Hey, here’s a good one (Translation: I just thought of it, and you have no choice you’re already committed):
If people (at least when ‘Rocks’ came out) would actually use the phrase “Sick as a dog”, why not make it more inclusive?
“Slick as a cat” is the first thing that popped into my mind.
Run with it!
How about those Red Sox?
The mystery limp is key to a successful non-loving, no sex, no romanticism relationship.
Just start limping one day. Blow off any concern, cuz ya know…you’re a MANLY man.
Then, switch that limp around constantly…like Igor’s hump from ‘Young Frankenstein’, only much more prevalent. You know, sometimes it’s in the “normal” leg, then a few days later it’s moved over to the other leg…rarely you can do both legs (not for beginners) and if you just don’t give a d@mn that day, lose it completely! BRILLIANT!
-Puppy >.< Yip!
“Complaints of unfairness will not be given an audience. If you think
your character’s situation was unfair, too bad. Live with it or don’t.” – Armageddon homepage, under topic “Rules”.
Well…I mean, come on…if you “live by the sword”, as they say…
Meaning, complaints posted to MY website of unfairness will be given the same audience. Why? You like it that way, apparently. If you think the situation is “unfair”, too bad. Live with it or don’t.
I don’t care.
-Puppy >.< Yip!
I mean, it was REALLY fun for a while…when Inky thought I was female playing a female character. Since then it’s just been a world of fcken annoyance.
From an Administrator:
“Given that you’ve decided to take this to your blog…”
Right…MY blog. My blog, where I post MY opinions/jokes/sarcastic remarks/etc…not yours.
But hey, thanks for the hit! Every little one counts towards that million.
“and seem unwilling to discuss this with staff,…”
Unwilling to discuss with staff??? Are you high? I traded like 6 messages back and forth with an Imm EXPLAINING the ENTIRE thing. It got so right-adjusted that I could barely read it, like one word for each line.
“your account on the game as well as on the GDB has been temporarily banned. “
So…a ten year vet cheats (IMPO…I’m 6.9 on that), I (a newbie) complain about it, as I was ENCOURAGED to do by an Imm response…and I get banned?
“Remove your posts on your blog and we can talk then.
Nyr
Administrator
ArmageddonMUD Staff”
This is my favorite, no question.
A MUD Admin (in my subjective opinion) trying to bribe me to censor my free speech in exchange for game access. Well…POSSIBLE game access. That’s just…sad.
Oh, and go fck yourself.
-Puppy >.< Yip!
In any situation involving yourself and any other person(s), always keep these two extremely important MST3K lessons in mind:
“Thank GOD there was no physical contact.”
“I can’t stress ‘unemotional’ enough.”
You send this message to the staff:
“Is there any reason that a player who knows I am planning on retiring this character and who has abused OOC info should be contacting me IC, when I only logged in to make the previous “wish”?”
(Puppy Edit: He would know not to contact me because of our last communication, in which I responded to his request to use OOC info IC…as follows – “When I said “tone down” I basically meant “No Mudsex”, not “you can decide to change your character’s clearly expressed feelings…Completely unacceptable.”)
Re:
The stocky, spade-bearded man sends you a telepathic message:
“A peaceful morning?” (Puppy suggested addition: “Did you feel it? Maybe next time. BTW, I have an aversion to RPing with males playing female characters. Fortunately for you, I’m also a fcken dumba$$…so I’m rather obvious about it. Now, go off and die, my sweet concubine.)
BOOM CHIKKA WAH-WAH!
Response:
“OOC: I am here to wish, not to play. Please don’t compound your OOC info abuse by being snarky about it. Nice illegal artifact, btw.”
Too bad mindbenders can read Psi’s, huh Inky?
You don’t have to worry about poison with that glowing, shining ring though. At least, unless a Templar finds out about it.
Now…keep in mind, you CANNOT use this info IC. BUT, if you’re clever, you can find a way to use it IC without being obvious about it…same way Inky was gonna ditch my character.
I’m not SUGGESTING you do it…but you could, rabbit, you could.
Oh, P.S. : You also can’t IN ANY WAY use the fact that he has allies in the Labyrinth that work for him. Now, I mean it!
-Puppy >.< Yip!
First, direct quotes from some section of Arm/GDB/helpfiles/etc:
“Role-playing…is not considered an option by the creators of the world, it is a strict requirement. If you do not want to role-play, please go elsewhere.”
“…it is expected that you will play your character consistently…”
“Although it is just a game, try to imagine yourself as your character, and act as your character while in the game.”
“…try not to let your own desires get in the way of role-playing your character…”
Second, my complaint based on this:
“…My character, Evalyn, was named “formally” as “assistant to Lord Oash”.
Privately, she was assured she was now “Aide/Concubine”. Player of Iancu Oash apparently found out Evalyn (character) was played by me (male) when, after HE requested it, I registered for the Oash GDM forum…
“His response (PUPPY EDIT: see below) makes clear, to me, that his intent is to ignore/phase out my character, or simply avoid her until – without the intimate roleplay connection she had for four days straight with a Lord, including being told intimate secrets/shown around his estate/being promised-offered anything I basically wanted in shops…etc… gone – she inevitably gets killed or just fades away until such time that he can use his OOC distaste to “legitimately” alter his IC play enough to dismiss her.
Suspending his character basically would give him what he wants – I would die or fade away, problem solved. So I’m hoping there’s some way you can tell him, basically: roleplay your character as your character, without (potential) homophobia creeping into it, without using OOC feelings to (not so subtly, or) subtly alter your play until it’s seen as “acceptable” IC to dismiss someone you basically gazed at with doe-eyes until you found out OOC info.
Third, quotes from Iancu’s player:
“…I would be more comfortable toning down the more intimate aspects of the character relationship, honestly.”
Puppy Translation: You’re a guy? I gotta cut you loose…I’ll find out some way to do it “IC”, cuz I’m a ten year vet and know how to abuse the system.
“It should be easy enough to make the decision ICly. I was already sort of hedging my bet with what role would be best for Evalyn in the clan you – might have noticed…”
Puppy Commentary: Complete lie. See evaluation, part four, below.
“Hopefully it’s not too awkward or upsetting to Evalyn if other aspects seem to cool down.”
Puppy Translation: I hope you don’t mind me using OOC info to alter my IC behavior. Hopefully it won’t be TOO annoying to you, cuz I’m gonna do it, one way or another.
I mean, this guy’s running slipshod over the rules. OH!
Fourth, summary of Inky situation:
Well basically, it Orinoco blows. But here’s more detail:
It’s supposed to be, as empirically proven by their own discussion board, website, rules, constant arguments on the subject…a ROLEPLAYING mud.
So…I made a female character. Because I liked the character idea. Not to seduce some poor unsuspecting male into MUDsex. Evalyn, based on Evelyn from ‘The Mummy’.
I watched the flippin movie like 6 times in 3 days just to get EVERY mannerism down: how she smiles, WHEN she smiles, how she talks, what words she uses, what words she avoids, how she walks, how she sits, how she talks to herself…EVERYTHING. Why? Cuz I like to ROLEPLAY well on a ROLEPLAYING mud.
So I’m playing the female character, not once saying “Hi. I’m a female player.” Why? Because it’s a ROLEPLAYING mud, not a play-your-own-sex MUD.
In fact, nowhere (I looked) in the: helpfiles, website, discussion board, all going back OVER A DECADE does it ever once, in any way, explicitly or implicitly say (or suggest) that you should play your own gender.
Ok, so I roleplay Evie AS Evie. Cuz, you know…ROLEPLAY. And I meet this other character…let’s call him Mr. I.
(Although his real name is this: Iancu Oash, Lord of a Noble House, the stocky, spade-bearded man, tiny penis (that last one is pure conjecture))…
…Played by someone who’s been playing Armageddon for TEN YEARS…so…you’d expect they’d know how to/want to ROLEPLAY. And they’d know the rules about NOT USING OOC KNOWLEDGE IC. Huh?
And there’s HOURS and HOURS and HOURS of roleplay, eventually, between myself and Mr. I. EVERY time he sees me, he seeks a way to RP…and vice versa, cuz that’s…IN CHARACTER (see “ROLEPLAY”) since our CHARACTERS really like each other/work closely together.
He says how much he adores me, how wonderful I am, how in 20 years he’s never blah blah blah but with me blah blah blah, how he very much (in slightly subtle terms) wants to sleep with me, how he wants to take care of me forever, how he wants me to never touch another man, how he’s “willing to go as slow as I need” (Puppy translation: I wanna fck you so bad that I’ll wait for the MudSex until you’re good and ready, just PLEASE don’t fck anyone else cuz I’m like, sensitive!). I mean, he ASKED me to be his concubine. FLAT OUT.
Then, after he finds out PLAYER is male (because he ASKED ME PERSONALLY to request access to a board which ASKED ME to give my GDB name, which SAYS my gender…not like I said “haha I’m a guy!”), I send him two messages. Both to the effect of: I realize that now that you know player is male, you may feel uncomfortable with certain aspects of roleplay, I would be HAPPY to change (WITHIN REASON) as long as it’s IC if you are uncomfortable, please write back I just want to keep playing…all very polite, respectful…respecting PLAYER as a person.
And what do I get? No response, even though he got my message (at least the first one the same day…)
And CHARACTER suddenly, for no adequately explored reason, goes from “COMPLETE DEVOTION” to “casual business relationship”???. NO in character reason…at least, that’s what he suggested in his (eventual) reply.
*After I spend HOURS rearranging his barracks with him gone for male-playing-female avoidance reasons…”Let’s let the newb do the grunt work before we ditch her/him”*
Ummm…this is one of our VETERANS, Armageddon?
I mean, I’m not saying that anyone’s homophobic, but let me quote Kurt Cobain:
“I am not gay. But I wish I were, just to piss off homophobes.”
A ten-year-vet NEWB. SAD.
Oh, on a side note:
Orin, who appeared as soon as I logged on (Day two, A.I. (After Iancu)) and seemed to be trying to annoy ummm…my CHARACTER…and who was, out of four applicants, the only one selected to join Iancu’s House):
Date Player Registered: December 15, 2002
Player Of Iancu:
Date Registered: December 19, 2002
WELL GOLLY GEE WHAT A CO-IN-KEE-DUNK!
“Why, that’s the exact amount I just gave Mr. Scroggins!”
“Well ain’t that a coincidunce!”
“All I want is what your MUD claims to be: IC handled IC. If he doesn’t like it, and thinks it’s “unfair” to have to RP with a male player…well, to quote one of Armageddon’s rules…tough. Live
with it or not.”
“I mean, I’d say just ask him. Ask him if we RPd very intimate scenes, he told me a secret that would get him killed, he offered to buy me anything I wanted, he said “You are my Aide and Concubine”…and if he’s slimy enough to lie, I guess I get screwed. Because he did all those things, and now he’s trying to say “well, I actually wasn’t even sure what role she would have…”. Because he found out I’m male. OOC info, used IC. It’s as simple as that.”
“It’s about the fact that he told me he would radically alter his IC roleplay based on OOC information.”
Sad.
I’d like to point out, any opinions expressed are all my SUBJECTIVE OPINI ONS, for purposes of CRITICAL ANALYSIS. I COULD be wrong…I mean…yeah…but I COULD.
-Puppy >.< Yip!
Gonna need some visual aids for this…
“Wow, this RP is gonna be great. Now, all the hours of effort will…oh sh1t.”
He SEES me!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8_HPFoelMQc
Well, tell him I said screw you.
This is now the “Lord Iancu Oash Bad Roleplay Alert System”:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v1MQ1IkKZaI
-Puppy >.< Yip!
10/16/16: FAIR USE: CRITICISM – First clip is the ending from a very good movie with a very Cthulhu-esque flair to it; the best I’ve seen in that vein, actually. The second clip is a bit of fun mocking how AWFUL an actor Nic Cage is. (housekeeping)
I shall call it ‘A Maid On A Night Out, Winding A Grandfather’s Clock, With Her Left Hand’.
But first, a bit of fun.
Ok, so pretend Evalyn is the mummy, and Iancu Inky-Baby is Beni after finding out that Evie is played by a male.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pDWR5RkWRTY
-Puppy >.< Yip!
10/16/16: FAIR USE: CRITICISM – An interesting bit with an interesting character from a pretty good movie. (housekeeping)
First, pick an interesting character.
Second, research that character (if based on existing person/historical person/fictional person/etc).
Third, stay in character.
Fourth, and this is key…DON’T USE OOC INFORMATION TO INFLUENCE YOUR RP.
My research, in this case, involved watching a movie SIX GODD@MN times in three days.
Did I “ENJOY” it? No. I was trying to put an investment into a character I liked.
Same reason I logged 60 hours in a week.
What’s the point of this? Can’t say. We’ll see.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tNfGyIW7aHM
-Puppy >.< Yip!
10/16/16: FAIR USE: CRITICISM – Clip is a satire of an actual show, I believe. It’s quite good, and also very useful as a piece of satirical material re: other things. (housekeeping)
Dan Dierdorf: Belaboring inside the box.
So he goes ON and ON and ON and ON about how BAD a play it was to give up 2 points.
Now, the score was 21-10 New England. That’s a two score game. (TD +2 and FG)
A safety makes it a…two score game. (TD and FG)
And the other team gets it (probably) about 80 yards from your end zone.
Dierdorf apparently thinks it’s ABSOLUTELY the thing to do to give the other team 1st and goal at YOUR OWN 2 yard line…very probably 7 points, a virtual CERTAINTY for 3. Either way, making it a ONE SCORE GAME.
Jesus H. Christ…(Yes?)…no, I was talking metaphorically (Oh).
I mean I “see” the argument for both sides, cuz I’m not a moron. There’s odds for both things to work or not.
But a color analyst who is SO ingrained in his little box of thought is a color analyst that needs to retire.
I’m writing this before I see the results. It’s my opinion cuz it’s my opinion, not cuz it worked or didn’t.
-Puppy >.< Yip!
Then smothered in gravy…TEXAS STYLE!
Anyway, if I had a character that was in the main city with a labyrinth in it, and I woke up dazed and confused next to a pile of vomit (not sure whose, but vomit), and some person tried to convince me that I was in fact in the city of Tuluk, I’m pretty sure I’d realize it was Allanak.
GIB, DOLB, NAD SRABSY!
-Puppy >.< Yip!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=idnJnjV_8rg
-Puppy >.< Yip!
Re ST:TOS ‘Whom Gods Destroy’:
Whenever Garth changes form, does that mean he’s ready to marry Marta?
Or is he just hungry for corn?
Or…eh, to HECK with it.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KxhC-ZLlCyc
-Puppy >.< Yip!
10/16/16: FAIR USE: CRITICISM – A very mockable little MST3K short, done medium-well. (housekeeping)
Under no circumstances should you show physical affection for anyone else.
When forced to do so, make sure it is as brief and tepid as possible.
This coming tax season, make note of the following sound financial advice:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ovwxBrIBj1w
10/16/16: FAIR USE: CRITICISM – An interesting little bit from ‘Liar Liar’. (housekeeping)
“Tax evasion is the illegal evasion of taxes by individuals, corporations and trusts. Tax evasion often entails taxpayers deliberately misrepresenting the true state of their affairs to the tax authorities to reduce their tax liability…”
“For years for which no return has been filed, there is no statute of limitations on civil actions—that is, on how long the IRS can seek taxpayers and demand payment of taxes owed.“
“For each year a taxpayer willfully fails to timely file an income tax return, the taxpayer can be sentenced to one year in prison. In general, there is a six-year statute of limitations on federal tax crimes.” -Wikipedia
Now, I’m not accusing anyone of this, but if anyone at the IRS was interested in checking back say, oh I don’t know, 20 or so years of perhaps no returns, they might want to talk to:
Robert Lowe
44 Webster Street
Watertown, MA 02472
(As of at least mid-2011, although his “listed” address may be elsewhere…this was where he actually lived.)
Hope this helps out.
-Puppy >.< Yip!
Rule One: If someone whose house you live rent-free in – despite the fact that you make a LOT of money that goes completely undeclared to the IRS, and have for YEARS – complains honestly and justly about horrible mistreatment and verbal/mental/psychological abuse to you, threaten to kill them and then advance towards them in a very threatening manner.
Recent headline: ‘Former DC Detective of the Year Guilty of Secretly Videotaping Stepdaughter in Shower, Bedroom’
“…This is the fourth time recently an incident has come to light
involving a D.C. police officer and women or girls, says WJLA. Officer Marc Washington died in an apparent suicide after he was
accused of having a teen runaway take off her clothes for pictures. Officer Linwood Barnhill Jr. is accused of being a pimp in an underage prostitution ring out of his apartment. And, officer Samson
Lawrence was recently accused of trying to kill his wife.”
So, lots of companies/products advertise as “Since X” (X = year of origin)
That’s not necessarily a sign of quality. I mean, if a car was made the same today as it was a long time ago, would that be a good thing?
“Chevy: Building the same cars since 1929”
“Ford: Stuck in a creative rut since 1934”
I especially like when they advertise as “Quality Products…” or “Made With Care…” in front of the “Since X”. Not because I give a sh1t, or believe them, but because it presents a great means of deceptive advertising.
I don’t know about you, but if a company advertised something as “Made With Pride Since 1979”, and then I found out they started making that product in 1945, I’d buy one. Cuz hey, at least they’re honest.
“Oh yeah, we’ve made them since ’45…but we were pretty ashamed of ourselves for quite a while. In ’79 we took out all the ingredients we knew were harmful…we’ve felt a lot better since then.”
*SATIRE…SATIRE…SATIRE*
Pre-emptive review (very rare):
“The ronin spent more than a year waiting for the “right time” for
their revenge. It was Yamamoto Tsunetomo, author of the Hagakure,
who asked this famous question: “What if, nine months after
Asano’s death, Kira had died of an illness?” His answer was that
the Forty-seven Ronin would have lost their only chance at
avenging their master. Even if they had claimed, then, that their dissipated behavior was just an act, that in just a little more time
they would have been ready for revenge, who would have believed them?
They would have been forever remembered as cowards and
drunkards—bringing eternal shame to the name of the Asano clan.
The right thing for the ronin to do, wrote Yamamoto, according to
proper bushido, was to attack Kira and his men immediately
after Asano’s death. The ronin would probably have suffered defeat, as Kira was ready for an attack at that time—but this was unimportant.
Ōishi, from the perspective of bushido, was too obsessed
with success, according to Yamamoto. He conceived his convoluted
plan to ensure they would succeed at killing Kira, which is not a
proper concern in a samurai: the important thing was not the death
of Kira, but for the former samurai of Asano to show outstanding
courage and determination in an all-out attack against the Kira
house, thus winning everlasting honor for their dead master. Even
if they had failed to kill Kira, even if they had all perished,
it would not have mattered, as victory and defeat have no
importance in bushido. By waiting a year, they improved
their chances of success but risked dishonoring the name of their clan, the worst sin a samurai can commit. This is why Yamamoto
and others claim that the tale of the Forty-seven Ronin is a good
story of revenge, but by no means a story of bushido.” – Wikipedia
Yeah, and it STINKS too.
Before I die, I would like to be able to construct an argument using every single known logical fallacy, and have it STILL lead to a correct conclusion.
It’s certainly possible.
I’ll work on it.
00:31:55 – “You know, Mr. Hunter, I really am quite fond of those Lippizaner stallions.”
“Yes, Sir.”
“‘Yes, Sir’ you’re aware that I’m fond of them, or ‘Yes, Sir’ you’re also fond of them?”
“Yes, Sir, I’m aware that you’re quite fond of them. Quite frankly, Sir, they’re starting to get on my nerves.”
“I see, Mr. Hunter”.
.
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.
00:33:13 – “Mr. Hunter, do you know what they call a Quarter Pounder with Cheese, in France?”
“Royale with Cheese, Sir.”
“That’s right, Mr. Hunter.”
“Was there a point to that question, Sir?”
“Not really, Mr. Hunter. Just wondering about burgers.”
00:20:20 – “Mr. Hunter…do you like movies about gladiators?
“No, Sir.”
“‘No Sir’, you don’t like movies about gladiators, or…’No Sir’ you…”
“Doesn’t work for this, Sir.”
“I see, Mr. Hunter.”
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00:22:46 – “Mr. Hunter…have you ever been in a Turkish prison?”
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I was slogging through sh1tty season three Star Trek episodes when I realized what was in that case in Pulp Fiction: a Medusan!
I had thought, for quite a while, about becoming a vegetarian. Still do, occasionally.
However, the borderline-insanity intolerant and demanding preaching of militant vegans has evoked in me the same reaction that militant atheists used to have toward religion, before their cause became archaic and passe.
Throwing off one’s own “chains” (Thank you, Albert) is fine…but to yell at other people to demand that they do likewise serves no logical or useful purpose. It merely alienates them and, if anything, pushes them away from your cause. Which is why I find true believers (or non-believers) infinitely preferable to crusaders of any kind – only an emotional coward (Thank you, DD) would change their beliefs because someone else TOLD them to. And, as long as any individual is doing no harm with their beliefs – or lack thereof – to mock, insult, yell at, etc…them simply because you feel you are “right” is childish and petty. And a thorough waste of time.
Well…I appear to have gotten a little off topic there, but…no harm done.
I like the taste of meat. I’m an omnivore. Therefore, I will keep eating it. If you don’t like that…WTF do I care?
Just add “Militant Vegans” to the list of unwelcome site visitors. Thank you.
-Puppy >.< Yip!
I thought I knew all it took to bother you
Every word I said was true; that you’ll see
How could it be I’m the only one who sees
Your rehearsed insanity Yeah
I still refused all the methods you’ve abused
Its alright if you’re confused; let me be
I’ve been around all the pawns you’ve gagged and bound
They’ll come back and knock you down
And I’ll be free
I’ve taken all and I’ve endured
One day it all will fade I’m sure
I don’t owe you anything
I don’t owe you anything
I don’t owe you anything
I don’t owe you anything
I had no hand in your ever desperate plan
It will turn and when it lands words are due
I should have known we were better off alone
I looked in and i was shown you were too
I’ve taken all and I’ve endured
One day it all will fade I’m sure
I don’t owe you anything
I don’t owe you anything
I don’t owe you anything
I don’t owe you anything
I don’t owe you anything
I don’t owe you anything
I don’t owe you anything
I don’t owe you anything
I’ll Stick Around
I’ll Stick Around and learn from all that came from it
Self-Preservation is the opiate of the masses.
Suck it, Trebek.
-Puppy >.< Yip!
Noone seems to give a sh1t either way, so I figure I’ll take the same amount of hits for not posting as I get for posting.
Commentary: If the new game in which you try to knock someone out with one blow is the cause of teens going around trying to do it in real life, why do I doubt that a new game in which you try to give a small portion of your allowance/income to a charity of your choosing would have a similar effect?
Oh, by the way…I think in my next life, I’d like to come back as the President of France.
Why? Because I think it’d attract a lot of traffic to the website.
-Puppy >.< Yip!
So (and again, if this has already been done/proposed, fine…it SHOULD have been by now) I was just wondering, thinking about Crime Show A-Z (the one with that cute goth chick…ummm, call it X) because it has that cute goth chick and thinking about Monty Python because they were brilliant…and it occurred to me:
What if the actress that plays that cute goth chick on X guest-starred on ANOTHER show, using her real name? Like, appearing as herself, the woman that plays that cute goth chick on X?
Ok, so she appears on another show, and let’s say the show is a tasteless, irreverent comedy show, and they do a parody of a famous comedy troupe via one of their most famous sketches?
Now, if the character of the woman that plays that cute goth chick on X, appearing on said show as herself (in character), DIED during a sketch on that show (the character of the person that plays that cute goth chick, not the person that plays that cute goth chick), would they, in order to make sure she’s dead, have to do the following?
*Person 1* “Oh my lack of birdseed, she’s dead!”
*Person 2* “No she isn’t…she’s just restin'”
*Person 1* “What do you mean, “restin”??? Look at her, she’s stone dead!”
*Person 2* “No, no…I think she just prefers bein’ on her back. She’s beautiful ain’t she, lovely hair.”
*Person 1* “The hair don’t enter into it! She is definitely deceased!”
*Person 2* “She’s probably pinin’ for the fjords.”
*Person 1* “”Pinin’ for the fjords”??? What kind of talk is that? Look, she’s just layin’ there, flat on her back. She’s dead!”
*Person 2* “No no, she’s restin'”
*Person 1* “Alright then…if she’s restin’, I’ll wake her up” *lifts head of said pretending-to-be-dead actress from the couch she is on* “PAULEY…PAULEY…I GOT A NICE NEW BLACK CLOTHES SET FOR YA WHEN WAKE UP”
*Person 2* *Nudges the body of said actress* “There she moved.”
*Person 1* “No she didn’t! That was you pushin’ her!”
*Person 2* “I did not!”
*Person 1* “PAUUUUULEY!!!” *Thumps head lightly on armrest of couch as actress fights back a grin* “PAUUUULEY!!! PAULEY PERRETTE!!!!!” *Thump thump thump* “PAULEY!” *Releases head, which is still fighting back a grin, and which falls back onto the couch*
“Now that’s what I call a dead Perrette.”
And don’t give me any pronunciation nonsense, you can put that in the bucket. I mean “bouquet”.
-Puppy >.< Yip!
Also useful as a means to type the numbers 11/12/13 on the only appropriate day that I can.
Headline: ‘Miley Cyrus Shrugs Off EMAs Weed Controversy’
In other news: ‘Everyone In The World Shrugs Off Miley Cyrus Shrugging Off EMAs Weed Controversy’
Given a choice between the two of you as a means of entertainment (the words “singer”, “artist”, “actress” are all equally inapplicable to both) I’d take…the Sea-sick Croc-O-DIIIIILLLLE.
I mean, at least it’s got a decent bit o’ tail. OH!
-Puppy >.< Yip!
00:04:30 – “So…Mr. Hunter…any other hobbies besides riding horses?”
“Not really, Sir. I’m a fairly one-dimensional character made much better by a great actor.”
“I see, Mr. Hunter. So am I.”
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*Crickets*
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00:06:10 – “Vossler, is that d@mn radio fixed yet? I could have built one, eaten it, passed it through my digestive system, cleaned it off, taken it apart, and rebuilt it again by now.”
“Sorry Sir, the miscalculation also affected my competence.”
“Great…you red-shirt moron.”
“What Sir?”
“Ummm…warp speed, Scotty.” *grumble*
Now I really like the movie ‘Crimson Tide’ just the way it is (despite the best efforts of Simpson/Dreckheimer), but I wonder if anyone’s considered the enormous dramatic possibilities that would be gained by lengthening the wait time at the end.
(SPOILER ALERT!!!).
Like, instead of 3 minutes, have it be…
Oh, I don’t know…let’s say 36 hours.
It would really prolong that period of dramatic tension…and hey, as we all know, the longer something goes on therefore the better it is, right? (This is for my live-to-1000 fans).
Here’s a sample of just some of what you might get in the “extended” version:
Obviously yeah that stallion bit, but then SO MUCH more!
00:02:30 – “Captain!”
*Denzel and Gene* “What?” *sideways half-glance at each other, maybe a WUH WUH WUHHHH in the background*
“Turns out there was an error in our calculations. Russians will not have launch capability for 36 hours, Sir!”
00:03:01 – “Well, Mr. Hunter…this is where normally we’d have this resolved by now. It’s a good thing we made a miscalculation, so we have more time to talk.”
“Yes Sir.”
“Yes Sir, you agree that this would normally have been resolved by now, or Yes Sir, you agree that it’s a good thing we miscalculated so that we have more time to talk?”
“Yes Sir I agree this would normally have been resolved by now. Yes Sir, I agree that it’s a good thing we miscalculated. It’s a good thing because now we both have more time to listen, Sir. And those horses are from Spain, Sir.”
“Huh…I didn’t think of it in those rather philosophical terms, Mr. Hunter. *short pause* But they are from Portugal.”
Just so I know, does “travelling incognito” now mean that you have to tell everyone you meet that you want to *bleep* in their *bleeping* mouth?
Or, for fetishists into that sort of thing, would such a sex act now be dubbed an “incogneating”?
-Puppy >.< Yip!
So I just found out (cuz why would I ever want to read anything about/by her?) two things, sort of by accident, about Megan Fox.
1) She’s bisexual
2) She’s a sexist MORON
“I would never date a girl who was bisexual, because that means
they also sleep with men, and men are so dirty that I’d never want
to sleep with a girl who had slept with a man.”
But yet you sleep with men. So your men are magically non-dirty?
“They’re boys; they’re easily toyed with.”
Well, in a way…I mean, you have nothing to offer except your body and yet people pay attention to you. Then again, you actually BELIEVE that anyone thinks you have any talent or relevance.
Not sure who’s more stupid. And when you’re older but just as dumb, they won’t care anymore…and you’ll still have no talent or relevance.
I guess it’s ok to be sexist as long as you’re female. Well…not “ok”, but…not QUITE as bad, you know.
In response: I guess a little because she’s a dumba$$ and I deserve it more, and no I wouldn’t.
-Puppy >.< Yip!
Important news regarding Heidi Montag:
According to HuffPost, she recently underwent breast reduction surgery.
I quote: “The 27-year-old former “Hills” star reportedly underwent a breast reduction that decreased her bra size from an “F” to a “D.””
I dunno, I think that’s a bit harsh. They still qualify as hills.
(And the rest of Pearl Jam)
I like/liked your (good, old) music as much as anyone…but could you please think about your valiant anti-ConsumerWhore stand against TicketMaster before you pimp out your new album, ConsumerWhore style, to baseball games? Thanks.
-Puppy >.< Yip!
Sporting News writer David Steele recently wrote an article in which he placed Eli Manning (as part of the New York Giants) as the “8th worst quarterback situation in the NFL”.
Now, I’m no Eli Manning or Giants fan. I mean, they cost my Patriots two Super Bowls.
But saying that Eli Manning is, despite two Super Bowl wins and everything he’s done in the past, and based on seven games (less than half of one season), the (at best) 25th best quarterback in the NFL just goes to prove my long-held belief:
David Steele is a moron.
-Puppy >.< Yip!
Ok so I’m doing Star Trek reviews, and I thought of Riley, so then I thought of that episode he actually talks in, and that guy who complains about being in space after he gets that “special” touch and does his internal monologue. And I think it would have been a LOT better if (using their ability to travel through time to accomplish this) they had that anti-pigs-in-space guy, at the VERY end of his heartfelt rant…PAUSE…and then, in an absolutely FABULOUS and extended syl-la-bles way, belt out his best Thom Yorke and sing “WE DON’T BE-LONG HERE…”, and then just get right back into character.
SO FCKEN TIRED of the “X has a higher IQ than Einstein!” celebratory, incredulous headlines.
Yeah, so what the fck have they done? When they USE that IQ to do ANYTHING anywhere NEAR what Einstein did, then it’s a story. Until then it’s the same as “X is in better baseball shape than Babe Ruth!”.
And even then, ask yourself this: If you raise your child so worshipful of the idol of knowledge as opposed to FUN and LIVING that they’re as smart as 99.9 percent of adults by the time they’re ten…WTF is wrong with you?
P.S. Some store in England should sell Deli Rice.
P.P.S. Seamentea
If you’re thinking about starting your own horrible-movie review blog, here’s a one-size-fits-all starter kit for you.
When you watch your first truly wretched movie (try anything on my F List), review it as follows:
“Well, I’d have t-
Oh, forget it. Just pretend you’re Tom Servo and you’re interviewing Rick Sloane.”
The reference is the end of ‘Hobgoblins’ MST’d, you can make that as clear as you want.
-Puppy >.< Yip!
I don’t have much, but here’s the best of the latest:
Given my seed-sucking on Subeta, I think it’s safe to say the following:
“I am The RestocKing!!!”
When they were describing how Rob Ryan took over a last place defense and is “turning it around” and the usual BS they do when they have nothing smart to talk about, I couldn’t help but groan in that “Oh GOD what a load of sh1t” sort of way. You know the way.
And then, when his defense (which had already given up 23 points to a team with the brilliant WR tandem of Dobson/Thompkins) allowed a game-winning drive to up the total to 30, I couldn’t help but think of Star Trek, TOS, the last episode: “Now, all the years of training and prep- Ooops, I fcked up.”
Oh, and one final thing…I have a suggestion for an edit on those car commercials about “and” being better than “or”:
*Woman* “Isn’t it great that this car I’m a consumer whore for has blankity-blank AND blankity-blank?”
*Man* “Why yes, fellow consumer whore as I am one as well, it is. So much better than blankity-blank OR blankity-blank.”
*Woman* “That’d be like stupidexample OR stupidexamplepart2.
(now, the edits…)
*Man* (Or woman, choose the order, it doesn’t matter) “Ummm…not really, actually. By the way, why are we having this inane fcking conversation?”
OR:
*Man* “Yeah…and is so much better.”
*Woman* “So you’d like a kick in the groin AND a night of frigid non-sex?”
I googled it and apparently noone has thought of this before, or at least made it a reality:
Why not open a trendy gift shop appealing to the hip, self-effacing crowd called ‘Pretties For Ewe’?
Instead of watching the new show featuring Tyson, I think I’ll just watch my favorite bit of Tyson footage ever, over and over. I LOVE it…MUCH better than ‘Cats’…
Youtube search: “James Buster Douglas knocks out Mike Tyson”
-Puppy >.< Yip!
Barbara Holm:
No offense meant to her personally (I don’t know her), but in terms of the level of wit and interest in her often “featured” tweets on AOL – who the fck is she sleeping with to get quoted so much?
-Puppy >.< Yip!
Ok, now I understand when people say that some people take sports WAY too seriously, it’s just a game, etc etc etc. I agree.
But on the other hand, I think it’s equally as absurd to either:
1) HATE sports, as if they are a tool of evil (they’re JUST GAMES, right? How can you HATE games?????)
or…
2) Believe that every male that likes sports is by definition a moron. That’s just dumb. I mean, if you think all football players are just big dumb fat guys, try memorizing an NFL playbook. You don’t even have to move a muscle, just read one, and be able to recite exactly what you would do on every play based on what every other player does. Purely intellectual.
Apparently advertising people subscribe to this notion as well, based on the following ad:
Coors Light Commercial. Everyone in the bar is always smiling.
Cut away, cut back: SMILE…
another cut, SMILE…
another…SMILE.
It’s like, with Coors Light they smile about EVERYTHING?
“Hey, good to see you!” SMILE
“You look really great!” SMILE
“Oh sh1t, I gotta go take a piss!” SMILE
“FCK! I just spilled my beer!” SMILE
“OMG I don’t believe she shot me down!!!” SMILE
“I drank WAY too much, man, I feel like I’m gonna vomit all over you!” SMILE
If you ever encounter a CA/A who invokes Spock in their argument/defense/overall attitude, feel free to make them aware of the following:
1) Spock (as with all Vulcans, not because he was half-human) was an extremely emotional being. Because he suppressed these emotions does not mean they did not exist. If any actual research had been done, as is the CA/A MO, this would have been known to them.
2) Many Vulcans are theists, if you know what “theism” means in the broadest (real) sense.
Same-Day Edit: It’s actually…well, not amazing, knowing them…but remarkable that trying to find ANY reference to “theism” anywhere that could possibly in any way be seen as unarguably positive or even non-negative is a ‘1984’ like struggle against the Ministry of Truth. I mean, I could’ve SWORN that the last time I looked up “Vulcan” on Wikipedia, it said they were theists. But this time, that section is completely absent…ALMOST as if someone had intentionally gone in and removed it retroactively for (mis?)information purposes. So, I went to several other sources to verify the FACT that at least some Vulcans are, in FACT, theists. Fictionally, of course. But isn’t it sad how rabid these people are? I mean, I knew CA/A’s aspired to worldwide propaganda, but if you have to turn into Big Brother to denounce “brainwashing”…well…ummm…yeah.
Coming back to within listening radius of my station I heard a female voice…it sounded REALLY shrill, and I wondered “Hmmm…Hole?…wow, that doesn’t sound very good…oh! Ok, it’s just Flo. Phew.”
-Puppy >.< Yip!
“DOS” is labeled as such because it is intended to deny service, NOT because you’re supposed to use DOS.
And, since my intro now works, a quote, as I am WONT to do:
“That’s it? You all through? You all done?”
-Puppy >.< Yip!
