A “serious” attempt at ‘How To Get Ahead In Advertising’??!!
“It’s dull. Dull, dull, My God it’s dull, it’s so desperately dull and tedious and stuffy and boring and des-per-ate-ly DULL.” – Michael Palin
Oh, and pointless gore.
Why would anyone make this film? Because the world is sprinkled with closet sadists. Dull ones.
Talk to the hand…
HAIKIBA!
Grade: F-
John Carpenter has made exactly three good films in his 40+ year career. And it’s not like the guy’s Stanley Kubrick, who was a perfectionist and only put out a film when he had made absolutely sure it was completely the vision he wanted it to be. Carpenter churns out movie after movie, most of which are cheezy and/or mediocre. So Carpenter’s success ratio is pretty wretched.
This is one of the three…probably the best, too, although that’s more indicative of Carpenter’s body of work than how good this is just taken by itself. The special effects and “horror” imagery are just as good if not better than when he regurgitates them 13 years later for a similarly flawed but entertaining movie (‘In The Mouth of Madness’), not to mention much more fresh. But there aren’t really any likeable characters here…there aren’t really any characters at all. Just a bunch of last names to differentiate man A from man B from man Z. Which makes it a lot easier to see them being killed one by one…you tend to feel more sympathy for a character when he’s more different from the next one than just “smokes weed” vs. “loves dogs”.
It gets a little hokey near the end…the guesswork is a lot of the fun, and the fewer contestants there are the fewer guesses there are to be made. But for those who care, here is J.C.’s “best”, preserved from 30 years ago for a whole new generation of horror fans who probably couldn’t care less about it since it’s thought-not-gore based. At least, somewhat.
Inspirational Ignorance: Sweden = Norway
Grade: B
7/19/12: It’s D@MN good for a movie without characters…D@MN good… Grade: B+
‘The Flying Rock’.
Differences that matter: Not as dumb, not as macho, more accepting of what it is (escapist action).
Also: Nic Cage plays a better hillbilly than special agent (Wow!) and J. Malkovich > S. Connery.
Differences that don’t matter: Setting, “plot”, the usual…
It’s a huge fun pile of steaming meaninglessness and one-liners.
Inspirational Quote: “I despise rapists. For me, you’re somewhere between a cockroach and that white stuff that accumulates at the corner of your mouth when you’re really thirsty.”
Grade: B-
4/1/14: MAN I was feeling generous…BARELY: Grade: C+
2/18/18: I dare you not to either laugh, snort, make that “yeah right…” noise or shake your head in revulsion at the stupidity that occurs in the beginning with the indescribably ridiculously bad and stupid and irrepressibly drab and awful letter exchange sequence.
Guest Re-View: “Hold it, hold it, what the Hell is that sh1t?!” Grade: D-
To get the actual movie quality review dispensed with, here it is…
The “action” sequences are almost as cheezy as the quasi-60’s “epic” film score.
At all other points, it’s very well-made and it is certainly as disturbing as it is intelligent. A fictional documentary of perhaps the absolute height of parasitical development – The infestation in human form.
For all the morons that worship serial killers for their “Non-Conformity” to banality, here’s the Sterling example of the problem with that…for every person that conforms to societal norms of limits/regulations of acceptable conduct because they’re too stupid and/or afraid to do otherwise, there’s one (hopefully many more) that does so because they accept the fact that without certain simple, basic generally accepted absolute limits on behavior (e.g. you can’t kill and eat someone for sadistic pleasure as Hannibal Lecter does) the world would be even more fcked up than it already is.
Only Pure Anarchists, Lunatics, and Liars would dispute this.
Hannibal Lecter, and any real-life variation thereon = Tremendous and complete waste of vast human potential reducing said person to the equivalent of any other parasite…a mosquito or tick, for example. That such a trivial thing can be worshipped is a statement on the desperation of some for an escape from the very same banality they supposedly despise.
Grade: A-
Chris Tucker is no Eddie Murphy (circa BHC and BHC2…BHC3 sucked).
Nor is he Will Smith (circa Men In Black)
Jackie Chan is no actor (although he’s entertaining and fun to watch in his sincerity, effort, and self-effacing humor(see the outtakes)…and a great martial artist).
But they work up a simply (by that I mean simple, not purely) charming on-screen relationship, aided by a good script, good supporting cast, and good ideas.
Chris Penn is great as a briefly-appearing convincing criminal, and the bad guy’s main henchman is amazingly soft-spoken, cunning and Rabid as a Wombat.
It’s quite entertaining to watch if you don’t demand Master Thespians.
Are you not entertained??!!
Inspirational Quote: “Wipe yourself off, man…you dead.”
Grade: B+
7/19/12: For cop-buddy films that focus more on comedy than violence, this is right up there. Grade: A-
4/9/18: A-List pruning. Grade: B
One of the best chase films I’ve ever seen.
And it has nothing to do with car chases, explosions, or any other generic action-film sh1t.
It’s about one brilliant mind versus another.
Grade: A
8/17/14: Too many parts aren’t up to the intelligence of the whole: too obvious, too dumb, or too cliche. Overall the movie’s good enough to survive this and it has some great parts, but these moments are noticeable and undeniable. Grade: A-
Oh, the Stupidity!
Lots and lots of loud, martial, “inspirational” music, riveting “action”, tons and tons of sh1t blowing the FCK up(!!), tons of other sh1t smashing into more other sh1t, some of that sh1t then BLOWING UP(!!!), oodles of manly man macho “dialogue”, some of it manly male-bonding, some of it manly-man conflict, 99 44/100 percent pure adrenaline, 100 percent overload of testosterone.
In other words, a typical Simpson/Bruckheimer flick.
I cannot use the word “film”, as “flick” is the appropriate term.
Unlike some of their better efforts, especially ‘Crimson Tide’, this does NOT escape the unbelievably absurd formula-muck most of their films/flicks slog through or sink down into.
‘Crimson Tide’ has less bullsh1t, less “action”, less cr@ppy “dialogue”, some decent characters, and the benefit of two great actors(Denzel Washington and Gene Hackman) and a great supporting cast.
This has Nic Cage and Sean Connery. Scarcely replacement…and the same goes for the supporting cast.
It has its moments…if you can somehow overlook or cringe/laugh through the character/plot “development”, the scenes with Ed Harris/David Morse/The rest of the “bad” guys (especially briefly with Connery) are interesting. And when you throw this much sh1t on the screen trying for excitement, you’re bound to generate at least SOME. Caveat Emptor.
Inspirational Quote: “Patriotism…is the Virtue, of the vicious…according to Oscar Wilde.”
Grade: C
7/14/18: The Great Grade Update. Grade: C-
The message of this movie seems to be that (almost?) all teenage boys are wanna-be necrophiliacs/rapists.
I don’t buy it, and it’s easy to ignore the message when the movie sucks. Really sucks.
Inspirational Misspelling: Look for the sign.
Grade: F-
It’s not as inspired as the first…the script is mediocre in comparison and while Tommy Lee Jones and Will Smith do their able best to sell it, the supporting cast is forgettable at best (Except Tony Shalhoub, who appears all too briefly).
If you haven’t seen the first, I’d recommend seeing it. If you don’t plan on seeing the third, this is optional but not necessary. If you do plan on seeing the third, this is good enough to watch once as a warm-up.
Inspirational Quote: “It rains because you’re sad.”
Grade: C+
The vast majority is generic zombie sh1t that’s been done a million times before by many different people (Romero included).
And just when you think that FINALLY the movie has moved beyond that, that Romero is going to make another “statement”, this time regarding existence or some other deep thought, it stays exactly the same. Maybe all of his “statements” all along have been purely accidental, because this sucks.
Labour of Worthlessness.
Grade: F
9/16/13: While pruning my F List, I came across this. I thought maybe I should take it off. The reason I don’t is because, with all the sh1t that’s come out in the zombie vein since ‘Night’, the fact that Romero seemingly is stagnant enough to make something so unbelievably redundant and meaningless in the very same genre he himself sparked (if not created) is deserving of nothing less than a big fat stamp of failure. Well done, George. Grade: F
“Originals and influentials they obviously are, but too often individual pieces of their unprecedented music aren’t necessary.” – Robert Christgau on Led Zeppelin
Grade: D
It could use a lot more Basil Exposition, and you knew that wine rack had to go in slooooo moooooo…it would be predictable to call it predictable.
It’s creepy as hell, of course…but it takes 81 minutes to accomplish what ‘Impeccable Lifeboat Cannibals’ and ‘The Undertaker Sketch’ do in about 5.
Inspirational Quote: from this movie? dialogue is at a premium.
Grade: D+
7/14/18: The Great Grade Update. Nomnomnom. Grade: C-
It’s a really good cop-buddy action/comedy film. With aliens.
Inspirational Quote: “You know I’ve noticed an infestation here. Everywhere I look in fact. Nothing but undeveloped, unevolved, barely conscious pond scum…totally convinced of their own superiority as they scurry about their short…pointless…lives.”
Grade: A-
The acting is mediocre and/or methodical, the script is lacking, the continuity is poor, and the aliens are cheezy.
But it is…interesting.
Inspirational Quote: “If you can’t tend to your own planet, none of you deserve to live here.”
IQ2: “Zane, for once in your paranoid life will you please just TRUST me!”
Grade: C-
10/31/13: Well, Sheen’s acting isn’t bad actually. And Ron Silver is good, in limited action. Grade: C
8/9/14: One of the best, most interesting cheezy failures I’ve ever seen. Hey, Shar’s actually pretty nice…and cute. (I know, S=C). Grade: C
11/29/16: See ‘Clash Of The Titans’ for a fairly equivalent example. This is the benefit of enjoying *repeated* viewings. Grade: C+
Not sure what’s better, the inspirational “dialogue” or the riveting “action”.
The lack of any attempt at humor or intelligence leaves one wondering how a film about a man surgically attaching people together could be really, really dull.
“…the grotesque fusion at least silences the female leads, both of whose voices could strip paint.” – Jeannette Catsouli
Inspirational tongue-lick: guy climbing the stairs.
Grade: F-
When the most visually disturbing scene in a movie featuring self-impalement on a makeshift spear and someone diving head-first into a woodchipper is a guy licking someone, you know that you’ve graduated from generic “horror” gore/trash to fairly clever ‘Shaun of the Dead’-esque (in its genre-bending) comedy. More than just camp. Nothing revelatory, but as a ray of brilliant sunshine through parting clouds after any worthless gore flick.
Inspirational Quote: “I should have known if a guy like me talked to a girl like you, somebody would end up dead”
Grade: C+
12/6/12: It’s a clever little b@stard, even though it’s not as funny as it wants to be. Grade: B-
Almost as insanely inspired as ‘Monty Python and the Holy Grail’, and MORE tasteless!
Inspirational Quote: “No thank you. I take it black…like my men.”
Grade: A
The casting, at first glance, seems quite odd and doesn’t bode well for the movie, at least to me. But it turns out that everyone plays their role very well. When I think “great actors”, George Clooney and Ice Cube don’t exactly spring up at the top of the list. But they each establish a definite personality for their character, and maintain it consistently throughout the film. Mark Wahlberg’s performance is even better, and even Nora Dunn and Jamie *bleepin* Kennedy are convincing as what they set out to be (noble artistic integrity and moronic comic relief, respectively).
Not really a “War” movie because, well…the war’s over when the film starts. It blends action, drama, and comedy (sometimes obvious and sometimes cutely subtle) without any of the three elements taking away from any of the other three. Quite a trick, really. In that way it’s a bit Princess Bride-ish (that’s a compliment) without the romance (unless you count Clooney’s quickie).
A bit overlooked when it came out, this should have done a lot better than it did.
An excellent film.
Inspirational Quote: “Major Gates Major Gates!!!”
Grade: A
3/7/15: So did Schmitt’s Gay rip off the intro or vice-versa?
In all seriousness…
I never understood the policy of not standing happy endings.
I never understood the policy of not standing sad endings.
I never understood the policy of not standing neutral endings.
Provided they’re done realistically, they should all be accepted for what they are: part of life. Grade: A
It’s stark and brutal, which is appropriate for a war film.
It’s well-acted and contains characters with actual personalities that generated genuine reactions from me, both positive and negative, sometimes a little of both, which is necessary for a great film.
I find the moral ambiguity still refreshing and the movie still undated 26 years later.
Willem Dafoe is always a plus, and Tom Berenger turns in the performance of his career.
What the hell happened to Charlie Sheen?
Inspirational Quote: “I don’t need that sh1t…I AM reality.”
Grade: A
I’ve seen this way too many times so it doesn’t amuse me nearly as much as it originally did, but I think that’s more because the observations on pretentious, stupid Arena-Rock bands and their inevitable descents were more cutting and applicable in 84 (or even 94) than they are today. Bands seem, to me, to have learned to have a bit more of a sense of humor about themselves (with some exceptions) and the jokes hit home a lot more when you’ve been listening to the same pretentious and/or declining bands that the jokes apply to so aptly (Yes, Aerosmith, AC/DC, etc…).
A lot of people who didn’t grow up at or around the heyday of Arena Rock will probably just see this as a completely absurd collection of nonsense…but the fact that this was, at least at one time, VERY close to reality is just as sad as it is funny.
Nevertheless, it’s a must-see if you haven’t already and from what I hear it’s pretty d@mn accurate as pertains to a lot of its targets, according to some of the targets themselves.
Inspirational Quote: “You can’t really dust for vomit”
Grade: A-
If only Harrison Ford had been on board for this one.
A notch below ‘Clear and Present Danger’ because, although it is similarly complex, interesting, and “action-packed” it hasn’t aged QUITE as well, and because Alec Baldwin, while undeniably charming and talented in his own way, is no Harrison Ford.
But being the second-best film adaptation of a Tom Clancy novel featuring James Earl Jones isn’t a bad thing.
Inspirational Quote: “I didn’t. I had a 50/50 chance and I needed a break. Sorry.”
Grade: B+
7/19/12: Harrison Ford would be far too competent to get away with some of the things Alec Baldwin says/does in this. That’s a compliment to Alec…he’s a funny guy. Grade: A-
9/19/14: Too many blatant mistakes and cliche moments. Grade: B+
Good acting/effects/costumes/design, bad ideas.
Grade: C-
Good idea, bad acting.
Grade: D
The intro car-driving sequence of ascent into soon-to-be Hell (complete with appropriate music) is scarier than every film on my “F List” combined. Why? Because Stanley Kubrick understood what a TRUE horror film was/is/should be/(will always be?)…random gore is unnecessary when there’s actually SOMETHING there.
The basics are plucked from Stephen King’s novel, but this is Kubrick’s film, not a “movie version of the book”. I much prefer Kubrick’s emphasis on terror/insanity than King’s more mundane “haunted house” and more silly animated evil hedge creatures. (If you haven’t read the book, don’t ask).
Nicholson is perfect in a scary sort of way, given his character. Noone else is “bad”, but he’s the STAR, which makes his slow descent that much more powerful.
Perhaps you have to be slightly twisted as well as brilliant to produce a brilliantly twisted film. If so, Kubrick fits the bill perfectly.
There are a few hokey moments, but they’re easily overlooked.
I’ve heard/read that Stephen King isn’t too fond of Kubrick’s version of this story. Frankly, I find this puzzling, as this film is brilliant, unlike movie versions of ‘Firestarter’, ‘Children of the Corn’, ‘Pet Sematary’, ‘Salem’s ‘Lot’, ‘The Running Man’…the list goes on. And on.
Fortunately, being disliked by Stephen King doesn’t hold quite the weight it used to…given his output of the past 15-odd years, that is.
I’m truly amazed that Richard Bachman would lower himself to the continued use of the pen name “Stephen King”, at this point.
Overall Result: A work of (demented) art.
Inspirational Quote: “It’s okay…he saw it on the television.”
Grade: A
Harrison Ford and Willem Dafoe are both excellent. No surprise.
This is a great movie up until the end, at which point it becomes predictable, hokey, and utterly disappointing, each in turn.
There’s really no point in even WATCHING the ending…just read the Wikipedia summary when things start to get dull. UNTIL then, watch the movie, because most of it is far from dull.
Inspirational Quote: “Your word is who you are.”
Grade: A-
4/19/15: Every time you (I) watch it, year after year, it becomes less and less a blockbuster: more dated, closer to being obsolete in some ways.
But the script and the acting of Harrison Ford, Willem Dafoe, James Earl Jones and others maintain the interest factor despite this.
IQ Again: “Your word is who you are.”
Grade: A-
One of the weirdest movies I’ve ever seen that doesn’t (totally) suck and which I believe I fully understand. In that way, it’s half a Terry Gilliam film.
Maybe I’m missing something, but it seems to me that, despite some certainly “interesting” moments, this is the sort of film that people who aren’t particularly intelligent think is clever and that they are really smart for knowing just how clever it is. Which it isn’t.
Grade: D
Airborne
Alice
Alien Hunter
The Amazing Johnathan: Wrong On Every Level
And Now For Something Completely Different
Angst
Antisocial
Are You Scared?
Area 407
Asylum
Atari: Game Over
Autumn
Awaken The Dead
Bachelor Party In The Bungalow Of The Damned
Bad Girls From Mars
Battle Royale
Beneath The Surface
Birdemic: Shock And Terror
Bloodlust Zombies
Bloody Birthday
Bong Of The Dead
Buck Wild
Burial Ground: The Nights Of Terror
Burying The Ex
The Butcher
Butcher Boys
Cabin Fever (2016)
Cabin Fever: Patient Zero
Cartoon Noir
Carver
A Christmas Horror Story
C.H.U.D.
City Of The Living Dead
Come Out And Play
Condemned
Contagion
Contracted: Phase II
Creep
Crucible Of Horror
Dante’s Inferno (2007)
Dante’s Inferno (2010)
Dark Town
Darkroom
The Dead One
Dead Season
The Dead Undead
The Dead Want Women
Deadgirl
Deadtime Stories: Volume 1
Deadtime Stories: Volume 2
Deep Space
Demonic (aka Forest Of The Damned)
Devil In The Flesh
The Devil Inside
Devil’s Gravestone
Diary Of A Cannibal
Don’t Be Afraid Of The Dark
Dragonlance: Dragons Of Autumn Twilight
Dredd
Dylan Dog: Dead Of Night
Erik The Viking
The Evil Dead
Exit Humanity
Extinction (2011)
Extinction (2015)
The Fan
Feeding Grounds
Forest Of The Damned (aka Demonic)
Gangs Of The Dead
Graham Chapman: Anatomy Of A Liar
The Graves
Graveyard Shift
The Grudge
Hellbound: Hellraiser II
Helldriver
Hellraiser
Hidden
The Hole
The Horde
The Human Centipede
I Don’t Feel At Home In This World Anymore
Idiots And Angels
In Search Of Lovecraft
Infected
Infection
Invaders From Mars (1986)
Invasion
The Invasion
Isolation
Kill Katie Malone
Kill The Scream Queen
Lady Frankenstein
The Last Airbender
Last Kind Words
The Last Man On Earth
Masters Of Horror: Imprint
Mulholland Drive
My Bloody Valentine
My Sucky Teen Romance
Nightmares In Red, White And Blue
Ninja Cheerleaders
Nude Nuns With Big Guns
Oasis Of The Zombies
Omnivores
Pandemic
Perkins’ 14
Prince Of Darkness
Psycho (1998)
Recycled Parts
Red Riding Hood
Redneck Zombies
Re-Kill
Resident Evil: Apocalypse
Resident Evil: Extinction
Return Of The Living Dead 4: Necropolis
Rise Of The Zombies
Rodentz
Room 237
Sacred Flesh
Scar
Scourge
Screamtime
Severed: Forest Of The Dead
Shrooms
Stalled
Stripperland
Surf Nazis Must Die
Survival Of The Dead
1313: Cougar Cult
1313: Frankenqueen
Three… Extremes: Cut
Three… Extremes: Dumplings
The Tomb
Tomb Raider
The Tooth Fairy
Total Retribution
Triumph Of The Will
Tuvalu
Unrest
Vampegeddon
A Virgin Among The Living Dead
The Whisperer In Darkness
William Shatner’s Get A Life!
Wishmaster
The Woman
Would You Rather
X
Zombeavers
Zombi Holocaust
The Zombie Apocalypse
Zombie Ass: Toilet Of The Dead
Zombie High
Zombie Massacre
Zombie Nation
Zombie Night
Zombie Strippers!
Zombie Undead
Zombie Women Of Satan
Zombies Of Mass Destruction
Zombies Zombies Zombies
Zoombies
“Thanks for the (movie)””…or whatever you might call it…””And cut yourself a slice of throat.” – Curly Howard
1:42-1:46 – Enough Said.
4/23/16: FAIR USE: CRITICISM – I am using the Monty Python’s Flying Circus clip as a means of criticism, and to criticize IT: I love it. Much better than ‘Cats’. I’m going to watch it again and again.
4/23/16: Link updated, see above.
List Last Updated: 12/20/24
Norway’s attempt at the goriest, stupidest, goriest, stupidest, goriest, goriest, and goriest film ever. And it’s stupid. Personally, I’ll take ‘Dead Alive”s campy charm over this any day. Not since ‘The Evil Dead’ has so much fake blood been used for so little purpose.
Denne filmen suger.
Grade: F-
7/18/12: I suppose this could be used as a training video for how NOT to make a film, or as a very small first baby step toward the supreme ultimate goal of ‘Dead Alive’. Don’t really know WHY, but it could. Grade: D-
Twisted and disgusting sexually as well as (of course, it’s a sub-standard horror flick) violently, and essentially meaningless.
But the acting (at least I hope it’s acting) is better than in your average useless gorefest, and the heroine’s tenacity and resiliency are impressive.
For every decent horror flick I see (say, ‘Fido’, though that’s more a comedy) I have to sit through ten of these (or worse). Why do I do it? The answer, as with the First Citiwide Change Bank, is simple.
Volume.
Grade: D
The wanna-be-Ed-Norton-from-Fight-Club Likeness of the Long-Droning Sociopath.
OR
How to get all your friends into a horror film.
OR
A sign of the state of decline of available Netflix streaming movies.
Inspirational Quote: “I regret nothing!”
Grade: F
9/15/13: F List pruning. Plus, I’ve always had a nagging suspicion this was a low D-. Grade: D-
When it starts off extremely promising and then begins to let down slightly, I got that “Oh no not again” sinking feeling I’ve gotten so many times before with movies that have great “ideas” but after introducing them, fail to execute them in any really interesting fashion.
However, although nothing in the rest of the movie fully lives up to the intro set-up, it’s moderately entertaining throughout.
The 50’s/60’s conformist nostalgia angle is extremely well done, the movie is amusing if not really “funny”, and it pulls off the best understatedly twisted take on death (look for the magazine) this side of ‘Fallout’.
Inspirational Quote: “You crazy, wonderful zombie!”
Grade: B
Cliche and dull. It would be preferable (more time-consuming and just as boring, but more informative) to read a full-length CDC evaluation of potential pandemic risks and responses.
Nothing that isn’t shown somewhere else with slightly more excitement/flair…that is to say, any at all.
If you’re waiting for the ending to save it, well…it’s certainly a surprise.
Eric Idle character from MPFC on a film of similar interest level: “Go on, protest, do something about it, assault the manager, demand your money back.” (SATIRE…SATIRE…SATIRE…)
Grade: F
A thinking person’s horror film.
Containing actual ideas beyond gore and Shock-O-Rama, this fairly intelligent and comparatively brilliant entry by Takashi Miike makes one want to hum “One of these things is not like the others…” after watching the first two. Intriguing, it’s also by far the least bloody of the three films and by far the best.
Grade: C+
5/7/14: “Comparatively” is the key word. Grade: C
Even… Worse.
Grade: F-
Very… bad.
If you like disgusting, twisted nastiness with no added ingredients, up it to an A.
Grade: F
Admirable failure whose aspirations from writer/director Sean Penn can, in this case, best be summed up by Soundgarden frontman Chris Cornell – “Words you say, never seem to live up to the ones inside your head.”
Grade: C-
3/17/17: Grade Correction. Grade: D
It’s only Pulp Fiction-esque in that it’s really weird and it’s about crime.
It’s not told in anywhere near the same way, it’s not nearly as quirky and it’s much more based on actions than on symbolism and interestingly meaningless dialogue.
It’s also not laughably over-rated as a landmark of American cinema, which is appropriate.
I’d take this over Pulp. At least I don’t have to watch Travolta dancing again.
Grade: B+
6/3/12: Ok, I wouldn’t take it over Pulp. But Tarantino should be reviled for revitalizing Travolta’s career. He should have picked Andy Garcia…he shows here why he’s more worthy. Grade: B
7/14/18: The Great Grade Update. Grade: B-
Also featuring The Last Woman On Earth, The Last Dog On Earth, and the First and Last Bat-Bite-In-Panama-Preventing-Vampire-Infection-Theory On Earth.
If you want an ‘I Am Legend’ ripoff, ‘Night of the Living Dead’ is infinitely better.
Grade: F
One of the greatest films I’ve ever seen.
Acting, writing, and directing are all superb.
A truly moving work of art, if you are willing to accept that not all art is beautiful.
Inspirational Quote: “Your father was circumcised by my rabbi you prick!”
Grade: A+
Dull.
Dull.
Sad.
AHH!
Dull.
Hey, Gary Oldman.
Dull.
Sad.
REALLY Sad.
Dull.
Oh.
Fin.
Grade: F
Buddy Ackerman is over-played a bit.
Unless he really IS based on an actual human being, in which case it just seems (a bit) overplayed.
Either way, despite going just a LITTLE too far in the how-unlikeable-can-I-render-this-character department, Kevin Spacey does a brilliant and (a bit too, perhaps) convincing job of portraying a ruthless, merciless, cold-blooded and yet socially accepted psychopath…the kind that survives (even flourishes) because its weapon of choice is abuse, ridicule, and intimidation.
Frank Whaley (who?) is just as convincing as Guy, the prototypical good guy whose goodness becomes the focal point of the movie as it is tested repeatedly by Buddy’s blatant abuse until something has to give…and something does.
Saying more would sort of ruin it…worth a watch if you want to see how to appear menacing while discussing artificial sweeteners.
Inspirational Quote: “What do you REALLY want?”
Grade: A
One of the most breathtakingly beautiful sights I have ever seen (including reality), the visuals are truly stunning and beyond complaint. As I mentioned while watching it, “There could be no dialogue at all and I’d still want to watch the entire movie”.
Unfortunately, the visual display isn’t supported by dialogue that’s anything more than average, and the heavy-handedness of the rather obvious moral preaching (If you can’t spot the metaphors to reality, distant past and recent past, you need to read more American History) gets a bit tiresome after a while. Not that I don’t AGREE with it…but you don’t need to slam people over the head with the obvious parallels to reality.
Think of it sort of as a more ambitious but not as far-reaching sci-fi version of ‘Dances With Wolves’.
Grade: B
7/25/12: If you don’t mind obvious, this is as beautiful as it gets. Grade: B+
Good old Jack at his devilish best, as well as a very good supporting cast displaying a wide array of emotions very convincingly.
The movie is more comedic drama with a bit of intense tragedy thrown in, whereas the book (from what I understand) is much more dark and intellectual.
R.P. McMurphy is an a$$hole, but at least he’s a GENUINE one…and a genuine anything, of course, is very hard to find.
Perhaps slightly over-rated by those who hail it as a masterpiece of American cinema (usually in retrospect after having written middling reviews when it first came out), it nonetheless is a truly great film and a Puppy must-watch, if not own.
Inspirational Quote: “I’m a Godd@mn marvel of modern science”
Grade: A
It starts out surprisingly interesting before slowly descending into mediocrity and then quickly from there into downright absurdity. A horror movie isn’t supposed to be FUNNY.
Grade: D-
7/24/12: So, watch the first 20-25 minutes, then turn it off and IMAGINE. You couldn’t do much worse. Grade: D
I generally find westerns boring, not because of the setting but because they invariably are stupid, macho, and corny. I’ve found a few exceptions, most notably ‘Unforgiven’, so I thought I’d give this remake a shot, as it had the advantage of not featuring John Wayne, at least.
It’s not stupid, macho, or corny…but it is boring.
The problem is that the believable characters are unlikeable and the likeable characters are unbelievable. Jeff Bridges conveys about as much charm as Billy Bob Thornton in ‘Sling Blade’, but his character’s excuse (stupidity/alcoholism) isn’t near as valid as Thornton’s character (severe mental illness). And Thornton’s character at least has quirks…and interesting dialogue.
Vastly overrated.
Grade: D
And the award for Most Dumbass Pathetic White Trash Serial Killer goes to –
The big fat guy in this movie.
I’m not being desensitized to the atrocious, horrible things done in this movie and in “horror” films like it, I’m just amazed at how many of these works of horsesh1t actually make it to film…they’re all the same – Dull, Meaningless, Stupid, Gratuitous…I mean, when you make ‘Friday the 13th’ look inventive by comparison, that’s sad.
They say Truth is stranger than Fiction. In this case, it’s just as dull.
“Based On Actual Events”, so I guess there’s a big dumb fat guy in jail somewhere getting a royalty check from this.
Worthless tripe…everything ‘Land of the Dead’ is not and what ignorant morons would prefer it to be.
Grade: F-
It could use a bit more humor, as the few (refreshing) humorous moments make abundantly clear. It could also use better supporting actors outside the “main” ones. But the idea is ingenious, it’s well-written, well-made, Denzel Washington is great (as usual), Gary Oldman is delightfully weird (as usual), and Mila *bleepin* Kunis is the huge surprise…I didn’t expect much beyond (maybe) competence after seeing her accurately play a total ditz on ‘That 70’s Show’, but her character is intelligent, suitably emotional, and very believable.
To complain more, there are periods where it lags…but there are also some extremely interesting scenes and a few surpriiiiiiiiises.
Inspirational Quote: “Put that hand on me again you won’t get it back”
Evil IQ: “You don’t HAVE to understand…*I* understand…”
Grade: A-
8/30/14: It didn’t move me this time the way it has, but I think the above is still very accurate. And I wanted to quote one more time:
Inspirational Exchange:
“…I forgot to, live by what I learned from it.”
“Yeah, what’s that?”
“Just…do for others, more than you do for yourself. That’s what I got from it anyway.”
Grade: A-
As with most George Romero films, this is much better in conception than in reality.
The idea(s?) is smart and twisted enough, but too often it plods along and hammers home things that could better be delivered in a different way…after all, Insinuation really makes it happen.
Peter Stormare is a genuine weirdo, a la ‘8MM’, but most of the other characters are as featureless and bland as the lead is intended to be a symbol of…they should all be wearing masks.
Still, it has a certain style about it that makes it at least…well, mildly interesting.
Grade: C
How does a mere mortal go toe-to-toe with a Demon and have the outcome hanging in the balance until the very end? Ingenuity, patience, dedication, and a LOT of help from the Demon’s “Pride”.
Parts of it are fascinating and parts of it are hokey. Denzel Washington, as always, is brilliant.
Inspirational Quote: “You know why? Because cigarettes kill…”
Grade: B-
First, as brilliant a depiction of the simplicity, humility, and common decency of the Amish community as any documentary ever made on the subject.
Second, a completely forbidden and impossible love story made only that much more compelling by the inevitable tragic ending to it.
Third, a movie about a witness to murder and about police corruption.
In that order of importance and relevance.
Kelly McGillis glides easily from pure joy to sheer terror in the blink of an eye, as she is both totally fascinated with and totally repelled by Harrison Ford’s outsider and everything he represents.
It’s a bit of a disappointment that this was the best they could come up with to showcase the first two elements, as the third element is a bit dull and completely irrelevant to what anyone watching the movie is CARING about, assuming you’ve ever in your life wanted something you knew you couldn’t have.
Grade: A-
