Category: MST3K Reviews

Mystery Science Theater 3000: Hobgoblins (1998)

Unusually good for a post-Joel/Frank/Trace episode.

Helped greatly by a movie both completely cr@ppy and perfectly ripe for mockery: interesting enough in an awful way to prevent sleep/boredom and allow enjoyment of pretty good riffing.

Highlights:
amazingly wonderful characters
funky dance party
plot depth

and paraphrased guest highlight:
“Club S.C.U.M.”
“Oh, please…call me Club S.”
“No, I would rather go back to calling you Club S.C.U.M., Club S.C.U.M.”

Grade: B-

Mystery Science Theater 3000: Manos: The Hands Of Fate (1993)

Quite possibly the worst movie ever made.

A great short (‘Hired!’ Part Deux), pretty good riffing, good host segments, classic ending.

Inspirational Quote: “You know this scene is strong enough for a manos, but made for a womanos.”

Grade: B+

2/15/13: This is a must-see for anyone that doesn’t demand goodness in their greatness.  Grade: A-

Mystery Science Theater 3000: Final Justice (1999)

It’s sad when the highlight of a once-dismissively-and-easily-proud franchise is a noise made from a Yes song after it’s mentioned after a Yes gag.  With Mike Nelson on board, even cruising, it can’t get completely awful.  But at this point MST is closer to being riff-material than riff-master.

Should this have gone another season?  No. 

Inspirational Quote: “The Ugly, The Ugly, and The Ugly”

Grade: D-

Mystery Science Theater 3000: The Rebel Set (1992)

Short: ‘Johnny At The Fair’ – Not as good as ‘A Day At The Fair’, but still good.

Really bad movie that tries to be really serious with really bad actors and a really out-of-place and out-of-his-league wannabe-ringleader.

Really good choice. They don’t waste their chance, either…really good riffing.

Highlights:

The Hole
The Priest Chase
Merritt Stone(?)

Inspirational Quote: “In the hole!”

Grade: A-

9/12/12: I wanna add movies to my A list so bad I can TASTE it… :( Grade: B+

2/15/13: The short pushes it over the edge, and the movie holds up the standard. Grade: A-

Mystery Science Theater 3000: Soultaker (1999)

The best thing you can say about this movie: Well-intentioned.

The best thing you can say about the guest appearances of TV’s Frank and Joel Hodgson: Well-intentioned.

Missing two of its best writers and without Hodgson’s host segments, MST more often than not turns into this: a display of mediocrity, with Mike Nelson either bored or unable to carry so much of the load.

Inspirational Quote: “You know, I’d rather follow the story of the nuns getting home”

Grade: D-

Mystery Science Theater 3000: Night Of The Blood Beast (1996)

The departure of Frank Conniff, replaced very inadequately by Mary Jo Pehl, is the first major loss in the writing department.  I prefered Hodgson over Nelson (slightly), but Joel never did much writing except for the host segments.  TV’s Frank did…and Mary Jo is a big downgrade as both an actor and a writer.

So the riffing is more inconsistent than usual, and the host segments aren’t as good.

Inspirational Quote: “Wish in one hand and cr@p in the other and see which piles up first!”

Grade: D

Mystery Science Theater 3000: Santa Claus (1993)

My radio station is “Music to wag your tail to”.

This is movie to fall asleep to.

It’s just so well-intentioned that Mike and the bots just don’t seem to have the heart to really tear into it, and let’s face it…that’s what they do.  The host segments are below par, too.  Still, there’s a good line now and again…and if you’re having trouble sleeping, this may help.

Grade: D-

Mystery Science Theater 3000: Secret Agent Super Dragon (1993)

For die-hard Bond fans and for those who absolutely hate Bond movies, you might want to watch this.  It’s really, really bad…it tries to be Bond-ian(?) but it’s just really, really dull and stupid and incoherent.  The host segments are good (as usual), the riffing is best in the middle, and if you’re expecting “action”, you’ll either be amazed, amused, or extremely disappointed.

Grade: C+

Mystery Science Theater 3000: Monster A Go-Go (1993)

The featured short, ‘Circus On Ice’, is unfortunately fairly
accurate in foreshadowing the feature itself: It’s incredibly
dull, but not in that horribly cheezy or horribly just-plain-wrong
or horribly WRETCHED way that lends itself to riffing…so they
throw a bunch of ok jokes at it, generate a few laughs, but don’t
turn the experience into anything particularly worthwhile.

Then the movie starts.

Grade: D+

Mystery Science Theater 3000: Warrior Of The Lost World (1993)

Fairly typical, slightly above-average Joel-era MST3K movie/episode:

– really bad movie
– riffing that ranges from mediocre to (usually) pretty good to (occasionally) brilliant
– inability to capture your attention for the duration…you’ll laugh, you’ll moan, you’ll fall asleep
– evidence that it was easier to rip into the Shorts because they were funnier, easier prey, and (being short) they didn’t force the writers to over-extend themselves for too long a duration at a time.

Grade: B-

Mystery Science Theater 3000: The Movie (1996)

Not a bad episode of MST3K. 

But the shorts were always better than the movies.  And the studio bits are over-done and less-funny without TV’s Frank.

“Ok…see now, what separates the Metalunans, from like, “Hollywood” aliens, ok, is that that they have like they have huge heads, alright…ok, now now I don’t mean they have big egos, ok, cuz they don’t, alright…I mean their actual HEADS…are huge, alright…I mean they have to sleep sitting up, ok…like the Elephant Man, or they’ll die, alright…”

Grade: B-

1/30/13: Better the more I watch it.  Grade: B