Category: Puppy

Fawlty Towers – Episode 1 (A Touch Of Class)

Highs:
Basil’s driving advice
Brahms’ “Third Racket”
list-fetching
non-traditional wall
polite hurrying
kiss-aversion
ineffective forbiddance
Basil’s free kick

Lows:
Cleese’s acting seeming a bit forced at times
Basil sucking up
overdone slapstick
“dramatic” turn
Basil’s lack of common sense

Observation:  If this series wasn’t the inspiration (at least in part) for ‘Black Books’, I’ll eat a Waldorf Salad.

Grade: C+

The Ren & Stimpy Show – Episode 7 (Ren’s Toothache/Rubber Nipple Salesman)

Highs:
toothpaste scum collection
The Tooth Beaver
cute pile of tooth
disgusted flies
The Nerve-Ending Fairy!
$400 of lint
new logs
Stimpy’s divine light
the wonders of Stimpy’s nipples
circus-midget defense
ultra-paranoid horse
one mistake
two more mistakes?
big nipple
rubber walrus protectors
rubber nipple check
nipple advancement
1001 nipple uses
knee nipples
Stooges’ bull ending

Lows:
just a few intermittent lulls

Grade: A

The Ren & Stimpy Show – Episode 6 (Black Hole/Stimpy’s Invention)

Highs:
one last alternative
random weird stuff
repugnant and delicious
alternate universe left socks
High-Fashion Log for girls!
Dream-date Log
Ren’s slight outburst
electric beaver
electric duck
Stimpy’s fifth latest invention
happiness resistance
SO…HAPPY…
“Happy Happy Joy Joy”

Lows:
underwear
slow implosion
The Log song…I mean, enough already.
Stimpy’s first latest invention
part 2 ending

Grade: B

The Ren & Stimpy Show – Episode 5 (Marooned/Untamed World)

Highs:
flaccid rocket
cool noises
convenient moon
My Little Brother doll
A DUCK!
elusive horny-billed chihuahua
giant soft-shelled stimpy
little stimpys
scavenger attack
keen sense of radar
slow-motion magic
the art of camouflage
terrible, fearsome crocostimpy
haunting mating call
the … yak
nature-show-host attraction

Lows:
part 1 recycling…again…already
part 1 ending (and some of the middle)
part 2 ending

Grade: B

The Ren & Stimpy Show – Episode 4 (Fire Dogs/The Littlest Giant)

Highs:
circus midgets
big baby
big horse
Mr. Horse’s carefully considered reaction
big walrus w/little hat
big elephant
the eternal ladder
burning up on re-entry
soothing litter
Log…for girls!
really close moon
repulsive titanicism
lots of anything

Lows:
Dr. Stupid
part 1 intro
part 1 ending (notice a pattern here?)
part 2 intro…recycling already?
most of part 2, actually.

Grade: B-

The Ren & Stimpy Show – Episode 3 (Space Madness/The Boy Who Cried Rat)

Highs:
anti-gravity bubblegum
spine-tingling toast
Ren snapping
convenient statue
Ren’s ice cream bar
covetething
THE HISTORY ERASER BUTTON!
voiceover announcer
in-the-scene announcer
announcer’s buttcheeks
hard-working filth
electric woodchuck
nibbling on Ren
Yak-Shaving Day
shaving scum

Lows:
part 1 intro
Roger
towel-snapping
toothbrush melee
part 2 intro
part 2 sketch ending

Grade: B+

The Ren & Stimpy Show – Episode 2 (Robin Hoek/Nurse Stimpy)

Highs:
Powdered Toast Man!
huge pectoral muscles
lower-Stimpy buttoning
melon/chicken/moose
cheerleaders/criminally insane
poor-turned-rich fleeing peasant
evil cow
evil sheriff of Dodge City
fair hair
generous portion of giblet gravy
random sheep
nose-pouch of holding
spleen-cleansing
Ren’s defensive fur
random Mr. Horse

Lows:
too many costume changes
Rarin to go/lickity split
monks?
part 1 ending
the oath
part 2 beginning
part 2 ending

Grade: B

The Ren & Stimpy Show – Episode 1 (Stimpy’s Big Day/The Big Shot)

Highs:
Log
Stimpy’s brain
Muddy Mudskipper
mudskipping
segmented eyes!
The many benefits of Gritty Kitty
hand-eating
Stimpy’s poem/shriek of joy
Stimpy-grooming
fresh redundancy
a priiiiiiiiiiiize!
Mr. Horse!
Mr. Horse’s catchphrase
magnificent hunk of cat
cute masochism

Lows:
contest-winning scene
Ren’s pining (not for the fjords)
Stimpy’s omnipresence/breakdown

Grade: A

Terminator 2: Judgement Day (1991)

The credits announce the introduction of Edward Furlong.  ‘American History X’, seven years later, announces the farewell of Edward Furlong, for legitimate movie purposes.

From the very beginning, you can tell that this sequel has something the original was completely lacking in: humor.  That is, INTENTIONAL humor.

Special FX are excellent, the complete role-reversal for Arnold is at the same time amusing and compelling, it’s not nearly as cheezy, and it’s aged a lot better.

But it’s still just a fairly fun-to-watch sci-fi-ish action flick, and it’s certainly not as good as the best of the genre, such as Cameron’s ‘Aliens’, which also featured (a different) “The Company”.

Grade: B-

Deep Purple

Machine Head (1972)

Forget everything else, including anything calling itself “Greatest” or “Best”.  This is their best, and it contains their only sizeable hit worth owning (“Hush” is a novelty).  It also contains a few other good songs.  “A few” being enough, given that there are only seven songs on the album.
(“Maybe I’m A Leo”, “Space Truckin'”)

Grade: B+

Goodfellas (1990)

Henry Hill and friends.

Pesci is amazing, DeNiro is great as usual, Liotta’s good, and the supporting cast is good.  “Truth is stranger than fiction”…sometimes, I guess.  But sometimes truth is exciting and sometimes truth is just kinda fcken dull…therefore, so is this movie.

But it’s great more often than it is dull, and that’s enough.

One comment, though…it’s REALLY sad when someone like Henry Hill, a womanizing drug addict who thought it was great to “live by the sword” but who ratted out his “friends” so he wouldn’t “die by the sword”, is looked upon by some as ANY kind of hero: tragic, flawed, or otherwise.

Inspirational Scene:  Do I have to say it?  He’s a funny guy.

Grade: A-

Perennial Halloween Wishes

For those of you that celebrate All Hallows’ Eve/Samhain in a religious sense, happy Holiday.

For those of you that celebrate Halloween in a party/dressup/trick-or-treat/scary movies sense, have a good time.

For those few that (having reached adulthood, especially) still affix any ‘Crow’-ish notions and/or actions to this evening, I suggest watching the following and then laughing at yourself.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tPLWbTh9_Nk

10/16/16: FAIR USE: CRITICISM – One of the best bits in the history of TKITH. Further installments available, sequels not as good as original.

Dances With Wolves (1990)

For once, Kevin Costner’s achievement equals his grand vision.  Unlike most of his pretentious “epics”, this doesn’t seem to go on way too long.

For those few recluses that don’t know already, it’s a very non-romanticized (from the European-American perspective) depiction of “How the West was won”:  not just through brave pioneering, but also by (let’s be honest) grand theft.

While the length isn’t a problem, there are parts that lag…but for the most part, this is a brilliant film.

Interesting to see, in particular, how similar ancient wisdoms can be.

Inspirational Quote: “And the only word that came to mind was ‘Harmony’.”

Grade: A

Poultrygeist: Night Of The Chicken Dead (2006)

Hopefully this isn’t the chicken of tomorrow.

It’s a Troma film.  If you don’t know, that means it’s really low budget, really tasteless, and really cheezy.  But it does have some wit to it, in an appallingly disgusting sort of way.

To measure your tolerance level, watch ‘Dead Alive’ first.  If you can get through that, try ‘Hobo With A Shotgun’.  If you like BOTH…then try this, if you also don’t mind some nudity and tasteless (if somewhat witty) musical interludes.  And, let’s be honest…if you’ve got nothing better to do.

Inspirational Quote: “Shhh…you had me from “sh1t-covered mongoloid”.”

Grade: C-

American Beauty (1999)

Kevin Spacey is completely brilliant, as he usually is.

It’s very cleverly written, and because of that it makes you feel. 

It makes you feel sadness, loneliness, humor, desperation, longings for things past and long gone, brief moments of exhilaration…the same way the characters do.

But the characters seem to exist simply for this purpose.

They’re not very multi-dimensional at all…but in order for a movie to exist, there have to be characters.  So they do what they do, and you feel what you feel, and you think what you think…messages sent, points made, mission accomplished.

So it’s brilliant…but in the end, it all feels just a little bit empty.  And all the messages and points it makes fade away from your memory and emotion almost as quickly as they arrived, making them irrelevant. 

But that doesn’t mean it’s not fun to watch.  And it’s quite a glow, while it lasts.

Inspirational Quote: “Sometimes there’s so much…beauty…in the world…I feel like I can’t take it…and my heart…is just going to cave in.”

Grade: A-