Category: Movie/Long Subject Reviews

Sinister Southernbelle Reacts – First Time Watching – The Thing (1982) Movie Reaction

I was about to set this aside for the day or even dismiss it entirely, when I found that the host had some wit and natural brassiness to her. Still wasn’t sure how good it’d be, but worth a chance. *shrug*

I think in some cases (like this one, for example) the camerawork in a movie is a bit chaotic and imperfect for intentional reasons of tension, chaos and such, mostly re: horror movies…so we’ll agree (her and I) to disagree about that.

Highlights:
White Girl Dance Party
Alternate Ending finally made clear
Complex mathematics
*Censored*
More complex mathematics

Lowlights:
Plenty of jokes/clips fall flat…not horrific, just dull.
The movie itself is shown backwards. That is, right to left.

It has enough interest points, IMPO, especially as a new entry in the ‘First Time Watching’ genre, to be given a chance. But it’s just too flawed to rate it any higher.

Grade: C

Centane – First Time Watching – The Thing (1982) Movie Reaction

On the plus side, she seems intelligent and rather natural in her reaction. Like, not going overboard for viewers.

Quite frankly I find her a bit on the clinical side…I could go for a bit more emotion. But the only way to really know if this (and if her personality) is a good co-watch with you is to give it a shot.

She also speaks Norwegian, which is good if you want to know what the Norwegian man with a rifle is saying at the beginning.

Me, I find that her translation takes away from some of the mystery of the film. And that’s what it’s all about…who is who is it and when and where and how (and sometimes why)?

The movie being watched gives it its quality, but there are several other FTW examples of it that I prefer.

Inspirational Quote: “Checkmate…checkmate…”

Grade: C

First Time Watching – Reaction Videos

A great way to watch ‘The Thing’ fifteen times in the same day and have each watch vary at least slightly.

Basically, “First Time Watching” videos are for when you’re lonely and want to watch a movie with someone but noone else is into it.

A very useful purpose, I think, at times. The trick is finding the co-watchers that you enjoy co-watching with. So to that purpose, there are a lot of possibilities.

I would recommend giving each a try, and finding out which you like and which you don’t, simple as that. I’ll be watching and reviewing a lot of said reaction videos, with a review of the first-timers typically as well as the subject. That’s a very important part of the enjoyment here.

SPOILER AND NOTE: For copyright purposes, they DO NOT watch the entire film in their videos. So it’s more for re-watching an edited version of a film you know you like (‘The Thing’, I’m lookin’ at you) with someone you know you’ll enjoy watch discovering and reacting to for the first time.

The Sleep Experiment (2022)

Full-length film inspired by ‘The Russian Sleep Experiment’, a famous Creepypasta.

Obviously, they had to flesh it out (ha ha) to make it feature length.

It’s about what happens when five men are placed in an isolation chamber (decent room size) that is then filled with a gas designed to keep them awake for as long as the testing scientists want, in exchange for a promise of freedom at the end of the “test”.

As a whole I find it touch-and-go but never dismal; I think it’s worth a watch by itself (it’s good enough on its own) as well as for fans of the original CreepyPasta ‘Russian Sleep Experiment’ (at least for comparison).

It’s well made enough to hold one’s interest, but it doesn’t come near the graphic horror and grotesqueness of the “origin”.

Grade: C+

The Kentucky Fried Movie (1977)

To make it quick, this was written by Zucker/Abrahams/Zucker. They went on to write ‘Airplane!’, among others.

But this is minor-league baseball – where even the best stars first need to work out the kinks and learn the ropes.

Sometimes painfully.

So unless you really (REALLY) can’t get enough of ZAZ, stick with something else.

Grade: D-

The Metamorphosis (2012 Audiobook)

1915 story by Franz Kafka.

Incredibly creepy, right from the start.

From there, it just seems – from the main character’s reaction/narration – that it will be the same boring story of a traveling salesman with little attention paid to the fact that things have changed JUST A BIT as he’s now a huge insect. I mean…that would make selling a bit difficult, wouldn’t you think?

Fairly quickly, though, things seem to change…but very slowly in terms of how the narrator views things and thus describes things. Like a brain that is slowly turning from human to insect. I didn’t expect that, actually, and it’s an object of curious interest. CREEPY interest.

Everything just slowly and inevitably starts to collapse. Depressing.

Depressing because it is seemingly completely without reason; someone destroyed in an instant for no good reason, doomed to simply die slowly.

Inspirational Quote: “…simply have to overcome a slight indisposition for business reasons.”

IQ2: “It’s not fair it’s not FAIR!”

Grade: B

The King In Yellow (1895): The Complete Collection (Horrorbabble Audiobook, 2017)

Do you like pretension and open-to-any-interpretation? You’ll love this. No? It is then worthless to you.

Fine, the first four “Volumes” have some connections. Enough to maintain interest. But interest based on hope for something MORE, hope that these building blocks will pay off later. But they don’t. They are just LEFT THERE, as the author moves on to confusing insane writing *WITHOUT* connections.

I would try the first four, just to be sure, but trust me on the next six.

When I consider the year that this was published, it makes a LOT more sense. I mean, very few people probably had a then-current chance to read the work, so I imagine it encouraged clever people to gather together in groups with their majestic rare book and dwell on how all the common schmos had no idea this even existed…a shared, rare secret. But it’s not rare anymore. Anyone that wants to know whether they are sufficiently stoned or not could probably determine that by listening to a bit of this. If it sounded brilliant, “It all makes sense to me now!!!”, then you’re plenty stoned. Or plenty high. *riff riff*

If you have interest in this sort of thing, if you have interest in weirdness, if you have interest in H.P. Lovecraft, if you have interest in weird a$$ sh1t….if you WANT to like this, and KNOW it, and what it means, you may very well listen to EVERY line for any hint of anything it might (eventually) give. Oh well, I can’t stop you.

But don’t underestimate this: If you’re of sound mind and don’t wanna get a little freaked or laugh in wondrous surprise, it’s not for you.

Don’t let anyone tell you there’s anything brilliant to be discovered here, because there’s nothing brilliant being *SAID* here.

It’s brilliant nonsense rambling, and if you discover a meaning for yourself, it’s completely by accident…..you’ll try, of course, that’s only natural. Those that like trying and thinking odd, unbidden images will keep on with it, those that do not will stop pretty d@mn quickly.

I have no idea and don’t care enough to look into it, but does this have ANYTHING to do with King Crimson, the obviously much-later-on prog-rock band?

H.P. Lovecraft supposedly read this (and *LIKED* it, yet!), thus justifying its existence.

“Volume One”: A great moment in the history of insane first-person “narration”…At this point, without reading further, it seems as if the entire volume is meant to be a story written by a lunatic, and while it seems pretty insane, I was expecting (hoping?) for something a bit more “important”. A bit of mythos, in the vein of Cthulhu, to get really weird freaky things going.

“Volume Two”: Less varied and weird (less, still very)…not as “good”(?) as one but don’t even *THINK* about skipping chapters, this is a WORK, of art or cr@p or insanity, in any case a work, and it won’t do to pick-and-choose. A beautiful woman is at the center of this buried amidst the now-usual borderline-insane ramblings that go here, there, and/or everywhere.

“Volume Three”: Interesting musical ramblings and/or musings…(more) impressive insane ramblings.

“Volume Four”: Official ‘King In Yellow’ chapter of the Boston Red Sox! Vague reminders of 3 on occasion…and a vague resolution to the supposed theme that’s not any more or less meaningful as any independent ramblings thus far.

“Volume Five”: The origin of the fabled snipe? Love, birds, endless vistas, other weirda$$ sh1t…adding intermittent French has no effect whatsoever. I mean, you know it doesn’t mean anything more than the rest of the nonsense here. Sounds nicer, though…French is such a pretty language.

“Volume Six”: Repetition and sub-sub-titles…I was very thankful when I realized it was short.

“Volume Seven”: Puss? or Puss?…meh or calming, or both. I don’t remember, already.

“Volume Eight”: Oh God this is starting to make my brain bleed. War is – confusing and boring?

“Volume Nine”: Mocks itself at least once, very welcome and normal…French, American, (ew!) Latin…oh Dear God this whole thing is the worst audiobook I’ve ever listened to. Allow me to quote a hero of mine on something completely different: “For a long time I thought this was the worst rock band in history simply because it was the most pretentious, but sometimes pretensions are (at least partially) earned.”…painting tends to be a somewhat common mention…fish FISH a FISHY requisite t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t…”an ecstasy of trill”, now *that* is a cool description – finally. Crossdressing. A miracle. Lots of Rue…faster, faster…

“Volume Ten”: “Crimson, nor yellow…” Is this more evidence that King Crimson took this cr@p and tried to make it sane? Or did they try to keep it insane and go full-on pretense? Or is there no connection? Or who cares?…art teacher…longggggg smile…intermittent French as it builds to a CLIMAX. (No, not really…)…multitudinous love…greater than normal attention, hoping for and waiting for (but not expecting) an actual, meaningful ending that somehow sums things up in some small way at least. NOPE.

Inspirational Quote: “What?? What about the chicken?”

IQ2: “…(passages) that made (‘The King In Yellow’) such an admirable (audiobook) to fall asleep to.” – A Hero

Grade: C- (Upped three notches for inspiring talented writers)

First Time Watching – Overview

Are you bored and lonely? Looking to watch a movie with someone but also by yourself?

This is a category on Youtube where you can do pretty much that.

The quality varies wildly of course, and you’ll have to go through a lot of different “fellow watchers” before you find a Fav.

It can be enjoyable. Just remember – it’s cool to “watch with someone” at times, and in this case you can stop any time you want, and not have to interact in any way. So it’s good for semi-loners and/or really shy and/or depressed and/or socially awkward people.

BUT…they’re not really your “friends”. So avoid unhealthy obsessions. And keep your money in your pockets.

Word that will sear itself into your brain before too long: “Content”.

– Puppy

Cloverfield (2008)

One-line review choices:

1) “You gotta be fcken kidding…”
2) Statue-of-Liberty-head-nado.
3) Oh no, there goes Tokyo.

Take your pick.

It’s less than 75 minutes long, unless you like eternal credit scrolls.

There’s a cr@ppy end voiceover bit that was probably included so the movie could bill itself as an hour and a half.

Upped a notch for vague Cthulhu-ness and SPECIAL FX!

Inspirational Quote: “We’ve gotta get out of here…it’s time to leave the electronics store!”

Grade: D-

Hannibal (2001)

If there are two evil scumbags and both get away, that’s a tragedy.

If there are two evil scumbags and one gets away, that’s a shame.

If there are two evil scumbags and neither gets away, that’s a triumph.

Sure, so it’s interesting. It’s quite disturbing, undeniably.

Julianne Moore is not Clarice Starling, and I don’t root for Evil in its purest, most disgusting form.

But d@mnit, I am bound by critical integrity. ‘A Simple Plan’, your sway still holds.

Inspirational Quote From Julianne Moore: “The new Clarice would be very different…”

Inspirational Quote From Diane Chambers: “It is to laugh…”

Upped a notch for lingering dread.

Grade: B-

Psycho (1998)

For those of you who may have just missed ‘Psycho’, here it is again.

The only worthwhile effect of this absolute carbon-copy remake is that if you look in a movie listing and see ‘Psycho’ …listed, you don’t have to worry about which version it is.

Favorite actor/actress: Spider near the end, which shows more life than the rest of the cast. Not sure if it was a cockerel or a pullet.

Grade: F

Psycho (1960)

I don’t need blood and gore from a horror movie. But this is vastly over-rated.

Anthony Perkins is great as the Bates family, vastly-synonym pre-dating the Klumps. He acts well and does the best he can with his dialogue.

But the rest…they seem mostly cardboard, there’s little life to them at all. The dialogue-synonym-synonym seems contrived at times, random at other times, and only rarely does it produce a gem.

Everything from when she gets in the car to skip town until she meets Norman Bates is almost Wood-en…hardly the stuff of a classic.

The idea’s very creepy, of course. But it could have been done much better.

*shrug* It is what it is.

Inspirational Quote: “We all go a little mad sometimes.”

Grade: C-

Motel Hell (1980)

So dated. Oh well.

23:47-23:50: Trying really hard not to smile.

Kinda clever in parts. Ha.

No reason they shouldn’t be plantin’ the sheep right now.

“Worth a watch” if you like f’d up black comedy/horror (more comedy), even though it’s not the absolute apex.

51:13-51:43: Best whip use since Indy, I was going to say. But given the date, perhaps George Lucas found inspiration here.

Inspirational Quote: “I used…preservatives.”

Grade: D+

House On Willow Street (2016)

Lots of creepy images and scenes. Somewhat predictable. Actually VERY predictable, if you just go by the scary music warnings.

Not much character development.

BUT…the actors are decent enough. The idea isn’t exactly fresh and innovative…they seem to borrow a little here, a little there; stuff they liked, stuff they wanted to imitate, stuff they wanted to make their own…that’s my guess, at least.

So…predictably creepy, and interesting enough to give it a shot if you like that sort of thing.

ITMOM (Nice picture), ‘Night’ re-make uncle, ‘The Dead Zone’…you’ve seen some things before, but they’re not the WHOLE movie, so they’re kinda cool actually.

Zombieish, found footagey.

Inspirational Quote: “You should really let me go.”

Grade: D

Sarah Silverman: A Speck Of Dust (2017)

Gets off to a bit of a slow start, but then gets to her talent level fairly quickly.

Nice timing, some good jokes, some bad jokes, and LOTS of bad taste.

It just came to me: Sarah Silverman is Louis C.K.’s female understudy.

Clever girl.

Inspirational Quote: “I love them like my very own aborted fetuses.”

Grade: C+

Here Alone (2016)

Despite the 1-3 person drama (done tolerably well), this is a (tolerable) failure.

Because I don’t think it’s good enough to “believe” in the characters.

Because this is a zombie movie where the only echoes of zombie danger until about 20 minutes left are some weird screams (always in the background).

Only in the end does it get truly dramatic.

Stephen Donaldson, give me strength.

Grade: D-

Norm MacDonald: Hitler’s Dog, Gossip & Trickery (2017)

The great thing about Norm’s act/performing style is that it will go completely unnoticed when he finally goes senile and starts just rambling incoherently, without timing or interest in whether people can understand or not.

I’m sick of calling his attitude “brave”. It’s just fcken smug-a$$ dull by this point. If a bit of good humor comes out now and again, credit the law of averages.

Grade: D-

Anne Frank: The Whole Story (2001)

You know the story, of course. So the question is “how well will they tell it?”

This particular version has impressive performances by the female lead and Ben Kingsley.

The other characters seem peripheral – not bad, but not really good…”capable”.

It’s a little bit too teen-angst/cliche for me at parts in the beginning, but overall this is a pretty good movie. Nowhere near the power of ‘Schindler’s List’, but something I think should at least be given a chance.

Builds somewhat slowly after the capture – shows the gradual loss of anything that even resembles humane treatment.

Grade: C+

I Don’t Feel At Home In This World Anymore (2017)

Ignore the title. Ignore the description. Hell, ignore the movie.

Tired of creating innovative and interesting series, NF apparently decided to momentarily rest on their laurels and give us this movie-long hunk of total sh1t.

It’s not NEARLY as “menacing” as the title and description make it seem. That’s just BS advertising.

Of course, since it’s really stupid BUT well-written enough and well-acted enough to be convincing in its stupidity, this will be seen by some as a marvelous accomplishment; a prodigious achievement.

You said it, it’s putrid.

Upgrade to an A if you thought ‘The Big Lebowski’ was brilliant cinema.

Grade: F

(Dis)Honesty: The Truth About Lies (2015)

A documentary on how people lie, why, different circumstances, different perceptions, etc.

It’s a bit slow at first, and there are tedious moments.

However, the main speaker (who they cut to frequently) is both interesting and somewhat amusing.

And the overall interest factor in learning about the subject should keep your attention for the most part.

Grade: C+

Skins (2017)

It’s about people with major physical deformities: how they act, how they’re treated by “normal” people, how they feel about themselves, and their various friends/family.

Some of the visuals are disturbing, and parts of the movie are disturbing.

A bit difficult to grade…the makeup is very convincing, the characters seem real enough, and its message is at heart positive, about such people and the things they have to endure…AND about how they’re almost invariably better people than the ones that look “normal”.

But I think the idea of it could have been realized a lot better than it was.

If it sounds interesting, try the beginning, and go from there.

Grade: D