Category: Puppy

“Hark The Herald Angels Sing” – Antitheist Version (By Puppy)

Hark the fictional creatures invented by man sing,

“Glory to the newborn male child who is NOT the son of God so stop kidding yourselves!

Peace on earth and mercy mild,

Barely possible only on a strong 6 with 7 equaling impossible degree of likelihood “being” and pointless outdated term that is meaningless because there’s no such thing re-con-ciled”

Joyful, all ye nations rise,

Join the triumph of the skies although that doesn’t make sense because the sky is merely sky

With the meaningless adjective because of almost certain non-existence of factual existence of noun proclaim:

“Christ is born in Bethlehem, although we remind you he was just a man and actually his very existence is open for debate but that’s another story and this verse is getting too long”

Hark! the fictional creatures invented by man sing,

“Glory to the newborn male child who is NOT the son of God so stop kidding yourselves!”

And so on, and so on…

Just For The Record

“Westboro Baptist Church says it will picket vigil for Connecticut school shooting victims” – Internet Article Headline

What a bunch of hateful, nasty, horrible, small-minded, non-Christian pieces of human garbage.

Yeah…you can quote me on that.

And NO, when I say “non-Christian” I am NOT suggesting anything against REAL non-Christians…I’m suggesting that they have NO IDEA what Christianity is really about and are NOT “examples” of disciples of Jesus Christ, whether you believe he was the son of God or not, whether you believe in God or not.

This, along with previous posts showing callous and completely insensitive atheists, just goes to prove my belief:

It’s the morality, not the religion (or lack thereof).

I think what’s difficult for most Antitheists to grasp about me is that it’s not as easy to dismiss me as certain others.  Because, as an Agnostic, the “don’t push your God on us” argument is invalid.  I don’t HAVE a God.  I’m Agnostic.  I’m just not an arrogant snot-nosed pseudo-intellectual, that’s all.

Also, since I’m none of the following, I can’t be denigrated on that basis:
Racist, sexist, homophobic, anti-semitic, fascist, ultra-conservative…

And while I’m not the most intelligent person in the world, I think I’m at least moderately smart.

So, to borrow a Richard Dawkins expression, since I’m more difficult to dismiss with practiced propaganda for a designated group, I tend to turn haughty snobs into “intellectual cowards” (I know, he was referring to Agnostics…that’s why it’s so FUNNY that I used it!!!) who, while VERY comfortable posting in the company of thousands of their own, are seemingly afraid of a one-on-one discussion…since NONE of them has attempted to post here. 

And come on…I get more hits than AtP does at this point.  Really…I do.

I mean, it’s not like they TRY to post and I censor them…obviously, a one-on-one conversation is a bit scary.  Look up “bully” on wiktionary, and apply it to the intellectual instead of the physical.

BTW, I wrote this in about 4 minutes…cuz it’s how I really feel, so I don’t have to edit it for propagandic “effectiveness” purposes.  HA!  I’m a funny guy!!!

-Puppy >.< Yip!

Ummm…Wait…I Was Wrong – SNL Tribute Protests!

“If any of the fallen were from a non-Christian background, I don’t think it was appropriate to honor them with Silent Night”

Wow…maybe SNL should have called up the mothers and fathers of the murdered children to check on their religious backgrounds before deciding on their choice of song???!!!

Now I know what the “Insane Left” version of the “Insane Right” is.
…
“‘Imagine’ would have work as well, but religious zealots seem to believe only as long as god(s) are CONSTANTLY confirmed and validated by OTHERS; in song, in print, by public display, in classrooms, courthouses, etc. etc.”

So you’re saying that Saturday Night Live is controlled by religious zealots?  Wow.
…
“It’s a nice gesture by SNL, but what in the world does praising jesus have to do with what happened in CT? Sorry, folks, but somebody needs to voice some reason here. The choice of Silent Night was a wholly inappropriate one.”

So the Leftists that criticize the PC Right are now becoming PC?  Wow.
…
“A sweet notion, but why does a song about Jesus make sense as a tribute?”

You don’t understand…and you never will. :)
…
Also, some guy said “straw man”…these A’s just LOVE Wikipedia’s “logical fallacies” page!

-Puppy >.< Yip!

Freedom Of Speech – Just Watch What You Say

“Dear God, Protect our President and the people of Ct. Mend the
parents broken hearts, give them peace and the strength to go on.
Keep all the citizens in your loving arms. In this I ask in your
son Jesus name.” – Huffpost comment

“Wow, how silly of you.” – Huffpost comment response.

Ah…another warm, loving antitheist.

Neither rain nor sleet nor horrific tragedy shall keep them from their appointed rounds. I was surprised there wasn’t an anti-SNL protest for choosing the song “Silent Night”. I guess 20 dead children is enough to warrant a one-day reprieve, if only for purposes of public perception of propaganda. Then again, I’m demonstrably daft given prior perusal of posts. -Puppy >.< Yip!

Brain Dead (2007)

More of an “alien invasion” movie than a zombie movie…it’s very aggressive (the) stuff.

At the beginning (and let’s be fair, before it even started) I thought it was gonna suck.

But the scene cuts show a basic level of directing competence, there’s lots of gratuitous nudity in the beginning to lure you in (if you like that sort of thing), they spent the money on some gratuitous gory shots sprinkled throughout (if you like that sort of thing), and it seems to at least KNOW that it’s stupid and try to have a little fun with that in mind.

And, surprisingly, it does. It’s fairly witty/amusing/enjoyable, for what it is.

Featuring some fishermen who don’t catch any fish, BUT they do manage to snag a Forestry Service official briefly.

Recommended mildly to horror/gore parody fans.

Inspirational Quote: “Lick me, c@nt-biscuit!”

Grade: C-

Autumn (2009)

The jig is up, the news is out, I finally watched thee.
From Renegade, why was it made? Oh woe-oooo-oe IS me…

Etc, etc, etc…

It’s a lot like ’28 Days Later’, except it sucks.  Lots of extreme over-drama.  And lots of British and British-esque accents and slang, cuz everyone knows people dig that.

Also, there’s no gore.  Apparently the disgusting special effects were scrapped over budgetary concerns.

1:02:35 – Vicious, completely unprovoked toupee assault.

SAME-DAY EDIT: I can never listen to “Forever Autumn” again…too depressing a thought.

Despite being listed at 110 minutes, the actual “zombie” part doesn’t start until around the 56 minute mark, inspiring the quote below.

Inspirational Quote: “This is gettin’ stupid…”

Grade: F

Why My Posts Sometimes Seem To Support Certain Groups/Ideologies/Ideas And At Other Times Oppose Them – Quote Rip By Puppy

“If you make enemies on both sides of the border, you’ll end up dead.”
“We all end up dead. It’s just a question of how, and why.” – Braveheart

“Authenticity is invaluable” – Jim Jarmusch

“Well that’s the test of all tests, if you ask me.” *Pauses briefly* “I’m in.” – Young Guns

“Those things that are easily understood are rather shallow.” – Yamamoto Tsunetomo

Recycled Parts (2007)

Ahhhhh…a Christmas movie!

Oops sorry…a non-religious-change-of-seasons movie!

Horrible acting/dialogue, woman hit by car (the “action” scene), horrible acting/dialogue.

And when I say horrible acting, I mean both that the acting itself is horrible, and that the type of horribleness changes frequently: sometimes severe-over, sometimes what-do-I-do-under.

And when I say horrible dialogue, I mean both that the dialogue itself is horrible, and that it’s spoken in horribly irregular patterns/tones: as if they didn’t actually rehearse and they’re just badly improvising how to say the horrible dialogue as they go along.

Other than that it’s great.

Grade: F-

In The A-Spirit Of The A-Season…

To those that suggest a world without religion would promote
greater free thought and world peace, a few examples of famous
Atheists/Antitheists in (relatively recent) history and what
they “accomplished”.

Mao Zedong (Mao Tse-Tung):
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mao_zedong

Vladimir Ilyich Lenin
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lenin

Joseph Stalin
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Joseph_stalin

Saloth Sar (Pol Pot)
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pol_Pot

Benito Mussolini
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Benito_mussolini

Slobodan Milosevic
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Slobodan_Milo%C5%A1evi%C4%87

Nicolae Ceausescu
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nicolae_ceau%C8%99escu

Jacques Hebert
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jacques_H%C3%A9bert

Tomas Garrido Canabal (Founder of the “Red Shirts”)
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tom%C3%A1s_Garrido_Canabal

Enver Hoxha
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Enver_Hoxha

Moral: It’s not the religion, it’s the morality.  Peace.

-Puppy >.< Yip!

Better, Better…But WAHHHH!!!!

Well, Crusading Atheist propaganda is certainly sharpening and becoming (while not more intelligent) certainly more effective (Which, as famous propagandists historically concur, is the only necessary thing).

2011: “37 Million Americans know MYTHS when they see them… What myths do you see?” (Pictures of Jesus, Santa, Poseidon, and the Devil) – American Atheists

2012: “Keep the Merry! Dump the Myth!” (Picture of Santa for “Merry”, picture of Jesus for “Myth”) – American Atheists

KIDS SKIP THE NEXT PARAGRAPH!!!!!!!

Now set aside the obvious contradiction in these two billboards by the SAME ORGANIZATION (One says Santa is a myth, the other implies quite obviously that, since you can’t “keep” AND “dump” the same thing, ONE of the pictures logically is NOT a myth…and since “myth” is next to Jesus, Santa is therefore, according to American Atheists, NOT a myth).

Thank you.

They must have had a meeting after 2011 and someone said “You know…putting Santa on that billboard was a mistake.  It made people think we’re just a bunch of arrogant little jerks who don’t care how many children who see it cry profusely as long as we make our point.”

So, to give credit where credit is due, they learned from their mistake and refocused their propaganda so that they could avoid crying children AND ALSO, at the same time, make those kids ask their parents “Why is Jesus up there with Santa, and what is a “myth”?”, thereby pushing their propaganda into people’s heads while they’re YOUNG, which, as ANY propagandist will tell you, is the BEST time to do it.  (e.g. Hitler Youth).

Maybe they’ve been watching ‘The Goebbels Experiment’, but whatever the cause, they’ve figured out the following, as quoted from Adolf Hitler: 

“The most brilliant propagandist technique will yield no success unless one fundamental principle is borne in mind constantly – it must confine itself to a few points and repeat them over and over.”

Can’t wait for next season, maybe they’ll put out a film. ‘Triumph Of The Reason’?

-Puppy >.< Yip!

Rubber (2010)

A psychokinetic tire rolls around and blows things up. 

That’s it.  Really.

The intro “explanation” ruins any chance this has of being the next ‘Troll 2’: a truly sincere piece of utter horsesh1t, and the (very slight) “artiness” ruins any chance of it being the next ‘Hobo With A Shotgun’: a truly campy piece of utter horsesh1t.

It’s certainly got “tasteless” and “pointless” down, but because it’s one of the stupidest things I’ve ever seen, it struggles mightily to nab “interesting”.

Grade: D-

Merrie Melodies – Rabbit Punch (1948)

Highs:
Bugs’ flexing attempt
stragety
canvas love
astounding play-by-play
nice game of cards
complications, yet
excessive bandaging
dance-appreciation punch
massive cheating
unreliable film

Lows:
Intro
getting it while it’s explosive

Grade: B-

12/25/12: I think I was overly critical at first because I was afraid of over-rating them.  Why?  *BH* “You like (these cartoons), don’t you Richie?
*RTH* “Like (them)?  You kiddin’ me? I fcken LOVE them!”
Grade: B

Thoughts While Watching The Patriots (Week Fourteen)

“It really (ticked) me off.  It was disrespectful to us to run the same play over and over and be successful,” – Miami Dolphins defensive tackle Tony McDaniel

Hmmm…after careful consideration, let me respond thusly…

YOU’RE A MORON.

It wasn’t disrespectful to try to run out the clock while also scoring…it was intelligent.

I think the word you’re looking for is “embarrassing”, to describe your complete inability to stop them even when you KNEW they were going to “RUN THE SAME PLAY OVER AND OVER”.

-Puppy >.< Yip!

UPDATE: Tom Brady disrespects the Texans by completing a pass, and Aaron Hernandez TOTALLY disrespects the effort by a Texan to recover a fumble by recovering it instead.

Whale Rider (2003)

When you’re desperate for something outside of Hollywood to be revelatory, a well-intentioned and well-made but fairly non-descript (besides the scenery) and mostly boring movie such as this can seem to be reason for celebration.

It’s a small variation on a very old theme, and not a very good one.  The last 15 minutes or so are interesting and somewhat moving…but there’s no need to watch the rest of it. 

Grade: D+

The Goebbels Experiment (2005)

Readings from the diary of a famous (and successful) propagandist.

A study in how an intelligent person can warp words, emotions, actions, and even reality itself to the utmost degree to serve their chosen purpose.

Inspirationally Scary Quote: “Our propaganda is considered to be exemplary…not just by the German press, but by the international press too…now we will show what the apparatus can achieve, if you know how to use it.”

Grade: B-

1/17/13: See ‘Pupdate: Documentary Grade Edits’.  Grade: C+

Broken Arrow (1996)

Broken record.

Sorta-fun little action movie that gets less and less fun as it goes along. 

I say “little” because you’ve seen it all before.  Well…except the old “dropping down and firing the gun from between the heroine’s legs” trick…if I’ve seen it once, I’ve seen it a million times…

It’s like someone took all the outtakes and spare parts from ‘Con Air’ and ‘The Rock’ and just decided to make the same movie…ONE…MORE…TIME!

Also, Howie Long’s acting comes up just a little bit short.

Inspirational Quote: “Would you mind not shooting at the thermonuclear weapons…”

Grade: D+

7/14/18: The Great Grade Update. Wretched, but a little bit fun. My fav re-watched moment is when a guy gets hit in the head with a hammer and proceeds to jump back a few feet before falling on the ground dead. Awfully decent of him. Grade: D-

Merrie Melodies – Hair-Raising Hare (1946)

Highs:
bunny lure
well-labeled hideout
friendly neighborhood evil scientist
happy capture
other little friend
non little slice of Heaven
convenient doctor
Curly-esque monster mirror image
darkness warning
60-watt bunny
nice sneakers
interesting monster getting an interesting haircut
picture poking
poking picture
canned monster
recurrent disposition
PEOPLE!
recurrent disposition
bunny lure

Lows:
badly-fitting armor

Grade: A

Eddie Izzard: Dress To Kill (1999)

“Lost Python” my a$$. 

I know Cleese said it, but when he said it he was an old man who had forgotten what it was like to actually write a funny joke.

Izzard rants with the irreverence and SOME of the wit of ‘Flying Circus’, but he’s not nearly as good as Cleese was in his prime.  Or Idle, or Chapman, or Palin, or Jones, or Gilliam.  So at best Izzard would have to be the distant 7th Python…and he’d have to fight with Neil Innes and Carol Cleveland over that honor.

So with that bullsh1t comparison aside, he’s a fairly funny guy: he’s got some intelligence and some wit.  He doesn’t have any timing, unfortunately…his comedy is haphazard rant mode. 

I suppose, in that way, his standup could be seen as similar to ‘Flying Circus’.  But only on the shallowest, most meaningless basis.

‘Flying Circus’ was haphazard because they wrote brilliant (and brilliantly TIMED) bits and then needed to somehow link them together…so they went with Gilliam’s brilliant haphazard nonsense. 

Izzard’s haphazard cuz that’s how he is.  And unlike Gilliam, he ain’t brilliant.

So what’s the big deal?

Grade: C+

Vampegeddon (2010)

Horrible music, horrible FX, horrible acting, horrible writing, horrible fake boobs, horrible gothy angst attempts, horrible “noone understands me” laments, horrible band product placement, horrible hair extensions, horrible HAIKIBA! moments, horribly dull blood ritual for Nosferatu, horribly easy-to-kill vampires.

Makes sex, drugs, rock n’ roll and devil worship seem just kinda boring.

56:05 – Oh thank God.

1:02:26 – Don’t LAUGH during a blood ceremony! HOLD IT IN, GIRL!

Grade: F-

Reefer Madness (1936)

Hey…it’s the same judgy-wudgy as in ‘Disorder In The Court’.

Almost as bad as ‘Triumph Of The Will’, but a HECK of a lot funnier. 

Oops.  I meant SCARIER. 

This reveals what is almost as much a danger to the world as the Wiccan Agenda! Dun Dun DUN!

Featuring plenty of good old-fashioned wholesome TOBACCO smoking.

Graded like ‘Troll 2’, or pure hydro.

Grade: C

Sex Galaxy (2008)

Lots of public domain footage pasted together and crudely overdubbed.  And by crudely I mean it’s not exactly brilliant and it’s not exactly family-friendly.

The only problem is I actually laughed a few times, so I can’t say it’s truly worthless.  Although when I WASN’T laughing, which was the majority of the time, I was thinking “My GOD this sucks”.

It’s like ‘What’s Up, Tiger Lily?’ done to bad sci-fi/softcore porn/50’s B&W nostalgia.

Grade: D

Aeon Flux (2005)

A “travesty”?  Come on.  That implies a massive fall from grace/greatness, which in this case is simply not possible.  Greatness must first exist for it to be desecrated/lost.

I saw the animated series when it was new, on Liquid Television.  It was amazing and incredible to me then, with visuals that were simply beyond both belief and description: grandiose and grotesque.

But I also had NO FCKEN IDEA what was going on, nor do I now looking back on it.

So if all you’re looking for is a collection of fantastic someone-else’s-dreamscape images to stare at and go “Wow…” to, this film treatment won’t do it.  Watch the original.

But I’ve reached the point in the growth of my somewhat-limited creativity/imagination that I can conjure up my own surreal dreamscapes if/when I want to by the simple expedient of closing my eyes, and I can imbue them with my OWN meaning…not wonder what some other guy was thinking when he made up his.

Unlike the original, there’s a coherent story that you can follow here, if you want to…nothing amazing or incredible, but at least comprehensible.  And somewhat interesting.  And it’s only “not weird” in comparison to the series…it’s VERY weird.

“Dumbed-down-for-the-masses” this ain’t.  “Made-sensible-for-the-sane”, more like it.

Aeon’s incredible acrobatic abilities and precision and a lot of this movie’s FX are like the attempt to climb the north face of the Uxbridge Road: Like them or not, you’ve got to admire the skill that goes into them.

Inspirational Quote: “We’re meant to die.  That’s what makes anything about us matter.”

AND…”Whatever we are, we’re not anarchists.  There have to be rules.”

Grade: C+

The Tooth Fairy (2006)

Not nearly as scary as the Nerve-Ending Fairy.

Thankfully the writer went to the trouble of making quite a few really bad, boring characters to utter the really bad, boring lines.  It’s only fair to spread ’em around.

Carrie Anne Fleming is a lot less interesting here than she is in ‘Jenifer’, even though she doesn’t wear any disfiguring makeup and actually speaks.  Her appearance here seems to be saying “I’m a SERIOUS actress.  I can do DRAMA.” No you’re not, no you can’t.

30:58 – Great Parenting 101 (Mother rescues child from the sight of extreme overacting)

Inspirational Quote: “What’s your d1ck doin’ over there, Chuck?”

Grade: F

Lo (2009)

*Sliced and Spliced from 9/29/12 – Behold*

Opening = Demon Summoning For Dummies

It’s all creepy/cool until he kicks over a candle. Twice. At least the theme music has the sense to stop then.

So, I think it’s gonna be this attempt at an amazingly grandiose gothic love story…and then I find out suddenly it’s gonna be this attempt at a gothy comedy/horror parody.  And then it sort of keeps switching back and forth.

Points for…originality?  No…somewhat-uniqueness, in the willingness to do really
silly things and risk being REALLY horrific instead of just generic-horrific.

It’s not PARTICULARLY funny. It’s actually…kind of…sweet.

It’s also weird, quirky, “different”, and…hmmm…

“Please…DON’T say it’s ‘fascinating’…”
“No. *Slight Headshake* But it is…interesting.”

Inspirational Quote: “You summoned me for LOVE???”

Grade: C+

9/30/12: Warning: Having seen this once, you might want to watch it again shortly thereafter.
When I watched it again, I found myself wishing semi-fervently (it’s not THAT good a movie) that
everyone/thing but the main characters could be completely erased as meaningless, or at least
drastically reduced in air time, and replaced with more interaction between the only things that
matter. All the others are just annoying, and make me think “Why am I watching this???”…until it
goes back to the main characters. Then I understand.

I also understand why I semi-fervently wish this was much better written.

Grade: B (Unless you’ve never experienced intense suffering in your life…then it remains C+)

10/15/12: In the final analysis, even a downtrodden “lovelorn” cynic like myself must
say with extreme conviction that the potential upside to watching this film (“Wow…”) is
completely worth the potential downside (“Stupid…”). I think the first…I can’t help it.
It’s how I’m wired. And I’m glad.

Grade: B+

5/25/15: “You just pray to see (something) that hasn’t changed…
one that looks (to) you exactly as it did before.”

Grade: B+

Shrooms (2007)

Lots of quasi-mythology and nipple talk make for a mildly interesting setup.

Then it just gets pretty stupid, unable to decide between silly-stupid and “scary”-stupid.

The theory that the reason it’s so meaningless and disjointed is because it’s about tripping on mushrooms is one that is strongly advanced by the director, the actors, and some of their friends.

Grade: F

The Call Of Cthulhu (2005)

Black and white silent with subtitles.

Short film version of H.P. Lovecraft’s short story of the same name.

Mildly intriguing, in a non-terrifying cheezy sort of way, with some interesting observations.  But it’s better either played or read about in one of any number of superior forms; some by Lovecraft, some by those he inspired.

Grade: D+

7/14/18: The Great Grade Update. Grade: C-

Merrie Melodies – Little Red Riding Rabbit (1944)

Highs:
a bunny rabbit.  ta HAVE!
extremely short cut
dismissing the wolves
doors of wonder
persistent Red
silly little song
silly little sign
lurking coal
extreme weight-testing
Bugs’ self-hatred

Lows:
None really…the first truly good one.

Grade: B+

12/25/12: Crude, but very effective.  Grade: A-