Category: I Am Puppy Hear Me Degrade

How to say goodbye.

If it’s someone you (I can’t say “like”…let’s say “tolerate well” as the high), then give a quick “Bye”, MAYBE EVEN IF they don’t say it first!!! (That’s like, pure BL gold…you gotta really be lucky).

If it’s someone you dislike/hate then either COMPLETELY ignore their attempts, gaze up coldly for DARING to take up your time with a pleasantry and then look back down, OR…and this is the most common and recommended by B.L….PRETEND you didn’t hear them, make them say it again, and THEN do the ignore/cold stare in some sort of variety pack form.  You know, always the same, just mix it up a little.

Sorta like the ‘Today’s Mystery Limp’, only…well, I was gonna say “smarter” or “dumber”, but it’s pretty darn equal.

And while writing about B.L., this just came to mind…not sure HOW it’s connected, but there it is:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jRKz82v5JQY

P.S. I apologize for the redundancy with Part 10, this is just like, SO B.L.  And I’m still only writing ONE copy for every…hmmmmm…let’s say 100 times it happened.  Very conservative estimate, mind you.

10/16/16: FAIR USE: CRITICISM – Bad movie, just enjoy the clip. (housekeeping)

This is a JOKE…calm the fck down.

The German Response: A strong “No”.

FAIR USE: CRITICISM – I don’t care how historically “inaccurate” it is.

1) It’s a MOVIE.
2) Don’t be so pedantic.
3) Look up the phrase “suspension of disbelief”
4) I hardly think anything that may have in some tiny way happened 2,000 years ago can be PRECISELY DOCUMENTED.
5) What do you have against dogs??? Bastards.
6) I forget six.
6.9) I change my position: it is not completely and precisely accurate, therefore it is illogical and against the Ministry Of Truth. Just don’t throw rats at my face, please, for the love of non-God.

How to greet/say goodbye to people.

If you LIKE them (very rare): Give them an emotionless but polite “hello” but do not otherwise pursue conversation.

If you are APATHETIC/NEUTRAL towards them: Give them some sort of FAINT acknowledgement (perhaps) if you’re in the mood for it.  Otherwise, skip it.

If you DISLIKE them (for no reason other than you’re a prick):  Return their greeting/farewell with COMPLETE ignorance OR (even better) just look up slightly, stare at them coldly, and then look back down.  Best when done several dozen (hundred?) times to reinforce the effect.

Whatever the case may be, try to avoid conversation.  Because then they’ll probably think this:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5hfYJsQAhl0

10/16/16: FAIR USE: CRITICISM – A good bit from a really bad movie. (housekeeping)

Timing has been abandoned for this bit.

“You know, Mr. Hunter…with the advancements in submarine technology we have in this ship, we could travel very large distances if we wanted to.”
“Yes, I’m aware of that, Sir.”
“I’m not certain of this, Mr. Hunter…but I would bet we could very easily travel, let’s say, 20,000 leagues.”
“Yes, Sir, I concur.”
“That’s pretty deep, Mr. Hunter.”
“Actually, Sir, it’s pretty far.  But it may or may not actually be deep.  Sir.”
“What’s that, Mr. Hunter?”
“I was explaining, Sir, that travelling 20,000 leagues would be pretty far, Sir.  But not necessarily all that deep.  Sir.”
“Ah, yes…I understand that now.  Thank you, Mr.  Hunter.  Oh, by the way, I bet those Portugese horses, the Lippizaner stallions,  could run a distance of 20,000 leagues before they got tired.
“I don’t think you’ve quite got the hang of that measurement, Sir.”

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K4anNb2jS4Q

“I didn’t know that, Mr. Hunter.  But they are from Portugal.”
“Sir, if you don’t mind, could we please drop the friggin’ horse conversation?”

There’s 20,000 leagues more, but I’m done here.

10/16/16: FAIR USE: CRITICISM – A great bit from a great show. It’s a great episode, too, as I recall. (housekeeping)

The vastly overrated Andy Kaufman adding a little punch to “The Mighty Mouse Theme”.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kGx94VPb8V8

10/16/16: FAIR USE: CRITICISM – I’m gonna criticize this (it’s mildly amusing) but I don’t care much if you campaign wildly for its removal since the mildly is very mildly. (housekeeping)

SOL’s Legends Of Rock on “The Band That Played California Lady” and their big hit, “California Lady”.  A tragic, insane tale.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E8wGJjBax8w

10/16/16: FAIR USE: CRITICISM – This is an entertaining clip from an otherwise somewhat dull MST3K episode, if I recall correctly. (housekeeping)

CB’s character from ‘American Psycho’ explaining IN DETAIL what sh1t song he’s gonna play next.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g1mSJpOBXFU

10/16/16: FAIR USE: CRITICISM – Decent clip from a vastly overrated movie. (housekeeping)

Mr. Blonde doing a little shimmy to a one-hit wonder.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U9rIBE0KM-w

10/16/16: FAIR USE: CRITICISM – Rather disturbing clip from a pretty good but overrated movie. Watcheat Emptor. (housekeeping)

R.P. McMurphy’s building frustration relaying his opinion on calming elevator/airport/sanitarium music.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rwaz5H7C1bs

10/16/16: FAIR USE: CRITICISM – Good clip from a great movie. *shrug* It is. (housekeeping)

Mr. B Natural on mostly instruments that you blow.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cAKentKiGOY

10/16/16: FAIR USE: CRITICISM – good clip from a great MST3K short. That is, a horrible short mocked very well by the MSTers. (housekeeping)

Mr. Pink on the melancholy, tiny violin.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V4sbYy0WdGQ

10/16/16: FAIR USE: CRITICISM – Decent clip from a pretty good but overrated movie. (housekeeping)

THE Bruce Dickinson feeling very strongly about “(Don’t Fear) The Reaper”:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dri0WmDXHo0

5/20/16: No, you’re not sorry about that. You don’t give a fck, you heartless bastards! *Cleese smiling as he holds up the JOKE sign*

8/15/23: At least they’re not pretending to give a fck anymore.

The insane cannibal couple from ‘The Book of Eli’ hums the praises of “Ring My Bell”.

Also heavily endorsed by a fake Italian film director in MPFC in its alternate version: “Ling My Berr”.

(This is where you go to YouTube and try to find the appropriate clip, where applicable and legal, since my link don’t work. And of course I understand – I mean, the vast majority of the people that would watch the whole movie really just wanna see two old insane cannibals humming along to a cr@p song).

Everyone at the party on the fat guy’s song. (1:09-1:21)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3HcmfYu81Mg

8/10/16: I don’t remember. But I’m sure it was at least a decent one.

Farming Club on Tchaikovsky.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bKw2OBUkhxI

10/16/16: FAIR USE: CRITICISM – Good clip from a good episode of a brilliant show that provides a mighty useful philosophical question. (housekeeping)

A fellow Beethoven fan, Alex, showing some love for “Singin’ In The Rain”:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vaZxpZ5n2N8

10/16/16: FAIR USE: CRITICISM – A rather chilling clip from a great movie. Chaos Theory at work, in a way. (housekeeping)

Since music is subjective, I thought I’d give a few examples of how even people who are out of their tiny little minds have favorites.  I think it’s safe to say, that THIS, is a great moment in the portrayal of the insane music reviewer.

Stansfield reviews Beethoven:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eRBI1VSO7hc

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x9SZVOzNcAc

10/16/16: FAIR USE: CRITICISM – These are good clips that relate to the subject. (housekeeping)

In the BL Tax season, here’s some important info:

…oops, right, sorry…ixnay ixnay…let’s instead watch a clip of someone responding to the rare BL moment called “speech”:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5hfYJsQAhl0

10/16/16: FAIR USE: CRITICISM – *SATIRE…SATIRE…SATIRE* (housekeeping)

So, this recently entered my brain…

Me talking to a CA/A is sort of like Kirk talking to CAAn.  Kirk is totally outmatched in terms of mental and physical prowess (well…not EXACTLY like it, to be fair…some CA/A’s are really dumb) yet he STILL wins again and again.  The reason?  Besides him being the hero, of course…

Pride.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=movv92UJ36M (1:18-1:35)

When someone is totally convinced that they have the superior intellect (or superior anything) they tend to gloat over that opinion/fact(?).  This makes them lazy and complacent…this makes them lose their focus.  This makes them lose.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LaVIIoRKBlk

…or perhaps an intellectual retelling of Buster Douglas to their Mike Tyson.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rt8LZ8FjGN8

Oh, I LOVE these opportunities to use clips.  People should do this more often!

Both are physical AND mental, whereas mine is only mental.  But you get the general idea.

Oh…the comedy routine:

“CA/As” (Spoken into the mic, then walking off stage).

10/16/16: FAIR USE: CRITICISM – The first is a good clip from a great movie. The second is a great clip from very-good-to-great movie. The third is a great clip in the history of boxing. (housekeeping)

First, he plays a CA/A chased and finally confronted by something not scientifically explainable.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pDWR5RkWRTY

Then, the level of importance most people give him/what he has to say.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D-043a58Mgo

10/16/16: FAIR USE: CRITICISM – The first is a good clip from a pretty good movie. The second is a good clip from a great movie. They both fit in the context as well, explaining the statements to a degree. (housekeeping)

I think there should be a new logical fallacy, called “ad dition”.

What would it mean?  No idea.  OH…and there should be another called “ad irondack”.  That one should be pretty strong, whatever it means.

* = For the most part…there are exceptions.

00:52:01 – “So, Mr. Hunter…what’s your favorite Dreckheimer film?”
“Sir?”
“‘Sir’, as in you didn’t hear me correctly, or ‘Sir’ as in you didn’t understand the question?”
“‘Sir’ as in I am not sure if I heard you correctly, Sir.”
“Your favorite Dreckheimer film, Mr. Hunter.”
“I see, Sir.”
“You see a-“
“Sir, please drop that multiple choice cr@p briefly while I answer, Sir.”
“Of course, Mr. Hunter.”
“I see…I did hear you correctly, Sir, but I’m not a big Dreckheimer fan so it’s difficult to say…although I would probably have to say ‘Crimson Tide’, Sir.”
“I see, Mr. Hunter…”
“You see, as in-“
“Don’t take my bit, Mr. Hunter.”

Dinner.

At dinner, NEVER (and I can’t stress this enough)…NEVER tell anyone if they appear to be taking too much, if you have/haven’t had a portion of X yet, if the fate of the world revolves around one bite of horrid homemade rice mix.  After all, you are the Martyr without a cause.  And just because words EXIST, does that mean you HAVE to use them?

Speech should consist of the following ONLY: the dinner, tomorrow’s dinner, last night’s dinner, how much under-the-table undeclared money you made/missed out on that day, grumbling, grunting, and of course shooting down everyone else’s hopes and dreams with unwavering apathetic criticism.

Those of lesser stature (all except homeowner) do NOT need to be addressed, under any circumstances.  If you deign to acknowledge them, be certain not to be friendly about it.

EVERYTHING must go:  If that last 3 bites of rice pilaugh is going to be dumped, when until JUST before it is, then ask what is being done, then correct the problem either by causing guilt in the attempted dumpee, walking over (see “limp”) and doing it yourself in disgusted fashion, or get a small bag and put the food in there, to be useful as a side dish, most probably a “Here’s to knowingly evading taxation” apathetic triumphant bite.  Then BACK TO WORK, Slacker!

It seems they demanded a re-match after ‘The Epilogue’, so here’s the absolute, final, authoritative word on The existence/non-existence of God.

They speak in code, of course…but I think you can figure it out.

Phew…now that that’s all set, I can’t wait for next week.  It’ll be MUCH better than ‘Cats’.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gULNoATVT1I

-Puppy >.< Yip!

10/16/16: FAIR USE: CRITICISM – Basically, this is the shortened version of what happens in most debates featuring relatively equal-strength opponents. It’s just a LOT shorter. (housekeeping)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rADdKqPNdaM

I have plenty of comment options, so let’s make it one of those old Do-It-Yourself books:

My joke on this is ___________________________________ (Noun, Verb, Adverb, Adjective)

10/16/16: FAIR USE: CRITICISM – This is a clip of a good sketch. And if people haven’t read my other post(s) featuring this clip, then this criticism is new to them. (housekeeping)

For Valentine’s Day:
– Stay indoors
– Lock all doors and windows
– Give that 2-3x/year kiss with no real affection
– Get a cr@p gift if all money has not been spent on booze
– Grumble less
– Complain less
– 10X limp-change points.

I BELIEVE now, after all I’ve read about Atheists/Agnostic Atheists/Apatheists…etc, etc, etc…

That the splinter-groups from “Atheism” have now achieved ‘Life Of Brian’ status.

And, ummm…guys…that was SATIRE.

-Puppy >.< Yip!

If someone was to say to Noel Coward (while he was still alive): “You’re an intellectual coward”, would that be an insult, a compliment, or an even, plain statement of fact/opinion?

Oh, and watch out for this in a future review.  Have to wait for a suitable one…D@MN!!

“Why do I (verb) this so (adverb)?  The answer is simple – Volume.

When Curly asks, ALWAYS say “no” to the hot towel.

(Thanks, Puppy, GREAT idea!)

-Puppy >.< Yip!

The Matter-Of-Fact Insult

“Mr. Longdale here will keep you company.”
“Why me??”
“Because I don’t like you, Mr. Longdale.”

The Prideful-Turned-Meek Overconfidence Insult

“Quadrotriticale is not wheat, Captain.  Of course, I wouldn’t expect you or Mister Spock to know about such things, but quadrotriticale is a rather-“

“Quadrotriticale is a high-yield grain, a four-lobed hybrid of wheat and rye. A perennial, also, if I’m not mistaken. Its root grain, triticale, can trace its ancestry all the way back to twentieth century Canada-“

The holey Trinity: Grumpy, Drunk, Stoned

If one can be so, be stoned.
If not, be drunk.
If not, be grumpy.

And, of course, related to the first and second: If one can use funds made possible by (potential) IRS avoidance activities, ALWAYS use at least 10 percent each on Drunk and Stoned.

The word is the Law, and the Law is the word, and the movie is a cr@ppy Corman flick.

-Puppy >.< Yip!

Puppy Preface:  I went on a “Roleplay-Enforced” MUD, of my own volition.  Therefore I had to expect that I (and everyone else) would roleplay…that is, play their character, not act however they feel, scorned and embarrassed or not.

So I played a character, who was sweet and rather naive.  So when some guy (character) tried to force me, sexually, I played as she would.  When he made her “forget” it had happened and instead made her go to the bathroom and masturbate (how gallant!) to…not really sure I understand this…but to confirm his power and “manhood”, guess what?  I did it.  And when I had to come back to him, pretending nothing had happened…even though PLAYER (me) was outraged, I did NOTHING but play my character:  Nice, considerate, naive, trusting.  And I think I did rather well…you know…ROLEPLAYING.

So when, the next day, I complain IN CHARACTER to someone after they help me figure out what really happened, and the offending character goes off and sulks because he (player) doesn’t like that, it’s a really SAD testament to roleplaying.  I was sad when I had to roleplay liking the schmuck, but I did it…because I’m a ROLEPLAYER…some people need to learn this.

But I degress:

When you can’t get any in real life, try Timothy’s M* School:

“With a slight memory twist, Timothy left Sashana believing that their conversation and his light fondling was him attempting to seduce her.”

Puppy: Is “light fondling” now considered an acceptable means of “flirtation” or “seduction”?

OR Puppy: Oh, hey, wow…yeah, light fondling is a great first move, huh Tim?  I think he watched that MST3K short more than I watched the flippin’ Mummy: “Tackling her from behind is the first step.”
I especially like his clarification: It’s only LIGHT fondling.

“In a library no less, in a private room, he wanted to get her clothes hiked up so he could take her right there on the table.”

Puppy: You wanted to hike up my socks?

“Perhaps she was flattered?”

Puppy: Oh, I don’t know…

OR Puppy: Oh yeah, and you can insinuate HOW you want the intended target to respond.  If so…what’s the point of even playing, Tim?  I mean, just emote that you’re fcking everyone, logoff and make the game that much better.

“But the man’s power was overwhelming and she had to escape…to her relief, found in the bathroom.”

Puppy: “Ok, now this is where, if you DON’T wanna get forced, you have to go masturbate.” – Someone’s apparent thought process.  I mean…when you think about it, it’s just DUMB…it’s fantasy so I’m not gonna get riled up over it (See “Roleplaying”, above) but…WTF is this guy thinking?

OR Puppy: This is great…this is the part where Timmy forces my character to masturbate after failing his “Bleedin’ Obvious Non-Subtlety” roll.  And doesn’t realize she was a virgin.  And then he asks her straight out.  Perhaps, Tim, next time you find a MUSHSEX partner, you should be sure of their info before you assault them in a public place.

“<OOC> You say, “Please skip the subjective analysis of your own behavior I’m sure you’re manly, but that’s hardly appropriate.”

Puppy:  That was me, word for word.  I cannot improve on it.  He was talking about how amazing my orgasm had to be, how manly he was…I felt like watching ‘Men In Tights’.

“Timothy says, “Hmm. She would know that he is probably concerned that if she were a virgin that he inadvertently took that.”

Puppy: And HOW would he “inadvertently” take that?  A REALLLLLY long detachable penis with a mind of its own?

The search continues…

-Puppy >.< Yip!

In a world…

So, basically someone should make a movie about vampires vs. humans for total world domination…and the vampires are winning, then someone (human) prays or does something really cool/weird/unusual to invoke Ed Harris’s voice saying “Cue the Sun.”

Then there’s a decisive turn in the war, and the humans win.

And they get along for a coupla weeks after that…like in that sh1tty Independence movie, and then it’s back to work hating each other for really really dumb reasons.

Run with it.  And come on; swing baby, you’re platinum.

-Puppy >.< Yip!

“I make you a counterproposal…I’ll agree to your terms, IF…IF you follow your own rules and regulations.”

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=urNFQw8VIvA

Inky’s got major BLINKY, baby!

Oh, here’s what to say if you’ve been hunting rats too long:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=idO3VjT8sjk

-Puppy >.< Yip!

10/16/16: FAIR USE: CRITICISM – I don’t have a fever, but the second clip shows in a very straightforward and firm way how sometimes people GET fevers, and they must be treated. (housekeeping)

Catchy MFer with a stupid picture adaptation.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a0X1ynq1x8M

Do I like the creator?  No.  Does that make me not like (some of) the music she  (and maybe others, dunno..don’t care) made?  Nope.

-Puppy >.< Yip!