Author: Puppy

Semper Puppy

The Cult

Electric (1987)

It’s got some riffs.  It’s also INDESCRIBABLY stupid, making Led Zep I and II look like statements by major philosophers.  And Ian Astbury can’t sing as good as Robert Plant.  Or Robert Palmer.  Or Robert DeNiro.

Grade: D

Sonic Temple (1989)

They put all the good sh1t on the first “side” (see vinyl/cassette) and it’s pretty good in a Metallica-goes-Bob-Rock-Pop-Metal sort of way.  The rest is just dull.  And Ian Astbury has redefined stupid as a lead vocalist/lyricist.  At least David St. Hubbins was funny.  Come to think of it, Astbury’s funny too.  But not in QUITE the same way that we would want.  You don’t laugh at the joke he represents, you laugh at the joke he IS.

Grade: C

American: The Bill Hicks Story (2010)

I’ve always liked Bill Hicks. He was funny, and I admired his honesty, courage, and lack of pretension.

But I don’t think he was ever as good a comic as he wanted to be, or as the world wanted him to HAVE been, after he died. I believe that if he hadn’t died of cancer, he would have just faded away slowly.

In death he became a tragic hero. But stories about heroes are usually exaggerated, if based on fact. He was too angry, with the world AND his own life, to be a true “stand-up comic”…he would have made one hell of a Crusader, though.

But not too many of those jobs are open anymore.

Anger is an Energy.

Inspirational Idea: Love

Grade: B

1/17/13: See ‘Pupdate: Documentary Grade Edits’. Grade: B-

“Or Who Cares?” – Curly Howard

“That’s not cool. That’s not how you play the game.” – Eric Chavez on the Oakland Athletics after they “clapped” and “chanted” too much in the dugout.

First, Eric, the Oakland Athletics are fighting for postseason positioning…they’re a young team, they got excited, so they expressed emotion.  It wasn’t anti-Yankee…it was pro-Athletic.  Loosen up, dude.

Second, who the heck cares what you think?  Just because you’re a Yankee you think anyone on ANY other team gives a sh1t about being lectured on how to “properly” play the game the Yankee way?  Noone outside New York gives a sh1t, and it’s sad that you appear to think that the Athletics might be “properly chastised” after having a Yankee finger wagged at them saying “Nooooo….bad Athletics…”.  The concept that ANYONE outside New York cares about the “Yankee Way” is about as valid as the concept that prior to the 2004 ALCS any Yankee fan considered Yankees-Red Sox a “rivalry”.  Please…

Third, since they were in the dugout, they weren’t actually playing the game at that point.

For an example of playing the game, look at your teammate, Alex Rodriguez, in the 2004 ALCS against the Boston Red Sox.  Notice how he slaps down with his hand in violation of the rules to knock the ball loose from Bronson Arroyo.  Notice how he puts his hands on his head and gets that “What did I do???” 5-year-old look on his face and pouts.

That would be an example of how not to play the game.

If you’re talking about people WATCHING the game, watch the lowlights (Thank you, “Big Eddie”) of every Sox-Yankees game of any importance from 1986-2004.  Notice the “Nine-teen Eight-teen” chants of your fans whenever the Sox inevitably start to lose, basically saying “Our team has beaten you, but that’s not enough…we want to rub your loser noses in it”.  That would be an example of how not to watch the game.

But hey, what do I know?  I’m not a Yankee.  Praise the Heavens above.

-Puppy >.< Yip!

Louis C.K.: Chewed Up (2008)

This guy seems to be really popular lately amongst the artsy/cutting-edge crowd.

Remembering having seen him do stand-up a while ago and recalling him as being funny, I was a bit disappointed because generally that means said comedian is pretentious and weird without being particularly funny.  Maybe he’s popular in that crowd because he’s white, totally irreverent, and uses the “n” word (he covers that) and doesn’t seem scared.  Also, he’s clever, crude, and in bad taste…and says things probably a lot of said people WANT to say.

But I was surprised, when I watched this, that I was RIGHT…he IS funny.  Completely tasteless, and not hilarious or anything “unique”, but very funny.

Highlights: N word/C word/F word combo, anti-deer rant, “buckets of disease” rant, crazy waitress rant

Inspirational Quote: “When people come out of your vagina and step on your dreams”

Grade: B+

Revelation: 9/23

NOW I understand.

The reason the male demographic likes “2 Broke Girls”, I know now after seeing Kat whats-her-name falling out of her Emmy dress, is Two Big Breasts.  Some of the females, too, I guess.

So, sorry guys, but hey ladies…if your bf wants to watch this show and he says it’s because it’s funny or female-empowering or…anything, really…it’s not.  It’s cuz he likes big boobs.

Which is cool and all…but why would you sit through this sh1t?  Just like…buy a Kat-whats-her-name poster and stare at it for 30 minutes.  Much more tolerable, because you don’t have to listen to the show’s soundtrack.

-Puppy >.< Yip!

Deep Puppy Thoughts (Part 8)

Whilst editing my Theatre of Tragedy reviews, besides wanting to attend some LARP, the following thought occured to me…

If they made an unofficial, un-authorized (suspend disbelief and PRETEND Stephen King would EVER turn down an offer for a movie based on something he wrote) sequel to ‘Christine’, and thusly had to intentionally misspell the words for the title, would they perhaps call it ‘Liv, Kristine!!!’?

(Is Liv to Live as Led is to Lead?  Those dumb Americans…)

-Puppy >.< Yip!

Saturday Night Live: The Best Of Will Ferrell: Vol. 1 (1995)

“Cowbell” is here, so that makes watching ‘The Best Of Christopher Walken’ even less necessary. 

But there’s a lot of mediocre/boring sh1t here, too…so if you’re not dying to see “Celebrity Jeopardy” or Ferrell’s great James Lipton impression again, this isn’t necessary either.

Grade: C

Deep Puppy Thoughts (Part 7)

I love the movie Braveheart, really…but the part of me that loves MST3K/Flying Circus would love to see an “alternate” version, made exactly the same as the original, but (having received permission from the owners) inserting Terry Jones’ “Cardinal Biggles” as follows:

*Inquisitor* “Confess, and you may receive a quick death.  Deny, and you must be purified through pain.  Do you confess?”
*Wallace* *Is silent*
*Inquisitor* *Steadily raising his voice* “DO…YOU…CONFESS?”
–
*Palin* CONFESS!!!
*Biggles, falling to his knees* “I confess!”
*Palin* “Not you!!”

-Puppy >.< Yip!

Clash Of The Titans (1981)

Perhaps I’m a bit biased because of memories from childhood (point of reference: I bought a BRAND SPANKING NEW Atari 2600 and had an “Oh, Joy!” moment) but this is certainly right up there in the “as good as it gets” department for this sort of film.  Dialogue and SFX are cheezy, of course.  But this is a fantasy movie made in 1981…I think that’s almost a given.

What sort of film is it?  It’s a D+D/Fantasy flick.  Not a fictional movie that happens to be set in a fantasy “world”.  What’s the difference?  The ‘Lord Of The Rings’ trilogy are movies based in fantasy worlds.  ‘Dragonslayer’ and ‘Krull’ are D+D/Fantasy flicks.  Two completely different categories.

The difference between these two categories, assuming both are “good” for what they are, is depth.

Depth of characters, depth of plot, depth of emotions/reactions that require/allow intellectual and/or philosophical analysis…as opposed to simply sitting back and enjoying the escapist ride.  Don’t get me wrong…I LIKE this, to an extent.  I like several movies of this sort.  They just honestly aren’t very GOOD if I’m going to be brutally frank about it.  And I am.

Think of it as your favorite junk food: very enjoyable in small doses but not really WORTH anything and if you have too much you might want to throw up.

Highlights: Medusa battle and mechanical owl self-test.

Grade: C+

Mr. Bean: The Whole Bean – Episode 8 (Mr. Bean In Room 426)

The show seems to have lost one writer…and with him, a lot of humor.

Sort of like ‘The Three Stooges’ without Curly or any decent lines (since these are virtually silent films), when your comedy is highly physical/visual in nature and you lose most of the wit, it becomes simply dull and tedious.

That’s what this is for the most part, and since there are far superior (previous) examples of exactly this (only funny) available, watching this is completely pointless.  The end, or a bump in the road?

We can soon find out.

Grade: D-

Mr. Bean: The Whole Bean – Episode 6 (Mr. Bean Rides Again)

This is even better than the last one, which I thought not likely.

But I just can’t call this “excellent”…sight gags are sight gags, no matter how inventive and cleverly done.  But it is good…

Necessity is the mother of Mr. Bean’s really bad inventions.

Grade: B+

Dogs Decoded: Nova (2010)

Very well-made, very well-supported, very interesting, very informative, and very cute.

This settles the “Cats vs. Dogs” intelligence argument pretty well, for those that actually still needed it answered.  Unless you consider cats smarter than 2-year-old humans.  Most dog-haters I’ve met say they “hate” kids, so I guess that’s a very real/sad possibility.

Or, unless you consider “domestication” in any way related to stupidity.  But if you believe that, you probably think that civilized human beings are stupid. 

The ability to obey commands is a sign of intelligence, not stupidity.

By the way, I like cats.  But to suggest that they’re smarter than dogs is…well, stupid.

Ruff!

Grade: B+

1/17/13: See ‘Pupdate: Documentary Grade Edits’.  Grade: B

Mr. Bean: The Whole Bean – Episode 4 (Mr. Bean Goes To Town)

Better than the last, which was better than the last.  Don’t know how good it can really get, but let’s hope for the best.

Having seen several episodes of ‘Blackadder’, which I’ve never particularly cared for, I now appreciate what a good actor Atkinson is.  The in-your-face snobbery is replaced in ‘Mr. Bean’ with a very different, childlike/ish and completely unpretentious character.  Granted he doesn’t say much (not to mention not being much of a boyfriend), but his expressions are spot-on (I’m trying to be British).

Actually, I am mostly British in ancestry, but you gather my inference.

Highlight: The truly incredible “magic” show

Grade: B

Mr. Bean: The Whole Bean – Episode 3 (The Curse Of Mr. Bean)

I should probably explain at this point what exactly this is, for those who don’t know.

It’s a really weird but mostly harmless guy doing really weird things, often to the amusement/horror/astonishment of normal onlookers.

That’s it, is it?  Spot on, Chris. 

No further explanation necessary, it’d be like trying to explain WHY a joke is funny.  You either like this sort of thing or you don’t…I do.  To see if YOU do, watch this.  It’s a decent example.  If you think it’s stupid, you’ll think ALL Mr. Bean is stupid.  If not, look at my grades/occasional comments.

Thank you for your cooperation.

Grade: B-

Saturday Night Live: The Best Of Christopher Walken (2004)

Worth watching basically for “Cowbell” (of course) and “Colonel Angus” right at the beginning, maybe the ‘Dead Zone’ parody a little later, and the very ending bit where Walken gives away what everyone always knew or at least suspected.  Skip the rest safely.

Inspirational Quote: “Just to be, how you say, douchebag.”

Grade: C+

Night Of The Living Dead (1968)

This is NOT the “first” zombie movie.  That being said, it IS the movie without which NONE of the zombie/undead/infected/parody/etc… movies that followed would have been possible.  However, that alone doesn’t make it worthy of anything except a high-five and a footnote. 

It doesn’t make it worthy of viewing or analysis.

What makes it worthy of viewing/analysis is the fact that even 40+ years after its release, it’s still creepy and interesting, if not quite scary.  The script is a bit lacking, it’s a bit cheezy sure, the running woman falls down yeah, and the “FX” and scary soundtrack are horribly dated.

But it’s amazing that it’s STILL a legitimate horror movie today, unlike the vast majority of the 60’s B movies (And this is a B movie, like it or not) that are just dull, boring, stupid, and/or completely irrelevant and worthless except as MST fodder.

The basement scene involving a sharp object is a lot more disturbing/shocking than Hitchcock’s shower scene it obviously draws from.  And the ending says more about Humanity than every Romero-wannabe collectively has, ever.

I take back my ‘Survival’ comment…you really did have something(s) to say, George.  But you should have stopped at ‘Land’.

Inspirational Quote: “They’re coming to get you, Barbara…”

Grade: B