Disgustingly funny: Jeff Ross
Funny: Amy Schumer, Gilbert Gottfried, SURPRISE GUEST(Tom Arnold. OOPS)
Surprisingly funny: Carrie Fisher
OK: Katey Sagal, Wayne Brady, Anthony Jeselnik, Seth Green
DULL: Jane Lynch, Ellen Barkin, Roseanne Barr
Grade: B-
It’s sad when the highlight of a once-dismissively-and-easily-proud franchise is a noise made from a Yes song after it’s mentioned after a Yes gag. With Mike Nelson on board, even cruising, it can’t get completely awful. But at this point MST is closer to being riff-material than riff-master.
Should this have gone another season? No.
Inspirational Quote: “The Ugly, The Ugly, and The Ugly”
Grade: D-
Most of the reviews I do are for movies/shows from Netflix streaming.
So, if you have that also, and are flipping through the available choices and keep thinking “What the *Bleep* is that??”, perhaps I can answer that question here.
-Puppy
Joe Castiglione = Class Act.
Thanks for the memories, Joe.
-Puppy
Lots of footage of planes landing, taking off, fly-ing, and re-FUEL-ing.
Inspirational Quote: “Frankenhooker!”
Grade: D
Short: ‘Johnny At The Fair’ – Not as good as ‘A Day At The Fair’, but still good.
Really bad movie that tries to be really serious with really bad actors and a really out-of-place and out-of-his-league wannabe-ringleader.
Really good choice. They don’t waste their chance, either…really good riffing.
Highlights:
The Hole
The Priest Chase
Merritt Stone(?)
Inspirational Quote: “In the hole!”
Grade: A-
9/12/12: I wanna add movies to my A list so bad I can TASTE it… :( Grade: B+
2/15/13: The short pushes it over the edge, and the movie holds up the standard. Grade: A-
“Well I may look like I’m crazy…I sure know right from wrong.” – Led Zeppelin, “Custard Pie”
The best thing you can say about this movie: Well-intentioned.
The best thing you can say about the guest appearances of TV’s Frank and Joel Hodgson: Well-intentioned.
Missing two of its best writers and without Hodgson’s host segments, MST more often than not turns into this: a display of mediocrity, with Mike Nelson either bored or unable to carry so much of the load.
Inspirational Quote: “You know, I’d rather follow the story of the nuns getting home”
Grade: D-
The departure of Frank Conniff, replaced very inadequately by Mary Jo Pehl, is the first major loss in the writing department. I prefered Hodgson over Nelson (slightly), but Joel never did much writing except for the host segments. TV’s Frank did…and Mary Jo is a big downgrade as both an actor and a writer.
So the riffing is more inconsistent than usual, and the host segments aren’t as good.
Inspirational Quote: “Wish in one hand and cr@p in the other and see which piles up first!”
Grade: D
I am He and He is Me and She is We and We are All together.
-Puppy >.< Yip!
Are football fans really a “target” audience for the really bad “Hawaii Five-0” remake?
And if so…why?
And isn’t it kinda sad when they have to do those cool “action” pan-ins on “striking” poses?
And what’s the deal with Lucy Liu-less? <=== that’s a talent joke, not a racial joke.
– Puppy >.< Yip!
What do you get when you cross a mediocre comedian with a mediocre magician?
A really sad comedy act.
Plus the material was a lot funnier (well, a little funnier) when I saw it the first time…about 15 years ago. Don’t waste your time.
Grade: F
My radio station is “Music to wag your tail to”.
This is movie to fall asleep to.
It’s just so well-intentioned that Mike and the bots just don’t seem to have the heart to really tear into it, and let’s face it…that’s what they do. The host segments are below par, too. Still, there’s a good line now and again…and if you’re having trouble sleeping, this may help.
Grade: D-
For die-hard Bond fans and for those who absolutely hate Bond movies, you might want to watch this. It’s really, really bad…it tries to be Bond-ian(?) but it’s just really, really dull and stupid and incoherent. The host segments are good (as usual), the riffing is best in the middle, and if you’re expecting “action”, you’ll either be amazed, amused, or extremely disappointed.
Grade: C+
I do too have a sense of humor regarding religion.
It just has to be…you know…funny.
This is occasionally brilliant and always interesting.
Completely irreverent, in thoroughly bad taste…and, most importantly (see ‘Python, Monty’)…funny.
Highlights: Hell, Wedding Reception, and the Fleur-de-lis
Grade: A-
“New stuff being put out on dasbut.com. Baby rape drawings.” – Das But
Wow…you are one sick fck. And STILL you’re dull.
“how do I make people “follow” me on this thing? Can everybody in the free world see this?” – Das But
By being interesting.
Yes, which is probably why it’s a bad idea to promote child rape, Das.
Hmmm…not exactly ‘Braveheart’ this time. More like ‘PettyThiefScumbag-Heart’
I mean, are we supposed to root for this guy? He’s as unlikeable as Gibson himself after his anti-Jewish/anti-female comments.
I actually found myself rooting for the “bad guys” to win. I mean, just on sheer “PRINCIPLE”, you know. Apparently, Porter’s idea of romance is to beat the woman you “love” savagely until she “realizes” what’s “good for her”. What a maggot.
I guess the problems of a wife-beating scumbag and the prostitute he used to pimp out don’t amount to a hill of beans in this cockamamie world…
1:24:00 – YAY!!! Errrr…is that wrong?
WAIT A MOMENT…this movie was different the first time I saw it. It had Kris Kristofferson and they beat the heck out of Porter. It was watchable then, cuz Kristofferson was the highlight. Now the ending is just plain non-existent. But at least it ends. I mean, D@MN…
Inspirational Quote: “Man, that’s just MEAN”
Grade: D- (Before the Director’s (horrible) Cut): C-
For those of you who can’t get enough Eddie Murphy, here’s some more.
Axel is still smarter than everyone else, Taggart is still grumpy, the head cop is still a dumb jerk.
But Rosewood…Rosewood has transformed from pleasant, naive greenhorn into a Rambo-inspired walking arsenal. A very pleasant, borderline-disturbed walking arsenal.
It’s aged a bit better than the original, but neither of these were ever anything to really care about either way. You don’t love it, you don’t hate it, you just watch it and then immediately forget it.
Sort of like Murphy’s film career.
Grade: B-
Good host segments, really bad yet very mockable movie, good riffing.
What do you want, the PLOT? Please.
Highlights: ‘General Hospital’ short and parody
Grade: B
‘John Carpenter’s – Latest Bad Movie’.
It’s just so dull and stupid that I wasn’t sure what to write about it, other than it being really dull and stupid. So I was SO thankful when I found this little gem and saved myself the 30-40 seconds it would take to think of a usable description-
“ridiculous without being awful enough to be hilarious.” – Lawrence Van Gelder, The New York Times
No relation to Van Helsing or Van Gelder, Simon.
Grade: D-
Wow…a baseball “horror” film.
I mean, I knew you could sometimes fall asleep to baseball. I never realized it was so incredibly terrifying.
I guess it’s true…there’s a fine line between baseball and really bad baseball-psycho movies.
Alternate Title: ‘Field Of Screams’
Grade: F
Like the boys brigade, USELESS.
‘Monty Python’s Flying Circus – The Greatest Hits’???
What a load of garbage. I mean, I understand they wanted to introduce themselves to the United States…but this just cuts out seemingly arbitrary pieces of their episodes and pastes them together while lamely attempting to “Americanize” the references. I thought they were AGAINST conformity? Well, here’s conformity…sanitized, commercialized, badly American-ized for the masses.
‘Flying Circus’ was what five guys thought was funny (plus an insanely inspired animator).
This is apparently what five guys thought would make them some money.
Grade: F
“We bombed…56 hospitals, 85 schools, 42 kindergartens, 4 cemeteries…and OTHER vital military objects!”
Here’s something worthy of nose…
Intro: well, at least he/she/it was telling the truth in the end.
11:18- A young Frank Black?
In horribly bad taste, of course…but like ‘The Return of the Living Dead’, the complete lack of pretentiousness and the self-mockery make it kinda fun, as “horror” movies go. But, UNlike ‘Return’, unfortunately, it gets comparatively dull in the second half.
One of the very rare cases where self-bondage prevents murder and allows sex with Jessica Alba.
Fav character- Crusading Druid Priestess in a van on Druid time
Inspirational Quote: “My work here is done. Time for the ritualistic sex.”
Grade: C+
7/7/18: Do I overrate because I feel better or do I underrate because I feel worse? I don’t know. Grade: D+
Pretty bad movie, decent riffing…but runs out of steam near the middle. The riffing, that is. The movie stays bad.
Highlights:
skid marks
massive knee action
host segments
Grade: C-
7/26/13: Oh, it’s so incredibly average! Grade: C
“Lady, why don’t you get an electric icebox. Does away with all your work, worry, fuss and bother and gives you plenty of fresh food.”
“Say that again.”
“Why don’t wh…RUFF!”
Near the beginning Eddie talks about how Richard Pryor was an inspiration to him growing up.
Mr. Murphy…I’ve seen Richard Pryor. I’ve heard Richard Pryor. Mr. Murphy, you are no Richard Pryor.
Best bit: Impression of Richard Pryor talking about varying forms of sh1t.
Grade: D+
“You know, gasoline don’t taste so good since Prohibition.”
“What do you mean?”
“Cuz they ain’t so careful like when they used it for makin’ gin. *Gulp* But it ain’t bad…”
The featured short, ‘Circus On Ice’, is unfortunately fairly
accurate in foreshadowing the feature itself: It’s incredibly
dull, but not in that horribly cheezy or horribly just-plain-wrong
or horribly WRETCHED way that lends itself to riffing…so they
throw a bunch of ok jokes at it, generate a few laughs, but don’t
turn the experience into anything particularly worthwhile.
Then the movie starts.
Grade: D+
Kids, this is “Eddie Murphy”. He was kinda funny back in the 80’s.
I hereby apologize to Chris Tucker for saying he’s no Eddie Murphy (see ‘Rush Hour’). With the benefit of hindsight I realize that Tucker is better in ‘Rush Hour’ than Murphy is in this, or pretty much anything else I’ve ever seen him in. And I’ve seen him in a lot.
I believe that a significant portion of my belief that this was a great movie (since dispelled) came from the fact that I saw it in grade school and compared to ‘Family Ties’ it was a work of comedic brilliance…and really COOL!
Moments of note:
Everything except “Axel F” sounding dated and stupid
Basil-rogue-cop-exposition/Basil-Hills-Cop-exposition
Murphy’s foreshadowing of his brilliant performance in ‘Shrek’
Robocop-exec-as-goodguy
Rosewood the naive effeminate heterosexual
Grade: C+
Fairly typical, slightly above-average Joel-era MST3K movie/episode:
– really bad movie
– riffing that ranges from mediocre to (usually) pretty good to (occasionally) brilliant
– inability to capture your attention for the duration…you’ll laugh, you’ll moan, you’ll fall asleep
– evidence that it was easier to rip into the Shorts because they were funnier, easier prey, and (being short) they didn’t force the writers to over-extend themselves for too long a duration at a time.
Grade: B-
It’s a superhero soap opera.
Does so-and-so REALLY like so-and-so? Does so-and-so REALLY have a crush on so-and-so? And what about so-and-so’s dark secret???
So it’s all very obvious, like a soap opera always is, but it’s fairly entertaining if you can get past the shallowness of almost all the characters and just enjoy it as a sci-fi-ish action/adventure flick.
Grade: B-
Only occasionally as “riveting” as it wants to be, but always interesting.
Benicio del Toro and Catherine Zeta-Jones are the standouts.
Definitely worth seeing if you haven’t yet, but it’s doubtful you’ll ever feel the need to revisit it.
Grade: A-
Don’t Waste Your Netflix Streaming Time.
Roger Ebert gave this 3 1/2 out of 4 stars? That’s it, I’m convinced…the man’s gone senile.
It’s dumb and tedious, which is a bit off the intended mark of creepy/terrifying.
Grade: F
No…this long story is long.
I kept waiting for it to either end or get better. It ended.
Quinn wasn’t even talented enough to replace Norm MacDonald’s indifferent occasional brilliance on SNL, let alone summarize the history of humanity in an hour and a half. I’ve seen him be funny, but this is just dull.
Grade: D
ABBA – “Dancing Queen” (I CAN’T HELP IT!!!)
Angie Aparo – “Spaceship”
Bananarama – “Cruel Summer”
Ben Folds Five – “Brick”
Berlin – “The Metro”
Big Country – “In A Big Country”
The Buggles – “Video Killed The Radio Star”
The Charlatans – “The Only One I Know” (Great “Hush” ripoff)
Chris Isaak – “Wicked Game”
Misery Signals – “Worlds & Dreams”
Michael Penn – “No Myth”
T. Rex – “Jeepster”
Bob Welch – “Ebony Eyes”
Last Updated/R.I.P. – 3/31/25
I’ve been informed that I am the subject of tepid (it makes sense…see ‘Analysis of “Goths – Analysis Of A Subculture (By Puppy)”‘) ridicule for classifying Ministry as “industrial”. Apparently, Ministry is far too poppy and tuneful and has actual song structures as opposed to hyper-repeating discordant noise.
Guest Response: “Like the good orthodox category-haters you’d figure, these perverts claim they’re not industrial, which is true only in the sense that Led Zeppelin wasn’t metal: they may be too good for the category, but that doesn’t mean they’re not of it. And like Led Zep, they’re cold bastards who are worth your time even if you think you don’t like what they do, which is toning up your cardiovascular system by running you over with a tank.” – Robert Christgau, ‘Ministry – Psalm 69’
-Puppy >.< Yip!
Harlan Ellison NO! It’s ‘Horny Max – Beyond SpermDome’
Non-fans of Don Johnson may want to take a quick peek at this. I believe it wasn’t actually INTENDED to be pure camp…
“A young man roaming a postapocalyptic wasteland ends up in the clutches of a female-dominated underground society — which wants his sperm.” – Netflix Streaming Description
Wow…sounds like a dream I had once.
Inspirational Quote: “I gotta get back in the dirt so I feel clean!”
Grade: F
9/15/13: F List pruning. Grade: D-
What an amazingly bad animated film/crushing blow to the wistful memories of a young lad reading the not-anywhere-near-as-embarrassing (quite good, actually) book of the same name.
If you’re a fan of the series (that is to say, ‘Chronicles’ and ‘Legends’, not the bloated franchise which followed) like I am, rest assured, from one fan to another- this is NOT a case of people just “not getting it” when you hear that this sucks. It sucks. It’s embarrassing/laughable to watch.
Highlight: Tika’s animated butt
Grade: F
I don’t get it.
It’s as funny as ‘Hogan’s Heroes’ or a really bad Stooges short.
It’s a mediocre slapstick farce set against the backdrop of The Holocaust.
It’s unfunny, it’s dull, it’s a trivialization.
I believe in the power of positive thinking…but to think that “positive thinking” can in any way, shape or form turn a Concentration Camp into a fun little game is absurdism.
Grade: D
5/3/14: My comments are accurate, but I needed to make the grade more precise. Grade: D-
Extremely informative, and well made.
However it’s not the most EXCITING subject in the world…so I’d recommend, if you want to get all the information without having to watch the movie, just going to the website…
www.takepart.com/foodinc
Information is power, after all. But sometimes it doesn’t make all that interesting a movie.
Grade: C
1/17/13: See ‘Pupdate: Documentary Grade Edits’. Grade: D+
Hagakure: A+
Nineteen Eighty-Four: A+
Animal Farm: A
The Running Man: A
The Legend Of Huma: A
Rock Albums Of The ’70s: A Critical Guide: A
The Rolling Stone Record Guide (1983): A
Christgau’s Record Guide: The ’80s: A-
White Gold Wielder: A-
Cujo: A-
It’s A Good Life: A-
The Call Of Cthulhu: A-
From Beyond: A-
Last Updated: 2/12/25
Prior to and after reading this book, I read several other books by Stephen R. Donaldson. The ones that I read AFTER this, I read because I hoped he could recapture what he finally achieved here. The ones I read PRIOR TO this, I read because while they were a bit pedestrian, unnecessarily (and uninterestingly) convoluted and just plain mediocre, there was SOMETHING there, or so I thought…every once in a while, Donaldson would evoke an image or stir an emotion that made me STOP wanting to put it down. Then it’d go away, and I’d wait patiently for the next time…which meant long periods of drudgery rewarded only sporadically. Still, it was enough to keep me reading the entirety of ‘The Wounded Land’ and ‘The One Tree’, neither of which are worth re-reading…the brief summary at the beginning of this book is quite enough to get you “caught up”.
So I don’t know if I was more astonished or vindicated when this book started off better than either of the previous two, climbed incrementally until around the middle, and then climbed exponentially near the end. It’s a one-hit wonder…it’s pretty good in the first half and brilliant after that. And I have absolutely no idea where it came from. It was as if, just briefly, he was fully possessed by fervent inspiration, driving home emotions (some rewarding, some painful) with irresistible force that changed my attitude from “almost wanting to put it down” to literally being equal parts awed and terrified by the immense power of his writing; not wanting it to end because it was so amazing, not wanting to READ the end because it could be so potentially gut-wrenching, wondering WHY I suddenly cared SO MUCH about the two main characters. It still puzzles me today…and I still can’t think of portions of it without feeling actual physical pain/sadness.
Usually I enjoy re-reading books that I like. In very rare cases, I prefer not to, because they affect me so greatly (in some way) that it takes me a while to literally get over the feelings they induce.
I don’t think I’ll ever read anything by Stephen Donaldson ever again, “re” or otherwise, but this is the only one that places in that category for reasons of “Self-Preservation”, and not boredom.
Inspirational Quote: “Nom”
Grade: A-
Oh my golly will you look at that. Clive has made a movie that’s ALMOST as good as ‘Lord of Illusions’. Let’s do the math…from 87 to 92 to achieve a tiny step up, from 92 to 95 to achieve another. Perhaps, if I look really hard, I can find something he’s made recently that is a worthy candidate to stand alongside ‘Hobo With A Shotgun’.
The lone positive you can take out of the club massacre scene is that, being a goth-y club, at least 10 percent of the people probably didn’t mind it all that much.
Grade: D-
Fans will insist that I just don’t get it, but I do. It just sucks.
If you’ve noticed, the longer reviews tend to be for movies that made me think a lot. ‘Natural Born Killers’, for example, even though I didn’t like it.
There’s no thinking involved here. It’s Wanna-Be-Stephen-King’s little slice of Hell, part deux.
Grade: F
Maybe I could attempt to enjoy this as worthless cheezy sh1t if it wasn’t so pretentious.
This is only scary in the sense that I realized I actually had to WATCH the fcken thing again before I reviewed it.
Clive Barker was always a (very) poor man’s Stephen King, and this shows why. It’s just plain dumb.
Grade: F
Makes ‘The Mangler’ look like a cinematic masterpiece.
And for those who would like the utter absurdity of the cheezy “action” sequences and dialogue contained therein, you have to sit through an hour of dull, tedious, boring “setup” first.
Grade: F
1- AL
2- CA
3- OH
4- MA
5- SC
6- VT
7- TX
8- OK
9- NY
10- KY
Last Updated: 2/27/14
Puppy P.S.: No longer updated, station discontinued.
1 – The United States
2 – Mexico
3 – Brazil
4 – Canada
5 – Argentina
6 – The United Kingdom
7 – Germany
8 – Spain
9 – Serbia
10 – Italy
Last Updated: 2/27/14
Puppy P.S.: No longer updated, station discontinued.
This movie is as different from the first as the title suggests.
It’s got a lot of funny/interesting gags, but they were funnier and more interesting the first time.
Since this is otherwise basically a carbon copy of the original, there’s absolutely nothing “new” here…you might laugh at the jokes, but they won’t surprise you. Why? Because they’re the same kind of jokes as in the first one, only not quite as good and (obviously) not quite as fresh.
At least ‘The Naked Gun’ plopped funny/interesting meaninglessness into a new setting.
But I still like it…not as much as the first, but it’s not nearly as abysmal as some people would lead you to believe. ‘Airplane!’ wasn’t exactly a work of cinematic art, so let’s not get too down when the sequel is a (slightly-less) pleasant bit of fluff.
Grade: B
7/14/18: The Great Grade Update. Grade: B-
