Author: Puppy

Semper Puppy

Hellraiser III: Hell On Earth (1992)

Oh my golly will you look at that.  Clive has made a movie that’s ALMOST as good as ‘Lord of Illusions’.  Let’s do the math…from 87 to 92 to achieve a tiny step up, from 92 to 95 to achieve another.  Perhaps, if I look really hard, I can find something he’s made recently that is a worthy candidate to stand alongside ‘Hobo With A Shotgun’.

The lone positive you can take out of the club massacre scene is that, being a goth-y club, at least 10 percent of the people probably didn’t mind it all that much.

Grade: D-

Hellbound: Hellraiser II (1988)

Fans will insist that I just don’t get it, but I do.  It just sucks. 

If you’ve noticed, the longer reviews tend to be for movies that made me think a lot.  ‘Natural Born Killers’, for example, even though I didn’t like it.

There’s no thinking involved here.  It’s Wanna-Be-Stephen-King’s little slice of Hell, part deux.

Grade: F

Airplane II: The Sequel (1982)

This movie is as different from the first as the title suggests.

It’s got a lot of funny/interesting gags, but they were funnier and more interesting the first time.

Since this is otherwise basically a carbon copy of the original, there’s absolutely nothing “new” here…you might laugh at the jokes, but they won’t surprise you.  Why?  Because they’re the same kind of jokes as in the first one, only not quite as good and (obviously) not quite as fresh.

At least ‘The Naked Gun’ plopped funny/interesting meaninglessness into a new setting.

But I still like it…not as much as the first, but it’s not nearly as abysmal as some people would lead you to believe.  ‘Airplane!’ wasn’t exactly a work of cinematic art, so let’s not get too down when the sequel is a (slightly-less) pleasant bit of fluff.

Grade: B

7/14/18: The Great Grade Update. Grade: B-

I Am Puppy Hear Me Degrade – Godsmack, “Voodoo”

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9SSUQxGjZZ4

0:04- Then please get there.
0:09- What if the snake wasn’t poisonous? Suggested re-lyric that would be hilariously out of rhythm with the first line: “When I feel the poison from the snakebite of the snake that just bit me assuming it was of the poisonous variety found in this particular region enter my vay-ee-ayns…”
0:15- Man…I gotta get back to Medieval Manor(tm Medieval Manor, all rights them).
0:17- Because you got really excited in a sexual fashion.
0:18- COWBELL! Oh…no.  Well, close enough…I got a FEE-vah…and the only pre-SCRIP-tion…is more TRIANGLE.
0:26- Look at that horrific natural disaster…and the fire and burnt field, too.
0:32- “One Day…it will Guard your Life…” or, if you prefer…”Hey, it’s “Meh”dusa”.
0:44- Nice crotch shot.
0:52- Nice Eddie-Vedder-from-“Hunger Strike”-impression…also, maybe the huge FIRE behind you will stop you from freezing.
0:59- Don’t forget to breathe out.
1:03- I thought you didn’t wanna be here in the first place?
1:08- HAHA or Hey!  Blue Man Group!
1:13- See “0:09”
1:15- The sinister “Finger-wag” of doom.  McKayla is not impressed.
1:19- This is the movie that was rejected as being too childish as opposed to ‘Pathogen’.
1:24- That’s a big one.  How long is it?
1:26- HAIKIBA!
1:27- The Dozen-Or-So Whores Men of the Ughpocalisp.
1:34- They don’t seem to be helping with the fire.
1:37- Well, YEAH.
1:51- Severe over-acting.  Perhaps Graham Chapman can do something for him.
1:59- AGAIN?
2:07- Hide-and-Reek
2:17- Too easy.  Repetition.  The key to comedy.
2:33- The key.
2:40- The sensuous wannabe-pagan ritual begins…
2:47-3:09- While we’ve got some free time, have you ever considered the advantages of owning a really fine set of modern encyclopedias?  They can really do you wonders.
3:25- to come
3:35- I’m outta here, you dumba$$…
3:41- dy.
3:56- The Loneliness of the Long-Distance Naked-Jogger.

And I LIKE this song.

Godsmack/Puppy >.< Yip!

The Cable Guy (1996)

really…interesting.

Really.

But oh my golly is it DARK.  There’s no way you can call this a comedy…it’s more of a horror movie without the violence and with lots of stomach-churningly uncomfortable scenes.  And a few laughs.

Kudos to Jim Carrey for not putting out another ‘Ace Ventura’ clone.  THAT would have been a hit.  THIS was not.  But you’ve gotta admire the attempt at branching out.  Well, you don’t have to…but I do.

The problem is there is no real category for this…no fans of any particular genre will be really satisfied with it.  It’s a very interesting, weird, flawed enigma.

Grade: B-

The Butt Of My Jokes

“Das But is a spoken word guy who trys to be offensive with vuglar
“pieces” about incest, rape and every possible offensive topic. Lots
of cursing. It’s not very good. He still can’t do a routine without
reading from his notebook. It’s good his background music was turned up too loud. Between them and the freezing cold I was miserable.” – Jeffrey Howard

“I don’t know about tattoos. I don’t like them, seem kinda gay” – Das But

A Derogatorial – By Puppy

Some random freak recently used the words “gay” and “fag” at least half a dozen times to describe me, my friends, tattoos, and pretty much anything else he could think of.

Now, the amateur psychologist in me has a theory about this. (And it’s mine).

When someone attempts to make fun of someone, generally they’ll pick a subject they believe is the most “sensitive” to that person.  I’ve learned this through years and years of being bullied.  (Bullies also tend to be cowards when confronted with ANY resistance whatsoever, but that’s another topic).

Since he couldn’t come up with anything except “gay”, which I admit I used to use in a derogatorial (His word, not mine…Das, if you critique another person’s grammar, you really shouldn’t make up words.  I’m disgustipated) sense when I was…oh, I don’t know…11 or 12, the conclusion is two-fold.

Number one, he’s not particularly intelligent and/or imaginative.  Watching his EXCITING youtube videos is solid empirical evidence of this. (I meant that in a sarcasticatical sense).

Number two, as we all know, those that make frequent derogatorialishistic comments concerning homosexuals/homosexuality are often doing so as a sort of macho preventative measure of being “labeled” the same. (Or they’re wondering what exactly nucular weapons are, but that’s another topic).

Now, why would one be so afraid to be labeled homosexual? 

Perhaps, as in a lot of cases, said individual has certain…feelings (nudge nudge) inside that he can’t quite understand/come to terms with/accept/derogatorialize.  In plain terms, he has certain…urges, towards other men (wink wink), that he is perhaps afraid of and doesn’t want people to suspect, so he covers them by being around women as MUCH as possible (Cuz everyone knows homosexuals never hang around women, or have sex with them, or get married and have children) and by using the word “gay” in a DEROGATORY (Das, see?) sense.  It’s ok, Das…you can stop. (Andy Dick called…he wants you to tone it down a little).

P.S. – People that think they’re so harda$$ and do really fcked up sh1t and everyone thinks they’re “bravely anarchistic/individualistic” sometimes are…but in some cases, it’s all BS hiding a cowardly nature.  I mean…put that freak in jail and he’d stop making jokes.  He’d stop holding his bladder/bowel movements.  And I’m sure someone would be glad to oblige him in exploring his sublimated desires. (SAY NO MORE!)

Das But = Das (Sad) Punk

Also, one last thing…I think from now on, whenever someone gets completely torn to shreds (metaphorically speaking) and is asked what happened, they should say, regarding how they feel about having their smug little nose (where applicable) rubbed in it – “I got Dassed, man”.

-Puppy >.< Yip!

Just To Be Clear

If you fall into any of the following categories, please stop coming to my website, listening to my station, attempting to communicate with me in any way, etc…

– Goth Scumbags (As opposed to real Goths, see ‘Analysis of “Goths – Analysis of a Subculture (By Puppy)”‘ for the distinction)
– Anarchists (EXTREME ones…Far-Left/Liberal types are QUITE welcome)
– Fascists (Ultra-Far-Right Rush Limbaugh types subcategory included)
– Neo-Nazis
– Racists (of ANY kind)
– Supremacists (of ANY kind)
– Anti-Semites
– Sexists (male or female)
– Homophobes
– Sadists (Unless you have a WILLING Masochist involved…that is, those that enjoy inflicting pain of any sort on random people just for amusement when said people don’t want/deserve to be hurt)
– Antitheists (Crusading Pissed-Off Atheists)
– Militant Vegans (If you think drinking milk is the same as rape, this means you)
– Bullies
– Liars
– Pieces of human garbage that don’t fit into any of the above categories

Thank you.

-Puppy >.< Yip!

Sorry honeybuns, one more thing…

Dasi baby, WHY in the name of all…NORMAL people…hold sacred would you paint a picture of a woman saying “I’ve been raped!” and then have a bunch of men to the right of her, pointing at her and laughing?  I mean…maybe the VF parasites are cool with that, but…they’re parasites, just like you.

I would re-post it here, but I have SOME semblance of decency. 

-Puppy >.< Yip!

Cheers – Episode 119 (Cheers: The Motion Picture)

Highs:
‘Manchild in Beantown’
random french
Cinemapuss
the on button
puppy!
Judy…
depression seminar
too derivative of Godard
Woody’s shirt size
Norm’s recovery
the thresher
Al

Lows:
Diane film Exposition
film continuity error
the gift sequence

Grade: B (The last ‘Cheers’ episode worth watching)

It’s been a while…

From: “Das But”, Boston, Massachusetts, 32(According to his FB page, at least).

How does he know me?  Dunno…only friend we had in common was Sandy McCahill.

Message as follows, cleaned up to allow younger viewers:

“whats up dude!”

Who the heck are you?

“Saw the tat on your page. wicked cool bro! so do you get
tats and sh1t? i never had one before does it hurt? whats the tat mean?
old english script is hard to read…looks like it says fuzzy
i love fuzzy sh1t.”

Ahhhhh…sarcasm.
No, no sh1t…just tats.
No, actually once they remove the needle and you allow it to heal it’s remarkably non-painful.
Actually it’s “difficult” to read.  There’s no degree of hardness involved.  But it is 20,000 Leagues difficult.
Actually it says “Puppy”.  Which, I’m fairly sure, means “Puppy”.

“youre a f#cking loser”

Such hostility…das ist bad, ya?

“tattoos are for fags.”

That sounds very homophobic, Mr. Das But from Brooklyn now residing in Boston.

“you think a tattoo hurts?”

No, I think, my brain hurts.  Also, every time a bell rings, an angel gets wings.

“try shoving a f#cking
heroin needle filled to the brimb with oxycontin after a cold water
filtration method up your d1ck hole. worth the money and half the price
of getting a tat and making yourself look like a f#cking loser forever.
biggest sign that a man is a loser: tatoo, smokes, makes up companies
that don’t exist so that he looks cool on facebook for his gay f#cking
wastoid loser friends\”

Come on, no fair…you stole that from Shakespeare.

“watertown must be full of fags.”

Lots of small pieces of wood, perhaps…OH…you mean homosexuals.  I’m not hip to the homophobe lingo, my bad.

“you walk
around my street in brooklyn”

So you’re threatening that SOMEONE ELSE will do something if I go SOMEWHERE FAR AWAY…wow…that’s a real brave stance, Das.  I mean, you live in Boston now…why don’t you say something like “You walk around my street in Boston…”?  Because you’re a…let’s go to Wikisaurus here…
‘coward, chicken, yellow belly, gutless wonder, softie, wimp, weakling, wuss’

“with them gay tatoos and a facebook full
of friends,,, “

Again, very homophobic, Mr. But.

“boy howdy”

boy howdy oh boy yeah yowzah yes sir whatamado oh ho 23 skidoo.

“youre just asking fior a kick through your
heroin infested d1ckhole. i bet youre fat”

No, Mr. But, you’re the one that just implied you use heroin needles.  Which is ummm…illegal.

Das thing…I think I love you. *kiss kiss*  You got me down, man…I wanna have wild gay sex with you.
“Ok, I wanna be like, the gimp, ok…now, you have to remember, that my character…that I, that I like, that I’m kept in a TRUNK, alright, in the basement of your HOUSE, ok, and you use me for deviant HARDcore gay SEX, ok…”

-Puppy >.< Yip!

8/21/12: Das But 2: ‘Ich spreche nicht sehr gut Deutsch‘

“Lame response. Gay response.”

I’m sensing you don’t like gay people.  Also, since you think tattoos are for “fags”, you by default don’t like anyone with a tattoo.  I mean…I really don’t care, but you probably don’t wanna go around broadcasting that to the entire world.

-Puppy >.< Yip!

8/23/12: Oh yeah, he doesn’t like black people either.  Check out “Die For Satan” by Das_But on youtube, if you want dull racist nastiness.  Hey Das, you ever actually DO any of this fcked-up sh1t you’re going ON and ON and ON and ON and ON about in your little rants?  No?  Course not, you’re a fcken wannabe.  But I admit, you’re pretty fly(for a white guy).  Now THAT is a good video…dude in that looks kinda like you.  You talk a lot of hype about suicide, but you don’t have the fcken balls to do it.  Too bad.

-Puppy >.< Yip!

9/7/12: Hmmm…still hasn’t done the suicide thing.  Oh well…always knew he was a fake.

-Puppy >.< Yip!

The Terminator (1984)

Has NOT aged well.

And I don’t just mean the special effects…I mean the “dramatic”, “emotional”, and “sensitive” scenes.  And it’s not because it’s from the 80’s…so are ‘Lethal Weapon’ and ‘RoboCop’, and both of those have aged incredibly better than this.

The only good thing about this is the action, really…which is very good, and there’s a lot of it.  But at this point this movie has descended almost entirely into the “cheezy nostalgia” category.  Particularly sad- the hair, the music, the dancing.

Also, it’s difficult to generate sufficient enthusiasm for the purpose of cheering on the continued existence of the early/mid-80’s.

Inspirational Quote: “Sweat, bad breath…everything”

Grade: D+