Category: I Am Puppy Hear Me Degrade

Is There Life After Death?

My site’s been pretty darn still (there, it moved!) for a while now. And the way I determine that is: I don’t post much at all.

Now, popularity-wise, I’m pretty sure it’s maintained the standards set forth by me when I posted the critical masterpiece ‘Equilibrium’. Of course, it would take a Patrick Batemanian view to properly, monotonely settle that issue with certainty. Yes, it would!

I think a random group of four would probably offer this sort of view:

Results: Inconclusive.

FAIR USE: CRITICISM – For a group sketch in which only one person makes any attempt at speech or movement, not bad at all.

Deep Puppy Thoughts (Part 201)

I’d like to be one of the following:
– happy and without any mental illness
– completely insane in such a way that I’m content with how things appear to be, to me
– completely insane in such a way that I get fan mail from fcken weirdos
– a newborn baby
– an old man about to die
– living alone away from everything else with an awesome (though admittedly not BEST, RIP Duchess) dog
– A vampire, werewolf or some fantasy sh1t along those lines
– Member of some group that loves me, that I love, and that does good
– a magician
– painlessly dead and in the Great Unknown

Any of those would be great.

Interested? Just make a comment on this. Thanx bunches.

Deep Puppy Thoughts (Part 200)

There’s one feeling/emotion that’s very difficult to experience, both in terms of actually finding oneself in an appropriate situation and in terms of the resulting brief lack of functionality.

It’s beyond despair and above hatred…it’s more akin to incredulous disbelief: How could you possibly do something so vile? How could you, WHY would you rip out my heart like that?

FAIR USE: CRITICISM – Good scene from a great movie. Robert the Bruce never actually DID that, but it’s a good scene nonetheless.

Deep Puppy Thoughts (Part 199)

You most certainly CAN win a game of Tic-Tac-Toe. But why the fck would you play the game when ANY other game would be more interesting?

Unless you’re prepping for surgery, of course.

FAIR USE: CRITICISM – Great scene. I did live through the end of the Cold War, after all.

As far as the Stooges go, well let’s just say that they were plucky little fellows.

Is There A Problem, Officer?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MeRghYqi090

FAIR USE: CRITICISM – Don’t care much for the movie, but this scene is pretty darn cool. Perfect “backstory” for the character that would eventually emerge. You see, establishing a BACKGROUND (realistic, that is) is a good thing. It’s not as necessary as establishing a character who goes through at least MILD changes in likes/dislikes/personality quirks in 50 years, but it’s up there.

A tiny bit more risky/impulsive than Anakin in Episode One. And he turned out quite different, in a good way.

It takes effort.

“Alright…we’ll take the girl if you take Frasier.”

A Jumble I

I actually was gonna make a point with visual aids about how Johnny Ringo acts cowardly in ‘Tombstone’. But silly me, I overlooked a MUCH more obvious choice: Ike Clanton.

Ike Clanton takes every chance he can get to PUSH the other side (the Earps, Holiday), but in the end, in the MOMENT (see…some moments have more importance than others…that’s why you have to live in them: you never know when a nothing moment will turn into a much more important moment), he runs away, leaving his younger brother Billy (who by all acounts fought valiantly) to die.

If you push, if you keep pushing, you better be ready for a push back. And that’s the moment of truth: Are you a coward, or aren’t you?

Of course, most people/times/occasions/etc that bluster collapse when their bluff is called. BUT…there is always the smallest chance that you’ll find someone who is NOT bluffing. And THAT (the odds) is the ONLY thing that keeps wannabes in business.

I guess the world needs ’em, huh?

Great odds they won’t call…but IF…IF they do, you better be better than Ringo vs. Holiday.

I still think that, as adapted movie warnings go, this is pretty d@mn good:

“If you ever X, I’ll make John Doe’s “SLOTH” look supremely merciful in comparison.”

Course, that’s just BS from me. But it makes a somewhat interesting reference.

FAIR USE: CRITICISM – Great clip from an underrated movie.

Deep Puppy Thoughts (Part 193)

HERE’S something not to do:

Manage to acquire some sort of business, make it really really suck, then have two friends come in during peak hours. Wait for any sort of complaint from any customer, and then…

(Friend One) :Speaking up as they stand, as if to corroborate the complaint, and saying the long insult by the Waldorf Salad guy altered as necessary, but clearly on the complainer’s side:

THEN, very quickly, friend two stands as if deeply offended, speaking up as the Major did in the Waldorf Salad episode of ‘Fawlty Towers’, and making his punchline be another crummy business that does what yours does but is even WORSE.

It’s so simple it’s BRILLIANT.

Deep Puppy Thoughts (Part 192)

James Tiberius Kirk handled it very well, of course…but I think there’s another scenario response that ought to be tried. You’ll still LOSE, of course…but you lose in STYLE, baby.

*Kobayashi Maru Commander* “This is the Kobayashi Maru…we have struck a-”

*Cadet, Interrupting* “Yeah, I know. Look, here’s an idea ladies and germs – next time your navigations officer or whatever-spacial-dangers officer says ‘Captain…we appear to be headed toward some sort of mine’, DON’T say “Ehhh…keep going”.

OR…

*Kobayashi Maru Commander* “Steady on course, helmsman.”
*Helmsman* “Ummm…begging the Captain’s pardon, but this is the area that has contained a mine each of the past 237 times we’ve entered it. Maybe we should just hook a right, or something?”

Subeta Reference Of The Day – Part One

Achievement: “Life, uh, Finds A Way”.

The lack of humility…before nature being displayed by this achievement (and this post, and this website, and…), uh, staggers me.

*JOKE*

FAIR USE: CRITICISM – A great clip from a decent if overrated movie. Ian Malcolm explains why science isn’t always worthy of unquestioned worship.

MUDing – A Pupdate

“I’m … disappointed that you’ve chosen to store her, I had the pleasure to interact with her and you played her beautifully.” – ‘Armageddon’ staff

Oh, I bet you tell that to all the boys.

And you’re not the first! I’ve turned down several people already today. Still, we’ll get around it.

Conclusion: I guess I’m the Boogie Cousins of roleplaying.

P.S. – The hardest part of Forgotten Kingdoms roleplay is pretending, in character, that Gwain’s incredibly dull and persistent (and unpunished) obvious anachronistic stupidity doesn’t make you want to either puke or kick him in the nuts. Projectile vomit, maybe?

I was there YEARS ago, and also DAYS ago.

And no sidewinding, bushwhacking, hornswoggling, cracker-croaker is gonna roll my bishercutter!

And his roleplay hasn’t changed. Not at all. So, obviously, there’s been no punishment for his OBVIOUS and CONTINUAL violations of supposed “roleplay enforcement”, making the claim of “roleplay enforcement” just a huge pile of untrue advertising bullsh1t.

I’m not talking about things that are borderline. I’m not talking about a mistake once in a while. I’m not talking about “hey what’s up” instead of “Ho there, yon dapper fellow! Howst farest thee this day?”

I’m talking about persistent, constant, incessant, FOR YEARS, blatant, impossible-to-ignore and impossible-to-respond-in-character-to anachronisms.

As long as he’s there, every “rule” they have is worthless. Because they do NOT “enforce” roleplay. He is a living, breathing, anachronism-spewing example of that.

As to WHY…I can’t possibly imagine. It’s not like he’s even INTERESTING in his rule-breaking. He’s not even FUNNY when he does it. He’s DULL. DULL, DULL, My GOD he’s dull…and irrepressibly drab and awful.

Anyways, my job here is done. Now, the ritualistic sex.

2/25/17: Also, please feel free to try ‘The Burning Post’ 2.1. Because if you’re looking for a MUD where you can put in a lot of effort without worrying about the IMP getting bored and doing a “soft reboot”…this ain’t it. BUT, he’ll gladly tell you about his personal life and talk about how much he wishes he was playing other games. Because, after all, it’s “more of a”…(chat channel?)…”than a MUD”.

Caveats (I need to brush my MUDs more often): Shard is very helpful. Psyche is pretty helpful. Most of the players are fairly helpful, and decent RPers. Some are pretty darn good, actually. Vis:

FAIR USE: CRITICISM – A decent clip from an…ok episode. Idle does his best to carry the show post-Cleese.

Deep Puppy Thoughts (Part 186)

If you’re ever in a conflict with another (verbal, mental, physical, checkers…) and it becomes incredibly obvious that you’ve essentially won, but they simply refuse to concede defeat, just look at them and say with mild annoyance: “Look, you stupid b@stard, you’ve got no arms left!”

Saves a lot of time and hey, they ain’t worth it.

I think this could become the next great catchphrase in the Trump era.

*SATIRE…SATIRE…SATIRE*

FAIR USE: CRITICISM – The clip is intended to portray a conflict of words and also someone betrayed by their arrogance. It does both well.

Science Fiction And Science Fax

To clarify, I do *not* oppose science.

I do not oppose science facts; and I wholeheartedly denounce “alternative” facts.

The point I have tried to make, via much more intelligent sources such as Paul Feyerabend and George Orwell, is that you should always think for yourself.

That doesn’t mean make up your own facts.

It means do careful research, gather input from all sources, analyze all the data available, and make a realistic, informed decision; taking into account facts and opinions, and ignoring outright lies and propaganda.

The ultimate enemy is propaganda, in ANY form. You can’t use propaganda to defeat propaganda; that’s called hypocrisy.

With an open mind and an open heart, always seek out the truth in your self and in the world. This is how to respond to “alternative facts”.

And, when you know something is propagandic BS, the very worst thing you can do is to ignore/accept it.

If you can’t oppose it, you can at the very least mock it.

You know…ridicule it. In public, yet.

Well whaddya know, Dick Dawk’s advice finally proves useful. For SOMETHING.

*SATIRE…SATIRE…SATIRE*

Suggested Reading: ‘Nineteen Eighty-Four’. Yes, I read it…I even *reviewed* it!

The Inauguration

To open: I think Trump is a scumbag and I in no way support him. HOWEVER…

“Protesters who assembled in the area — some throwing rocks and bricks at the police — had smashed car windows…Earlier in the day, protesters destroyed the glass front of a Bank of America and a Starbucks in the area; images captured some people holding hammers…”

So, to protest the election of a hateful candidate, you engage in violent, hateful, destructive activities? Yeah, that makes sense.

Also, you are aware – I hope – that being a police officer does not make you inherently a Trump supporter (amazing I’d have to say that, but see below), and that police officers preventing people from smashing windows has nothing to do with Trump. It’s called “their job”. You know…keeping the peace? Something you (I would assume) supposedly support?

Point of note: Just because you think Trump wants to set up a fascist “police-state” does not mean that ALL police officers are – on election day – SUDDENLY fascist opponents of freedom and ardent Trump supporters.

I mean, what are you, ignorant? Read a fcken book or something.

““Police officers,” a woman in the crowd grumbled, “are Trump supporters.””

What are you, a moron? Your actions and your rhetoric are just as ignorant and hateful as the rhetoric you’re SUPPOSEDLY protesting.

It’s called a PEACEFUL TRANSFER OF POWER. Respect it, you dumb fcks.

You wanna protest? Fine, protest. But do it peacefully. You know, like civilized, not-hateful, non-ignorant people. Like the people you supposedly are, not like the people you supposedly oppose.

“They chanted — “We are a peaceful protest!” — but by late morning, several shop windows in downtown Washington had been shattered…”

Ummmm…yeah.

By the way, you wanna know why Trump won? I mean, besides racism, sexism, misogyny, homophobia, xenophobia, etc…

But seriously, ONE small part of why he won is this: A lot of people that are NOT racist, sexist, misogynistic, homophobic, xenophobic a$$holes were just tired of the upward-trending snarky elitism from certain groups…

So way to go, antitheists. You’ve helped elect Donald Trump.

I think Dick Dawk’s “Mock them. Ridicule them in public.” method didn’t work QUITE as well as he’d (and they’d) hoped.

Deep Puppy Thoughts (Part 181)

So, now football AND basketball fans are all incredibly stupid?

Chevy Silverado ad:

“blah blah”

“Oh, did I say there was *one* Silverado? There’s *five*”

*Silverados appear…people murmur, sort of like…”ok…”*

And that’s it.

Nothing about the Silverado.

Oh, did I say there was *one* piece of lint in my pocket? There’s *five*.

So fcken what you d@mn moron???

Pupdate – 12/26/16

Here’s a status update on some of those things I know you’ve been wondering about.

Grimmsy Grimmling strip number two: Still expected by the end of December, hopefully.

Semper Puppy online radio: Still there, playing grunge and various other thingies.

This website: Noticeably less interesting lately.

My creative inspiration: Lacking, though you never can tell. I mean, look how clever this bit is.

The Patriots: In the playoffs. Couldn’t other teams in the AFC East try just a *little* harder? It’s like Trelaine (sp?) hunting Kirk.

My dating life: Non-existent.

My evaluation of whether any woman will ever want to touch me again: Unchanged.

My preferred method for dying: Someone tearing one of my arms off and beating me to death with it.

Suggested time frame for this happening: Well not NOW. I mean, QUITE a while. I’m too young to die, after all. Too young, and too handsome. *peek in reflective surface* AH! … Well, too young.

How long this series of stupid updates will go on: I sense an imminent ending.

Future ideas for Grimmsy: LOTS! Really…can you stand it???

Current position: Sitting down and facing forward.

Random MST3K Recommendation: ‘The Creeping Terror’

Random Pun: What do you call making fun of someone using wordplay? A pun jab, of course.

Will there be more “Grumpy Old Puppy” entries?: Oh yes!

This Is The Truth

Crusading atheists/antitheists…just, stop it. Please.

“People are killed in the name of religion” is a popular refrain from them.

Well, I think insane people kill people because they’re insane. You know, like in ‘Seven’. John Doe, if you’ll notice, is insane. He also *identifies* as Christian. But he’s not, obviously. He’s a lunatic. People aren’t killed by John Doe because he is or is not Christian. People are killed by John Doe because he’s a lunatic. The fact that he identifies himself (falsely) as a Christian is completely unrelated.

If he were a devout atheist, and killed people for *believing*…would that mean that atheism is dangerous? I mean, by the logic of “if anyone of X does something, it applies to all” that you like to (try to) use, it goes both ways. Assuming character was atheist and killed people for not believing, according to the CA/A argument that “religion is harmful” because a miniscule minority of people that identify as religious do harmful things, therefore (according to your own argument) atheism would be proven dangerous. So therefore it must be campaigned against.

Which is utterly absurd. And illogical. And ridiculous.

I mean, don’t quote the fcken Crusades as “an example”…a lot of things happened CENTURIES ago. Gimme a fcken break. Read Paul Feyerabend’s reponse to that piece of BS.

The reason people do harm (where applicable) is this alone: people choose to do harm (where applicable).

You can assign any “reasoning” you want to it, but (to use the ‘Seven’ example) John Doe’s behavior is not because (and therefore the following groups are DANGEROUS!…*SATIRE…SATIRE…SATIRE*) he is:

– Male
– Over age 30
– Under age 90
– Thin
– Soft-spoken
– Owns a glowing cross night light
– Urinates when necessary
– Defecates when necessary
– Eats
– Walks
– Talks
– Breathes
– Exists
– Identifies himself (incorrectly) as Christian

He’s a lunatic. The above groups should not be maligned because of that.

Here’s a question for CA/A’s: Do/did you ever watch ‘The Daily Show’? Or ‘The Colbert Report’? MST3K? ‘Cheers’?

And did you not do so (in part, at least) because it was comforting in a way? You were “part of the crowd”, “one of the guys”, etc? It was company, in a way? Friendly company when you wanted it?

How would you feel if someone went out of their way to invade your personal space to tell you “It’s not real! You’re not really part of that!”?

Assuming (and I am not saying this is TRUE, or that I BELIEVE it, but CA/A’s do) that religion is false, “unreal” (like the above)…so what?

Assuming that people take comfort in their religion, that it helps them in times of trouble, that it makes their lives happier, that they enjoy the sense of community…

Just leave ’em alone, man. I mean…get over it.

There is no causation between religion and ANYTHING harmful. So please, again…(I think M. Palin said it best):

(3:49 – 4:20)

FAIR USE: CRITICISM – The above is a good clip from a Monty Python sketch, and also is a great example of someone going ON, and ON, and ON…

There They Go, Satisfied Customers By The Thousands! (Part Four)

Recent message from Alexa.com regarding my website ranking:

“We don’t have enough data to rank this website.”

Bullsh1t.

You had “enough data” for the past two months+, you have just as much now…MORE, actually.

I suggest you change that message slightly…here’s an idea:

“We don’t have enough of your money to rank this website.”

Yeah, that has a nice ring to it.

Though, this does solve the problem of “Do/should I give a fck about my alexa.com ranking?”

The answer to “Do I give enough of a fck about my alexa.com ranking to give them money?” is the same as the answer to “should I follow ‘keyword recommendations’ and alter my posts to make them less genuine and more popular?” and “should I pretend to have different opinions that align more with the collective?”

No thanks, I’ll take the nosedive.

Deep Puppy Thoughts (Part 171)

Now that the Chicago Cubs, in thrilling and spectacular fashion, have finally won their first World Series in 108 years, this all-important question – more than ever before – demands an answer:

If you were a hot dog, and you were starving to death, would you eat yourself?

FAIR USE: CRITICISM – Great impression by Will Ferrell, tolerable straight man reactions by the guy from ‘Remote Control’.

Grumpy Old Puppy (Part 2)

And now with a commentary, here is a grumpy old puppy.

I’m old, and I’m not happy.

People today and their ‘Harry Potter’ wizards…

In my day, ‘Harry Potter’ was called ‘DragonLance’. And it wasn’t NEARLY as popular. And they didn’t make movies out of it because noone would watch them. And the only movie they did make was one of the most embarrassing things you’d ever seen.

And that’s the way it was and we LIKED it! We LOVED it, oh Happy Day!

In my day, you didn’t get nice elegant little invitations to become a wizard who was treated with “respect”…FLABBITY FLOOBITY!

In my day, noone “invited” you to become a wizard, you had to decide for yourself. And even if you wanted to you probably couldn’t because you were too stupid. And even if you could people didn’t like your decision, they hated it. You were an outcast, a social leper before you could cast a single spell or even knew the touch of a woman, and that’s the way it was and we LIKED it!

All this convenience and pleasant company…

In my day, you didn’t have a fancy train carry you to your destination in comfort and luxury.
In my day, you walked there through horrible weather and nasty terrain. And you did it by yourself, because noone wanted to be seen with you. And if you died on the way noone cared. And the only company you had was the other dead failures for miles around. That’s right, the ground was covered with festering failed wizard corpses, and that’s the way it was and we LIKED it!

And this wonderful school with its talented magical specialists eager to teach you…FLEEBITY FLOO!

In my day, it wasn’t a school full of powerful mages you went to, it was some grumpy old wizard in a shabby hut. And he didn’t wanna teach you, you had to grovel for it. And even when he did teach you he was half-senile and you barely learned a thing. And you didn’t learn and advance steadily in magical abilities and knowledge; it took YEARS and YEARS before you could cast even a *useless* spell, and that’s the way it was and we LIKED it!

Not like today…

In my day, we didn’t welcome new wizards with friendly open arms…

In my day, even if you got far enough to become a wizard you had to take a test. And they weren’t nice to you, they hated your guts and called you names. And you had to have someone waiting for you, because if you failed the test you died and someone had to collect your corpse. And even if you passed the test they had to carry you home before your festering wounds killed you; that’s right, you had achieved the best possible outcome and you were horribly scarred mentally and physically.

And that’s the way it was, and we LIKED it! We LOVED it, ohhhh HAPPY DAY!

There They Go, Satisfied Customers By The Thousands! (Part Three)

As an unwanted and rather annoying follow-up:

Recently received SECOND notice from a collection company.

If you’ll check Part Two, you’ll see that the company in question is – according to some – not very reputable.

So, to www.peryourhealth.com AND as a document of my ongoing saga:

You can send me as many “bills” as you want. I’m not going to give you my credit card information, nor am I going to send you a vast amount of money for something that may already be paid.

This is an insurance matter. I WOULD give you my “insurance information” (quoting your letter), but unfortunately the only number you provide is a billing number, with NO way to connect to someone to give information to. As for your website, when I try to go there I have to enter some “information” (my quotes this time) which is “provided” (ditto) for me.

When I enter this information, it says the attempt was “unsuccessful”.

HOWEVER, it also lists a VERY convenient *NUDGE NUDGE* “pay now” option where I can send you money *WINK WINK* for something I am *NOT* responsible for, which is covered by my insurance *GRIN GRIN SNAP SNAP*, and which MAY HAVE ALREADY BEEN PAID. *SAY NO MORE!*

I WOULD give you my insurance information, but you provide ABSOLUTELY NO WAY TO DO SO. Therefore, I regard it as your fault; if you want my insurance information, give me a WAY TO PROVIDE IT.

I will not be sending you vast quantities of money for something covered by my insurance.

If you want their information, ask me in a way that I can reply to.

It is YOUR “responsibility” (quotes mine) to provide a means of giving information to you. You do NOT, and I will not use one of the many EXTREMELY convenient options to simply give you money to make you go away, since I’m not in the habit of giving vast quantities of money to someone/thing simply because they send me a piece of paper.

If you want to keep sending me your useless “notices”, fine.

Every time you do, I’ll re-post here affirming the above until you either A) provide the necessary means or B) go away.

Oh, and in the spirit of Buckwheat’s untimely demise, here’s a link for those of you that may have missed it before:

https://www.webwiki.com/peryourhealth.com

10/26/16: DOCUMENT

Another Example Of Pythonian Influence

An obvious example of being heavily influenced by the “No Time To Lose” sketch:

‘Tombstone’, when Wyatt Earp confronts BB Thornton’s character, and he says:

“Go ahead, skin it! Skin that smokewagon and see what happens!”

Suggested original script to follow:

*BB Thornton* “What?”
*Wyatt Earp* “Skin that smokewagon.”
*BB Thornton* “‘Skin’ what???”
*Wyatt Earp* “That smokewagon. Skin that smokewagon.”
*BB Thornton* “Oh, I see…’skin…that…smoke-wagon.'”
*Wyatt Earp* “Yes, that’s right.”
*BB Thornton* “‘Skin that smoke-wagon…'”
*Wyatt Earp* “Right!”

And so on, and so on…

*glance at cute little pig*

Possible Massive Degeneration Into Terrified/Non-Functional State

So…REQUESTED prescriptions refills (for medications I’ve already been prescribed, no changes) and agreed to an APPOINTMENT ASAP if necessary to make this possible. So, let’s hope this works. If not…

Here’s my plan: I’ll hope my situation gets resolved reasonably, and if it doesn’t, I’ll post here about the state of my decline as I run out of necessary, prescribed medications and/or head to the emergency room. Oh, and I’ll provide the names of some “doctors” people may want to avoid, maybe.

“I do not threaten. I merely state facts.” – Spock

“Hmm…hmmm…Hippocratic Oath…it’s not in there, jolly good. Very useful. Next!” – MPFC

Here’s a lovely clip:

FAIR USE: CRITICISM – A nice little clip about a horrific doctor.

Donald Trump – A Derogatorial

Donald Trump is to politics what ‘Dead Alive’ is to movies: So horrendously bad that it goes from being an F- on quality to being a C because of the tremendous laugh-and-mock-ability quotients; the “oh my God I can’t believe that…”

It’s sad when you can’t even give enough material for your own dedicated propagandists to make a decent, non-laughable case.

I’m still debating which would be worse: electing Trump, or a country-dividing Civil War (part two) if he doesn’t accept the election results.

He’s got about as much leadership stability as Dr. Captain Janice Lesterkirk.

10/20/16: Ok, he’s not as good as ‘Dead Alive’. ‘Hobo’, maybe? ‘Manos’?

10/20/16: Here’s some footage: FAIR USE: CRITICISM – SATIRE…SATIRE…SATIRE…

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4AelzaRs0EI