Category: Movie/Long Subject Reviews

Tales From The Darkside: The Movie (1990)

Fairly intelligent and cleverly macabre/campy without being overly gory.  Nothing special, but it’s worth watching if you like such things.

First film: Christian Slater and Steve Buscemi try to out-creepy each other.

Second film: Adorable yet DANGEROUS kitty cat.  Sort of like the ‘Holy Grail’ rabbit.

Third film: Predictable yet fairly interesting take on promises.

All intertwined by an impeccable suburbanite cannibal.

Grade: C+

9/1/23: The third is easily the best; it’s actually kind of sad and touching. I’d recommend watching it, and the little connecting (and ending) bits, and skipping the first two. I don’t get how I found them “cleverly macabre/campy”, but I did write this almost 11 years ago and I was probably in a better mood. Grade: C-

Slither (2006)

Features the captain from ‘Firefly’/’Serenity’, if you care. 

Also features some very grotesque images, some just nasty and some so surreal they’re kinda funny in a campy, H.P. Lovecraft-would-have-approved sort of way.

It’s an alien possession/infiltration movie, sort of like ‘Invasion Of The Body Snatchers’ (only not as good) or ‘The Puppet Masters’ (with better acting).  It’s also a comedy, unlike either of those…so basically it’s horror/comedy/”interesting” visuals. 

If you like that, good…if not, there’s nothing else.  Meaning there’s no real drama or characters.  But who cares?

Not me.  I put this just a notch below ‘The Return Of The Living Dead’ and ‘Fido’ in the gleefully enjoyable intelligent camp horror/comedy category.

Lesson Learned: Never threaten a man-squid.

Inspirational Fight: Painted-Japanese Nails vs. Slug-Thing

Inspirational Quote: “…I turn into a FCKEN mollusc, I’m gonna sue those bastards”

Grade: B-

The Horde (2009)

Zombies.  En Francais.

There’s a very brief set-up, then it gets really violent and gory…for a little while, at least.  But even if you like violent and gory, you probably won’t like this.

Since this movie has pretentious (unfulfilled) aspirations to be serious and meaningful,  there are long lulls between the violent scenes.  But unlike, say, ‘Land Of The Dead’, they’re dull, boring lulls, serving to alienate and frustrate gore fiends and those that make the mistake of reading the subtitles looking for a good story equally as much.

Usually the reason I don’t like watching foreign-language films is that I have to worry about missing some nuance in acting or emotion while I’m reading the subtitles.  Here, since the dialogue is just as bad in French as a generic American zombie flick, the only thing the subtitles do is take up screen space.

Lots of head-butting, too.

Grade: F

Rob Roy (1995)

Released the same year as ‘Braveheart’, but it’s very little like it.  To say they’re both about Scotsmen is obvious, but ‘Braveheart’ is a grand, majestic, powerful quasi-historic epic.

This is simply a study of characters and of the nature of character.  It’s fairly well-made and fairly well-acted, but compared to ‘Braveheart’, just not-as and not-nearly-as.  Not as powerful, either…because at times the drama seems more forced than real.

As for other comparisons, Liam Neeson’s Robert Roy MacGregor is just as noble as William Wallace or Robert the Bruce, while Tim Roth’s Archibald is just as despicable as King Edward and just as foppish as his son.  Of course, like ‘Braveheart’, it’s just a movie.

Inspirational Quote: “Honor is…what no man can give you.  And none can take away.”

Grade: B-

7/14/18: The Great Grade Update. Grade: C+

Deadtime Stories: Volume 1 (2011)

A laughably wretched/wretchedly laughable horror anthology doesn’t get any better because George A. Romero puts his name on it and does some really bad intros for each segment.

But don’t blame George for creating this…that honor goes to writer Jeff Monahan. 

Just blame him for thinking his name still carries any weight after ‘Survival’.

Grade: F-

Tales From The Crypt Presents: Bordello Of Blood (1996)

Opening: “Throw me the whip!”

More akin to the show than ‘Demon Knight’ was.  Because it’s more cheezy and silly.  But, like the show, it’s also a bit of fun.

Dennis Miller’s got a lot of one-liners in this baby, cha cha.  My personal fav given recent viewing: “Weird Duchov-nian riff”.

Grade: C

Monsters, Inc. (2001)

Intro: Naughty little birdies.  Kinda cute.

I don’t think a plot summary is really necessary: It’s a kids movie that’s just smart enough for adults.  Which is rather common of Pixar, I think.  Unfortunately, what’s also common of Pixar, from what I’ve seen, is that the “smart enough for adults” part isn’t nearly smart enough to watch every single variation on it.  And I prefer DreamWorks, anyway.

But, as to its charm…

Guest Review, paraphrased:

“Oh Mugsy…it’s adorable.” – Rocky

Grade: B-

William Shatner’s Get A Life! (2012)

Brief interviews with various Trekkies.

The opening bit and the title makes it out to be a parody of Star Trek fanaticism, but that’s a completely false impression.  There’s no humor at all after that, and it’s basically just an “exploration” of the “meaning” of Star Trek.  If you’re not a Trekkie, you’ll probably think it’s an incredibly fawning treatment of a tv show.  I like Star Trek, but even I find it FAR too sentimental and self-worshipping.

To say it’s pretentious would be…an understatement.  It’s beyond pretentious, into laughable.

Yes, there are moving moments…but they’re not because of Star Trek.  They’re because you see people that are feeling obvious deep emotion.  Such deep emotion is common to life, not exclusive in any way to Star Trek.

As Shatner himself said later in the taken-from-SNL bit used to open this, “It’s just a tv show, it’s just a tv show!!”

Grade: D-

1/17/13: See ‘Pupdate: Documentary Grade Edits’.  Grade: F

Jucy (2010)

It’s a dramedy.  As such, it’s a bit overwrought. 

There are moments that are so over-acted/over-emotioned that they belong in a soap opera, but there are also some fairly charming and sweet moments.  It’s got the requisite obstacles to be overcome, and if you like “feel-good” movies that are a bit quirky, this could do the trick. 

Not really my cup of tea…but it’s watchable.

Grade: D+

5/3/14: Not my cup of tea AT ALL.  But, still…watchable.  Grade: D

Area 407 (2012)

This movie is shot from the point of view (at least to start) of a little girl carrying a videocamera.  I believe this was done for three reasons:

First, it makes it “different” from other people-pursued-by-nasty-things movies.
Second, it justifies the incompetence of the camera work and masks the bad dialogue/dialogue lapses with perpetual random chatter.
Third, it garners sympathy for the overall poor quality of the film and its characters.

What’s next, cute-kitty-cat-cam?  Defenseless-crawling-toddler-cam?

Exploiting-peoples-sympathies-for-a-buck-cuz-we’re-morally-and-artistically-bankrupt-cam?

Maybe this was just some sleazy film exec’s answer to the question: “How do we make people care about an otherwise generic horror flick?”

Alternate Title: ‘Little Susie’s Camera Fascination Meets BLOOD’

Alternate Title 2: ‘The Gore Glitch Project’

‘Area 407’ was filmed on location in a vacant field. *MST RIP*

The only halfway intelligent parts of the film play on government conspiracy paranoia, but there are only two of them and they last a combined 5 minutes, tops.  But I’m not gonna tell you where they are.  I sat through this pile of exploitative sh1t, and if you wanna find out, DIY.

Here’s maybe how this went down…*PYTHON RIP*

“Quite frankly, I think the central script system may need strengthening a bit.”
“Isn’t that going to put the cost up?”
“Ummmm…it might.”
“Well, I don’t know if I’d worry about strengthening THAT much…I mean, it’s not meant to be a luxury movie.”
“Quite agree, quite agree…I think provided the viewers are of light mind and relatively sedentary, and given a spot of good luck, I think we’re on to a winner here.”

Grade: F-

12/31/13: Two halfway-intelligent bits are two more than an F- should have.  Grade: F

Idiots And Angels (2008)

No angels, lots of idiots.  Colossally stupid.

Bill Plympton’s amateurish and grotesque animation can actually be enjoyable over short periods of time and with the right ideas, but without any and at feature-film length, it’s just extremely painful.  And why, pray tell, are we supposed to feel any sympathy at all for this incredibly nasty piece of work?  The main character, that is.

BONUS:  No dialogue.

Grade: F

Eternal Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind (2004)

I don’t buy the intro.  She’s a psycho…and she’s not even an INTERESTING psycho…just a weird, moody, freaky-annoying one.  I mean, I guess chemistry is debatable, but it seems like the only reason she pursued him and anything happened at all is cuz it’s in the script and she’s an actress.

She’s a good movie example of a real-life type I’ve met before, and you probably have too: weird and freaky and chaotic and random and eager-to-fck because without those things you’d see what else was inside the very attractive outside shell.  Namely, dull nothingness.

And since she’s treated as the heroine and example of how to live a wonderful, “free” life, she (and by default, this movie) is championed by those who, deep down inside, fear they’re just as dull and shallow as she is…and/or random scumbags that like to do whatever they want without regard for anyone else and then fall apart when the time comes for something called “responsibility”.

I guess I’d be incredibly emotionally impressed if I, for a second, believed any aspect of their relationship.  But I’m either too smart, not smart enough, or not weird enough.  Oh well.  I do admire the ending, though.  I’d even call it brave and moving, if I cared about either character.

But it IS visually impressive…VERY impressive.  And the sequences become more elaborate and more intelligent and more humorous as they go on…for a while.  Then they crest and fade away, like a wave you thought could NEVER reach you…and it comes close, a lot closer than you thought it would…but in the end, you were right, and it quickly dissipates and is gone.

It’s challenging…a thought-provoking, in-your-face demand of self-evaluation.  In that sense, and as an exercise in artistic and visual mastery, it’s brilliant.  But it’s too mechanical and unbelievable, in the sense of how it actually plays out, to be anywhere near the masterpiece its legions of admirers hail it as.

To see something that’s closer to how I feel about this movie but that’s far too clever for me to be able to concoct, see ‘Depeche Mode – A Non-Puppy Perspective’.  Focus on the attitude in grudgingly awarding a decent grade, not the words.  You can almost feel the dismissive venom dripping off the screen.

Inspirational Quote: “I assume you fcked someone tonight.  Isn’t that how you get people to like you?”

Grade: B

5/3/14: I prefer character interaction over studio mastery, and the main characters don’t “interact”.  They stand near each other at times and repeatedly fail to sell the relationship at all.  Grade: B-

The Zombie Apocalypse (2008)

REALLY bad fx, REALLY bad acting, REALLY bad script, REALLY dumb “goth” lady who looks more comfortable in natural blood-splatter than she does in black makeup.

The great thing about quick cuts is that you don’t actually have to show the amazing action sequences.

Oh, and they forgot to write an ending.

Inspirational Scene: There’s blood in them thar hills!

Inspirationally Bad Choice For Anti-Zombie Weapon: Scythe

Grade: F-

The Devil’s Rock (2011)

Better than ‘The Devil’s Scissors’ but not as good as ‘The Devil’s Paper’.

But seriously, this movie deserves more than a snide little comment.  It starts off as a second-rate war film, but even then it’s decent enough to warrant/encourage watching further, especially in the hope/knowledge that the real movie is yet to come.  And it is.

With the setup being dispensed with, we are presented with a fairly gory supernatural-ish horror film.  Not a “gore-fest” because the acting, script, and intelligence level are far too good for that.  Not that they’re brilliant or anything, but they’re surprisingly decent.  There are some obvious holes in the plot and it’s not as clever as it wants to be, but it held my attention throughout and I can say that I’m actually glad I watched it, beyond being able to write a review on it.  I’ll never watch it AGAIN…there’s nothing I feel I may have “missed” the first time in terms of depth…but as recent unrated Netflix streaming horror movies go, this is a good one-time view.

Also, if you liked ‘Hellboy’, you’ll enjoy seeing a good rip of its opening.

Grade: C+

6/21/13: I did watch it again.  Turns out there was nothing I missed the first time, but I actually enjoyed watching it a second time.  I’m PRETTY sure I won’t watch it a third time though…I don’t have that “There’s-Something-About-‘Lo'” feeling.  Grade: B-

R.E.M.: Parallel (1995)

Drawing from their two best albums (‘Automatic For The People’/’Monster’) and nothing but produces the single best collection of music in one place they’ve ever managed.  Irrelevant by this point, perhaps, but I couldn’t resist.  Not for 99 cents.

And the video for “Everybody Hurts” is so obviously and completely heartfelt that it achieves grandiosity while avoiding maudlin sentimentality.  A benefit of sincerity, I suppose.

For the last five songs, I believe R. Christgau sums it up best: “Peter Buck’s sonic palette is rainbow grunge–variegated dirt and distortion as casual rhetoric–and he’s so cranked even the slow ones seem born to be loud.”

Inspirational Quote: “They that sow in tears shall reap in joy”

Grade: A-

The Dead Outside (2008)

The only real signs of the horrible “pandemic” and its results are a few really angry people and a lot of flashbacks.  Other than that, it’s a fairly dull guy hanging out with a fairly gloomy teen: Looking at stuff, saying stuff that seems either boring or forced, doing chores, saying more stuff…and some stuff eventually happens.

It’s supposed to be extremely emotionally moving, as the music can attest to, and you might find it to be so.  But I doubt it, since I’m not at all resistant to being moved and this just strikes me as a fairly dull attempt at yet another apocalypse movie.

It does get much more interesting (and pandemicy) near the end…when they stop talking.

Grade: D

The Devil’s Carnival (2012)

So many different ways to mock this, where do I start…

Somewhat creepy and dark.  As such, a bit like ‘Lo’.  But I don’t anticipate watching this again once, let alone three times.  Because it’s most like the parts of ‘Lo’ I really didn’t like…if you enjoyed the songs/faces/arty touches from ‘Lo’, you might like this.  If you enjoyed ‘Lo’ because it was, at heart, a touching true romance, you’ll probably find this quite tedious.

It’s not a throwaway…a lot of care/planning obviously went into this.  Which makes it that much more disappointing that it fails to deliver much of anything except admittedly great imagery and boring, generic weirdness.

You don’t laugh with it, but you might laugh at it, if you don’t turn it off first.

My only consolation is the glimmering hope that I may live long enough for these works of brilliant songform to pass into the public domain.

Highlights: Being reminded briefly of ‘Lo’, and fervently hoping the woman with massive cleavage would be selected as a player. 

SPOILER ALERT: She isn’t.

Three “Sins” apparently punished: Greed, Suicide, and Trust.  HUH?

Inspirational Quote: “PRICK…PRICK…PRICK…PRICK…PRICK…PRICK…”

Grade: D-

Bong Of The Dead (2011)

I spent the majority of this movie trying to think of how to describe how bad it is.  I couldn’t think of anything clever.  I blame it on the movie, because there’s absolutely nothing clever in the movie.  Nothing.  Thank God for the time lapses.

Lone bright spot for me: woman looking vaguely like Jennifer Tilly.

Greatest moment of terrified suspense: “Will they show that guy’s a$$ crack or not?”

Grade: F-

Terminator 2: Judgement Day (1991)

The credits announce the introduction of Edward Furlong.  ‘American History X’, seven years later, announces the farewell of Edward Furlong, for legitimate movie purposes.

From the very beginning, you can tell that this sequel has something the original was completely lacking in: humor.  That is, INTENTIONAL humor.

Special FX are excellent, the complete role-reversal for Arnold is at the same time amusing and compelling, it’s not nearly as cheezy, and it’s aged a lot better.

But it’s still just a fairly fun-to-watch sci-fi-ish action flick, and it’s certainly not as good as the best of the genre, such as Cameron’s ‘Aliens’, which also featured (a different) “The Company”.

Grade: B-

Goodfellas (1990)

Henry Hill and friends.

Pesci is amazing, DeNiro is great as usual, Liotta’s good, and the supporting cast is good.  “Truth is stranger than fiction”…sometimes, I guess.  But sometimes truth is exciting and sometimes truth is just kinda fcken dull…therefore, so is this movie.

But it’s great more often than it is dull, and that’s enough.

One comment, though…it’s REALLY sad when someone like Henry Hill, a womanizing drug addict who thought it was great to “live by the sword” but who ratted out his “friends” so he wouldn’t “die by the sword”, is looked upon by some as ANY kind of hero: tragic, flawed, or otherwise.

Inspirational Scene:  Do I have to say it?  He’s a funny guy.

Grade: A-

Dances With Wolves (1990)

For once, Kevin Costner’s achievement equals his grand vision.  Unlike most of his pretentious “epics”, this doesn’t seem to go on way too long.

For those few recluses that don’t know already, it’s a very non-romanticized (from the European-American perspective) depiction of “How the West was won”:  not just through brave pioneering, but also by (let’s be honest) grand theft.

While the length isn’t a problem, there are parts that lag…but for the most part, this is a brilliant film.

Interesting to see, in particular, how similar ancient wisdoms can be.

Inspirational Quote: “And the only word that came to mind was ‘Harmony’.”

Grade: A

Poultrygeist: Night Of The Chicken Dead (2006)

Hopefully this isn’t the chicken of tomorrow.

It’s a Troma film.  If you don’t know, that means it’s really low budget, really tasteless, and really cheezy.  But it does have some wit to it, in an appallingly disgusting sort of way.

To measure your tolerance level, watch ‘Dead Alive’ first.  If you can get through that, try ‘Hobo With A Shotgun’.  If you like BOTH…then try this, if you also don’t mind some nudity and tasteless (if somewhat witty) musical interludes.  And, let’s be honest…if you’ve got nothing better to do.

Inspirational Quote: “Shhh…you had me from “sh1t-covered mongoloid”.”

Grade: C-

American Beauty (1999)

Kevin Spacey is completely brilliant, as he usually is.

It’s very cleverly written, and because of that it makes you feel. 

It makes you feel sadness, loneliness, humor, desperation, longings for things past and long gone, brief moments of exhilaration…the same way the characters do.

But the characters seem to exist simply for this purpose.

They’re not very multi-dimensional at all…but in order for a movie to exist, there have to be characters.  So they do what they do, and you feel what you feel, and you think what you think…messages sent, points made, mission accomplished.

So it’s brilliant…but in the end, it all feels just a little bit empty.  And all the messages and points it makes fade away from your memory and emotion almost as quickly as they arrived, making them irrelevant. 

But that doesn’t mean it’s not fun to watch.  And it’s quite a glow, while it lasts.

Inspirational Quote: “Sometimes there’s so much…beauty…in the world…I feel like I can’t take it…and my heart…is just going to cave in.”

Grade: A-

Beauty And The Beast (1991)

The reason I avoid most Disney movies is quite simple: the songs.

I realize that such movies are made mainly for children, and that the songs’ simple melodies and simple portents/character sketches are good for short attention spans…but for me they are, at best, tolerable interludes between scenes from the actual movie.

So for me to willingly sit through them, the story has to be very interesting, and the songs have to be…well, kept to a minimum.  And at least of the “tolerable” variety.

This story is extremely interesting.  It’s simple enough for pretty much anyone to understand, but it’s not “childish”…a source of child-like wonder, if anything.  And I’m not so jaded that I’ve completely lost that part of myself.

Interesting, and somewhat heartwarming…but a few touches overly dramatic and simplistic.

And the SONGS…sigh.  Tolerable, but what a waste of time.

Inspirational Quote: “Allo.”

Grade: B

Raiders Of The Lost Ark (1981)

Has aged beautifully.

Why?  Because it was dated when it first came out.  It was SUPPOSED to be dated, it was SUPPOSED to be derivative…of all the things Lucas loved watching as a kid.  Nothing more, nothing less.

And it is a complete success at that.  It’s got action, adventure, thrills, chills, explosions, chases, true love (well, sort of).  In that way, it’s sort of like a less-funny, less-romantic, but much more EXCITING ‘Princess Bride’.

I loved it the first time, when I was seven.  I loved it the fiftieth time almost as much.

Grade: A

The Shawshank Redemption (1994)

Morgan Freeman is absolutely brilliant, both as the narrator and a prisoner. 

Tim Robbins’ performance is like nothing I’ve seen him do before or since…Andy Dufresne is a monument of resiliency, ingenuity, and complete determination. 

The idea and script are brilliant and the whole “experience” is compelling.  A true cinematic achievement.

Parts of this are extraordinarily moving and/or extraordinarily sad…films that actually make me SAY “Wow…”…not just think it…are quite rare.

The warden and the head guard are pure sadists that hide behind the Bible, but there’s nothing Christian about them.  MUST be pure fiction, of course…I mean, people in positions of power flagrantly and sadistically abusing their power???  Some of the guards are very decent people…in all seriousness, both things are just as completely believable.

The effectiveness of patience and humility over pride. 

Epic.

Inspirational Quote: “Some birds aren’t meant to be caged.  Their feathers are just too bright.  And when they fly away, the part of you that knows it was a sin to lock them up does rejoice.  But still…the place you live in is that much more drab and empty that they’re gone.”

Grade: A+

6/12/14: Thinking back to it, and on it, the roof scene seems a bit contrived.  The dialogue seems weak during the exchange and the guard’s performance is wooden.  That’s always sort of bugged me, and I think it’s bad enough to make me alter my grade.  Still a great movie, but it could’ve used just a tiny bit more polish to the script.  Grade: A

8/8/14: Robbins holds his own with Morgan Freeman. By the
middle I can’t even remember the tarring scene. Good enough for me.

Epic. And thank you for making me cry, again.

IQ2: “There’s something…inside…that they can’t get to, that they can’t touch. That’s yours.”

Grade: A+

Rain Man (1988)

Dustin Hoffman’s performance is impressive.

Tom Cruise’s…not so much.

He plays a cold, somewhat robotic, emotionally stunted arrogant a$$hole. 

And, from his performances since then, this doesn’t appear to be too much of a stretch for him.

Great story, could have been a great movie…but the acting isn’t always up to the task (excepting Hoffman) and the script could have used one more re-write.

Inspirational Quote: “No…could you repeat it cuz I, I can’t believe my fcken ears.”

Grade: B

Sarah Silverman: Jesus Is Magic (2005)

The most impressive thing about this stand-up routine with little bits of skit and moderate bits of song is that the level of tastelessness makes Louis C.K. look like Brian Regan.

The second most impressive thing is that Silverman remains deadpan throughout.

The third most impressive thing is that it’s still not nearly as funny as Louis C.K.

It is pretty good, though…if you don’t mind tasteless. (See quote for litmus test).

Inspirational Quote: “Oh God PLEASE let them find semen in my dead grandmother’s vagina.”

Grade: B-

Deadheads (2011)

Kinda creepy-funny.  At first, at least.

It’s a zombie movie from the zombie perspective.  Sort of like ‘Aaah! Zombies!!’, except this movie tries to be FAR more than it is capable of being.

The influences are obvious (but certainly not bad)…it’s even got a “Dr. Frankenstein”.  No “Bub”, though.  So think ‘Day Of The Dead’, ‘Fido’, ‘Shaun Of The Dead’, ‘Zombieland’…a little bit of each all rolled into one.  The problem is it’s not nearly as good as most of the sources it draws from.

It also features extreme moments of over-acting, many moments of tedium, and way too much drama.  And when I say drama I don’t mean touching interactions…I mean failed hackneyed attempts at touching interactions.

It’s better than most generic zombie sh1t, I’ll give it that, and it might make for interesting viewing if you’re a fan of any movie listed above and want to experience nostalgia, or for comparison purposes.

Inspirational Quote: “I SAID, get his finger out of my face!”

Grade: C-

Bachelor Party In The Bungalow Of The Damned (2008)

Dig the James Bound intro.

Really bad.  Really. 

If you’ve seen every other cheezy “hey-I-made-a-horror” film, I guess this is…the one left.

BUT, if you stick it out, you get to see the director have fun with the credits.

Best parts: Jobs for bad union cameramen, MST3K-worthy script/acting, creepy polite guy.

Inspirational Scene: Finger-milking

Inspirational Quote: “Gimme that lobster.”

Grade: F

Monty Python’s The Meaning Of Life (1983)

Visually impressive, with some good bits and really bad taste.

But this has always been the coldest, most cynical, least inspired, least structured, most inconsistent and just plain least interesting of the Python films…and the fact that on my 4th viewing the only thing I was pleasantly surprised to see again was Mr. Creosote is very depressing to me.

‘Flying Circus’ took clever and dared you to ignore it.  This takes clever and shoves it down your throat.

The ending song from ‘Life Of Brian’ said more on “meaning” than this whole movie does.

Grade: D

The Video Dead (1987)

It’s kinda nice to see something light after a creepy ‘Twilight Zone’ episode.  Oh wait…this is a “horror” movie.  Somewhat gory, but mostly CHEEZY.

If you like really, really bad movies with horrific scripts, and you’ve already seen ‘Troll 2’ and ‘Hobo With A Shotgun’, this might sorta do the trick.  Otherwise it’s useless.

They’re not so much “flesh eating zombies” as they are “easily amused human lifters”.

Inspirational Quote: “My goose is cooked…I could get reform school for this!”

Grade: D-

Let The Right One In (2008)

Before I watched it, first thought: this will be a necessary but otherwise irrelevant and amateurish rough draft for the superior remake (‘Let Me In’).

After watching it, I realized that I was correct.  It’s necessary if only because if it hadn’t been made, there’d be nothing to remake.  But otherwise it’s an inferior carbon copy…think a tolerable but merely decent if innovative old blues song reworked by Led Zeppelin.  You might admire the first more, but how many people would honestly rather LISTEN to the first more?

Differences that don’t matter: ‘Deliverance’-ness, credits done by Holy Grail Llamas.

Differences that do: less subtle, less challenging, longer but less flowing in progression, worse acting, dumber henchman.

In short, my first thought was right.  It’s not bad…but ‘Let Me In’ is much better.  And, since they’re virtually exactly the same apart from that which is noted above, this one is rendered redundant and irrelevant.  Any claims that ‘Let Me In’ is a “different” version of the book are nonsense…it’s a remake.  But it’s a far superior remake.  ‘Psycho’ the original ain’t.

So no, I don’t prefer the “dumb” American version over the “smart” original version.  It’s closer to the opposite, really.  But thanks for the idea, Sweden.

Grade: B-