Category: Movie/Long Subject Reviews

Since Shyamalan was given a free pass to create whatever he wanted after making a great (and financially successful) movie in ’99, I take anything further that has his name on it with a grain of salt and a touch of apprehension.

He’s certainly talented, but when one is given complete freedom to indulge their ideas they tend to produce at least SOME really bad ones.

Therefore the main reason for hope with this was the presence of Joaquin Phoenix, whom I have never seen appear in a truly bad film.

Phoenix is fine, as are the rest, but imagine my surprise when the standout of this movie turned out to be someone I’d never heard of before (Bryce Dallas Howard) as Phoenix’s love interest and the real lead of the film.

The story itself is somewhat creepy and certainly well done (acted, directed, etc) but this is no ‘Sixth Sense’. It’s intriguing but not near compelling, without flagrant flaw but also devoid of a point of revelation.

The most intriguing moment is a turning point in the film that is masterfully directed and sets up the finale.

The finale has a certain charm and the lead actress continues to shine, but this is a pleasant exercise in nostalgia, wistfulness, and innocence. Nicely done, but don’t expect anything more than that…there’s nothing “thrilling” about it.

Grade: C

Setting: Post-apocalypse (frozen world)

Type: Zombie/infected/etc flick

MUCH better Bill Paxton movie available on NF streaming: ‘A Simple Plan’

Reason for review: See “Type”

As if it wasn’t bad enough, at the end it gets completely LaVeyan. What I go through…

Inspirational Quote: “No! No more runnin'” (guy who hasn’t run)

Inspirational Quote that could have been, near the end: “Game over, man!”

Grade: D-

More evidence that scumbags are scumbags, on either side of the law. Most of the gangsters seem like selfish pricks, and so do most of the cops.

Pacino (“Lefty”) and Depp (Brasco) do some pretty good acting – I don’t think either is capable of doing otherwise – and each plays a character with at least a little bit of honor and loyalty; sorely lacking in most of the rest.

The fact that they’re on the opposite side of the law makes the interaction intriguing: Brasco’s loyalty to his job has a genuine conflict with his loyalty to Lefty, whom he considers a friend (and vice versa).

They’re really the only two characters I give a d@mn about, because they’re the only characters that seem genuine and not just generic mob movie sh1t.

Depp in particular is interesting; both his conflict with Pacino and the other mob characters and the conflict within himself about what’s right and what’s wrong.

Gets better as it gets more complex: you wonder where the tangled web is eventually going to lead.

It’s a little slow at times, and it never reaches the heights I want it to, but not once do I feel the urge to turn it off. And it’s 126 minutes.

Inspirational Quote: “I’m not becoming like them Maggie, I am them.”

Grade: B-

Intelligent and well made, and though it’s not completely successful as either a horror or a comedy, it does usually come up with a twist to keep it fresh whenever you think it’s about to turn predictable/cliche.

Sometimes it’s creepy, sometimes it’s laid-back, sometimes it’s dark, sometimes it’s darkly amusing, sometimes it’s blatantly gory.

So it’s impressive…but it’s not as enjoyable to watch as most critics seem to think, for me. But I can see why some people might like it more.

As for acting, it’s solid all around, with the mother and daughter being above-solid impressive.

I laughed a few times, and I usually don’t laugh easily.

Some interesting improvised weaponry, too.

I believe there’s a remake in the works, and with a bigger budget and a little bit of script editing it could easily be better. Or, it could lose all its charm. Too close to call.

Inspirational Quote: “…and the rest is a blur. What’d you say?”

Grade: C

I’m impressed with Christian Bale’s dedication to getting into the right body form for the role, but I’m still not impressed with his typically wooden acting.

Pretty creepy movie, in theme and established tone.

But that’s it…it’s like a bad ‘Twilight Zone’ episode: no hook.

Not one that makes it worth watching at least.

Try ‘Memento’ instead. Similar and superior.

And no Christian Bale.

Grade: D+

Russell is obviously smarter, more knowledgeable, and more self-aware than he’s ever been, judging by his rants.

But why did all of this have to make him less funny?

Actual laughs: 3

Hard ones: 0

Upped a notch for info.

Inspirational Quote: “…just remember…that is NOT your oxen!”

Grade: D

The intro combines a lot of Terry Gilliam’s precise animated Python slices with a bit of Peckinpah’s ‘Salad Days’.

And it’s NOT trying to be funny…I don’t think.

The mini-movies after are useless dumb sh1t, with the following exceptions:

C: I don’t like it that much, but at least it has a message.

K: Creepy and surreal. Not bad.

Q: Not too bad…ironic.

R: Nice twist.

U: See C, only better.

A few of the rest are just dull or bad, but some are absolutely WRETCHED…my favorite worst is “Y”, which actually made me laugh: Yet another brilliant installment of first-class Asian Horror.

And like the first movie, sh1tloads of credits.

Actual length: Around 1:50.

Grade: D-

A “zombie” population becomes infected by sound.

It’s done fairly well but is mostly voiceovers and action on one set.

In the end it’s a lot of buildup with no legitimate payoff; an interesting idea that is not realized and a movie without characters to really care about.

Grade: D

Very, very weird.

It’s about a game within a game within…

Quite complicated. I don’t think it’s nearly as gripping as it is impressive/interesting; it does not envelop and engross as much as such a movie should.

However if you’re a fan of virtual reality, odd sci-fi, and/or cerebral sci-fi it’s something you need to see for yourself to decide.

Inspirational Quote: “Death to the Demon…”

Grade: C

7/14/18: The Great Grade Update. Grade: C+

Kinda creepy. But this is a “thriller” that’s not particularly thrilling.

That the filmmaker held my mild interest long enough to make me finish the film in the HOPE it would prove worthy via a payoff is an achievement. But don’t let it happen to you.

Cuz it ain’t worth it.

Grade: D-

Extremely unnecessary reboot, since the original was very-good-to-great.

Vastly inferior reworking with impressive action/FX/visuals, some (and I stress SOME) decent acting, and very little plot.

Gary Oldman (surprisingly) plays a relatively good guy, and he does it well. Keaton’s meh as sleazy-corporate-guy. And the Samuel L. Jackson bits kinda suck. I mean, he adds cheeze – especially at the end – just like he does to ‘The Great White Hype’ (NF Streaming, where the Hell is it??!!), but this doesn’t WANT cheeze.

Great use of one of the best songs ever to feature yodeling, though.

Inspirational Quote: “It’s the illusion…of free will.”

Grade: D

Two very damaged people find comfort with each other.

One of them is an actress who acts fairly convincingly.

The other is Nic Cage.

That’s why this is a failure.

If there is any message, it’s this: If your life is horrid and you feel there’s nothing to live for, find a hooker with a heart of gold and be honest with her. She’ll fall in love with you and be your saviour. Unless, of course, you don’t want one.

With the exception of that last sentence…didn’t that sort of cliche go out a long time ago?

Just say no to nihilism.

On Netflix Streaming until 3/1/15.

Grade: D-

An infection carried by rats slowly spreads, turning a portion of New York City into a mini-warzone, with the focus on two buildings.

People actually mutate into sort of rat-type things, which takes away from the horror factor and adds a cheeze factor.

Basically it’s Rage with some rat added…unfortunately. Rather a lot of rat, really.

Also lots of: heat, sweat, ironic happy music and claustrophobia.

Best during the buildup; drops off when it should kick into high gear.

Acting = decent

Cult following = undeserved

Well directed, but come on…it’s just not that good.

On Netflix Streaming until 3/1/15

Grade: D+

From Shane Carruth, the man who surprised the hell out of me with ‘Primer’.

VERY weird, very odd, very artsy, very well-made.

I have little idea what most of this means. It strikes me, from a purely logical and analytical standpoint, as something completely meaningless. It strikes me, in that sense, as something so incredibly pretentious it would make the worst artsy-horrid French filmmaker blush.

But I FEEL that there’s something here…it does not feel, as logically I know it should (in my mind), to be nonsense. It feels as though this is deep and important and possibly even profound.

What is the case? I don’t know, really. Perhaps the filmmaker, as he did in ‘Primer’, simply knows how to evoke feelings of meaning whether or not they exist. Perhaps his meaningless quirks happen to speak to my particular sensibilities for some reason I don’t understand.

Very perplexing, much like ‘Primer’. But unlike that movie, I don’t know WHY this is perplexing. For to be perplexed, one must care. And I do not know why I care.

In any case, this is beyond me: if it’s worthless nonsense then I was interested in worthless nonsense for the duration and inspired enough to write this long and felt a review.

If it’s more, I can’t say what.

It’s enough to make me actually question my subconscious mind – to wonder why I felt this way. Because I don’t know.

Either way, it’s something I’m glad I watched. But I can’t say why I’m glad nor can I explain the movie, really, in any worthwhile fashion to a non-viewer.

It’s like…listening to Brian Eno if I liked Brian Eno, or going on a trip without taking drugs. Unexplainable to one who does not experience, and that’s the way it should be. Maybe?

Tranquil.

It’s like…having a dream – that you don’t understand while it’s happening, and you don’t understand from what you recall imperfectly upon awakening. But nevertheless, it does make you refreshed and full of a mild wonder. Eventually it will fade, and then it will be impossible to recall why it had meaning at all. Because you never really knew, you just felt.

The writer and director also wrote the score, so the “experience” is solely his. I wish I could peek inside his mind to know what this is, if only to know whether it’s an F- or an A+. Because I can’t tell.

Inspirational Review: “While Upstream Color has a fair amount of (purely functional) dialogue, it’s essentially a silent film, obsessed not just with color but with texture and movement and rhythm.” – Mike D’Angelo

Grade: B-

7/14/18: The Great Grade Update. Grade: B

One of the most tasteless movies, beginning to end, that I have ever seen.

Gory, bloody, Americanized sequel that has two things the original didn’t: A bit of wit and some fairly consistent camp.

Of course it also has long periods of useless gore filler and useless non-gore filler, but it’s an improvement.

Inspirational Quote: “It’s not what it looks like!”

Grade: D

Incredibly bad zombie flick not to be confused with ‘Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter’, which is probably just as stupid.

My insistence on watching and reviewing anything zombie-related is both a burden and a comfort: I tried two sh1t movies before this (the terrible ‘Nightbreed’ and the polished-to-a-boring-sheen ‘Odd Thomas’) and stopped partway through each after realizing they weren’t worth the time. I knew that right away with this, but didn’t have to worry cuz I was locked in.

Abe’s weapon is TOTALLY bada$$, but even the camp value wears thin about halfway through. And without camp value it’s an F-.

Fav character: random bird walking on camera behind a tense scene.

Inspirational Quote: “Emancipate THIS!”

Grade: D-

Boring, nondescript space exploration movie padded with lots of commentary and repetition.

Six astronauts go to one of Jupiter’s moons and discover a small sample of life and some flickering and glowing lights. At the very end they discover something else; but it seems thrown in to give the movie a point, or an ending. And it’s nothing exciting.

The acting is ok but there’s nothing here. Not in character development, character interaction, emotional resonance…anything beyond mere competence.

The Wikipedia summary of the events of the movie is more exciting than the movie itself.

Grade: D-

This is a huge, meandering “epic” sci-fi failure salvaged only slightly by impressive/very ODD visuals and parts of Milla Jovovich’s character.

As you watch an array of ‘Hunger Games’-ish silly costumes parade by, the dislocated and disjointed bits of weirdness just keep on coming…the movie doesn’t.

The plot tries to be intricate but it’s just padded. The idea is a very simple one, blown out in bad ST:TOS fashion in ways that simply aren’t necessary and are often boring and/or annoying.

Luc Besson seems to be using some recycled ‘Professional’ material here: the sounds and light-of-salvation from the cabbie’s decision scene are right out of the hotel door-opening rescue.

I find Oldman’s appearance good only because it distracts from his out-RAY!-geous southern accent.

Milla Jovovich does fairly well as a combination of naive fish-out-of-water, ultrabad supreme-type being, and spouter of really fast gibberish. Her occasional cute comments, moments of shamelessness, and speedy nonsense are the movie’s highlights. If that’s not enough for you, skip it. Oh, and there’s lots of cleavage.

Exception: The anti-war message – featuring a convincing if brief performance by Jovovich – near the end is well done, and pretty powerful. Really, it’s the first GENUINELY “realistic” emotional moment in the entire film.

But it’s not enough, and there are none to follow.

Grade: D

Don’t think anyone really needs a summary. But I was watching it again (mostly to review it), so here’s a little blurb:

A man is transformed into a GENTLEMAN! Needless to say, it disgraces him for life…he can’t even look his CHILDREN in the face!

It’s held up pretty well. Interesting Three Stooges premise – though not as good as the Stooges episode – and decent writing and acting.

The only problem is that the vast majority of the last quarter is stupid, boring, and/or cliche. The Stooges sometimes had similar issues.

Grade: C

7/14/18: The Great Grade Update. Grade: C+

Nice animated intro: I’ll take his rejects.

If you’re expecting a movie about two sisters holding a man captive, that’s just a setup…most of the movie is the aftermath.

And while the setup is convincing and freaky, the aftermath is NOT “horror”…it’s dark drama, and not nearly as convincing.

And THEN it turns again, into a mediocre thriller.

And WHAT a brave and smart leading man! Everyone knows the best way to overcome trauma is to drag your supportive, loving wife into it while also neglecting her and her feelings!

Movie one of three was a fairly interesting short.

Grade: D-

A WHOLE LOT of atmospheric staring and whatnot.

Creepy idea about an island of psycho kids, acted out and written very badly.

And the ending scenes were obviously just footage from ‘Njorl’s Saga’.

Grade: F

Strikes me sort of like a British version of ‘The Burbs’…AT FIRST.

Elfie and friend are not-very-good-or-necessary “investigators” until a somewhat odd new family moves into town.

Basically it’s a “dark”-ish comedy in the lightest possible sense…up to a point.

Unfortunately, after a while of fairly decent buildup along those lines it finishes as a generic horror flick with a rather weak ending.

Disappointing, really…I was hoping for better.

To those perfectionists (not me. well, sometimes.) and Britons (sp?, Alba Gu Brath!) who criticize my usage of the US name and release date, this quote from Cliff in the spirit of fun:

“So if you Brits ever find yourselves in trouble against, uh, another major military power like Argentina, don’t worry about a thing. We Yanks will be there to bail you out just like we worked on the last two big ones, eh?”

Grade: D

7/14/18: The Great Grade Update. Grade: D+

I watched this to get over ‘Omnivores’…and to have a “January 2015” archive.

It was a light-hearted welcome to mock some of the really cheezy and Immortal-Arnold moments.

Basically this is just a mediocre if occasionally fun and somewhat visually impressive sci/fi-action cr@p vehicle for Schwarzenegger.

For a GOOD Philip K. Dick adaptation, try ‘Minority Report’.

Inspirational Quote: “I’ll blow this place up and be home in time for cornflakes.”

Grade: D+

Seeing “Fangoria” was a bad sign.

And indeed, it’s a cheap exploitation flick.

More graphic and disturbing than ‘Emanuelle And The Last Cannibals’ but not as well written, acted, or directed.

Cannibalism, really bad fake sex, and Torgo’s grandson.

Actual length: 1:18

Grade: F-

About a group of really-into-it LARPers (is there any other kind?).

Well the trick is either a) getting LARPers who can ACT – on film – or b) getting actors good enough to convince people they like LARPing when they don’t.

As a D+D fan I find it mildly interesting when it’s a mixture of playful/serious gaming, IC/OOC commenting, playful self-mockery, etc. This is done fairly well.

However, when it tries to become a “horror” movie, the lack of a budget makes it completely unscary and makes the rest not nearly as fun.

And this is about half an hour in.

It then gets progressively worse and worse until it is absolutely TERRIBLE.

D+D fans might like the first 30 mins or so.

Inspirational Quote: “We’ll be back you redneck c@cksuckers…this I vow.”

Grade: D-

Sucked in by the description? Me too.

The “main” story is supposedly about mankind’s effort to stop global warming by releasing a large amount of some chemical into the atmosphere – a plan that apparently backfires in a Twilight Zone “hot/cold” episode sort of a way.

But the real story is about a train containing the last remnants of humanity, where class and treatment are organized by proximity to the front (engine) of the train.

Apparently the train has been running for almost 20 years and the “upper”, “middle”, and “lower” classes have been more and more clearly defined, with the lower of course existing only to serve the upper. There’s also a sort of Godhood that has developed concerning the supposed leader, “Wilford”, and his sacred engine.

It’s got some really weird/freaky/stupid images and lines.

It’s also got some really weird/freaky/impressive images. Not many lines though.

The idea itself is enough to get through the low parts. I thought at one point it was going to grind to a halt (metaphorically speaking) but it actually got better as it went along, at least to a point.

More inspired than ‘The Hunger Games’, that’s for sure.

Grade: C+

Fairly obscure somewhat-dark comedy featuring Tom Hanks.

It’s not all that funny, but it is somewhat interesting if you like dark and cheezy.

Grade: D+

7/14/18: The Great Grade Update. Grade: C-

Finally, I spotted it. Saw it a LONG time ago (when it came out), and had to re-watch it to review it.

I like the zombieness allusions to the life of the main character.

The quick cuts are well done, it’s witty, and it’s pretty funny.

I think it’s a bit overrated, but still good.

Inspirational Quote: “We’re coming to get you Barbara!”

Grade: B-

Remake featuring a cool cameo from the star of the original.

Definitely some cheezy parts, with Donald Sutherland as the obvious acting highlight.

It’s cool to see Leonard Nimoy in something else, too.

Gets better as it goes along…although I have to say it’s not really an improvement over the original, more of an interesting slight alteration.

“The function of life is survival” – Wow, this movie was creepy enough when I thought they just turned you into an emotionless thing…but a LaVeyan??? Oh, the inhumanity.

Inspirational Scream: Wait for it…

Grade: C

A bunch of semi-famous actors talk about the lifestyle of being a non-STAR actor: the ups, the downs, the weirdness, the motivation, and so on.

It’s not exciting but it’s somewhat interesting, fairly informative, and occasionally amusing.

Inspirational Quote: “I had a job for three months…in a law firm…stapling.”

Grade: D+

7/14/18: The Great Grade Update. Grade: C-

Finally…after watching endless clips on Youtube, tis on Netflix Streaming.

Unfortunately the bits I’ve watched endlessly are the best bits.

Basically it’s a mixture of really good scenes and hokey, overly dramatic ones. Should have been cut down to about 1:45 and Wyatt’s immortal vengeance toned down JUST a bit.

The good scenes are enough to make it worth a watch, but it’s far from a classic.

Best acting by a longshot: Val Kilmer as Doc Holliday.

Inspirational Quote: “…I don’t.”

IQ2: “…I wasn’t.”

Grade: C+

Prequel to 2002’s ‘Cabin Fever’. Sort of. In a bogusy way.

Hmmm…mmmmhmmmm…HMMM… – it stinks.

Inspirational Quote: “We have to buy books, and…pencils.”

Grade: F

Come on, do you need a description? What happens when someone gets a – sorry, THE – monkey’s paw? Three wishes and a lot of twist to them. Really bad bleepin twist.

New Orleans…nice setting.

A somewhat interesting take on the premise. Pretty predictable, and VERY dark, but for horror movie fans, probably worth a watch.

Personally I found it got worse as it went along, as I realized there was less and less time for it to NOT be predictable, right til the end.

If you don’t like dark horror, you’ll hate it anyways.

Inspirational Quote: “So much for ‘lover not a fighter’, huh?”

Grade: D+

Extremely minimalist: almost the entire movie takes place between a couple in a small cottage.

The story involves some sort of plague that turns people into infected/zombie monsters. We don’t see the cause or very much of the effect, outside of the two featured characters.

As time goes on and on, supplies become scarce, tempers become short and both undergo a gradual descent into semi-insanity; he from his constant journeys out to get food and other supplies, she from her constant and unbroken complete isolation.

Things become a bit unclear near the end, when the story and visuals could be shown through either’s eyes, one or both of whom may be seeing incorrectly.

Overall it’s somewhat interesting, especially given the limitations of the setting. But as part of me cheers the lack of generic descent into zombie action, part of me grows bored at what is basically a very long story of a failing relationship.

Grade: C-

The Star Trek parallels are cool.

Basically a washed-up group of actors, beloved for a series in times past, cruises on that mutual love but finally begins to feel…well, washed-up.

Then it turns out that a REAL group of aliens wants to recruit the crew, who they believe to be real as well.

The female alien is kinda hot, and Tony Shalhoub is quite lucky.

I found it both amusing and actually somewhat moving.

Recommended to both Trek fans and Trek haters.

ON Netflix Streaming as of 10/1/14.

Grade: B

The opening credits should have been MST’d. Or better yet, not made.

Cheezy, badly acted body snatchers type movie.

Horrible FX too, and it only gets worse as it moves along.

All of which goes to prove my point: Tobe Hooper sucks, and Germans love David Hasselhoff.

Grade: F

About the 1919 Chicago “Black Sox”, some of whom got paid to lose the World Series, and the immediate fallout of that.

Last time I re-watched this I was disappointed. This time I was
somewhat pleasantly surprised. So I figure it’s somewhere in the middle.

A little too hokey, but fairly enjoyable.

On Netflix Streaming until 10/1/14.

Grade: C

An extremely powerful subject, obviously.

But while I was interested the whole way through, only near the end was I truly riveted.

I just don’t think the writing and acting were as great as they needed to be to truly realize such a film.

On Netflix Streaming until 10/1/14.

Grade: B-

Poorly animated sex and violence, with a mediocre rock score.

The story itself is about a green orb that spreads evil throughout the universe. Some of the stories are bad while others are somewhat interesting.

If you must watch, I recommend starting an hour in.

GASP…did ‘Legend of Huma’ rip off this ending?

If not, a pleasant coincidence, with a bit of Torm thrown in.

On Netflix Streaming until 10/1/14.

Grade: D+

It was going along ok until the laughable “social media” intros.

Made me think it was REALLY gonna suck, but since the plot sounded ‘Crazies’-ish, I figured I’d give it a bit longer…

So basically a small group of college students have to fend off badly fx’d infected – so they attempt to pull a NotLD boardup job almost immediately.

Luckily it’s unanimous…no Joe named Cooper.

But it’s second-rate all the way: acting, script, and FX.

Slow and painful, actually.

Grade: F

I remember really liking this movie when it came out. I also SEEM to remember that it wasn’t a like-because-I’m-12 movie. So it was very cool to see it on NF’s streaming list.

It’s a sincere, charming bit of fluff; sort of like the film version of Men At Work’s “Down Under”.

Made with care, for your enjoyment.

I still like it…nothing special, but it’s cute and fun.

Grade: B-

This is not a sympathy watch.

I never really much cared for Robin Williams as a comedian or an actor, but I remember his performance in this movie as being surprisingly good; not for the humor but for the dramatic acting.

Also, I remembered it had a good supporting cast including the great Forest Whitaker.

So, I watched it again when I saw it on “Newly Added”…

And it’s pretty good, at times. But like I remembered, the “funny” Williams bits were boring except for a couple, and there was a LOT of focus on them. Which made it impossible for Whitaker, serious Williams, Bruno Kirby, et al. to make it a good movie. So it’s…decent. A movie that demands a (short) highlight reel.

Grade: C

The intro has great potential but blows it, lacking in imagination and going for a cheap thrill. I mean, come on…even the OBVIOUS obligatory “audience cheers thinking it’s fake” angle escaped the screenwriter.

The theory discussion that follows is more interesting…but serves only to make me not lose interest, not salvage.

Then it goes mediocre…tries to establish lots of “intrigue”, fails –
all the “emotion” seems quite fake. And the action scenes are dumb. Not parody-dumb, just dumb.

The best parts are the ruminations of geeky-guy survivor from part one. But they’re scarce and not nearly enough.

As for other good things…ummm…well, it’s professional. But when the killer(s) is/are revealed I really couldn’t care less.

Huge disappointment.

Grade: D

Three things made me watch this: A mild hope that it might be
good/interesting, Forest Whitaker, and the fact it was going off NF
streaming soon.

Jared Leto stinks, Whitaker is Whitaker (very good), and the rest are ok.

The movie itself looks real and is professional, but nothing special – the characters don’t elicit emotional involvement even with the best efforts of Whitaker; whose character is the only one that felt real to me.

On Netflix Streaming until 9/1/14.

Grade: C-

First: Time travel. The easiest excuse to make any story happen or unhappen. Also the most glaring loophole, considering that there are inherently endless variations that could occur endlessly for all eternity, nothing ever fully and definitively REAL.

But enough about that sh1t.

This is, in my opinion, the last decent Trek movie.

The regular cast is good, the Borg queen is excellent, James Cromwell is very good, and I really like the Data/Queen interaction.

As far as a weakness, for me it’s Picard’s Borg obsession and the
scenes playing off of that.

And, the MAIN weakness, the movie-long battle scenes that intermittently interrupt and kinda bore after a while.

On Netflix Streaming until 9/1/14.

Inspirational Quote: “I’m a doctor, not a doorstop.”

Grade: C+

I heard the first one stunk, but it’s not available on NF streaming even though this is. So I settled for this. All zombie movies must be watched…that’s my bread and butter, man.

The main character is a roving camera that makes shooting the film a lot easier.

It’s all generic and goes for shock value – there’s nothing new here.

And it features moments of incredible stupidity, foremost of which is the ages-old “RUN PAST THEM instead of waiting the two minutes it takes for them to shamble into you as you complain about how you can’t get past them you MORONS!!!” complaint.

It’s decently acted and decently funded, but completely redundant.

So, for zombie fanatics only.

Decent ending, though.

On Netflix Streaming until 9/1/14.

Grade: D

Hey man, really 70’s.

The leadup is horrid: wretched script, bad acting, dullness, obligatory crotch-cam.

The horror part is really creepy, and it’s scary; but there’s only so much screaming with intermittent bad dialogue one can take before it’s just like “Ok…they’re insane, I get it…is that it?”

And it is.

Grade: C-

The intros from a couple of the companies that joined forces to make this are cool.

It maintains the illusion of competence until people start talking.

Badly written pretentious sh1t with a slight zombie presence.

Wretched. Kinda fun to watch in a cheezy sci-fi way, though, at times. So I’ve upped the grade.

And the, umm, special FX. Really…interesting. Wow.

Inspirational Alteration: FUBAB

Inspirational Quote: “That’s for robots only!”

Grade: F

Mostly unfunny foreign comedy/zombie flick.

A few interesting sequences, but nothing new to see here.

Grade: D-