Category: Puppy

Herbert West-Reanimator (2024 HorrorBabble Audiobook)

It’s been too long…I had forgotten what a cool voice this guy has, especially with this sort of material.

Incredibly racist story, of course, considering the author. So if you can’t handle that, don’t listen.

Incredibly creepy, also, of course, considering the author. Same.

Interesting story that holds your interest; at least, holds my interest…somewhat less so after the middle, unfortunately.

If you want to be suitably, ummm…”impressed”…listen to this after listening to/watching/etc… nothing at all creepy/sinister.

There’s a bit of wholly unnecessary repetition/”story so far” about halfway in.

And, after that, it sort of lulls (in an admittedly disgusting and horrible way).

West gets more and more horrible as this goes: not simply insane and/or perverse, but actually an object of true Evil self-indulgence.

Creepy before the ending, and creepy at the end…but I don’t think it quite fulfills its promise of the beginning as much as it could; more degenerating into a disgusting and much less intellectual gross-fest.

In any case, not for the faint of heart.

So here’s the deal: it starts off well, nice little intro, builds up in creepiness until it gets to a certain (good) level and maintains that for a while. Then, around the middle, it sums up needlessly and over-wordy (as opposed to otherworldly) “The Show So Far”. THEN, it continues on…but it doesn’t really build more on what it’s already said. It just stalls there, as if it doesn’t know where to go; as if all the insinuation and creeping darkness have been put out there, with no satisfying/gripping climax to continue to move towards. It trades in otherworldly/steadily creeeeeeping/buildupBuildupBUILDUP for static grossness. It can’t even maintain that, as it degenerates into the purely silly in an effort to keep going well after the worthwhile is done.

This should have been about half as long. If it WAS, it would have been great.

Grade: C+

American Zombieland (2020)

Well, it certainly makes me feel a bit butter (err better) about myself.

It’s gross in a fairly-clever-but-I-refuse-to-say-“well”-written sort of way til about 23 minutes in; then the zombie-ish-ness starts.

Is it a satire on people in general as being pretty nasty? As fighting their own kind, which not even fcken ZOMBIES do?

Or is it a guy making a movie about fat guys running and then gross sight/sound gags (major fart quotient) before the obligatory zombies?

Dunno. But I did actually sort of enjoy it, for whatever the hell it is.

Checking in at:
35:40 – ok…
47:45 – Yeah baby! Now there’s a title confusion for ya! (still fairly clever).
1:03:19 – mmmhmm.
1:14:44 – ok…
1:16:31 – gratuitous nudity!
Ending – weak.

Oh God it hurts. But still…

Inspirational Quote: “The truth is, your movie is a steaming pile of sh1t nuggets, with the production value of a home video shot by a deaf, blind amputee that is drunk on cheap gin. Please consider quitting filmmaking altogether.”

Grade: D+

The Dark Knight (2008)

I have no love for Christian Bale’s acting, and that is a major impediment in beginning to actually CARE while watching this. Meh.

The action scenes are good right from the start, on the other hand. I mean, literally, it ZOOMS into action. Impressive.

It certainly is dark…not for the faint of heart if you want the good guy to always win. Harsh.

LOTS of cool action scenes/explosions, actually…it just doesn’t let up. Very impressive FX.

Full of sound and fury, certainly. And not insignificant.

It certainly aroused some fury in me, but even more at Bateman’s gelding-snipped Batman than Ledger’s very-well-performed Joker.

The Joker’s arguments are, of course, bullsh1t. Anarchy sucks. But to be able to make me even THINK about them is an achievement.

If you find it slow, hang in there…it’s better nearer the end. And even better better nearer nearer the end. And…the end.

Now, to philosophize:

– NO HURT DOGGIES!!!

– I don’t find Batman’s “one rule” heroic or noble. I find it cowardly; the last bastion of one who is unable to put what SHOULD really matter first above all else.

– If someone threatened the lives of those *I* love, I wouldn’t kill them either. I would make the SLOTH “victim” from the movie ‘Seven’ look infinitely merciful in comparison. (Perhaps paraphrasing myself).

“I’ll give you a blood transfusion just to keep you alive.” (Perhaps paraphrasing K. Kristofferson).

I have to say, I was moved. Was it my mood? Certainly part of it…but I have to appreciate the quality in any case.

Inspirational Quote: “Sometimes people deserve to have their faith rewarded.”

Grade: B+

The Night Eats The World (2018)

So fcken SLOW to start, with nothing at all to indicate it will be anything but generic cr@p.

It does get a little interesting after a bit, though…the silent zombie screams are cool.

This movie dares to be boring, no doubt; but by about 31 minutes in I actually WANTED to keep watching.

42:26 – ’28 Days Later’ ripoff.

Sort of like ’28 Days Later’, actually, except that the intro-and-subsequent-solo-guy-plus-infected/zombies-only interaction goes on ’til about 1:02:15.

Hmmmmm…’Cast Away’ vibes? He does have a Wilson-ish partner.

He’s pretty good, actually. It’s KIND OF different, that’s gotta be worth SOMETHING by now with zombie movies.

Definitely interesting near the ending, with a pretty cool metaphor.

1:15:40 – END: Pay close attention.

This one actually makes you think, the “caged” metaphor being only the most obvious of them.

By the end, I’m surprised…pretty good stuff. Give it a shot if you have any interest in this genre.

I’d like to give it a higher grade, I really would…but there’s just too much dull, filler-type buildup.

Cut this down to an hour or so, it’s a B+.

That’s necessary filler/minor hint of things to come/necessary filler/minor hint of things to come/etc…/10 minute ending montage.

Grade: B-

Lots And Lots Of Stuff That I’ll Never Review

“While it’s well known that as one gets older, one tends to find changes in the world at large unsettling, confusing, f@cking irritating, a REBUKE TO ONE’S VERY EXISTENCE…it’s generally not a good idea to make a career out of saying so.”

– Greil Marcus

I have a terrible feeling of Deja Vu…

Natalie Gold – First Time Watching – 28 Days Later (2002) Movie Reaction

Really like this movie, so thought I’d give it an NG-slant try.

Lots of cursing, lots of naked-Cillian comments, lots of crying, laughing/excitement.

Three out of four = Per usual.

I think she over-analyzes the whole thing in the approximately 13 minutes at the end, which I found pretty dull.

If you haven’t seen this movie already, watch it (and NOT this).

If you HAVE seen this movie already, and don’t have a really emotional movie-watching friend to share it with, maybe give it a shot.

Overall, I don’t think I’ll come back to NG for a while…there are so many more options.

Grade: D

Inglourious Basterds (2009)

Quentin Tarantino uses his undisputed talent to make good movies, and then makes them worse with his dumb-a$$, stupid, laughable, dull, and/or annoying self-indulgences.

This is the best (worst) example thus far.

Why does he do it? Because he’s Quentin *bleepin* Tarantino, that’s why.

Lots of good scenes, lots of unnecessary cr@p.

Chapter One:

I don’t find the pipe funny, just absurd for the sake of it.

Christoph Waltz does a very good job being absurd at the same time as believable…the pipe is merely absurd.

And, unlike assumed intent, it’s NOT funny. It’s just…stupid. As if Tarantino himself is daring you not to like it.

Well, good job Cutie.

Chapter Two:

The Hugo Stiglitz intro is…ridiculously absurd, not funny. It – and others like it – are like much of the last season of ‘Monty Python’s Flying Circus’ : absurdity without the humor. Which is just pitiful and annoying. And a waste of surrounding (good) material.

And so on, and so on…

Fair with partly sh1tty.

Grade: C

JeruZalem (2015)

Nice little intro. FX hinted at: (Limited but) fairly impressive.

It’s a found-footage film for the most part, and is at least convincing in that.

I like the little distractions that seem realistic and have nothing to do with the plot.

Decent callback around 1:13:30.

All that being said, it never REALLY gets “good”. It’s an object of (limited) interest.

Grade: D+

Kitboga – My Best Revenge Scam Call Ever – Extreme Scammer Rage

I love this guy. The future’s so bright, he’s gotta wear shades.

Most people are selfish, greedy a$$holes, and this guy’s scammers are the definition of this: Their motivation in life is money, at all costs.

Disgusting and pathetic.

Scammers focus on easier targets most of all. If you know any very elderly or disabled people, make sure they are safe.

The episodes are all very similar; if you like this, you’ll probably like the others. So I’m not going to give grades for each episode…I encourage you to watch or not based on interest in this.

One more thing: Even if you don’t like this, he’s doing Good, so I urge you to support anti-scammers.

Feeling good out of doing Good…that’s the greatest feeling in the world.

Inspirational Quote: “I’m left-handy.”

Maternal Instinct Warning

In a very distant-past post entitled “Maternal Instinct”, there is an audio file that I have just realized is infected with some sort of virus.

My antivirus software displayed the problem in advance when I attempted to play it today (good stuff) so there was no effect.

However, for the benefit of anyone ELSE out there that might be even possibly thinking of listening to it…don’t.

I’m a firm believer in (peaceful, of course) massive retaliation, though, so don’t worry…I’ll get a nice cleanpristine version and upload it here and on my Facebook account. And maybe every month or so I’ll re-post it. And get a custom-made t-shirt and fliers made. “Cuz I’m stupid like that.”

I was bored and depressed. Thanks for giving me motivation!

“Like it? … I fcken LOVE it!!!”

– Puppy

P.S. – Original post was made about eleven years ago, and no complaint has ever been made concerning it.

– Puppy

1950s Let’s Make A Sandwich

Flickery.

I think that’s the same girl from ‘A Date With Your Family’.

Not her best work.

Two boys gobble and gulp down cr@p at the beginning and end.

It’s pretty short, so if you wanna watch something that could not possibly in any way offend you and that will make you feel better in comparison…

*shrug*

As with most other similar “shorts”, it’s pretty close to worthless without professionals mocking it for you (e.g. Mike or Joel).

Grade: D

1950s, How To Be A Housewife

*CRACKLE*

Flickers, bad cuts, bland voice-over.

Talks about lots of palatable pleasures.

The usual recent-lobotomy-happy background music and sexist drivel.

This one has a lamb fetish.

*shrug* It’s not nearly as funny without Joel or Mike mocking it, but if you’re drunk or stoned you could probably get a kick out of it.

And if you’re feeling old, this will cheer you up a bit.

Grade: D+

Filter

The Very Best Things (1995-2008) (2009)

Why didn’t I review this band before? I mean, I don’t LOVE them, but I’ve reviewed plenty of (obviously) (much) lesser bands.

Oh well. Here goes…

Sounds good from the start. “Hey Man, Nice Shot” isn’t about Kurt Cobain, to make it less interesting for you.

It’s got a shorter version of The Crystal Method’s “Trip Like I Do” that rocks.

But wait, there’s less!

Takes a dip after track five, but even the filler isn’t all that bad.

I really like Richard Patrick’s voice; when soft it conveys sensitivity and yearning, but he can also roar in fury with the best of them, and he seems to know when to do which most effectively.

Inspirational Quote: “Oh my God, this is the best…”

(“Hey Man, Nice Shot”, “Jurassitol”, “Take A Picture”)

Grade: B+

RiffTrax – Emergencies – What Would You Do?

Don’t Panic.

Talk about atrocious/wooden acting. Not complaining, it makes the riffing that much easier and more enjoyable.

It certainly doesn’t make you think, so it’s an amusing little time-killer.

Inspirational Quote: “He’s gone. Quick, let’s bone until we can’t move anymore.”

Grade: B

Cube (1997)

Creepy, at the very start. But that’s the problem: it never gets any creepier, like they shot their wad on a compelling intro to pull in the viewers.

There are some nasty visuals throughout, but not as many as you’d like in a movie where that’s the only thing of real interest. And if you struggle through movies with nasty visuals because you want to hang in there for the acting and storytelling and character development…yikes. Never, never, never watch this.

Starts getting pretentious and unbelievable not too far in.

Character connections and conflicts and just interactions in general seem a bit forced; done out of necessity.

Lots of overacting – especially the cop. And the characters’ personalities seem to shift rather than maintain or evolve.

It’s poorly written and – for the most part – poorly acted.

Lowered a notch for screwing up such a simple horror concept.

Canada, what happened to you?

Inspirational Quote: “It’s ASTRO-NOMICAL!”

Grade: F

And Then There Were None (2015 English Television Miniseries)

The audiobook is the best version of this tale, but this is superior to the 1945 film version, and more in line with the book.

Pretty well done (nice visuals and audio) and it has Sam Neill (can’t be bad).

But there are some mediocre moments of script/acting and it’s not carried through consistently.

17:20 of part 3 (of 3) – Nice little change of pace.

Grade: C

Paul McCartney And Wings

Band On The Run (1973)

The general critical consensus, as I understand it, is that most of Paul’s post-Beatles work is substandard.

And there’s a LOT of it, so I’m not going to waste my time.

This, on the other hand, is a pretty good album if you don’t expect too much from it.
And if you include the original American album release track “Helen Wheels”.
(“Band On The Run”, “Jet”)

Grade: B-

Nefarious (2023)

It’s almost all a conversation/debate/conflict/etc between two entities.

The acting is pretty good, I think. The psychiatrist is rock-solid if somewhat overshadowed, and the “demon” is quite impressive, I think…very interesting, if a bit too much of a blinker.

Lots to think about, I think…a lot of interesting questions are asked, a lot of interesting statements are made.

Lots of anger, frustration, push-pull…

There’s a great section of discussion that I can really relate to, regarding the wisdom of a battle against an omnipotent creator…regarding “the moral of the thing” in unwinnable struggles.

Stupidity/Insanity or Bravery/Courageous Defiance.

Creepy…certainly at least somewhat intriguing…somewhat “original”…

Not a masterpiece, certainly…some predictable moments, some cheezy moments…

Moving at times though, also, certainly…again, a nice intellectual boxing match from both actors.

I wonder…am I sad, or glad, that it’s not a masterpiece? Because if it was, it would be HORRIFYING.

33:59-39:00 – Great discussion, nice to have it done so well.

If it’s trying to “make a statement”, to “convert” (so to speak) to any religious/moral IRL position, I’m not buying it.

Thank…God?

Interesting and thought-provoking and disturbing though, at least somewhat, and I’m glad I watched it.

There are times when I think “Ok, this is starting to fall apart…” but it never really totally does.

But I hate the ‘Blair Witch’ attempt to pretend it’s meaningful in any way by talking about “demonic manifestations” and an exorcism reportedly taking place on set during production.

You don’t have to be Christian to be Good. You don’t have to be an atheist to be Evil. And vice-versa: there is no intrinsic connection between religion and morality.

Good and Evil is a question of morality. Choose to be Good, please. And do so because you BELIEVE in doing so, regardless of religion (or lack thereof).

FAIR USE: CRITICISM – And anyway, this question has already been answered, like it or not:

Nice ending, too.

Inspirational Quote: “I mean…what happens to an atheist uh, that is confronted by Demonic Evil?”

Grade: B-

Animal Farm (2020 YouTube Audiobook)

From the 1945 George Orwell novel.

Simple enough for a child to read but deep enough to make an adult think.

Things slowwwly get just a bit worse, and worse, and worse…

PLOT POINT: Around 1:09.

This “fairy story” gets darker and darker as it goes along.

Nastier plot point: 1:48:25.

Very depressing, but a very important book.

Inspirational Quote: “There were days when they felt that they would sooner have had less figures and more food.”

Grade: A

Day Of The Dead 2: Contagium (2005)

Cr@ppy “infected” flick that’s completely unrelated to Romero’s ‘Dead’ series.

Haha…interesting dining room scene, I must say. Around 1:27:55.

There’s an ‘Evil Dead’-ish funny moment or two, but pretty much everything else is a waste of your time.

Actual length: 1:39:09

Inspirational Quote: “I always hated your food.”

Grade: D-

Twilight Zone: The Movie (1983)

Four “Episodes” after a decent intro segment.

First:

A pissed-off, outspoken racist man has some extremely unpleasant experiences that alter his views on people in general.
1 – Pretty good
2 – Obvious/Cliche, and
3 – Obvious/Watch out for snakes!

The ending doesn’t get maudlin, thankfully, in the true spirit of the original series.

Second:

Boring and cliche take on aging and the desire to be young again.

Fresh young minds. Nom nom nom…

Third:

Modern update of sorts on ‘It’s A Good Life’, one of the best TZ episodes ever.

Definite creepy feeling when you realize (if you hadn’t been prepared for it) what’s up and wonder where it will take you, as the upside is definitely enticing.

I won’t ruin that other than to say that it delivers, at least somewhat. I was pretty impressed, actually.

Worth a watch.

Fourth:

(Singing) “Only (an inferior and unnecessary ‘Nightmare At 20,000 Feet’ remake) pads the film…”

Decent extro segment.

Quite frankly I think only the intro/extro, first-of-the-first and third are worthy of viewing.

Grade: D+

Birdemic: Shock And Terror (2010)

I couldn’t imagine a dumber opening, given the title of the “film”.

Main Street field, walking as a robot trying to be a human (Phantom Creeping), creepy waitress scene…

I’ve got a good idea of my grade, barring a miracle…now, to relax and enjoy with the occasional comment.

– A riveting response to Tracy Chapman’s “Fast Car”.
– FREEZE FRAME
– Imagine random out of place printouts
– The Clap
– Rotting Carcass
– Calm panning shots
– The Bird Blitz

Then it gets BAD.

Truly horrendous in every way.

A must-see.

Inspirational Quote: “Congratulations!”

Grade: F-

Pupdate – 11/26/24 (Boston Vs. New York – Sporting Events, An Unbelievably Anal Analysis (By Puppy))

Since publishing this post on 5/17/13, here is what’s happened in terms of championships:

NBA:

Celtics: 1 championship

Knicks/Nets: 0 championships
—
MLB:

Red Sox: 2 championships

Yankees/Mets: 0 championships
—
NHL:

Boston Bruins: 0 championships

Islanders/Rangers/Sabres: 0 championships
—
NFL:

Patriots: 3 championships

Bills/Giants/Jets: 0 championships

TOTAL:
Boston: 6 championships
New York: 0 championships
—
But hey, it’s just a game…chin up.

Hmmm…maybe we should forget about New York and go back to “BEAT L.A.!!!”, at least that’d be competitive.

Deep Puppy Thoughts (Part 262 – Hackers)

Since I have my glorified blog backed up in several remote locations, you’d actually be doing me a favor (monetarily) by succeeding in destroying this site.

I mean…I’d just have to get a new hobby.

*shrug* You’re not doing very well, anyways.

Everything here is somewhere(s) remote, so have at it.

I just like taunting you.

– Puppy

Lana Del Rey

Born To Die: The Paradise Edition (2012)

What have I been missing out on all this time, all this music, all these years, all these artists dismissed/ignored?

Anything? Nothing?

I sorta wish/wished it was the latter.

But I can’t dismiss *this* album, at the least, and it indicates that maybe Greil Marcus was right about getting old.

Dreamy.

I think she wrote it all herself; if she was just a voice to someone else’s words and ideas I doubt I’d be impressed.

Dreamy…sad…

Do you know those times when you’re sad, forlorn, deeply moved, blown away, a single tear rolls down your cheek…for no reason?

She does.

And, thankfully, so do I.

Norman fcken great! I mean, in a way I hate this…now I have no choice but to catch up on a decade of music.

Not all dreams are revelatory, but these are all at least…pleasant. And no fcken nightmares.

Alba Gu Brath.
(“Video Games”, “Diet Mountain Dew”, “Dark Paradise”, “Body Electric”)

Grade: B+

2/12/25: Further listenings call for scalping off a few of the lesser ones here, mostly in the second half. Still a really nice atmosphere, though.

Grade: B

Bonnie Tyler

Faster Than The Speed Of Night (1983)

Distinctive vocals, that’s for sure. But my overall displeasure at the musical results is just as distinct.

There’s one great female-Meatloaf-ian song (no, not the “I’d do anything for love…” one), but most of it is just embarrassing and/or head-shaking and giggle-producing.

And it’s covers plus hired songwriting; nothing from Ms. Tyler. I *hate* that.

“I’m livin’ in a powder keg and kickin’up sparks…” *blazingly defiant, energy coursing through me, shown in my eyes and crooked smile*

Mine’s better :P
(“Total Eclipse Of The Heart”)

Grade: D-