Author: Puppy

Wretched.  Unbelievably bad, even by MST standards.  Without good riffing it would be torturous, but the riffing makes it pretty decent.

Guest Review: “So Ray Dennis Steckler just filmed an open stage night and made it half his movie?” – M. Nelson

Highlights:
over-acronyms
ticket monkey
Confuse-A-Cat reference
solid riffing

Inspirational Quote: “…noone’s ever attempted an interpretive dance of ‘Mein Kampf’ before.”

Grade: B-

Thrilling expedition into the newly found continent of Smallus Islandus Rockus Climbus Stupidus.

The saddest moment was when I wondered if perhaps ‘Congo’ ripped off the ending.

Highlights:
rock climbing (dismal but brilliant…?)
white male reality sketch
cool thing
sameness as youness speech
ending bits
solid riffing

Inspirational Quote: “Why do the violins always trill when he’s climbing?”

Grade: B-

Cr@ppy biker movie, featuring cr@ppy music, dancing, and acting.

Highlights:
intro stuff (Gypsy’s Richard Basehart wail, tapping the Servo, Frank’s noise)
eloquent piece of low-life scum
Kix/Wild Rebels cereal
song-mocking sketch
decent riffing

Inspirational Quote: “Oh, just cuz I’m white you think I can play the blues!”

Grade: C+

Lots of stock footage and exposition shots and a little jungle worship/rescue/drama story.

Highlights:
Dr. “Sax” Forrester
Bela mocking (most Phantom Creeps are pretty dull, but part one is well-mocked)
Phantom Creep mocku-info-mercial
Joel’s wonderful world of scopes
pretty good riffing
ending origin of Art Crow

Inspirational Quote: “Uhh, when you were in flight school did they teach you how to scream?”

Grade: B-

One man’s vision of a time traveller and his adventures becomes dull and stupid in conception.  It’s really well-intentioned and all, but it’s just bad – terrible at its worst, totally cliche at its best.

Highlights:
‘Lost In Space’ lure/gag
well-meaning but wimpy hero
time-travel bits with past-Mike
good riffing for most

Inspirational Quote: “So in the future kids become gay agents?”

Grade: B

Mediocre, boring sci-fi flick.  The first episode with TV’s Frank and without Dr. Erhardt (TGIF).

Riffing isn’t bad but they’re still working the kinks out and this is nothing special (IMPO).

Highlights:
seeing Frank as a trainee

Grade: C

A group of clothing-averse students and their ample-chested teacher pursue a dull creature of legend seen mostly in cr@ppy flashbacks.

Highlights:
flashback mockeries
flashback sketch
consistently pretty-good riffing

Inspirational Quote: “I gotta get home and not talk to my wife.”

Grade: B-

It’s that really cr@ppy, ultra-cheezy sci-fi flick with that bulky many-named hero.

The movie and accompanying riffing make even the Roman-Era Pearl F. junk somewhat tolerable.

Highlights:

horrific graphics/fx/costumes
horrific script/acting/editing
bulky-guy names
women randomly gyrating around lightning globes
extreme railings
good riffing all the way through

Inspirational Quote: “Passed from editor to editor in a desperate attempt to save it.”

Grade: A-

4/1/17: Slight over-rate…it takes a little bit to get going. Grade: B

“Kinda like ‘Manos’ without the lucid plot” – TV’s Frank

Co-starring coffee.  Decent riffing.

Highlights:
Why Study Industrial Arts? short
amazing editing errors
sex-for-acid plot
completely unexplained/non movie related off-camera scream

Inspirational Quote: “If only he’d taken an industrial arts class…”

Grade: B- (C/C+ without the short)

One of the cheeziest, least scary, most laughable/mockable, least deadly-without-LOTS-of-help monsters ever eats lots of people.

Other star of the movie: extreme voiceover guy

Highlights:
pretension mockery
voiceover guy mockery
politely climbing into the monster
handy life advice from the narrator
good riffing (especially in the first half)

Inspirational Quote: “Yes, they did the nasty.”

Grade: B

See Pearl Forrester for the first time, if you want.  Nothing special there.

Movie: Most Dangerous (but STOO-pid) Game feat. Mr. Brady

Riffing: decent

Highlights:
Uncle Jim’s Dairy Farm short
tree of death/novelty items/interminable dialogue

Grade: B- (Call it a C without the short)

Beach jiggling, shenanigans, and music.  All incredibly boring.  One of the last to watch if at all.

Highlights: tank tops and the times noone is singing.

Grade: D-

3/21/13: “It stinks!” Grade: F

Joel’s last episode: see how he goes and Mike arrives.

Lots of Mike-as-a-temp action and good-vs-bad-plotting action.

Movie: sleazy/lumpy/stupid guy as hero against sleazier guys in dumb and boring crime flick. 

Riffing: mediocre…a few good moments and otherwise useful for the between-movie intrigue.

Highlights:
terrifyingly disgusting sex scene
tender love songs and Schlitz

Grade: D+

Voiceover guy co-stars in bad mad-pseudo-scientist movie as Mike and the bots mock it.

Highlights:
community theater love story
imitation exchange
What About Juvenile Delinquency? – I dunno, you tell me.
brilliant kitty imitation
very consistently pretty-good riffing

Inspirational Quote: “I sort-of think, therefore I sort-of am.”

Grade: B

Lots of evil scientist stuff goes on in and around a house.

The short riffing/host segments are much better than the movie riffing, making “watching the shorts and skipping to the host segment bits then turning it off” a good, sensible option. 

Or, to be even more efficient, turn it off after the shorts.

Highlights:
hard pills to swallow
Posture Pals/Appreciating Our Parents shorts combo
movie home-game sketch
lingo bits at the end

Grade: C+

Movie alternately boring and dark/”dramatic”, always stupid. 

Riffing alternately boring and pretty good.

Highlights:
SOL shenanigans feat. “peep” and Gretchen the slinky
sidehacking commentary/graphics/commentary mocking sketch
“Only Love (Pads The Film)”

Inspirational Quote: “Hai…kiba!”

Grade: C

Cr@ppy ‘E.T.’ ripoff, right down to the food smuggling. 

Features lots of pretentious artsy music and cr@ppy fx.  And lots and lots of fog.

Highlights:
public domain ka-row-key
“Idiot Control Now”/subsequent mocking sketch/wait-for-it ending reference
pretentious artsy music mocking sketch
pretty good riffing

Inspirational Quote: “Bambi, humans are basically good.”

Grade: B-

Master Ninja Opening!
little break…
Njorl’s Saga-ish backstory/flashback
little break…
Mrs. Premise
cr@ppy Dungeons and Dragons/Conan-type movie
Mrs. Conclusion
Master Ninja Ending!

Highlights:
host intro bits
really cool cr@ppy credits sketch
incredibly pretentious evil guy
not-all-that-deadly pit of growling snakes
foley art sketch
consistently pretty-good riffing

Inspirational Quote: “Ouch, I landed on my eight-sided dice!”

Grade: B

If you thought ‘Charlie’s Angels’ was stupid, so did I.  This is a lot stupider. 

The “serious” parts are utterly cliche and dumb and the “light-hearted” interludes are utterly non-funny and dumb.  Easy target, pretty good riffing.

Grade: C+

Fairly dull but not truly horrible western/drama.  Riffing = decent.

Highlights:
‘Mirror, Mirror’ Trek parody, esp. seeing Trace and Frank in the theater (for the first part)
J.T. Lemur

Inspirational Quote: “Well here, take her for a drive!”

Grade: C

Cr@ppy Tony Travis vehicle featuring bad songs/bad acting/cliche bad-guy-goes-good story.

Highlights:
extreme pocket billiards
General Hospital short/mocking feat. “The Booze Ditty”
song mocking
sketches, esp. song mocking/teen idol worship/song mocking/mooning Crow/last wishes of T. Servo
consistent riffing

Inspirational Quote: “There are a million stupid stories in the naked city…this is the stupidest.”

Grade: B+

Really bad barely-sci-fi/horror flick.

Highlights:
horribly stupid/cliche “romance”
bad-movie-joke mocking sketch
“California Lady” – Behind The Music
good riffing (better in the first half)

Inspirational Quote: “Oh no, don’t touch it…let me do that.”

Grade: B-

Boring, bad sci-fi flick.  More boring than bad, unfortunately.

So is most of the riffing.  Just watch the invention exchange.

Grade: D-

Horrible Japanese sci-fi flick that takes itself seriously.

Highlights:
horrific dubbing
the evil chickens of Crank Whore
cr@ppy fx
pretty good riffing

Inspirational Quote: “A rare Godzilla-free day.”

Grade: B-

Bad movie, mediocre riffing, pretty good host segments.

Highlights:
host segments (Basil Rathbones, medieval sketch, Estelle Winwood tributes)

Grade: D

Lots of boredom from the year 1950-something.

Riffing: first half enlivened only by voiceover mockings, second half slightly better.

Highlights:
Over-excited “terror” voiceover and repeated mockings of it.
attacking the water tag-team

Inspirational Quote: “…magazines expect me to perform EVERY time…”

Grade: D

Ed Wood’s exceedingly boring portrayal of the police force’s courageous struggle to protect the public from dangerous slightly-less-than-fully-dressed-women films.

Highlights:
Keeping Clean And Neat short
BRILLIANT fight scene
Wood-en acting

Inspirational Quote: “Someone hit someone or we’re going back to our porn.”

Grade: C+

6/17/16: It’s a horrible movie, of course. But it’s also laughable, as with most Ed Wood; the premise is incredibly stupid and some of the acting just MST’s itself. And the riffing is actually pretty good. Grade: B-

He’s not all that incredible.
No, incredible in the sense of not believable.
Oh.

Riffing: good stuff 
Movie: tortuous

Highlights:
Earth vs. Soup: behind the creation process
ultraaaaaaa slooooooo mooooooooooo
cracker controversy
general riffing

Inspirational Quote: “Hodgka!”

Grade: B

Lon Chaney dies, comes back to life, makes lots of incredibly over-acted faces (movie) after a now-boring little slice of the sort of thing that inspired ‘Raiders’ (serial short).

Riffing: Meh.

Highlights:
massive eye action
massive donut joke action

Grade: D

Cr@ppy beach party movie/musical intruded upon by guys in stupid monster suits.  Boredom ensues.

Highlights:
cr@ppy lip-synching to even cr@ppier music
BRILLIANT beach fight scene featuring human battering-ram
incredibly mockable scenes/dialogue
pretty good riffing
sodium

Inspirational Quote: “Yes, the sweet majesty of young white Republican love.”

Grade: B-

Listed some places as ‘Time Walker’, but since the movie SUCKS I feel no urgency to be true to the memory of it.  It’s introduced by the mads as how I titled it and the opening title says the same, and that’s good enough for me.

Movie: stupid, pretentious adventure/drama/horror with a (sort of) mummy
Riffing: pretty good

Highlights:
Invention exchange: Tragic Moments/Jack Pallinator
BRAINS!
yummy donuts
music mocking

Inspirational Quote: “Ditch the coffin, we got what we need.”

Grade: B-