“Das But is a spoken word guy who trys to be offensive with vuglar
“pieces” about incest, rape and every possible offensive topic. Lots
of cursing. It’s not very good. He still can’t do a routine without
reading from his notebook. It’s good his background music was turned up too loud. Between them and the freezing cold I was miserable.” – Jeffrey Howard
“I don’t know about tattoos. I don’t like them, seem kinda gay” – Das But
Some random freak recently used the words “gay” and “fag” at least half a dozen times to describe me, my friends, tattoos, and pretty much anything else he could think of.
Now, the amateur psychologist in me has a theory about this. (And it’s mine).
When someone attempts to make fun of someone, generally they’ll pick a subject they believe is the most “sensitive” to that person. I’ve learned this through years and years of being bullied. (Bullies also tend to be cowards when confronted with ANY resistance whatsoever, but that’s another topic).
Since he couldn’t come up with anything except “gay”, which I admit I used to use in a derogatorial (His word, not mine…Das, if you critique another person’s grammar, you really shouldn’t make up words. I’m disgustipated) sense when I was…oh, I don’t know…11 or 12, the conclusion is two-fold.
Number one, he’s not particularly intelligent and/or imaginative. Watching his EXCITING youtube videos is solid empirical evidence of this. (I meant that in a sarcasticatical sense).
Number two, as we all know, those that make frequent derogatorialishistic comments concerning homosexuals/homosexuality are often doing so as a sort of macho preventative measure of being “labeled” the same. (Or they’re wondering what exactly nucular weapons are, but that’s another topic).
Now, why would one be so afraid to be labeled homosexual?
Perhaps, as in a lot of cases, said individual has certain…feelings (nudge nudge) inside that he can’t quite understand/come to terms with/accept/derogatorialize. In plain terms, he has certain…urges, towards other men (wink wink), that he is perhaps afraid of and doesn’t want people to suspect, so he covers them by being around women as MUCH as possible (Cuz everyone knows homosexuals never hang around women, or have sex with them, or get married and have children) and by using the word “gay” in a DEROGATORY (Das, see?) sense. It’s ok, Das…you can stop. (Andy Dick called…he wants you to tone it down a little).
P.S. – People that think they’re so harda$$ and do really fcked up sh1t and everyone thinks they’re “bravely anarchistic/individualistic” sometimes are…but in some cases, it’s all BS hiding a cowardly nature. I mean…put that freak in jail and he’d stop making jokes. He’d stop holding his bladder/bowel movements. And I’m sure someone would be glad to oblige him in exploring his sublimated desires. (SAY NO MORE!)
Das But = Das (Sad) Punk
Also, one last thing…I think from now on, whenever someone gets completely torn to shreds (metaphorically speaking) and is asked what happened, they should say, regarding how they feel about having their smug little nose (where applicable) rubbed in it – “I got Dassed, man”.
-Puppy >.< Yip!
Dasi baby, WHY in the name of all…NORMAL people…hold sacred would you paint a picture of a woman saying “I’ve been raped!” and then have a bunch of men to the right of her, pointing at her and laughing? I mean…maybe the VF parasites are cool with that, but…they’re parasites, just like you.
I would re-post it here, but I have SOME semblance of decency.
-Puppy >.< Yip!
“You just thought you was so smart, didn’t you? Yeah, you’re in a real school now. What you gonna do? Cry?” – D.W., ‘Glory’
“u can call me
8572580155
or email
das_but@hotmail.com“
Nah, man…I mean I like you and all…but I just don’t think of you like that.
From: “Das But”, Boston, Massachusetts, 32(According to his FB page, at least).
How does he know me? Dunno…only friend we had in common was Sandy McCahill.
Message as follows, cleaned up to allow younger viewers:
“whats up dude!”
Who the heck are you?
“Saw the tat on your page. wicked cool bro! so do you get
tats and sh1t? i never had one before does it hurt? whats the tat mean?
old english script is hard to read…looks like it says fuzzy
i love fuzzy sh1t.”
Ahhhhh…sarcasm.
No, no sh1t…just tats.
No, actually once they remove the needle and you allow it to heal it’s remarkably non-painful.
Actually it’s “difficult” to read. There’s no degree of hardness involved. But it is 20,000 Leagues difficult.
Actually it says “Puppy”. Which, I’m fairly sure, means “Puppy”.
“youre a f#cking loser”
Such hostility…das ist bad, ya?
“tattoos are for fags.”
That sounds very homophobic, Mr. Das But from Brooklyn now residing in Boston.
“you think a tattoo hurts?”
No, I think, my brain hurts. Also, every time a bell rings, an angel gets wings.
“try shoving a f#cking
heroin needle filled to the brimb with oxycontin after a cold water
filtration method up your d1ck hole. worth the money and half the price
of getting a tat and making yourself look like a f#cking loser forever.
biggest sign that a man is a loser: tatoo, smokes, makes up companies
that don’t exist so that he looks cool on facebook for his gay f#cking
wastoid loser friends\”
Come on, no fair…you stole that from Shakespeare.
“watertown must be full of fags.”
Lots of small pieces of wood, perhaps…OH…you mean homosexuals. I’m not hip to the homophobe lingo, my bad.
“you walk
around my street in brooklyn”
So you’re threatening that SOMEONE ELSE will do something if I go SOMEWHERE FAR AWAY…wow…that’s a real brave stance, Das. I mean, you live in Boston now…why don’t you say something like “You walk around my street in Boston…”? Because you’re a…let’s go to Wikisaurus here…
‘coward, chicken, yellow belly, gutless wonder, softie, wimp, weakling, wuss’
“with them gay tatoos and a facebook full
of friends,,, “
Again, very homophobic, Mr. But.
“boy howdy”
boy howdy oh boy yeah yowzah yes sir whatamado oh ho 23 skidoo.
“youre just asking fior a kick through your
heroin infested d1ckhole. i bet youre fat”
No, Mr. But, you’re the one that just implied you use heroin needles. Which is ummm…illegal.
Das thing…I think I love you. *kiss kiss* You got me down, man…I wanna have wild gay sex with you.
“Ok, I wanna be like, the gimp, ok…now, you have to remember, that my character…that I, that I like, that I’m kept in a TRUNK, alright, in the basement of your HOUSE, ok, and you use me for deviant HARDcore gay SEX, ok…”
-Puppy >.< Yip!
8/21/12: Das But 2: ‘Ich spreche nicht sehr gut Deutsch‘
“Lame response. Gay response.”
I’m sensing you don’t like gay people. Also, since you think tattoos are for “fags”, you by default don’t like anyone with a tattoo. I mean…I really don’t care, but you probably don’t wanna go around broadcasting that to the entire world.
-Puppy >.< Yip!
8/23/12: Oh yeah, he doesn’t like black people either. Check out “Die For Satan” by Das_But on youtube, if you want dull racist nastiness. Hey Das, you ever actually DO any of this fcked-up sh1t you’re going ON and ON and ON and ON and ON about in your little rants? No? Course not, you’re a fcken wannabe. But I admit, you’re pretty fly(for a white guy). Now THAT is a good video…dude in that looks kinda like you. You talk a lot of hype about suicide, but you don’t have the fcken balls to do it. Too bad.
-Puppy >.< Yip!
9/7/12: Hmmm…still hasn’t done the suicide thing. Oh well…always knew he was a fake.
-Puppy >.< Yip!
I like “The Devil Went Down To Georgia”.
That’s not the admission.
The admission is that I actually prefer the Devil’s song.
Say what you will about him, he can play a tune.
-Puppy >.< Yip!
Anton LaVey believed stupidity should be painful.
He must have been a masochist.
-Puppy >.< Yip!
If a man named Milton became a psychiatrist, and began treating the daughter of someone named Satan, and found that she was a danger to herself and/or others, would he be forced to commit Sin?
-Puppy >.< Yip!
Question on OKCupid:
“Would you sleep with a serial killer?”
Possible responses:
A ) Yes
B ) No
Suggested Correct Third Response:
C ) Not For Very Long
-Puppy >.< Yip!
“I don’t know if he was fighting dogs or not, but it’s
his property, it’s his dog…If that’s what he wants to
do, do it. I think people should mind their business…”
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Clinton_Portis
“I know a lot of back roads that have the dog
fighting if you want to go see it.” – Clinton Portis
“In the recent interview I gave concerning dog
fighting, I want to make it clear I do not take
part in dog fighting or condone dog fighting in
any manner.”
– Clinton Portis via Redskins damage control
Translation: “I don’t give a fck about dogs, really…
but people that aren’t as much of a dumba$$ as I am
told me that if I don’t send out this message
pretending I do care at least a tiny bit, I’ll stop
getting so much money from contracts and
endorsements.” – Puppy >.< Yip!
4/12/16: *OPINION…OPINION…OPINION*
The 4×100 Meter Choke
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/2004_ALCS
The ONE thing I like about trains is that when they stop, let people off, let people on, and then get ready to start going again, it very briefly sounds almost exactly like the opening of ‘Land Of The Dead’.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JTVDOx35FNg
-Puppy/Monty Python >.< Yip!/Splat
10/16/16: FAIR USE: CRITICISM – This is a decent clip that leads into a much more interesting little frantic, bizarre rant by John Cleese in a very bubbly chair.
10/18/16: Hmm. This particular clip stops after the railway timetables sketch. Not worth your time, really. Though if you can find Cleese in a big blue chair throwing out big words and clever references mixed with nonsense, you’re on to a winner.
7/13/18: The other thing: When you’re going up the escalator after leaving the train, just before reaching the top the sound of the escalator vanishing into the cycle sounds a bit like the pods spewing people as Donald Sutherland takes a short-but-far-too-long nap with unwanted ultra-closeups in ‘Invasion Of The Body Snatchers’. What a sentence.
Seeing Margaux Tocci’s mugshot definitely does NOT make me wanna Wyckoff.
-Puppy >.< Yip!
Andruw Jones wins gold in the 50 Meter Shambling Trot.
-Puppy >.< Yip!
Curtis Granderson wins gold in the 20 Meter Stumble.
-Puppy >.< Yip!
Having ‘Let Me In’, ‘Land Of The Dead’ and ’28 Days Later’ on my A list makes me feel a little bit like Jhonen Vasquez regarding “Anne Gwish”…you know, distancing himself from most of the associated cr@p and all that.
-Puppy >.< Yip!
“Love, and do what you will” – Saint Augustine
“Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the Law” – Aleister Crowley
“An it harm none, do what ye will” – Wiccan Rede
“I like to rip off smarter people” – Anton LaVey
The first is the most difficult to follow, the second is the most difficult to interpret and determine, the third is a nice compromise, and the fourth is a hack.
-Puppy >.< Yip!
I think, if you’re walking down the street in a public area in which it is legal for people to play music without a license (where applicable, Puppy does not confirm or deny legality in any particular area), and you happen to pass someone with a guitar or other instrument, who also has a container of some sort nearby for the purposes of collecting “tips”/”donations”/”etc” (Where legally applicable, of course), and they happen to be playing a Jim Morrison song (not all Doors songs qualify, check to be sure), and they finish and then, without hesitation, throw up both arms and exclaim “I am the Bus King!!!”, you should give them at least a dollar.
A pun.
“A pun??”
“No, not a pun…what’s that thing that’s spelled the same way backwards as forwards?”
*Pause* “A palindrome?”
“Yeah, yeah.”
“It’s not a palindrome…the palindrome for busking would be “gniksub”. It don’t work.”
-Puppy >.< Yip! (w/ J. Cleese and M. Palin)
Is there anyone in the world, honestly, that has read both ‘The Satanic Bible’ and ‘Hagakure’ that actually BELIEVES the former is more profound than the latter? (Conditions: All contestants must be over the age of 21 and have the ability to read/compare/think).
It’s like looking at the work of a brilliant artist after seeing your three-year-old’s latest stick-figure scribble masterpiece…everyone else might SAY they like the scribble better, but you know deep down in your reasonable mind that while you might find it charming for subjective reasons…that’s all.
-Puppy >.< Yip!
Mediocre actors given painfully long careers due to appearance:
John Travolta (ick)
Samuel L. Jackson (enough is ENOUGH)
Ving Rhames (Nooooo moreeee zombieeee moviieeeeesssssss)
Mediocre films inspired by it:
‘Destiny Turns On The Radio’
‘2 Days In The Valley’
Probably dozens of others that I either luckily avoided or that didn’t make it to the cinema.
“Tarantino represents the final triumph of postmodernism,
which is to empty the artwork of all content, thus avoiding its
capacity to do anything except helplessly represent our agonies….
Only in this age could a writer as talented as Tarantino produce
artworks so vacuous, so entirely stripped of any politics,
metaphysics, or moral interest.” – James Wood, The Guardian
-Puppy >.< Yip!
I read a surprising (“Oh, I don’t know…”) article about Luka Magnotta attracting LOTS of female FANS…and so, on a TOTAL RANDOM HUNCH, I searched to see if he had, oh, I don’t know…any VF fans.
See for yourself…these are the people that populate that online cesspool of stagnant stupidity.
Google search keywords: “vampire freaks luka magnotta”
Also applicable would be “psycho”, “serial killer”, “fascism”, “Nazi”, “racist”, “whites only”, and “We’re a bunch of fcktards”.
-Puppy >.< Yip!
“People are monogamous only because they’re told to be by society/are repressing their own sexuality/don’t want to risk losing one person by being with another.”
“People are polyamorous only because they’re too ugly/stupid/weird/boring to have anyone actually want to exclusively date them.”
Both of the above are false.
The difference is, believing the first is often thought of as “progressive”.
Making blanket judgements and labels is just as ignorant when it’s done by a minority.
-Puppy >.< Yip!
“My soul is prepared…how’s yours?” – Kazim
Really, I’m curious…
When was the last time Miley Cyrus was in the “news” for anything other than bending over and showing her crack or “accidentally” showing off her (well, sort of) boobs?
And what is Billy Ray gonna do for money now that he can’t pimp out his daughter?
And when will people stop reading sh1t articles about no-talent white trash idiots so that they’ll stop writing them?
-Puppy >.< Yip!
*Sam* “What do you call the guy who brings the money?”
*Harry* *Slight shrug and look of disinterest* “Call him “the guy who brings the money””…
Semper Puppy station peak – 383rd.
About to fall like a stone. But that’s…ok.
Because I’m good enough…
I’m smart enough…
And doggone it…people like me. *Unsure smile*
-Puppy >.< Yip!
“Happy father’s day — or as they call it in my family, happy brother-in-law’s day.” – Ronan Farrow
If you’re not sure who he’s referring to, it’s that guy who made cr@ppy movies that people used to think were brilliant, who now makes cr@ppy movies that people think are cr@ppy.
-Puppy >.< Yip!
“if any of you in any way hate homosexuals, people of different
color, or women, please do this one favor for us-leave us the
f#ck alone! Don’t come to our shows and don’t buy our records”
– Nirvana, ‘Incesticide’
“Or listen to my station” – Puppy
That was a joke. Again, I’m not making fun of overweight people. I mean, I’m overweight and ugly.
ANYWAYS…
“The Appeal of Graveyards – A Study of Gothic Subculture”
Direct quote from a goth subculture website-
“It is a convenient place, when warm enough outside, to go talk, drink, socialize, party, make out, and so forth.“
Party and make out in a graveyard? Really? Do you dance on the tombstones like Trash from ‘Return’ or do you just drop your empty absinthe containers on the topsoil?
Show a little respect for the dead, huh?
“Fcken goths…” – Adapted from R. DeNiro
-Puppy >.< Yip!
When I was very, very little I thought that the older you got, the taller you got. So, by the time you were 100, you’d be like…50 feet tall. Or 20,000 leagues.
-Puppy >.< Yip!
“(he/she/it) TRIED to kill (him/her/them/it) with a (two syllable word in caps)!”
“(word) (with/in/on/other small word) a (two syllable word with syllables separated), it’s ser-i-ous.”
-Puppy >.< Yip!
When I first saw ‘Monty Python and the Holy Grail’, and Carol Cleveland said “oral sex”, I thought it meant talking about sex. I was a wee one.
-Puppy >.< Yip!
*Moe* “Throw out the clutch.”
*Curly* “But Moe, if I throw out the clutch…”
*Moe* “Do as you’re told.”
*Curly* *Shrug*
…
*Curly* “Hey, I couldn’t find the clutch…so I’ll throw out the gearshift lever.” *Tossed out*
“That was ridiculous. It was absurd, idiotic.” – Joe Maddon on Bobby V.
“That was ridiculous. It was absurd, idiotic.” – Me on Joe Maddon batting Carlos Pena leadoff.
-Puppy >.< Yip!
“Is a charge strictly necessary, m’lad?”
“The press is here…”
“Oh!”
*Sam* “I know what you’re thinking and I don’t care…”
“If you’re religious you’re probably a mentally ill supporter of child rape”
“God is a monster”
“Catholicism: The belief that homosexual intercourse is disgusting and immoral once the child has turned 16.”
I’m assuming they’re saying all Catholics are Homophobic Homosexual Child Rapists.
Pictures insinuating all Priests are pedophiles and all umm…Rabbis or Muslims (I’m not good at picking up stereotypical racist drawings) are also pedophiles.
Israel spelled with a Swaztika, I’m assuming they’re saying Israel = Nazi Germany.
Liked “Weed-Smoking Atheists”…isn’t that illegal?
“Drugs are not good…some are superb”…isn’t that illegal?
Liked “Neil DeGrasse Tyson” and “Bill Maher”…
“I’m saying that doubt is the only appropriate response for human beings.” – Bill Maher
“…Doubt brings into question some notion of a perceived “reality”,
and may involve delaying or rejecting relevant action out of
concerns for mistakes or faults or appropriateness. Some
definitions of doubt emphasize the state in which the mind remains suspended between two contradictory propositions and unable to
assent to either of them…” – Wikipedia
“We don’t know what’s driving 96 percent of the Universe.” – Neil DeGrasse Tyson
Oh yeah, the vast human intellect can explain everything.
“And don’t think it hasn’t been a little slice of Heaven!…..cuz it hasn’t!” – Bugs Bunny
*Sam* “You’re a little smarter than I am…”
*Diane* “I’m a LOT smarter than you are, Sam…this paper napkin is a LITTLE smarter.”
I personally can’t wait until someone nails a plate of Ziti (WITH meat sauce) to someone’s door and starts the great Pasta schism.
-Puppy >.< Yip!
“Well, you don’t know that the universe wasn’t created by a flying bowl of pasta either…do you consider that a reasonable possibility?”
No. See Atheist Bill Maher’s quote on “doubt”.
It’s really impossible to have a discussion on logic and reasonable possibility with someone whose position is, by definition, satire. A joke. It’s hard to argue against a joke…because then they think you don’t get it. But sometimes jokes just aren’t very FUNNY…
-Puppy >.< Yip!
*Frasier* “That’s great, Sam. You know, the old Sam would have gone on and on about how much he didn’t care about it, thereby proving how much he did.”
*Sam* “Yeah…I mean I could give a rat’s rear…”
-Puppy >.< Yip!
“Being agnostic is all about the realization that even though there probably is some sort of god or creator out there somewhere, the human race is and will always be too stupid to find them.” – Oscar Wilde
Albert would have been proud.
-Puppy >.< Yip!
“Late in the deciding Game 6 of the 1993 Patrick Division Semifinals between the Capitals and New York Islanders, Pierre Turgeon stole the puck from Hunter and scored, putting the game out of reach. Hunter, who was trailing Turgeon on the play, checked Turgeon well after the goal as he started to celebrate. Turgeon sustained a separated shoulder from the hit, causing him to miss all but Game 7 against the Pittsburgh Penguins in the second round, as well as most of the series against the Montreal Canadiens in the conference finals. New NHL commissioner Gary Bettman, who had earlier promised to crack down on violence, suspended Hunter for the first 21 games of the 1993-94 season — at the time, the longest suspension in league history for an on-ice incident (in terms of games missed). Years later, Hunter admitted that he’d gone too far.
With amassing a staggering 3565 penalty minutes, Hunter currently has the second-most penalty minutes in NHL history…When the Capitals retired his No. 32 jersey, he was presented with the penalty box from the demolished Capital Centre at the retirement ceremony. Hunter is the only NHL player ever to score over 1,000 points and rack up over 3,000 penalty minutes (1,020 points and 3,565 PIMs over 1,407 NHL games).”
-Wikipedia
“Listen lad…I built this kingdom up from nothin’. When I started here all there was was swamp. Other kings said I was daft to build a castle in the swamp, but I built it all the same, JUST TO SHOW EM! It sank into the swamp. So…I built a second one. That sank into the swamp. So I built a third one…that burned down, fell over, then sank into the swamp. But the fourth one! stayed up!”
-Puppy >.< Yip!
Theory- “Rajon Rondo only gets a lot of assists because he plays with three future hall-of-famers”.
4/15/12: Celtics starting lineup = Rondo, Bradley, Bass, Pietrus, Stiemsma.
Total minutes for Pierce/Allen/Garnett = 0
Assists for Rondo = 16
-Puppy >.< Yip!
Top Stories: Puppy today remained overweight, but did NOT: Show too much cleavage, look sexy in a post-baby bikini, have a MAJOR wardrobe malfunction, or go for a walk with someone famous.
in other news lots of really important stuff happened.
-Puppy >.< Yip!
Rick Astley – Whenever You Need Somebody: Keep rollin’, rollin’, rollin’, rollin’…
Jerry Cantrell – Degradation Trip: I am Puppy hear me allow the title to speak for itself.
Green River – Dry As A Bone/Rehab Doll: I didn’t know I.P. Freeley was a musician, too.
Heart – Private Audition: Not fit for public consumption.
Mudhoney – Every Good Boy Deserves Fudge: No fudge for you.
Nonpoint – Development: Arrested.
Orb – Orbus Terrarum: Boop.
Liz Phair – Exile In Guyville: I am Puppy hear me degrade.
The Pixies – Come On Pilgrim: Proof that you CAN, in fact, polish a turd.
Sonic Youth – Daydream Nation: If only they were Sonic Middle-Aged we wouldn’t have to put up with them much longer.
Taproot – Welcome: To your nightmare.
Tool – Opiate: For the Asses.
Type O Negative – World Coming Down: The value of a typical “goth” woman when she takes off her corset.
Yes – Tales From Topographic Oceans: Even BP didn’t pollute water this much.
List Last Updated: 5/13/25
