REALLY bad fx, REALLY bad acting, REALLY bad script, REALLY dumb “goth” lady who looks more comfortable in natural blood-splatter than she does in black makeup.
The great thing about quick cuts is that you don’t actually have to show the amazing action sequences.
Oh, and they forgot to write an ending.
Inspirational Scene: There’s blood in them thar hills!
Inspirationally Bad Choice For Anti-Zombie Weapon: Scythe
Grade: F-
Better than ‘The Devil’s Scissors’ but not as good as ‘The Devil’s Paper’.
But seriously, this movie deserves more than a snide little comment. It starts off as a second-rate war film, but even then it’s decent enough to warrant/encourage watching further, especially in the hope/knowledge that the real movie is yet to come. And it is.
With the setup being dispensed with, we are presented with a fairly gory supernatural-ish horror film. Not a “gore-fest” because the acting, script, and intelligence level are far too good for that. Not that they’re brilliant or anything, but they’re surprisingly decent. There are some obvious holes in the plot and it’s not as clever as it wants to be, but it held my attention throughout and I can say that I’m actually glad I watched it, beyond being able to write a review on it. I’ll never watch it AGAIN…there’s nothing I feel I may have “missed” the first time in terms of depth…but as recent unrated Netflix streaming horror movies go, this is a good one-time view.
Also, if you liked ‘Hellboy’, you’ll enjoy seeing a good rip of its opening.
Grade: C+
6/21/13: I did watch it again. Turns out there was nothing I missed the first time, but I actually enjoyed watching it a second time. I’m PRETTY sure I won’t watch it a third time though…I don’t have that “There’s-Something-About-‘Lo'” feeling. Grade: B-
Drawing from their two best albums (‘Automatic For The People’/’Monster’) and nothing but produces the single best collection of music in one place they’ve ever managed. Irrelevant by this point, perhaps, but I couldn’t resist. Not for 99 cents.
And the video for “Everybody Hurts” is so obviously and completely heartfelt that it achieves grandiosity while avoiding maudlin sentimentality. A benefit of sincerity, I suppose.
For the last five songs, I believe R. Christgau sums it up best: “Peter Buck’s sonic palette is rainbow grunge–variegated dirt and distortion as casual rhetoric–and he’s so cranked even the slow ones seem born to be loud.”
Inspirational Quote: “They that sow in tears shall reap in joy”
Grade: A-
Dead unjugged rabbit fish.
Only exception: The first cartoon, which tells the (very short) tale of a true romantic.
Cat, that is.
Grade: F
The only real signs of the horrible “pandemic” and its results are a few really angry people and a lot of flashbacks. Other than that, it’s a fairly dull guy hanging out with a fairly gloomy teen: Looking at stuff, saying stuff that seems either boring or forced, doing chores, saying more stuff…and some stuff eventually happens.
It’s supposed to be extremely emotionally moving, as the music can attest to, and you might find it to be so. But I doubt it, since I’m not at all resistant to being moved and this just strikes me as a fairly dull attempt at yet another apocalypse movie.
It does get much more interesting (and pandemicy) near the end…when they stop talking.
Grade: D
Basically an inferior reworking of episode 1.
Watch only if you want to see Dawn French and Jennifer Saunders say things like “you little prick-teaser”.
In the vein of ‘Spinal Tap’…not as good, of course, but interesting.
Stupid Stupid Stupid.
Inspirational Quote: “I’m tired of these motherf@cken zombies in this motherf@cken strip club!”
Grade: F-
Worthy of Note:
lashings
brilliant observations
young French
young Saunders
twittiness worthy of Peckinpah’s ‘Salad Days’
George the dyke
queerness
Fairly amusing, especially if you like British comedy in general. And it’s got French and SAUN-ders…SAUN-ders…bop be do be wah!
So many different ways to mock this, where do I start…
Somewhat creepy and dark. As such, a bit like ‘Lo’. But I don’t anticipate watching this again once, let alone three times. Because it’s most like the parts of ‘Lo’ I really didn’t like…if you enjoyed the songs/faces/arty touches from ‘Lo’, you might like this. If you enjoyed ‘Lo’ because it was, at heart, a touching true romance, you’ll probably find this quite tedious.
It’s not a throwaway…a lot of care/planning obviously went into this. Which makes it that much more disappointing that it fails to deliver much of anything except admittedly great imagery and boring, generic weirdness.
You don’t laugh with it, but you might laugh at it, if you don’t turn it off first.
My only consolation is the glimmering hope that I may live long enough for these works of brilliant songform to pass into the public domain.
Highlights: Being reminded briefly of ‘Lo’, and fervently hoping the woman with massive cleavage would be selected as a player.
SPOILER ALERT: She isn’t.
Three “Sins” apparently punished: Greed, Suicide, and Trust. HUH?
Inspirational Quote: “PRICK…PRICK…PRICK…PRICK…PRICK…PRICK…”
Grade: D-
I spent the majority of this movie trying to think of how to describe how bad it is. I couldn’t think of anything clever. I blame it on the movie, because there’s absolutely nothing clever in the movie. Nothing. Thank God for the time lapses.
Lone bright spot for me: woman looking vaguely like Jennifer Tilly.
Greatest moment of terrified suspense: “Will they show that guy’s a$$ crack or not?”
Grade: F-
Highs:
the scavenger gourmet
chef’s quick prayer
two dead pigeons
oinky pig-e-ons
Siberian hamster
Franco’s rat policy
popular Bubonic Plague
The bleedin’ obvious
domesticated Sybil
gangs of field mice
undead Basil
sleep discount
haunting “rat departure” theme
fermenting pigeons
cheering up, for Christ’s sake
Sybil finishing Basil’s depression monologue
Major bothering
stealthy Major with gun
Basil-seek
homing rat
“He’s from Barcelona…”
wine dropping
cat celebration
random plates of veal
fiance’s legs
eal
Japo-Scandinavian substitute
dandered up
free rat
Basil-dragging
Lows:
picture-pushing
convenient meat spillage
bomb scare?
Grade: A (Great ending)
Highs:
“Ode To Joy”
simmering Sybil
Basil’s memory
the smell of burning martyr
costly oil
Agincourt?
bump-smoothing
“She’s uhh umm”
good look by the dentist
Polly’s legs
slightly serious
slightly like Sybil
Pollyjacking
very quick heart attack
Major re-route
lots of waving
Basil’s sad chat with Sybil
Polly discipline
“Oh, I know…”
coincidental/concealed Sybil
kitchen melee
Lows:
Basil brush
too much Manuel interlude
Grade: A-
Highs:
lumbered with the people
breathing attempts
Quite…
managing to struggle down
Basil’s lightly-buttered kipper rant
woman’s work never delegated
Basil’s breakfast delivery rant
hitting guests
Basil’s kipper rant
death celebration
a bit of it
BLOODY final
Basil’s hotel rant
recurrent kipper
cheerful over guest’s death
recurrent kipper
2 dead, 25 to go
noisy cupboard
fortunate key
Basil’s crush/Manuel’s dance
“Oh, I know…”
off guard
fly attraction
screaming radio
bothersome corpse
Doctor wanting sausages
explaining to Manuel
women doing it
not much
Manuel in a basket (part 2)
ending
Lows:
dog FX
unusually nasty Polly
Polly’s stalling
Basil’s stalling
guest-smothering
Grade: A
Highs:
in-depth salad examination
bothersome lambs
bloody rubbish
out of waldorfs
Waldorf Salad
walnuts, cheese…
Ritz Salad
the celery front
a$$-busting
Waldorf Salad repossession
letter from the chef, read aloud
Basil ranting at himself
a place in Eastbourne
Basil gets his comeuppance
Basil’s ending rant
the origins of Nazi Germany
mass eviction attempt
Basil in the rain
Basil’s final order
Lows:
slow intro
line mistake
Grade: B+
Highs:
Basil enjoying himself
Sybil’s charming vampirism
managing it 2 or 3 times a week
turning on the nipple
wall testing
door testing
cigarette testing
more wall testing
window testing
left to it
broom testing
hinge testing
Basil standing up to Sybil
contorted hopping
Lows:
lowering the boom mic
Basil failing his “break down doors” roll
moments of tedium
Grade: B-
Highs:
Casey
C.K. Watt (Age 40)
hovering Sybil
closed avenue of pleasure
view confirmation
Sydney Opera House/Hanging Gardens of Babylon
sea location
Cleese doing the volume gag the Pythons always wanted to
piece of brain
bat up the nightdress
Flying Tart
“I know nothing”
head usage
semi-strip
vivisectionist trip
quick mourn, faint, and recovery
Basil’s thrill of victory
Basil’s agony of defeat
Lows:
Major talking to himself
Polly’s final paper confusion
Polly knowing about the battery comment when she couldn’t
nitwit
most of the horse charades
Basil’s brief explosion
Grade: B
Highs:
mounted toenail
“precise” racism
ingrown tongue
english-speaking moosehead
Manuel safely locked in with the fire
God abuse
Fawlty’s Gumby look
nurse of unknown origin
“My God you’re ugly…”
something wrong vs. German
meat explanation
“Don’t mention the war”
something to drink before the war
all differences forgotten
no need to mention the war
Hitler, Himmler, all that lot
hors d’ouevres which must be obeyed at all times
persistent Nazi references
invading Poland
Fawlty’s Hitler
funny walk
Fawlty’s escape
naughty moose
Lows:
racism
too-long alarm routine
Grade: A- (That’s got it)
Highs:
smack on head
little piranha fish
vats of wine
strung highly
trough w/ dead dogs
nothing trivial
seeking Mrs. Hall
too small and dry
dream test
the eternal plate change
duck-throwing
car abuse
thrashing the car
duck-searching
Lows:
mother’s overacting
a bit of Cleese overacting
entertainment
Grade: B (Getting there…)
Highs:
stealth Manuel
guest-mauling
non-violent violence
ending scream
Lows:
The beginning
Basil’s overacted anger
many moments of tedium
Grade: D
Highs:
fawlty t1tties
“Oh, I know…” origin
convenient wound
Manuel in a basket (part 1)
Lows:
Basil’s couple frustration
couple banter
Basil’s frustration, part 2
disgusting bit
overlong explanation bit
overlong room bit
overlong mistake rant
Grade: D-
Highs:
a little breathing
orally men
listening
instant wall
self-spank
large garden gnome insertion
Sybil’s beautiful when she’s fermenting
Lows:
opening banter
Sybil’s overlong rant, parts 1 and 2
Grade: C+
Highs:
Basil’s driving advice
Brahms’ “Third Racket”
list-fetching
non-traditional wall
polite hurrying
kiss-aversion
ineffective forbiddance
Basil’s free kick
Lows:
Cleese’s acting seeming a bit forced at times
Basil sucking up
overdone slapstick
“dramatic” turn
Basil’s lack of common sense
Observation: If this series wasn’t the inspiration (at least in part) for ‘Black Books’, I’ll eat a Waldorf Salad.
Grade: C+
Delightfully cute/devilish short bit of animation. Watch the whole thing.
Grade: A-
Don’t bother.
Highs:
toothpaste scum collection
The Tooth Beaver
cute pile of tooth
disgusted flies
The Nerve-Ending Fairy!
$400 of lint
new logs
Stimpy’s divine light
the wonders of Stimpy’s nipples
circus-midget defense
ultra-paranoid horse
one mistake
two more mistakes?
big nipple
rubber walrus protectors
rubber nipple check
nipple advancement
1001 nipple uses
knee nipples
Stooges’ bull ending
Lows:
just a few intermittent lulls
Grade: A
Highs:
one last alternative
random weird stuff
repugnant and delicious
alternate universe left socks
High-Fashion Log for girls!
Dream-date Log
Ren’s slight outburst
electric beaver
electric duck
Stimpy’s fifth latest invention
happiness resistance
SO…HAPPY…
“Happy Happy Joy Joy”
Lows:
underwear
slow implosion
The Log song…I mean, enough already.
Stimpy’s first latest invention
part 2 ending
Grade: B
Highs:
flaccid rocket
cool noises
convenient moon
My Little Brother doll
A DUCK!
elusive horny-billed chihuahua
giant soft-shelled stimpy
little stimpys
scavenger attack
keen sense of radar
slow-motion magic
the art of camouflage
terrible, fearsome crocostimpy
haunting mating call
the … yak
nature-show-host attraction
Lows:
part 1 recycling…again…already
part 1 ending (and some of the middle)
part 2 ending
Grade: B
Highs:
circus midgets
big baby
big horse
Mr. Horse’s carefully considered reaction
big walrus w/little hat
big elephant
the eternal ladder
burning up on re-entry
soothing litter
Log…for girls!
really close moon
repulsive titanicism
lots of anything
Lows:
Dr. Stupid
part 1 intro
part 1 ending (notice a pattern here?)
part 2 intro…recycling already?
most of part 2, actually.
Grade: B-
Highs:
anti-gravity bubblegum
spine-tingling toast
Ren snapping
convenient statue
Ren’s ice cream bar
covetething
THE HISTORY ERASER BUTTON!
voiceover announcer
in-the-scene announcer
announcer’s buttcheeks
hard-working filth
electric woodchuck
nibbling on Ren
Yak-Shaving Day
shaving scum
Lows:
part 1 intro
Roger
towel-snapping
toothbrush melee
part 2 intro
part 2 sketch ending
Grade: B+
Highs:
Powdered Toast Man!
huge pectoral muscles
lower-Stimpy buttoning
melon/chicken/moose
cheerleaders/criminally insane
poor-turned-rich fleeing peasant
evil cow
evil sheriff of Dodge City
fair hair
generous portion of giblet gravy
random sheep
nose-pouch of holding
spleen-cleansing
Ren’s defensive fur
random Mr. Horse
Lows:
too many costume changes
Rarin to go/lickity split
monks?
part 1 ending
the oath
part 2 beginning
part 2 ending
Grade: B
Highs:
Log
Stimpy’s brain
Muddy Mudskipper
mudskipping
segmented eyes!
The many benefits of Gritty Kitty
hand-eating
Stimpy’s poem/shriek of joy
Stimpy-grooming
fresh redundancy
a priiiiiiiiiiiize!
Mr. Horse!
Mr. Horse’s catchphrase
magnificent hunk of cat
cute masochism
Lows:
contest-winning scene
Ren’s pining (not for the fjords)
Stimpy’s omnipresence/breakdown
Grade: A
Worthy of Note:
Kick-a$$ music
Old Man Hunger
Old Man Pigeon
Old Man Lady Luck
Dog catcher’s ray of hope
fodder for intros
Stimpillow
interspecies romance
at-the-time fairly revolutionary animation antics
Lows:
extended hairballs
extended ending
Grade: B
Not the best, but…interesting take on escapism. A good, solid ending.
Talk about haunting music…not bad.
Naughty ventriloquist dummy, part two. Not bad.
The credits announce the introduction of Edward Furlong. ‘American History X’, seven years later, announces the farewell of Edward Furlong, for legitimate movie purposes.
From the very beginning, you can tell that this sequel has something the original was completely lacking in: humor. That is, INTENTIONAL humor.
Special FX are excellent, the complete role-reversal for Arnold is at the same time amusing and compelling, it’s not nearly as cheezy, and it’s aged a lot better.
But it’s still just a fairly fun-to-watch sci-fi-ish action flick, and it’s certainly not as good as the best of the genre, such as Cameron’s ‘Aliens’, which also featured (a different) “The Company”.
Grade: B-
Predictable, but fairly creepy. Borderline.
Included only because it’s so INCREDIBLY bad.
Message: Marry who your daddy says cuz *cue Gwen* “you’re just a girl…”, and if you follow your heart you’ll always regret it. Can someone MST this, please?
Agnes rocks! I wanna get one of those. But…maybe just the laptop.
Decent. Interestingly macabre twist.
Watch this only if you want the essence of ‘Brave New World’ without having to actually read the d@mn thing.
Sultans Of Swing: The Very Best Of Dire Straits (1998)
One disc is plenty, thanks. All I ever wanted from Dire Straits, and MUCH more.
(“Sultans Of Swing”, “Money For Nothing”)
Grade: B
Machine Head (1972)
Forget everything else, including anything calling itself “Greatest” or “Best”. This is their best, and it contains their only sizeable hit worth owning (“Hush” is a novelty). It also contains a few other good songs. “A few” being enough, given that there are only seven songs on the album.
(“Maybe I’m A Leo”, “Space Truckin'”)
Grade: B+
A Decade Of Hits (1983)
Lots of tolerable country-ish rock (if you like that sort of thing) and two good songs (even if you don’t).
(“Uneasy Rider”)
Grade: C
Interesting take on history/fascination with.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PIb6AZdTr-A
-Puppy
Going by the Netflix listings for episode number. Why? Consistency. And because the real episode 130 kinda sucks, so who cares?
Moderately interesting space/biblical theme.
Henry Hill and friends.
Pesci is amazing, DeNiro is great as usual, Liotta’s good, and the supporting cast is good. “Truth is stranger than fiction”…sometimes, I guess. But sometimes truth is exciting and sometimes truth is just kinda fcken dull…therefore, so is this movie.
But it’s great more often than it is dull, and that’s enough.
One comment, though…it’s REALLY sad when someone like Henry Hill, a womanizing drug addict who thought it was great to “live by the sword” but who ratted out his “friends” so he wouldn’t “die by the sword”, is looked upon by some as ANY kind of hero: tragic, flawed, or otherwise.
Inspirational Scene: Do I have to say it? He’s a funny guy.
Grade: A-
For those of you that celebrate All Hallows’ Eve/Samhain in a religious sense, happy Holiday.
For those of you that celebrate Halloween in a party/dressup/trick-or-treat/scary movies sense, have a good time.
For those few that (having reached adulthood, especially) still affix any ‘Crow’-ish notions and/or actions to this evening, I suggest watching the following and then laughing at yourself.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tPLWbTh9_Nk
10/16/16: FAIR USE: CRITICISM – One of the best bits in the history of TKITH. Further installments available, sequels not as good as original.
