, so no complaint there) and she acts completely different.  Why?  My conclusion is nose-up-arse-syndrome.

So anyway, here’s the review:

Positives:
-No Powergaming
-One friendly staff member (very friendly actually, hopefully you’ll get him…the Americans suck).
-LOTS of background, in game and for the setting.
-Great roleplay opportunities open up after many of your characters die.  So if you have LOTS of time and LOTS of characters you don’t mind dying, eventually you can play a snob.
-Ambivalence towards reviews.  You’ve gotta admire apathy, in a way.
-If you want to sit around for six hours at a bar drinking and gossiping with your friends, but you aren’t old enough to go to a bar, don’t want to drink, and/or don’t actually have any friends, you can capture the atmosphere perfectly here.

Negatives:
-Helpfiles are a mishmash both in setup and in writing.
-Petitions generally go unanswered (at least as a new player)
-Current game balance as of this writing is VASTLY in favor of “Good/Neutral”.  So if you play an evil character, basically you’re gonna die.  Or, at the very least, you’ll survive, but you’ll have noone to roleplay with.  Unless you can find that one other evil character in the place you start and you’re on a similar time schedule.  Then you can REALLY get to know that player…and noone else.  And you can’t really do anything.  Well…except crafting.  Lots of crafting.

In conclusion, if you can get a few of your friends to join at the same time, you MIGHT have some fun.  If not, you’re gonna spend lots of time either alone or sitting in a bar listening to people gossip.

Really…that’s it.

MAN do I miss Forgotten Kingdoms…

-Puppy >.< Yip!

Pre-Emptive Analysis

Headline: “Christian group’s stunning decision”

BEFORE reading the article, or any responses, here is my review of the CA/A responses to it:

“See?  Religion is horrible…they’re all the same.”

When a non-religious person does something wrong, here is my review of the past/current/future CA/A responses to it:

“That has nothing to do with me, we’re all individuals.” (In Bleating Unison)

-Puppy >.< Yip!

Mystery Science Theater 3000: Girls Town (1994)

Mamie Van Doren acts “rebellious”, Paul Anka acts ultra-sweet and sings dumb songs, mild ‘Reform School Girls’ shenanigans occur.  Lots of slang and dull moments.

Highlights:
Tom Servo’s scat
decent riffing

Inspirational Quote: “If you sing I’ll become a personal representative of Satan, so help me…”

Grade: C

6/25/13: See ‘Zombie Nightmare’.  Grade: D+

A Statement Of Appreciation

To Whom It May Concern (If you don’t know this is you…it isn’t):

I have never, in my whole life, known a more racist, hateful, ignorant, borderline-fascist, narrow-minded, deceitful, two-faced, backstabbing, traitorous, disloyal, pathologically-adept-at-lying, fake, morally empty, shallow, insincere, pathologically-adept-at-faking-emotion, manipulative piece of rat feces (metaphorically speaking) than you.

Thank you, for making me realize how strong a person I can be.

And tell BL he’s still a p@ssy.

-Puppy >.< Yip!

Thoughts While Watching The Red Sox – 6/18/13

The age of micro-“role”-managing shows how stupid it (sometimes) is:

Unless Doubront got injured mysteriously in the dugout, here’s apparently John Farrell’s thought process:

Let’s see…I can leave in a pitcher who has allowed three hits and zero walks in eight innings and who is showing no signs of “weakening” or “running out of gas”, who is under 100 pitches and could at the very least get a chance to finish the game, someone I KNOW is pitching great…OR…

I can put in someone who’s been erratic and who, at best, MIGHT pitch great.

But hey, he’s the “closer”…put him in.

My thought when I saw him warming to come in, before he’d thrown a pitch:  “If he comes in, it’s an absolutely idiotic move by Farrell.”

My thought after he came in and blew the lead: “He came in…it was an absolutely idiotic move by Farrell.”

My thought if he had struck out the side: “He did it…it was an absolutely idiotic move by Farrell.”

-Puppy >.< Yip!

The Brilliance Of The Scientific Method

‘Scientists Discover Stem Cells In Fat’

“These fat-based stem cells were discovered by accident.
Researchers were trying to grow cells from material collected by liposuction. But when a piece of lab equipment failed, the cells in
their sample died–except for these unusually hearty stem cells.”

– Karen Hopkin

And, in related news: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JL-SmhFlFoQ

10/16/16: FAIR USE: CRITICISM – I don’t care enough about this clip to criticize it. So I guess that’s pretty critical. (housekeeping)

To Protect And Hush-The-Whole-Thing-Up

First, satire meant to poke fun at reality:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JshcuLgIalM

Then, reality:

http://jobs.aol.com/articles/2013/06/17/contreras-sexual-assault-las-vegas/?icid=maing-grid7|main5|dl4|sec1_lnk3%26pLid%3D330406

Wow…the first one doesn’t seem all that bad…

FAIR USE: CRITICISM – *SATIRE…SATIRE…SATIRE* (housekeeping)

Memoirs Of An Intellectual Coward

Ok, so apparently I’m an “intellectual coward”.  According to Dick Dawk and his followers.

Reason:  I refuse to give any real thought as to the existence/non-existence of God.

Why?  Two reasons:

1) It is impossible to say with certainty either way, and even the question itself is impossible to answer at its core, since the word “God” has many different meanings to many different people.  Mathematically speaking, there are BILLIONS of possible meanings for the word “God”, if you include all deities ever considered since the dawn of humanity and also all abstract concepts of a force/higher power/superior being/etc…there is NO WAY to know the answer, and I’ll find out when I die.  I have enough patience to wait until then.

2) It is totally irrelevant.  I live my life according to my morality:  I’m not perfect, but I think I’m a decent person.  If someone told me my actions would/would not get me rewarded, I would not change my behavior.  If someone told me my actions would/would not get me punished for eternity, I would not change my behavior. 

On a related note, to suggest that all theists only act the way they do out of desire for reward/fear of punishment is the equivalent of suggesting that all believers in the existence of laws and police to enforce them only act the way they do out of fear of punishment.  That is to say, noone obeys laws because they BELIEVE in their morality, everyone just does it cuz they don’t wanna go to jail.  But, deep down inside, we’re all killers/rapists/thieves/scumbags.  Which is, of course, good solid empirical evidence that Dawkins is a c@nt (although there is solid empirical evidence to the contrary, see recent post).

-Puppy >.< Yip!