Author: Puppy

Semper Puppy

Deep Puppy Thoughts (Part 19)

There should be a “Crusading Atheist/Antitheist Cable Network”.

They can take all the great Holiday classics we know and love and edit them for “truth-telling” purposes.

THINK OF IT!

The ending of ‘It’s A Wonderful Life’:

“Hark the herald fictional creatures made up by humankind for their own comfort sing, glory to the new-born human being who was not in fact the son of God so don’t kid yourself…”

-Puppy >.< Yip!

The Latest Great Atheist Achievement

I read an article where an atheist individual with (I believe) sponsorship and/or support from an atheist group spent the time and energy that could have been used on hundreds of “Pro-Humanity” causes to instead put up a billboard next to a nativity scene in which they (Kids, please stop reading here) outed Santa Claus as a fraud.  Oh, and objected to religion.

Now, my major complaint here is…since anyone with ANY degree of intelligence knows that an atheist billboard isn’t going to convert a “believer” any more than seeing a nativity scene is going to convert a “disbeliever” or “non-believer”, and that BOTH are free expressions under the First Amendment of the United States (You know…freedom of speech/religion-nonreligion and all that):

Why do you want to make little children cry?

I mean…imagine the scene, parents taking their kids to see Santa, they’re all excited and happy to say what they want for Christmas…they’re not thinking about the existence or non-existence of God, they’re not being “brainwashed” (Unless you think Santa Claus must be exposed as a fraud on SHEER PRINCIPLE), they’re not doing anything except BEING HAPPY…and then the parents have to console them and explain that the billboard is wrong so they’ll stop crying.

Ummm…can you say “childhood trauma”? 

Is there a crusading atheist actually there to back up the billboard, too? “Don’t listen to them, kids!!  Santa is a FRAUD!!!”

Or, to put it simpler: “Tellarites do not argue for a reason, they simply argue.” – Sarek

The X-Files – Episode 11 (Eve)

Do all blood-draining puncture marks come from “vampires”?

Depends on how you view genetics and its relation to humanity/inhumanity.

Interesting, and very creepy.

Eves abound…one of the greatest arguments against eugenics given our incredibly limited minds in relation to such things.

This time it’s Scully that’s slightly/playfully jealous of Mulder…very cute.

Points of note: “Deep Throat” appears after a subtle hint.

The Horde (2009)

Zombies.  En Francais.

There’s a very brief set-up, then it gets really violent and gory…for a little while, at least.  But even if you like violent and gory, you probably won’t like this.

Since this movie has pretentious (unfulfilled) aspirations to be serious and meaningful,  there are long lulls between the violent scenes.  But unlike, say, ‘Land Of The Dead’, they’re dull, boring lulls, serving to alienate and frustrate gore fiends and those that make the mistake of reading the subtitles looking for a good story equally as much.

Usually the reason I don’t like watching foreign-language films is that I have to worry about missing some nuance in acting or emotion while I’m reading the subtitles.  Here, since the dialogue is just as bad in French as a generic American zombie flick, the only thing the subtitles do is take up screen space.

Lots of head-butting, too.

Grade: F

The X-Files – Episode 10 (Fallen Angel)

Major return to the story arc…UFO-based, intelligent, quick-moving, and (by far most importantly) back to being interesting.

Points of note: “Deep Throat” is called upon again, “Max” from NICAP introduced, Mulder pisses lots of people off.  And we learn that maybe “Deep Throat” isn’t quite what he appears to be through an intervention on his behalf.

The X-Files – Episode 8 (Ice)

Draws heavily from John Carpenter’s ‘The Thing’.  It’s more intellectual but not as interesting…but still interesting enough to watch.  But I must say, this is the first episode in which I found the acting to be a bit overly dramatic. 

Speaking of firsts, Episode 9 is the first episode I found to be dull and unimportant enough not to review.  I’m hoping it’s a temporary hiccup.

Inspirational Quote: “Before anyone passes judgement, may I remind you, we ARE in the Arctic.”

Rob Roy (1995)

Released the same year as ‘Braveheart’, but it’s very little like it.  To say they’re both about Scotsmen is obvious, but ‘Braveheart’ is a grand, majestic, powerful quasi-historic epic.

This is simply a study of characters and of the nature of character.  It’s fairly well-made and fairly well-acted, but compared to ‘Braveheart’, just not-as and not-nearly-as.  Not as powerful, either…because at times the drama seems more forced than real.

As for other comparisons, Liam Neeson’s Robert Roy MacGregor is just as noble as William Wallace or Robert the Bruce, while Tim Roth’s Archibald is just as despicable as King Edward and just as foppish as his son.  Of course, like ‘Braveheart’, it’s just a movie.

Inspirational Quote: “Honor is…what no man can give you.  And none can take away.”

Grade: B-

7/14/18: The Great Grade Update. Grade: C+

The X-Files – Episode 7 (Ghost In The Machine)

Don’t mess with COS. 

The monster is a machine this time, or so it seems.  Very interesting.

Points of note: “Deep Throat” is called upon twice, Mulder/Scully make a major enemy.

Scully’s affection for Mulder becomes obvious here, at least in a legitimately maternal way.

http://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/motherly

Amusing little ‘2001’ reference, too.

The X-Files – Episode 6 (Shadows)

This one’s about psychokinesis…extremely interesting, actually. 

Think a variation of ‘Firestarter’, maybe…if it had been put to film anywhere near the level of the novel. 

Scully’s skepticism becomes illogical at one point in this episode.  To deny the existence of something you consider “impossible”, even when presented with it, is illogical.

“An ancestor of mine maintained that if you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth.” – Spock

The X-Files – Episode 5 (The Jersey Devil)

Monster of the week: See title. 

Not the best monster, or story.

Notable mostly, since I care far more about the characters than the story, for Mulder’s first obvious jealous twinge regarding Scully and Scully duly taking note and appearing more amused and flattered than offended. 

Which shows, as compared to the later dialogue regarding said “relationship”, that subtlety can often reveal far more than blatant exposition.  Or, as they say, “Insinuation really makes it happen”.

Reaffirmed when Scully, with just a bit of guilty/gloatingly independent reluctance, tells Mulder she has a date: which of course she doesn’t enjoy one bit.

Deadtime Stories: Volume 1 (2011)

A laughably wretched/wretchedly laughable horror anthology doesn’t get any better because George A. Romero puts his name on it and does some really bad intros for each segment.

But don’t blame George for creating this…that honor goes to writer Jeff Monahan. 

Just blame him for thinking his name still carries any weight after ‘Survival’.

Grade: F-

The X-Files – Episode 3 (Squeeze)

The attraction (or at least mutual respect, admiration, and slight affection) is already obvious.  And it feels natural, real, unforced.

As to the episode, it is what I believe is called a “monster-of-the-week” episode…no real impact on the main story arc, except to continue to establish Mulder/Scully’s relationship.

This one’s pretty good, though…creepy.  Spooky, too.

Tales From The Crypt Presents: Bordello Of Blood (1996)

Opening: “Throw me the whip!”

More akin to the show than ‘Demon Knight’ was.  Because it’s more cheezy and silly.  But, like the show, it’s also a bit of fun.

Dennis Miller’s got a lot of one-liners in this baby, cha cha.  My personal fav given recent viewing: “Weird Duchov-nian riff”.

Grade: C

The X-Files – Episode 2 (Deep Throat)

An extremely UFO-based episode.

Points of note: knowledgeable contact introduced, Mulder’s memory affected.

Featuring a hippie/stoner Seth Green.

For the record, I’m a little bit Mulder, a little bit Scully.

I’m not arrogant or blind enough to believe that everything MUST have a logical, scientifically verifiable fact-based explanation and that if we don’t see it well then we just haven’t looked hard enough.

Neither am I flaky or anti-intellectual enough to believe that everything that cannot be immediately explained MUST be supernatural in nature.

So it’s interesting to watch myself argue with myself via Mulder and Scully.

Inspirational Quote: “When does the human cost become too high for the building of a better machine?”

Monsters, Inc. (2001)

Intro: Naughty little birdies.  Kinda cute.

I don’t think a plot summary is really necessary: It’s a kids movie that’s just smart enough for adults.  Which is rather common of Pixar, I think.  Unfortunately, what’s also common of Pixar, from what I’ve seen, is that the “smart enough for adults” part isn’t nearly smart enough to watch every single variation on it.  And I prefer DreamWorks, anyway.

But, as to its charm…

Guest Review, paraphrased:

“Oh Mugsy…it’s adorable.” – Rocky

Grade: B-

The X-Files – Episode 1 (Pilot)

I’ve meant to watch this show, from beginning to end, for a LONG time.

Only seen a few random, scattered episodes…then told myself I’d wait and, one day, watch it properly, in order.  Part of me wanted it to be boring, so I could move on to something else.  Part of me wanted it to be extremely interesting, so I could have a new show to focus on that I found worthy of my attention and analysis.

So far, I’m leaning more towards the “interesting” part.  Mulder and Scully seem to mesh together right from the start: not quite Sam and Diane, but it’s close.  And, of course, more mature.

A good introduction to the characters and the theme…and the ending is reminiscent of ‘Raiders’…top men working on it.  9906753.

Thoughts While Watching The Patriots (Week Ten)

I’m a big Pats fan, but…I’m also not blinded by my fandom.  So I must say…

Exactly why are the referees making up penalties to keep Pats drives alive?  I mean…it’s not “borderline”…it’s “blatantly obvious”.

And it’s not like we need the help…I mean, we’re not the Jets or anything.  Oh!

-Puppy >.< Yip!

EXCITING new film idea – By Puppy

By now we’ve all seen (or at least heard of and declined to see) ‘Saw’.

Like ‘Night of the Living Dead’, but with much less cause, it’s spawned numerous copycats. 

I say “much less cause” because it’s not as good as ‘Night’.  Or ‘Dawn’.  Or ‘Day’.  Or ‘Shaun’. Or ‘Fido’.  Or even ‘Zombie Girl’.  Maybe ‘Xombie’…but that’s too close to call.

So we get all these God-awful remakes: X people are trapped in X location for X period of time to see what happens when X by a psychotic X.

Luckily, since I dismissed the original framework pretty easily, there’s not terribly much reason to bother with most of these.  So it does at least grant me the favor that Romero does NOT…there MIGHT be another good zombieish flick out there, and so I watch them.

Here’s an idea…how about they pull the old switcheroo?  Instead of X psychotic X kidnapping X people and blah blah blah…how about a movie where X people kidnap X psychotic X and force them to live in conditions of extreme luxury and happiness until they X?  Where the last X = do something nice, smile, say “awwwwww…”, “Like” a LOLcat…and so forth.  You get the general idea.

Feel free to steal this idea if you want.  But see ‘He Said I Could’ first.

-Puppy >.< Yip!

William Shatner’s Get A Life! (2012)

Brief interviews with various Trekkies.

The opening bit and the title makes it out to be a parody of Star Trek fanaticism, but that’s a completely false impression.  There’s no humor at all after that, and it’s basically just an “exploration” of the “meaning” of Star Trek.  If you’re not a Trekkie, you’ll probably think it’s an incredibly fawning treatment of a tv show.  I like Star Trek, but even I find it FAR too sentimental and self-worshipping.

To say it’s pretentious would be…an understatement.  It’s beyond pretentious, into laughable.

Yes, there are moving moments…but they’re not because of Star Trek.  They’re because you see people that are feeling obvious deep emotion.  Such deep emotion is common to life, not exclusive in any way to Star Trek.

As Shatner himself said later in the taken-from-SNL bit used to open this, “It’s just a tv show, it’s just a tv show!!”

Grade: D-

1/17/13: See ‘Pupdate: Documentary Grade Edits’.  Grade: F

Jucy (2010)

It’s a dramedy.  As such, it’s a bit overwrought. 

There are moments that are so over-acted/over-emotioned that they belong in a soap opera, but there are also some fairly charming and sweet moments.  It’s got the requisite obstacles to be overcome, and if you like “feel-good” movies that are a bit quirky, this could do the trick. 

Not really my cup of tea…but it’s watchable.

Grade: D+

5/3/14: Not my cup of tea AT ALL.  But, still…watchable.  Grade: D

Area 407 (2012)

This movie is shot from the point of view (at least to start) of a little girl carrying a videocamera.  I believe this was done for three reasons:

First, it makes it “different” from other people-pursued-by-nasty-things movies.
Second, it justifies the incompetence of the camera work and masks the bad dialogue/dialogue lapses with perpetual random chatter.
Third, it garners sympathy for the overall poor quality of the film and its characters.

What’s next, cute-kitty-cat-cam?  Defenseless-crawling-toddler-cam?

Exploiting-peoples-sympathies-for-a-buck-cuz-we’re-morally-and-artistically-bankrupt-cam?

Maybe this was just some sleazy film exec’s answer to the question: “How do we make people care about an otherwise generic horror flick?”

Alternate Title: ‘Little Susie’s Camera Fascination Meets BLOOD’

Alternate Title 2: ‘The Gore Glitch Project’

‘Area 407’ was filmed on location in a vacant field. *MST RIP*

The only halfway intelligent parts of the film play on government conspiracy paranoia, but there are only two of them and they last a combined 5 minutes, tops.  But I’m not gonna tell you where they are.  I sat through this pile of exploitative sh1t, and if you wanna find out, DIY.

Here’s maybe how this went down…*PYTHON RIP*

“Quite frankly, I think the central script system may need strengthening a bit.”
“Isn’t that going to put the cost up?”
“Ummmm…it might.”
“Well, I don’t know if I’d worry about strengthening THAT much…I mean, it’s not meant to be a luxury movie.”
“Quite agree, quite agree…I think provided the viewers are of light mind and relatively sedentary, and given a spot of good luck, I think we’re on to a winner here.”

Grade: F-

12/31/13: Two halfway-intelligent bits are two more than an F- should have.  Grade: F

The Battle Cry Of The Fervent Anti-Theist

“All your religion are belong to us!”

Most of these radical types are in the same vein as the pre-prison Derek Vinyards of the world:  They’re angry (at something they don’t quite understand, or that they can’t do anything about), and so they group together en masse for a good old fashioned mob-mentality Two-Minutes Hate.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Two_Minutes_Hate

-Puppy >.< Yip!

Politics In America Today – Editorial By Puppy

It’s obvious to anyone that isn’t blinded by their own convictions or the convictions they have promised to follow even if proven shaky and/or untrue simply to maintain party unity that a major reason the Republican Party seems so fractured, out-of-touch, and just plain ignorant and/or self-blinded to reality is the following:

“Freedom of Religion” means exactly that: Freedom to choose what religion, if any, you believe in and to practice your faith in the context of your life without infringing on anyone else’s same right.

It does NOT mean merging Religion with Politics and using as your only basis for support “It’s what I believe as a *Insert Faith Here*.”

The days of that argument holding any water at all began to decline quite a while ago.  It wasn’t a sudden dropoff, but like the 50’s propaganda films that seemed well-intentioned but slightly out of touch then and completely absurd and laughable now, there is a similar trajectory.

The fact that Americans are progressively, by generation, less and less likely to be indoctrinated in any particular Faith will eventually lead to two things:

1) Belief will become a more personal, meaningful, and DEEPER thing, since it will be increasingly chosen by individuals through the process of self-exploration and exploration of perspectives, one’s own and those of others, and not slapped on them by their parents or community.

2) The number of people that can be accurately described by Albert Einstein as “Crusading Atheists” will dwindle to a small, angry minority just as offensive and abhorrent as in-your-face “Crusaders” for any form of belief.  There being no more “cause” to be angry about, the remnants will simply be angry “about” something else…for some people aren’t angry for reasons, they simply pick a reason to affix their anger to.

P.S.: The “banning” of any religion or form of spirituality is not only WRONG by definition (banning beliefs?  Read ‘1984’)…also, it can’t be done.  Beliefs can NEVER be destroyed.  Ideas can NEVER be “done away with”.  It’s been tried…doesn’t work.  So apart from being immoral, it’s also completely illogical, impractical, and a complete and utter waste of time. 

Instead of protesting religion “telling people how to think” by “telling people how to think” (Does anyone else see the Republican Math here?), how about this…everyone leaves everyone else alone to decide, on their own, with their own minds and without propaganda from either side, without any form of coercion at all…”What do I believe?”.

THAT would be a monumental step forward in the “evolution” of humanity, and it would be achieved through ACTIVE ENCOURAGEMENT OF FREEDOM, rather than FORBIDDANCE OF FREEDOM.  Now…what’s wrong with that?  Peace.

-Puppy >.< Yip!

Idiots And Angels (2008)

No angels, lots of idiots.  Colossally stupid.

Bill Plympton’s amateurish and grotesque animation can actually be enjoyable over short periods of time and with the right ideas, but without any and at feature-film length, it’s just extremely painful.  And why, pray tell, are we supposed to feel any sympathy at all for this incredibly nasty piece of work?  The main character, that is.

BONUS:  No dialogue.

Grade: F

The Comic Strip Presents – Episode 11 (Eddie Monsoon)

Worthy of Note:
origin of Ab-Fab’s “Edina Monsoon”
violent nurse
angry childrens show
tolerable suicide
Radio Free Nigeria
‘Big Jobs in My Trousers’
like……….that
very nice bastard
congenital syphilis
bags of charisma
Eddie’s fans: a dog and his uncle
E. Monsoon talking to E. Monsoon
Eddie Monsoon’s brilliant unpublished novel

Eternal Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind (2004)

I don’t buy the intro.  She’s a psycho…and she’s not even an INTERESTING psycho…just a weird, moody, freaky-annoying one.  I mean, I guess chemistry is debatable, but it seems like the only reason she pursued him and anything happened at all is cuz it’s in the script and she’s an actress.

She’s a good movie example of a real-life type I’ve met before, and you probably have too: weird and freaky and chaotic and random and eager-to-fck because without those things you’d see what else was inside the very attractive outside shell.  Namely, dull nothingness.

And since she’s treated as the heroine and example of how to live a wonderful, “free” life, she (and by default, this movie) is championed by those who, deep down inside, fear they’re just as dull and shallow as she is…and/or random scumbags that like to do whatever they want without regard for anyone else and then fall apart when the time comes for something called “responsibility”.

I guess I’d be incredibly emotionally impressed if I, for a second, believed any aspect of their relationship.  But I’m either too smart, not smart enough, or not weird enough.  Oh well.  I do admire the ending, though.  I’d even call it brave and moving, if I cared about either character.

But it IS visually impressive…VERY impressive.  And the sequences become more elaborate and more intelligent and more humorous as they go on…for a while.  Then they crest and fade away, like a wave you thought could NEVER reach you…and it comes close, a lot closer than you thought it would…but in the end, you were right, and it quickly dissipates and is gone.

It’s challenging…a thought-provoking, in-your-face demand of self-evaluation.  In that sense, and as an exercise in artistic and visual mastery, it’s brilliant.  But it’s too mechanical and unbelievable, in the sense of how it actually plays out, to be anywhere near the masterpiece its legions of admirers hail it as.

To see something that’s closer to how I feel about this movie but that’s far too clever for me to be able to concoct, see ‘Depeche Mode – A Non-Puppy Perspective’.  Focus on the attitude in grudgingly awarding a decent grade, not the words.  You can almost feel the dismissive venom dripping off the screen.

Inspirational Quote: “I assume you fcked someone tonight.  Isn’t that how you get people to like you?”

Grade: B

5/3/14: I prefer character interaction over studio mastery, and the main characters don’t “interact”.  They stand near each other at times and repeatedly fail to sell the relationship at all.  Grade: B-

The Zombie Apocalypse (2008)

REALLY bad fx, REALLY bad acting, REALLY bad script, REALLY dumb “goth” lady who looks more comfortable in natural blood-splatter than she does in black makeup.

The great thing about quick cuts is that you don’t actually have to show the amazing action sequences.

Oh, and they forgot to write an ending.

Inspirational Scene: There’s blood in them thar hills!

Inspirationally Bad Choice For Anti-Zombie Weapon: Scythe

Grade: F-

The Devil’s Rock (2011)

Better than ‘The Devil’s Scissors’ but not as good as ‘The Devil’s Paper’.

But seriously, this movie deserves more than a snide little comment.  It starts off as a second-rate war film, but even then it’s decent enough to warrant/encourage watching further, especially in the hope/knowledge that the real movie is yet to come.  And it is.

With the setup being dispensed with, we are presented with a fairly gory supernatural-ish horror film.  Not a “gore-fest” because the acting, script, and intelligence level are far too good for that.  Not that they’re brilliant or anything, but they’re surprisingly decent.  There are some obvious holes in the plot and it’s not as clever as it wants to be, but it held my attention throughout and I can say that I’m actually glad I watched it, beyond being able to write a review on it.  I’ll never watch it AGAIN…there’s nothing I feel I may have “missed” the first time in terms of depth…but as recent unrated Netflix streaming horror movies go, this is a good one-time view.

Also, if you liked ‘Hellboy’, you’ll enjoy seeing a good rip of its opening.

Grade: C+

6/21/13: I did watch it again.  Turns out there was nothing I missed the first time, but I actually enjoyed watching it a second time.  I’m PRETTY sure I won’t watch it a third time though…I don’t have that “There’s-Something-About-‘Lo'” feeling.  Grade: B-

R.E.M.: Parallel (1995)

Drawing from their two best albums (‘Automatic For The People’/’Monster’) and nothing but produces the single best collection of music in one place they’ve ever managed.  Irrelevant by this point, perhaps, but I couldn’t resist.  Not for 99 cents.

And the video for “Everybody Hurts” is so obviously and completely heartfelt that it achieves grandiosity while avoiding maudlin sentimentality.  A benefit of sincerity, I suppose.

For the last five songs, I believe R. Christgau sums it up best: “Peter Buck’s sonic palette is rainbow grunge–variegated dirt and distortion as casual rhetoric–and he’s so cranked even the slow ones seem born to be loud.”

Inspirational Quote: “They that sow in tears shall reap in joy”

Grade: A-

The Dead Outside (2008)

The only real signs of the horrible “pandemic” and its results are a few really angry people and a lot of flashbacks.  Other than that, it’s a fairly dull guy hanging out with a fairly gloomy teen: Looking at stuff, saying stuff that seems either boring or forced, doing chores, saying more stuff…and some stuff eventually happens.

It’s supposed to be extremely emotionally moving, as the music can attest to, and you might find it to be so.  But I doubt it, since I’m not at all resistant to being moved and this just strikes me as a fairly dull attempt at yet another apocalypse movie.

It does get much more interesting (and pandemicy) near the end…when they stop talking.

Grade: D