Author: Puppy

Semper Puppy

Binders Full Of Mitt

Comments on Mitt Romney’s “Binders full of women”:

– I think someone should create a song hooked around him saying that over and over again, like Orb’s “Fluffy Clouds”

– On a serious note, the Jon Gruden-esque pauses Mitt made while trying to think of what the *BLEEP* (his mental note) to say illustrate how unprepared/unconcerned he was with the question.  He just wanted to not totally fck up and move on to something that actually MATTERED to him.

– These binders, did they actually contain women, or just the names of women?  Because if the former, that’d be a neat trick…”Binder Of Holding: Value 20,000 Gold Pieces”

– If Obama ever sees himself behind in the polls after this, he should echo Jon Lovitz’s comment (hopefully with better results) after 3,000 points of light – “I can’t believe I’m losing to this guy.”

-Puppy >.< Yip!

Die Hard With A Vengeance (1995)

The first time I saw this (in 1995) I thought it was an intelligent thriller, with some stupid cop-buddy/action elements.  I was wrong.  It’s a stupid cop-buddy/action movie with SOME intelligent thriller elements.

Bruce Willis does about as good as he can, and for this sort of movie it’s enough.

The race card is WAY overplayed (Think Tim Meadows’ “whitey” commentary) and the “buddy” part is very forced.

If you’re patient, it picks up a bit in the second half.

Ist mediocre, ya?

Coolest Character: Bomb expert guy

Grade: D+

7/14/18: The Great Grade Update. Grade: C-

Shadow Of The Vampire (2000)

A darkly beautiful work of art.  Flawed but brilliant.

Nic Cage’s (Co-Producer) greatest contribution to cinema.

Most importantly, to quote a post I made immediately after I last saw this film (until just now):

‘Wow.

Chilling.  In one movie, understatement, subtle comedy, and the performance of Willem Dafoe’s career come together to provide what decades of slasher films have failed to – Terror.’

Or, as paraphrased from Robert Christgau…

“…nightmares of a world in flames, the kind you remember in all their scary inconsistency because you woke up (screaming) in the middle. How it will all end I couldn’t say…”‘

– ‘Shadow of the Vampire’, 12/18/10, Puppy

Grade: A-

How VF are you? (Compiled from ACTUAL OkC questions)

Which of the following do you want to do?
A ) Have sex in a graveyard
B ) Have sex with a serial killer
C ) Have sex with a serial killer in a graveyard
D ) Eat human flesh
E ) Have sex with a serial killer in a graveyard near a shallow grave

SATIRE…SATIRE…SATIRE…

Also, I get a huge kick out of this one-

“Are you attracted to dangerous situations?”

You see, there’s a difference between “exciting”, “thrilling”, and “dangerous”.  They’re not intrinsically connected.  If your life is so dull that you need to feel the nearness of death to remind yourself that you’re alive, that’s kinda sad.

And most of the people that answer “yes”, as we all know, don’t have the SLIGHTEST desire to actually be in a dangerous situation.  They just like to talk about it and pretend. 

I mean, to any VF that really WANTS to be in a dangerous situation…why aren’t you?  I mean, since the vast majority are white and a large percentage are racist, why not try a John McClane from the beginning of ‘Die Hard With A Vengeance’, show your true colors and see what happens?

Because you haven’t got the guts to back up your BS, that’s why.

-Puppy >.< Yip!

The Twilight Zone – Episode 10 (Judgement Night)

I hate Nazis as much as the next sane person, but I fail to see why a German naval officer sinking commercial vessels should feel any more guilt than a British or American naval officer doing the same.  And they did.  And since the war was far over by this point, I see no need for propaganda. 

As for afterlife ideas…it’s interesting but hardly profound, and anyone who would heed its message simply out of fear is a coward, not a wise man.

Dawn Of The Dead (1978)

Ok, so this is just as easily laughed at and dismissed by modern horror fans for its obvious deficiencies as it is lauded by rabid Romero fans for its obvious strengths.

The reality, for me, is somewhere in the middle.  Or perhaps both at once.

The “action” is cheezy B-grade, the “exciting” music and “shocking” FX are terribly dated, and the acting, for the most part, isn’t any better than the original.

In fact, it’s actually WORSE at times…which is difficult to comprehend given the time and budget Romero had to make this with compared to ‘Night’.

So what’s good about it?  Well, while it’s not particularly “scary” anymore, it’s certainly creepy.  There’s lots of little ironic/dark/witty touches and ideas that you won’t find in most of the admittedly more “realistic” alterations that have been done to death since.

But messages are best received in watchable formats.  Otherwise, just write an op-ed piece.  So the idea that this film is “important” because of what Romero may have been trying to say is absurd, as is the idea that it’s “important” because of the obvious influence it had on later zombie flicks.  ‘The Last Man On Earth’ was influential, but there’s no way I’d ever sit through that mess again.

The sad thing is…with ALL the problems with this film, with all the areas that could easily be improved upon, with all the bare ideas that could be made so much better…most zombie flicks STILL aren’t as good.  I don’t know of any other genre of film that fails to produce works 25-30 years after a dated archetype that aren’t BETTER than that archetype.

Grade: C+

The Kids In The Hall – Episode 104

Worthy of Note:
naked work
cable dependency guy
gazebo theft
toe energy tests

I’ve finally figured out why SNL picked McKinney from the Kids.  As bad as he was in the first season, he’s actually improved to the point where, near the end of the series, he’s still getting slightly better whereas everyone else seems to have pretty much flattened out/gotten bored.

Star Trek II: The Wrath Of Khan (1982)

The best Trek movie ever. 

Why?  Because it doesn’t try to get too cerebral and make science “fiction” sense…it tries to entertain.  And how do we do that, without a great script?  By producing characters of extremes that we all know and love (or hate) and a great conflict and having lots of really dramatic/emotional/adrenalized scenes.

Besides Nimoy and Montalban, the actors here are very limited in scope.  But they’ve had their characters for the most part already defined…all they have to do is fall in step with what is expected, not break any new ground.  And that’s exactly what they do.

Kirstie Alley, unfortunately, shows only slightly less emotion as a Vulcan than she does several years later as a human on ‘Cheers’.

Recommendation: If you hated the original Trek you won’t like this.  This is very First-Generational, NOT Second-Generational…not cerebral enough.  If you liked the original Trek, watch the episode ‘Space Seed’ right before this. You might also want to read a little ‘Moby Dick’. If you couldn’t care less and think all the fuss is really dumb, you’ll like this as much as you’ll like any other good sci-fi action flick.

Hey, James Horner on music.  I love that guy.

It’s not ‘Aliens’, but, like gasoline since Prohibition, “it ain’t bad”.

The ultimate explosive sci-fi soap opera.

Inspirational Quote: “You’ve managed to kill just about everyone else but like a poor marksman you KEEP MISSING the TARGET…”

Grade: B+

5/26/13: It’s not ‘Aliens’.  But maybe I should rate ‘Aliens’ a little higher.  Grade: A-

Logic Vs. Emotion – Alright…we’ll call it a draw.

“MCCOY: What’s the matter, Spock?
SPOCK: There’s something disquieting about these creatures.
MCCOY: Don’t tell me you’ve got a feeling.
SPOCK: Don’t be insulting, Doctor. They remind me of the lilies of the field. They toil not, neither do they spin. But they seem to eat a great deal. I see no practical use for them.
MCCOY: Does everything have to have a practical use for you? They’re nice, soft, and furry, and they make a pleasant sound.
SPOCK: So would an ermine violin, but I see no advantage in having one.
MCCOY: It’s a human characteristic to love little animals, especially if they’re attractive in some way.
SPOCK: Doctor, I am well aware of human characteristics. I am frequently inundated by them, but I’ve trained myself to put up with practically anything.
MCCOY: Spock, I don’t know too much about these little tribbles yet, but there’s one thing that I have discovered.
SPOCK: What is that, Doctor?
MCCOY: I like them…better than I like you.
SPOCK: Doctor?
MCCOY: Yes?
SPOCK: They do indeed have one redeeming characteristic.
MCCOY: What’s that?
SPOCK: They do not talk too much. If you’ll excuse me, sir.”

– Star Trek, “The Trouble With Tribbles”

To You Know Who

I miss your lasagna, your coffee concoctions, and your eerily-friendly cats.

But I miss you most of all.

I’m sorry I messed things up.

*hug*

-Puppy >.< Yip!

7/15/13: In accordance with Dae’s pronouncement of my mental state, I must confirm that I still miss you, C.D…although your blocking of me tends to indicate you don’t miss me, so I’ll move on.

Saturday Night Live: Presidential Bash 2008 (2008)

Well, I had to watch it a second time (part of it) because I apparently fell asleep near the end.  So, I guess what I’m saying with that comment is that all of it is dated.

This wouldn’t necessarily be that much of a problem, but most of it is very recent and as such is intended to be cutting-edge and relevant.

So there’s lots of good Tina Fey as Palin, but most of the best parts are quick flashbacks to no-longer-relevant parodies, which by this point aren’t much more irrelevant that the rest, but are funnier before they’re quickly cut off.

Amy Poehler’s Palin-rap ending is still cool, though.

Grade: C

Remains (2011)

It’s a zombie flick.

The setting is fairly interesting as zombie flicks go, the zombie make-up is decent, and there’s halfway-decent acting from a no-name cast.

But there’s nothing “believable” about it, you don’t really care about any of the characters, and nothing especially exciting happens aside from the usual.  After about halfway through it gets really stupid as “internal conflict” is introduced for no apparent reason other than…well, you have to have that in a zombie flick!

They’re a cross between en”rage”d and zombified…seem to drift back and forth for no adequately explored reason.

So there’s really nothing here that’s not better…blah blah blah…but if you love zombie movies it’s tolerable.

Grade: D