Author: Puppy

For once, Kevin Costner’s achievement equals his grand vision.  Unlike most of his pretentious “epics”, this doesn’t seem to go on way too long.

For those few recluses that don’t know already, it’s a very non-romanticized (from the European-American perspective) depiction of “How the West was won”:  not just through brave pioneering, but also by (let’s be honest) grand theft.

While the length isn’t a problem, there are parts that lag…but for the most part, this is a brilliant film.

Interesting to see, in particular, how similar ancient wisdoms can be.

Inspirational Quote: “And the only word that came to mind was ‘Harmony’.”

Grade: A

Hopefully this isn’t the chicken of tomorrow.

It’s a Troma film.  If you don’t know, that means it’s really low budget, really tasteless, and really cheezy.  But it does have some wit to it, in an appallingly disgusting sort of way.

To measure your tolerance level, watch ‘Dead Alive’ first.  If you can get through that, try ‘Hobo With A Shotgun’.  If you like BOTH…then try this, if you also don’t mind some nudity and tasteless (if somewhat witty) musical interludes.  And, let’s be honest…if you’ve got nothing better to do.

Inspirational Quote: “Shhh…you had me from “sh1t-covered mongoloid”.”

Grade: C-

Kevin Spacey is completely brilliant, as he usually is.

It’s very cleverly written, and because of that it makes you feel. 

It makes you feel sadness, loneliness, humor, desperation, longings for things past and long gone, brief moments of exhilaration…the same way the characters do.

But the characters seem to exist simply for this purpose.

They’re not very multi-dimensional at all…but in order for a movie to exist, there have to be characters.  So they do what they do, and you feel what you feel, and you think what you think…messages sent, points made, mission accomplished.

So it’s brilliant…but in the end, it all feels just a little bit empty.  And all the messages and points it makes fade away from your memory and emotion almost as quickly as they arrived, making them irrelevant. 

But that doesn’t mean it’s not fun to watch.  And it’s quite a glow, while it lasts.

Inspirational Quote: “Sometimes there’s so much…beauty…in the world…I feel like I can’t take it…and my heart…is just going to cave in.”

Grade: A-

The reason I avoid most Disney movies is quite simple: the songs.

I realize that such movies are made mainly for children, and that the songs’ simple melodies and simple portents/character sketches are good for short attention spans…but for me they are, at best, tolerable interludes between scenes from the actual movie.

So for me to willingly sit through them, the story has to be very interesting, and the songs have to be…well, kept to a minimum.  And at least of the “tolerable” variety.

This story is extremely interesting.  It’s simple enough for pretty much anyone to understand, but it’s not “childish”…a source of child-like wonder, if anything.  And I’m not so jaded that I’ve completely lost that part of myself.

Interesting, and somewhat heartwarming…but a few touches overly dramatic and simplistic.

And the SONGS…sigh.  Tolerable, but what a waste of time.

Inspirational Quote: “Allo.”

Grade: B

Has aged beautifully.

Why?  Because it was dated when it first came out.  It was SUPPOSED to be dated, it was SUPPOSED to be derivative…of all the things Lucas loved watching as a kid.  Nothing more, nothing less.

And it is a complete success at that.  It’s got action, adventure, thrills, chills, explosions, chases, true love (well, sort of).  In that way, it’s sort of like a less-funny, less-romantic, but much more EXCITING ‘Princess Bride’.

I loved it the first time, when I was seven.  I loved it the fiftieth time almost as much.

Grade: A

Morgan Freeman is absolutely brilliant, both as the narrator and a prisoner. 

Tim Robbins’ performance is like nothing I’ve seen him do before or since…Andy Dufresne is a monument of resiliency, ingenuity, and complete determination. 

The idea and script are brilliant and the whole “experience” is compelling.  A true cinematic achievement.

Parts of this are extraordinarily moving and/or extraordinarily sad…films that actually make me SAY “Wow…”…not just think it…are quite rare.

The warden and the head guard are pure sadists that hide behind the Bible, but there’s nothing Christian about them.  MUST be pure fiction, of course…I mean, people in positions of power flagrantly and sadistically abusing their power???  Some of the guards are very decent people…in all seriousness, both things are just as completely believable.

The effectiveness of patience and humility over pride. 

Epic.

Inspirational Quote: “Some birds aren’t meant to be caged.  Their feathers are just too bright.  And when they fly away, the part of you that knows it was a sin to lock them up does rejoice.  But still…the place you live in is that much more drab and empty that they’re gone.”

Grade: A+

6/12/14: Thinking back to it, and on it, the roof scene seems a bit contrived.  The dialogue seems weak during the exchange and the guard’s performance is wooden.  That’s always sort of bugged me, and I think it’s bad enough to make me alter my grade.  Still a great movie, but it could’ve used just a tiny bit more polish to the script.  Grade: A

8/8/14: Robbins holds his own with Morgan Freeman. By the
middle I can’t even remember the tarring scene. Good enough for me.

Epic. And thank you for making me cry, again.

IQ2: “There’s something…inside…that they can’t get to, that they can’t touch. That’s yours.”

Grade: A+

Dustin Hoffman’s performance is impressive.

Tom Cruise’s…not so much.

He plays a cold, somewhat robotic, emotionally stunted arrogant a$$hole. 

And, from his performances since then, this doesn’t appear to be too much of a stretch for him.

Great story, could have been a great movie…but the acting isn’t always up to the task (excepting Hoffman) and the script could have used one more re-write.

Inspirational Quote: “No…could you repeat it cuz I, I can’t believe my fcken ears.”

Grade: B

If you’ve seen ‘Zombieland’, well then this is exactly the same.

Oh, with one difference…

THIS movie is a huge stinking pile of useless dumber-than-dumb gore sh1t.

Grade: F-

The most impressive thing about this stand-up routine with little bits of skit and moderate bits of song is that the level of tastelessness makes Louis C.K. look like Brian Regan.

The second most impressive thing is that Silverman remains deadpan throughout.

The third most impressive thing is that it’s still not nearly as funny as Louis C.K.

It is pretty good, though…if you don’t mind tasteless. (See quote for litmus test).

Inspirational Quote: “Oh God PLEASE let them find semen in my dead grandmother’s vagina.”

Grade: B-

Kinda creepy-funny.  At first, at least.

It’s a zombie movie from the zombie perspective.  Sort of like ‘Aaah! Zombies!!’, except this movie tries to be FAR more than it is capable of being.

The influences are obvious (but certainly not bad)…it’s even got a “Dr. Frankenstein”.  No “Bub”, though.  So think ‘Day Of The Dead’, ‘Fido’, ‘Shaun Of The Dead’, ‘Zombieland’…a little bit of each all rolled into one.  The problem is it’s not nearly as good as most of the sources it draws from.

It also features extreme moments of over-acting, many moments of tedium, and way too much drama.  And when I say drama I don’t mean touching interactions…I mean failed hackneyed attempts at touching interactions.

It’s better than most generic zombie sh1t, I’ll give it that, and it might make for interesting viewing if you’re a fan of any movie listed above and want to experience nostalgia, or for comparison purposes.

Inspirational Quote: “I SAID, get his finger out of my face!”

Grade: C-

Dig the James Bound intro.

Really bad.  Really. 

If you’ve seen every other cheezy “hey-I-made-a-horror” film, I guess this is…the one left.

BUT, if you stick it out, you get to see the director have fun with the credits.

Best parts: Jobs for bad union cameramen, MST3K-worthy script/acting, creepy polite guy.

Inspirational Scene: Finger-milking

Inspirational Quote: “Gimme that lobster.”

Grade: F