Category: I Am Puppy Hear Me Degrade

You don’t have much time left to learn how to count.

Excerpt from recent article:

“Yankees general manager Brian Cashman told reporters Wednesday that Alex Rodriguez needs to lose some weight before the start of spring training.”

A-Rod has been encouraged to think of any sandwich presented toward him as a baseball inside a glove.

-Puppy >.< Yip!

That’s what Geddy’s singing about, SALESMEN!

I actually like this song, but come on…when Geddy stays within his limits that’s one thing, but when he goes ultra-shrill it’s both funny and painful.

If you dare, 4:08-4:19.

I think it’d be great if the bit at the beginning of this could somehow be mixed together with Rush’s “Tom Sawyer” for a song.

Take it, for example. Please.

Vis:

12/3/14: Oops…wrong song. See next post.

Cuz, you know, they think every football fan is a MORON.

Evidence: A commercial during a game, which DRAMATICALLY announced that ‘Thursday Night Football’ was RETURNING. On Thursday.

Also: There’s no such thing as “intended target”. A target is a target…it’s called “intended receiver”. Morons.

-Puppy >.< Yip!

The great thing about the latest trend of MASSIVE amounts of movie “re-boots” (aka remakes) is that people no longer actually have to come up with those pesky creative things called “ideas”.

-Puppy >.< Yip!

The Only Actor Worse Than Nic Cage:

FK’s Gwain.

Here’s a typical example of his wit, ability, and rule-following:

“Gwain says to A lanky, violet-skinned male air genasi ‘Not the bees. not the bees’

Gwain says to A lanky, violet-skinned male air genasi ‘They’re in my eyes.'”

This is, on a “roleplay-enforced” MUD with lots of help files saying specifically NOT to act OOC, IC…to keep them separate, to stay in character…sad. But hey, that’s typical for him.

In the OOC sense, and in the dumb, unfunny, irrepressibly drab and awful sense.

If you should play the otherwise mostly pleasant and welcoming game known as Forgotten Kingdoms, and happen to run into this…ummm….player?…I think the proper response, in character, to anything he says could very well be this:

And then of course later the NYPD had to take the field in full riot gear to protect the actual PEOPLE from those in the stands throwing sh1t.

Go ahead, bite the Big Apple…don’t mind the maggots.

-Puppy >.< Yip!

I believe this review of the unfortunately-ubiquitous character known to me as “Git Without An Interesting Name” sums up why Forgotten Kingdoms has fallen from 4th to 9th in a recent “Top Ten MUDs” list:

(See clip from ‘The F List – Movies’)

And the award for “Least Deserving Academy Award In The History Of The Universe Already” goes to:

Marisa Tomei for ‘My Cousin Vinny’.

Vanilla Whore did a better job in ‘Scott Of The Antarctic’.

Ok, so if you’re attacked by a zombie and it rips one of your arms off, admittedly that’s not good. But you can do one of two things: You can be a Debby Downer and think “Oh, no…I just lost one of my arms to a zombie attack, and it didn’t even beat me to death with it”…OR, you can think positively. I mean, it’s up to YOU to decide whether your arm sockets are half empty or half full.

This should get you in the spooky mood, courtesy Tim Burton’s Siamese twin:

Ruff!

10/16/16: FAIR USE: CRITICISM – Well, as far as opening titles go, I guess these are pretty dang good! Also, signature removed. (housekeeping)

Another example of Eric Idle’s propensity for giving blood:

2:45-4:12

Oh No!

Now I’ll have to go to England! Or Scotland! Or Ireland. Or France, Germany, Italy, Japan, India, Brazil, Oklahoma, SOUTH Korea, Western Africa…

I mean, come on. That guy is such a huge dork that it’s hard to take his nasty (and very real) evil-ness seriously.

-Puppy >.< Yip!

So on my online radio station, there’s an ad (which I fully support despite the joke coming) in which people talk about giving blood to help save lives, and how important it is. And all through it I’m having this naughty tingle in the back of my head, and then at the end when the guy says very emotionally and seriously – “Save Lives…Give Blood”, I can’t help thinking “Yeah, that’s cool…but it would be so much cooler if, right after that guy’s plea, they inserted Eric Idle from the ‘Blood/Urine Bank’ sketch of MPFC saying “Alright…I’ll give you some blood.”

Rex didn’t guarantee a Super Bowl win this year, BUT he did say the Jets would be:

“…far from an embarrassment when the season’s over…” (the extra r is for his name, I think).

I think he’s learned to correctly tone down.

-Puppy >.< Yip!

Dear Rex:

Thank you for imparting your classy personality onto your team.

That’s what happens when the coach lets the players run the team…

It wasn’t Alosi-esque, but still.

Now I’m gonna go on a f@cken diet!!!

-Puppy >.< Yip!

“Cassell will lead the flashy new Vikings over the old rusted out Patriots.” – Some sports posting person

I think the term “reactionary nonsense” should be applied more liberally to sports. I mean, some of us fans can think.

-Puppy >.< Yip!

‘Patriots Favored Again, But The Gap May Be Closing’

They’ve been saying that for a decade.

If you say it enough times, eventually it HAS to come true.

It’s called the law of averages.

Sad.

If you’re gonna make a prediction, make a real one.

I mean, the universe MAY end tomorrow.

Not bloody likely, but it MIGHT.

If it hasn’t been done yet:

Walken’s “cowbell” sketch put to lyrics and set to the music of Kid Rock’s song “Cowboy”.

That’s a good one. Go on, take it, it’s yours.

-Puppy >.< Yip!

Inspired by my imminent viewing of a cr@ppy zombie flick, I’ve decided to write the following magnificent piece of festering:

‘The Zombie’s Diary’
By Puppy

Chapter One

aaaahhhhhhhh…

Chapter Two

aaaAAHHH!

Chapter Three

Braiiiiins…

Chapter Four

More brains!

Chapter Five

aaaahhhhhhhh…

Chapter Six

*gunshot*

Chapter Seven

*thud*

End

-Puppy >.< Yip!

To the tune of Alannah Myles’ “Love Is”:

“Carnivore’s Ode To A Cow” – By Puppy

Two lines from it:

“Tell me…where you want me to chew,
Cuz flesh iiIS…what I want from YOU-Ou-Ou…”

And there’s gotta be a moo rhyme in there somewhere.

And so on, and so on…

4/14/16: WTF is wrong with me??? I forgot “Cud is…”!!!

I hate traffic accidents as much as that little girl from that Gamera movie, but even I have to admit that without them we’d probably all be snatched away by now.

Someone MUST have thought of this by now, but if they haven’t:

Slogan proposal:

‘Devil Springs: INFERNAL’

The infernal would be all flamey and stuff of course.

My pre-emptive two word review for ‘Raging Bull’ if it’s as bad as ‘Taxi Driver’:

Tranquil Cow.

Not as good as the serial killer questions, but still pretty sad:

Q: “Are you attracted to dangerous situations?”

A: No

Optional Explanation: To the “yes” people…really? Then why aren’t you in one?

Ok, so there’s this movie ‘Jersey Boys’, about a pretty good pop group from the 60’s.

Why?

I mean, it must be for the uniqueness.  Only about 10,000 other groups have ever made it to the big stage after people didn’t think they would.

And they weren’t even all THAT popular.  I mean…The Beatles, The Doors, Pink Floyd, Led Zep…I could understand all of those.  But The Four Seasons???  Wow…talk about lowering the bar.

My favorite part of the gripping ad for it is Chris Walken telling the singer “wait til people hear your voice”…or something similar.  They’re not important enough to verify the quote.

I’d rather have him with sunglasses on telling them they had, what seems to him to be, a DYNAMITE sound.  Cuz coming from him, that would mean a lot.

In 30-40 years, will we see Chris (if he’s still alive) riding in a limo with an actor playing Peter Steele?  “I tell ya, Peter – you’re gonna wanna keep that VAMPIRE voice, in the songs…”

So relatively inconsequential to contemporaries it’s laughable; my example, and this movie.

And don’t give me the “hugely popular” and “one of the highest-selling…” cr@p reasons.  They weren’t as popular, nor did they sell as many records, as ABBA.  And I don’t think we need a movie about A B B and A.  Please…don’t.

-Puppy >.< Yip!